Some new insights and my musings thereon
Tonight was a wonderful time! The Italian Chef and I left work at 3:30 so she could pick up the pizza dough and pork roast. I peeled potatoes, that was my big job and then I was tired and sat and watched her while she made five, yes FIVE, pizzas - one w/ sausage, one cheese, two potato pizzas, and one veggie. Her pizzas are amazing. And I watched her make every one and took mental notes. AND I also took a video of her working on some stuff and had her explain stuff to me in the video! So smart of me! After the pizzas, she prepared the pork roast and vesuvio potatos. And later made her all-star, most fabulous in the whole world brocolli. The pizza was amazing - I had 5 pieces total, and the pork roast turned out heavenly, and the brocolli, like I said, out of this world! Florida Girl and Mr. Asparagus (who doesn't like the name I chose for him) came a little after 7:00. As you know, Warsteiner lives right below them. I told Mr. Asparagus the play by play of Warsteiner and I, from our first meeting in their home, to our first date, and various things he's said. A few things are bothering me now. First of all, Warsteiner's work schedule and how much he works. There has to come a time when a person realizes that life is so much more than work! At least that's what I think. Warsteiner has to be at work at 8 am, so leaves at around 6:30 am each morning. He's been calling me I'd say an average of 8:30 pm from the road each night, on his way home. So he's gone from 6:30 am to around 9:00 pm. Or later. That's just ridiculous. He has a couple hours at the most to unwind and relax, and then has to go to sleep and then he starts it all over again. Of course, arguing for him, he did leave work very early for our first date, and he also got home between 7:00 and 7:30 for our next two dates. And left at 4:30 last week Friday. If he was getting home at 7 each night, that would be acceptable, considering the commute, but getting home at 9 is not acceptable, in my opinion. Or only if one is alone, not in a real relationship. Mr. Asparagus told me that he had hardly seen Warsteiner this whole summer, which indicates that it's not just the past couple weeks that Warsteiner has been working so late. Some other concerns, all told to me by Mr. Asparagus, for which I love him and so appreciate his friendship.First - last weekend Mr. Asparagus saw Warsteiner's ex-girlfriend leave his place around 2 pm. It must have been on Sunday. From what I know, he dated this girl, and her job sent her to Puerto Rico, I have no idea for how long or if it's permanent. Warsteiner actually scheduled the date on which he would break up with her - because she would be back in town - June 14th of this year. Mr. Asparagus said she's kind of dorky/nerdy and a bit odd, but in a funny way. I don't know exactly what that means. Apparently, after a few beers recently, but I don't know when, Warsteiner told Mr. Asparagus that he didn't know how to get rid of the ex, that she keeps calling and wanting to come over, wanting to go out, etc. SO, I don't know what to make of her leaving his apartment, but no matter what, it doesn't make me happy at all. Instead, it breeds a little bit of distrust.Second, sexually. As you know, Warsteiner dated a girl in his building for perhaps close to a year. No one in the building knew anything about it all during this time. They actually wondered whether Warsteiner was dating a different girl in the building (who he used to regularly barbeque with and they would eat on white tableclothes with wine, very odd). Warsteiner told Mr. Asparagus after the fact that he slept at this girl's apartment every night. So far, this is all fine. Now, this girl's apartment is right about Florida Girl and Mr. Asparagus. And her bedroom is right above theirs. With wood floors. As an example of how they know what's going on up there, every morning they hear her alarm clock go off and hear her literally jump out of bed and it seems run down the hall to turn the shower on. In other words, they sort of have an idea what's going on upstairs, at least movement. Florida Girl and Mr. Asparagus have heard the girl above having sex once. ONCE. And that is with her current boyfriend of I guess a year. Also wierd, they heard banging of the bed but no verbal noises. But that shows some boringness on her part. So the problem here is that Warsteiner apparently spent an entire year sleeping in her bed at night, and Florida Girl and Mr. Asparagus never heard a peep. So either there was no sex, which I don't believe, or it was unbelieveably and boringly tame! Which is terrible!Third, this third girl, who many in the building wondered whether he was dating. White tableclothes? Wine? Also, Mr. Asparagus gets a very odd, strange and I think somewhat icky (my word) vibe from her and I trust his instincts and judgment completely. Warsteiner has a key to her place, I know because he goes up and gets her dog sometimes when she's not home and brings the dog down to hang out with him. There seems to be something more here. Probably in the past, but something.Fourth, I worry about him looking at and wanting other girls. As you know, on one night I saw him check out two girls. And that was when he was with me. What's he like around friends? I have such an aversion to men who are always obviously checking women out. The fraternity boys from a couple weekends ago. I have a hard time trusting as it is, but if he's always checking other women out, I will not be able to take that. Mr. Asparagus - he's a good guy. He's been with Florida Girl for about ten years now and married for three. And he doesn't check other girls out. He's what a boyfriend and husband should be like. Fifth, his political views. I am a Democrat. He, I know, is a Republican, even though he just sort of laughs when I say it. Mr. Asparagus has the impression that Warsteiner is more conservative than he and Florida Girl. And he did before tell me that he was stubborn. Even before tonight, I have been planning to, in a light way, "interview him" when we next go to dinner. I just want to know more about him. And there are some things that I need to know, and that's how Catholic he is and how conservative he is. So I want to ask him about specific issues. And not as I sound now, in some accusing way. I just want to discuss some real things with him. And I like talking about these things. But they will also possibly be important things, and it will be important whether we can agree on things or at least respect each other's views, and also how he reacts and debates. And also how far apart we may be on some issues.Now I realize that all of what I've written tonight is based on hearsay, and I don't have Warsteiner's side of the story or imput. So I will try to wake up tomorrow with a fresh mind and go from there. But the work thing is really bothersome right now. Still, he promised to make it up to me tomorrow, and I am excited to see him. Although he said he was going to take me to a street fair and I'm not usually a fan of them and all the people. I'll see how I feel tomorrow. One other thing - when I talked to him around 3:30 today just after I left work, I got up the courage to ask about Sunday and the wedding. And he said "it looks like I won't be able to go..." Which I knew already anyway. I'll still have a fabulous time as everyone who I love at work will be there. But for awhile, I liked the idea of being able to actually have a date for once, and someone who I was excited about. One good thing - he's not on a pedestal anymore! So I can think clearly and about what's hopefully in my best interest!
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An engagment, a license, blueness, and the most beautiful thing I've ever read
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS to Violet!!!! She's ALMOST engaged!!! Uganda just wants to find the right time to formally ask her, even though he asked her last night and she said yes!!! I'm so so so so happy for them!!!! And they haven't even been dating 6 months yet! Violet, you give me such hope! Thursday, July 28Food:3 cups coffee w/ milk1/2 slice of yummy bread that someone brought to work1 yogurt2 handfuls of pretzelsRoast beef and cheddar sandwich with pickles on side from little Austrian bakeryA bunch of chocolate chips - but didn't you hear, chocolate is good for us!Alcohol:None, good for me. There were a few times the craving was really strong, but I prevailedExercise:40 minutes walking on treadmill, weights for abs, inner and outer thighs and assI just got back from getting my first ever Illinois driver's license. And I had to give them my old Michigan driver's license. It shouldn't be weird for me, since I've lived in Illinois for going on 8 years now, but it was a little bittersweet. And I'm melancholy today anyway. I'm actually sad that I don't have my Michigan license anymore. It's like part of my identity has been taken away, part that set me apart from other Chicagoans. But I was happy that I passed the test! I actually studied for it! I spent an hour and a half this morning reading the pdf manual. And I only missed one question - what to do when you hydroplane. How the fuck am I supposed to know this! Only guys know what to do in the bad situations cause when they're young they intentionally put themselves in exactly those situations.Warsteiner can't come to The Italian Chef's place tonight. Last night he called me on the way home and said he probably wouldn't be able to make it, but he'd try. He's on vacation next week so I can see why he'd need to stay late. And I'm sure he'll have to do some work over the weekend as well. He's always working it seems. He called this afternoon and right when he called someone came in his office so he had to make it really short, but he said he wouldn't be able to get there in time. Last night after he told me that and we got off the phone, I had a crying spell. It only lasted 5 minutes but was one of those intense, unable to breath cries. I think I must definitely be PMSing. I'm feeling VERY blue today. I had so looked forward to hanging out with Warsteiner around Florida Girl and Mr. Asparagus, and introducing him to The Italian Chef. Last night he said maybe he could meet Florida Girl, Mr. Asparagus and I out for a drink later tonight. And he said if not, he wants to see me sometime this weekend cause he leaves for Michigan on Monday for the week. I told him he better see me or I'd kick his ass, but then again, you know last night I cried right afterward. I am 95% sure that he'll also be too busy to come to the wedding on Sunday afternoon that he said he'd try to go to. He'll have work and also packing, and last minute things, and he has something already on Sunday from 12 to 2:30. So I guess he'll just squeeze me in somewhere. I'm BLUE. And feeling very sorry for myself and not even trying to get happy. Shame on me!Last night, I watched the movie Le Divorce. I liked it much more than I thought I would. But it was sad, too. Or at least in my mood I found it sad. However, it had one of the most beautiful poems in it that I've ever heard. A little fact about me: senior year of high school, I won the poetry award from the English teachers. I used to write poetry all the time, all through high school. Most of it I look back on and wonder WHY the teachers didn't send me to the school psychologist. My depression and issues were pretty obvious. Today I'd have definitely been sent there. But anyway, it was a way for me to get the stuff out and also in a beautiful way. I haven't written poetry much since high school, but reading some of Anne Bradstreet's poems last night really inspired me. And this one is the most beautiful one, and maybe one of the most beautiful things period that I've ever heard. I hope to maybe one day have this printed on my wedding invitations, or booklet, or something. It is so lyrical and beautiful, and makes me both relaxed, introspective, sad because I don't yet have this, and just awed by its beauty.To my Dear and Loving Husbandby Anne Bradstreet (1612-1672)If ever two were one, then surely we.If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee.If ever wife was happy in a man,Compare with me, ye women, if you can.I prize thy love more than whole Mines of goldOr all the riches that the East doth hold. My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,Nor ought but love from thee give recompetence.Thy love is such I can no way repay.The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.Then while we live, in love let's so perseverThat when we live no more, we may live ever.
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How I fucking hate phone companies
TP and I have rescheduled. I didn't feel like going out tonight, and I absolutely have to do my laundry! And now I might get to see Warsteiner!!! Who emailed me this morning! I'm on hold waiting to cancel my phone service. Because I'm pissed! I moved almost 2 months ago and called SBC to switch my phone service from RCN to SBC (since RCN doesn't provide service at my current address). After SBC switched me, I would then have to switch the phone to my new address. During the month of June I called RCN frequently to check on the status of the switch, and they kept giving me dates when it was supposed to happen, and I'd call back after that date and they would tell me that it was moved to a different date with no explanation in the log. I've gotten used to only using my cell phone now, so I don't really want to pay $38/month. Especially to a company that takes 2 fucking months to switch me over. It pisses me off to no end, just the principle of it!!! Okay, update now that I'm off the phone. I first called RCN and they said there's an order to switch me over on August 1st, which I know since I just heard a message from a technician giving me that date and telling me I didn't need to be home (at my old apartment, mind you). They said I have to call SBC. So I called SBC who said they can't stop the order and what I need to do is refuse the technician. Who is coming to my old apartment and who said I don't need to be home. I fucking hate both these companies now. Thank GOD they aren't going to be getting any more of my money. So the service will be switched and I just have to call on Monday to cancel the phone. And I had her put a note in my file to say I tried to cancel today so if they fucking try to bill me for a half a day's service on August 1st I can tell them to go fuck themselves. I don't like conflict and usually I'm so easygoing, but 2 fucking months!!! It's absolutely ridiculous! I can't wait to talk to Warsteiner!!!!
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Job update
Tivo has reported that someone was interviewed this morning for the job that I want and that is meant for me!!!! She's the best spy in the world! I always picture her peeking around corners and tiptoeing around to the Pink Panther theme music! But I hope they don't like whoever they just interviewed, or that they like me better. They have to like me better! I want this job more than anyone else can! And it's the only job I want! If I don't get it, I have to start from square one and try to find something else that I'd like doing and an environment in which I'd be happy. So they MUST LOVE ME MOST!!!!!!
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I'm so bad with these titles! Violet needs to help me, hers are always perfect and fun!
Wednesday, July 27 Food: 3 cups coffee w/ milk1 yogurt4 chicken fingers and a few fries - yummy but I felt so bad later!Quarter pound burger (without bun) w/ monteray (sp?) jack cheese, grilled onions, and my favorite green olives - from Monks Pub - so good! And introduced to me by my wonderful friend Benji!Some chopped lettuce w/ vinegarette dressing - also MonksAlcohol:1 beer - Warsteiner, one of my favorite beers, and also my favorite man!1 bottle Pinot Grigio - yes, it happened again. And I need to address this and will, but not nowExercise:40 minutes treadmill, and weight machines - and I have a couple of blisters so tomorrow at lunch I'll just ride the bike, which also makes me sweat like a motherfucker! Oh and I'm also wonderfully sore from the weights on Monday - yay! I love that!Tonight after exercising, I met Firecracker, who was off work between 5 and 9 - yes, she had to go back to work at 9 pm until who knows when. Who are the people who run these companies who make my friends and man I like stay so late!!?? It's terrible!!! But I digress. This was the first time that she and I had really hung out together, and it was so fun! We went to Monk's Pub downtown and first had some peanuts, the shells of which our waitress eventually pushed on the floor - I love this place! It's all decorated so old and cool! And we each had a Warsteiner (the beer, not my man!), and a mini version of the Monk Burger - quarter pound as opposed to half pound. But the best part was that I got to know her better and we chatted about everything - jobs, our guys, sex, friends, fun, sex, our guys, each other, and more of what is currently occupying our minds right now - our guys, and our horniness for them! (She's going to want to kill me for writing all this!) It was so much fun! And I'm glad we're getting to know each other better! Although she might think I'm somewhat of a freak now :) But hopefully in a good or at least funny way!! :)Warsteiner hasn't called me tonight, and guess what - I'm okay with it! I called him when I got home at 9:45 and left a message that he better not still be at work, and that I hoped instead he was either asleep in his comfy blue chair or laying in bed reading Harry Potter and unable to get the phone, or asleep. And I told him to call me tonight or tomorrow. But I'm not insane anymore! Cause I know he likes me and he's into me, and I'm into him! And he emailed me a little after lunch and said, among other things, how sleepy he was. So when I called, he was probably asleep. I can't wait to see him again!I also can't wait to see Wedding Crashers. I've heard how funny it is! I don't usually like to spend the money to go see silly comedies or action movies, but I'll spend the money to see this one. Hmmm, I'm also right now watching The Daily Show and Diane Lane is on, and I'm reminded of how much I love the sex scenes in Unfaithful. Oh...My...Gosh...! Yes, those scenes are so amazing! My favorite one is the hallway scene, when she is sort of trying to get away, and he won't let her. And then he kisses her and she finally gives in, and he roughly pulls her jeans down and then her underwear down and does her from behind. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...! Have I mentioned how I like and dream of a little force and roughness! UM! The hurried scene in the bathroom is a close second - the intensity and desire and need - VERY GOOD!I just opened my mail and I got a thank you card from The Future Sister-in-Law (August 13th is the big date! Coming soon!). It's actually a nice card! She thanked me for the towels I got them and for the meat tenderizer - yes, they go so well together, towels and meat tenderizer! It made me laugh, which was why I bought the meat tenderizer in addition to the towels! And she also told me to bring my dancing shoes to the wedding and "don't worry[,] there won't be any shots there!" A week and a half ago, at her bachelorette party, she kept buying shots for us, and then a group of guys brought over a whole basket of shots. I know and can handle my beer and my wine. But I never drink shots or any hard alcohol, so I was messed up! I had to be put in a cab by I'm assuming one of the girls there. And there were some interesting pictures of me at the end of the night! Warsteiner actually liked the two I sent him, of the maid of honor grabbing my boobs. At two separate times. She and The Future Sister-in-Law have done that in many pictures so it's nothing new to her, but I admit that the pictures are kind of hot, in that her hands are really cupping and holding my boobs. If I knew how to post a picture, I'd put one of them up right now, just with our faces blocked out. But in this picture, part of the good part is my expression - all seduction! I like to play to the camera sometimes! Hmmm, I think I'll post this and then try to figure out how to put a picture in!I had to go into edit mode - it's 11:43 and Warsteiner called me a little before 11:30. He's so wonderful! He was on the rooftop deck of his building with Florida Girl, Mr. Asparagus, the guy who owns the rooftop, and his friend Mary (one of his best friends since he can remember - he likes that I'm jealous but said I can't be jealous of her, who we now call The Mary Factor! I'm actually looking forward to meeting her!). He's so fabulous! He said he misses me being in his bed and I told I'm equally missing being in his bed. And that he's very comfy to lay on. And I said we fit together very well - at which he said he thinks so but we will need many more times of testing it together!! And I told him that I was so happy to get his email today; he said it was just a few lines and I said I didn't care, it made me happy. See, some and probably most guys have no idea that just by them sending an email, it tells us that they're thinking about us, which is what we want!!!! And he said he'd see me anytime that I could see him! Yay! Tomorrow I'm supposed to get drinks with a friend from law school, what shall I call him? The only thing I can think of is TP. I haven't heard from him to confirm, but that's normal. However, I just want to see Warsteiner now! What I'm thinking is that maybe I'll tell TP that we can go for a few beers, but that I really want to get back to see Warsteiner by 10:30 or 11:00. Also, happiness(!), I think Warsteiner is going to come to LouAnn aka The Italian Chef's house for food on Friday night now. He knows that Florida Girl and Mr. Asparagus are going, and me. And absolutely everything that The Italian Chef makes is fabulous and amazing! And I'd love to hang out with him with Florida Girl, Mr. Asparagus, and The Italian Chef. Plus, I told him we could leave whenever and do whatever! He liked that, as do I!!!! So YAY! I'm just so happy! I like him! And he likes me! And he's almost my boyfriend! I will absolutely (hopefully) see him tomorrow night, even though I'm sure I'll be buzzed, because that's what I want most - to see him and hug him and kiss him and just be near him. I'm a very content kitten right now! Content except for wanting to see him tomorrow, that is!
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Random thoughts
Today I saw the coolest name! I mean, I wouldn't name my child this, but it's still just so fun: Faustin Pipal! It makes me think of all kinds of characters from literature! Did you realize that Lance Armstrong is only 33!!!! I just heard that yesterday. I had thought he was more like 45! First of all, he looks older. Second, he just SEEMS older. And he has 3 or 4 children! And they aren't just babies! So let's see, I'm almost 29, so he's got four years on me. He's dating a pop star in her 40's, been married and divorced, fathered three or four children, won 7 Tours de France, and beat terrible cancer. This makes me feel like I really need to get on the ball! I CANNOT believe he's only 33! That just sucks for me! I'm off to work out! Since I had the most amazing but filling chicken fingers at lunch with Violet. And at lunch we talked about everything from jobs to men to moods to sex! It was such a great girl lunch!!!!
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I am, I think, officially back to my normal self again!
Quote of the Day: What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail? - UnknownTuesday, July 26Food: 2 cups coffee w/ milk1 yogurt1 english muffinbowl of cheerios 2 squares of Pat's pizza w/ pepperoni & sausage - yum!!!Alcohol:1 Sam Adams Light - first time I'd tried this beer, it was good!Exercise:None, unless you count my heartrate being up for a very long time while receiving amazing oral sex!I'm no longer crazy psycho girl! I'm now just happy girl! Poor Warsteiner had, as he said, one of the two worst work days yesterday. He called at 6:30, just when I got home, and said he hoped to be out of there soon but the commute was then listed as 75 minutes cause it was raining like a motherfucker yesterday evening! He called again at 8:00 and said he was about to leave, and was worried that I must be starving, and feeling so bad. I could hear the stress in his voice. Then he called again at 9:30 and said the second to the last person had just left, so he'd now be leaving for sure, and now the commute was only half and hour. He still wanted to see me even after his horrific day!!! I ordered a pizza for pickup and he got me a little after 10, we picked up the pizza, and went back to his place. I met his roommate, one of his lifelong friends, and we ate pizza and drank a beer and watched part of Kill Bill Vol I, which I had never seen and which was really quite good! Very good actually! And the fact that whenever anyone would get sliced or killed or whatever, there would be an outrageous spray of blood coming out was pretty funny and also somehow then seemed to fit perfectly. Anyway, after we finished eating, we cuddled on the couch, and then his roommate went to bed and we layed down on the couch and poor Warsteiner was falling asleep on me. He'd wake up and cuddle more, and then fall asleep again. So I suggested that we go to bed, and he could drive me home in the morning, which I figured I'd do all along anyway. We got ready for bed (I brought my toothbrush knowing that I'd be having pizza!) and cuddled, and then somehow all our clothes miraculously were off! And he went down on me for I swear at least half an hour. I was in heaven! And then my very favorite part, the fucking! Ummm, ummm, ummmmmmmmm!!!! And then we layed together for a long time - he likes sleeping on his back, me on my stomach, and we just fit together perfectly that way! Me next to him of course, not right on top of him. And his chest and arms are so comfortable to lay on! And he gave me a back tickle, one of my very, very favorite things! And a head tickle! And he said how nice it was to fall asleep next to me! He woke up this morning at 6:10 and told me at 6:25 that he'd be ready to go in 5 minutes, so I got dressed, and then we were out-y! He dropped me off, kissed me goodbye, and said he'd call me later.Oh, funny little thing - Warsteiner is so cute when he gets embarrassed! Florida Girl and Mr. Asparagus live right above him, and Florida Girl and I were emailing back and forth yesterday and I told her that if she heard some hot sex happening below her, "IT'S ME!!!!" So I told Warsteiner that and he got all embarrassed! He gets this cute little smile on his face, and puts his hands over his face and says "Oh no!" with a little laugh! It's so cute! Of course, it was pitch black last night when he did this, but I could see it in my mind. He even told me that he was blushing!I'm going to lunch today with Violet - yay! Hi Violet when you read this!!!! So anyway, I'm just happy now! I know he likes me, I like him, and I'm happy! I even told my mom about him this morning!Okay, I have to go pretend to do some work before lunch now! Actually, I have some work to do today, so I'll actually work!!!
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Oh my gosh - I got a second interview!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How happy am I? Oh my GOSH, I'm so excited, I keep tensing all my muscles and wanting to seriously do my excited squeal!!!! My interview will be next Tuesday, August 2nd at 2:00 pm - so I have a week to reeducate myself since the last interview. To reread the manual I got from Tivo, review all my many printouts, review some of the lingo, and review certain sections of the National Housing Act that Violet so nicely copied for me! I am SO SO SO SO SO SO Happy!!!! I just want them to love me and hire me, I want it more than those others do, whoever they are! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And now I'll be so nervous starting on Monday!
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Nasty me!
I'm wearing a skirt today at work, mostly because I have no clean pants. I wear a skirt maybe twice a year. But today I kind of like it! Maybe I'll wear a skirt more often! And it gets me quite a bit of attention as well, which is good for my self-image! So keeping my skirt in mind, and in anticipation of seeing Warsteiner tonight, I just sent him the following email, entitled "A little distraction from your day :)": I'm wearing a skirt today, not a normal thing. I've decided that I'm going to wear it out tonight as well, and after we eat and when we're on our way to your place, to my place, or wherever we go, I'm going to make you get me off outside and before we get wherever that is. Easy access. I'm hot thinking about it! :) I hope you're having a good day!Hopefully he'll like that! I can't wait to see him tonight!!!!
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The Fat Project revised AND how this little blog of mine is becoming the story of a girl being somewhat psychotic and very neurotic...
First, I again give credit for the name "The Fat Project" to I am, Therefore I Date. I've been pretty good, all things considered, with eating well and exercising during the last month. Well more so during the past two weeks. I looked at pictures from our little family get-together at my parent's cottage a few weekends ago and it spurred me into action. So in an effort at 1) keeping track and 2) hopefully keeping me from doing bad things because I'll have to write it down - I'm going to, yes, start keeping a Bridget Jones-type log of my food, alcohol and exercise!!! Starting with yesterday. So, for yesterday and today here's how I stand: Sunday, July 24Food:2 cups coffee with half & halfbowl of cheerios (my favorite!) with milkenglish muffin w/ butter3 scrambled eggsenglish muffin w/ butterPropel water during walkAlcohol: None!Exercise: About 4 miles walk in the scorching, oppressive, terrible heatMonday, July 25Food:3 cups coffeeyogurtchef's salad for lunch - with cheese, chicken, some lettuce, and Italian dressingginger tea20 fl. oz. Gatorade during exerciseenglish muffin w/ peanut butterAlcohol: None! It's actually been 3 full days now w/ nothing to drinkExercise:50 minutes treadmill, weight machines for 40 minutesAfter I worked out today, I had to return a couple things to Nordstrom (or is it Nordstroms?) for my mom, and I saw some cute little clothes that would look terrible on me now, but I vowed that by next summer, I'll be back to my svelte self of a few years ago and feeling fantastic about myself!!! So that's that!I got to work this morning at 9:25 - I'm so proud of myself when I get there before 9:30! And I told everyone that I'm in love with Florida Girl's roommate! I mean, not in love yet, but I like him a lot, and obviously am excited about it! And I even had to call Florida Girl at her new job to talk about him. Then, I didn't get an email from him all day. And when I finished working out and my phone could get a signal again, there was no message from him. And when I finished at Nordstrom and was on the bus and it was 8:20 and I hadn't gotten a call I was bothered. I spent the whole bus ride home thinking first that of course he's still at work, he's really busy now, and second - my whole happiness cannot depend on whether I get an email and/or call from this man, or any man. But it does matter in the beginning, at least now. I can't make myself just not think about it. But I wish I wouldn't be so bothered by it so that it consumes me and determines my whole underlying mood. I'm quite sure that guys don't analyze every little thing the way that I and some girls do. Or maybe I'm wrong and there are some guys who do. I don't like to generalize! Warsteiner finally called about 10 minutes after I got home. How terrible, I say "finally" like he was in the wrong! I don't mean it that way. He was on the road, and there was so much lightning that he had been almost scared to go to his car, cause it was actually hitting the ground! I could see it out my window as well. We chatted for awhile about work and our days and stuff then he had to get off cause it was starting to rain. He was listening to the Cubs game on the radio in the car so I turned it on here. He called me when he got home, right at the end of the bottom of the 9th (Firecracker and The Single Guy, you better be proud of me for all this!) when the Cubs won! Anyway, Warsteiner and I made plans to go out tomorrow, he said Wednesday is too far away and would be too long since we'd last gone out. I like that! So tomorrow night we're going to dinner and definitely some action as well!Oh that reminds me of yet ANOTHER one of my many neuroses and issues! When Warsteiner came over yesterday, for the 40 minutes or so that he was here, after he greeted James and Emma, we spent the next 30 minutes kissing and getting frisky, and then a little cuddling and then he had to run. And I was so happy that I got to see him but then I worried that maybe it was a sex thing now. Maybe he just wanted someone to hook up with every once in awhile. These were my little stupid thoughts anyway. Yet, if he had come over and we'd have just talked and hung out, I'd have worried that he didn't want me. Yes, I know. Anyway, I'm so happy that he wants to see me tomorrow! And for both my company and because he's attracted to me!!!I talked to The Bold One tonight and I told her all my insane little issues and worries and with regard to my number one worry right now - that he's not ready for a commitment since that's why it supposedly ended with the girl in his building, and that was maybe a year ago or something like that I think. I want to know that there's at least the chance of this going somewhere. I'll have to expound on my last relationship to further explain my hesitation. Anyway, The Bold One said that what it really means is that he didn't want to commit to HER. And I know that's true. I think I'VE even said I'm not ready for a commitment when I wan't into someone. But, again my last boyfriend - The German. Before me had dated a girl for 4 years, and when I asked why they broke up he said he didn't want the kind of commitment that she did, that he didn't want to move in together and she wasn't going to wait around. He said he didn't know whether he was ready to make a commitment like that. And also he didn't know whether he ever wanted to get married or ever wanted to have children. In my mind, I heard that he didn't want to live with, marry, or have children WITH HER. But with me it would be different! Of course! After dating 8 months and with me so completely in love, he realized that he still felt the same, and that he really didn't ever have any desire to get married or have children. And thankfully, he didn't want to drag me on for 4 years so he broke my heart. Completely unexpectedly. 4 hours earlier we had been talking about me meeting him in Costa Rica for 10 days during his month-long vacation. My mom had even booked the tickets for me with her frequent flyer miles. And then he came back and dropped the bomb. My heart hurt, my whole self hurt. We're friends now but it took me A VERY LONG TIME to be able to stop loving him or comparing every other guy to him. So, long story short, I don't want to start something with Warsteiner if he doesn't want to commit to anyone. But then again, I guess whenever you start dating someone it's somewhat of a crap shoot as to whether you'll want to commit to each other. Oh I don't know! Sometimes I just confuse myself with all the stupid worries and thoughts running around in my head! This little blog of mine is becoming the story of a girl being somewhat psychotic and very neurotic in the beginning of a relationship - oh I like that! I'm going to add that little bit to the title of this entry!!! Oh damn, it won't all fit!
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Masterbation!
A couple dirty secrets of mine: no, not the masterbation, which is neither dirty nor a secret. First, I love watching porn while rabbitting. Rocco is by far the best! I have a fantastic collection thanks to The German, who has passed on the VHS tapes as he transfers them to DVD. Second, I live on the 15th floor, and there aren't many buildings out there from which someone could see in my windows, and that's using binoculars and such. Still, my blinds are always open and I'm always sitting facing the windows as I watch my porn and rabbit. The slight chance that someone could be watching is such a turn-on!As Rocco would say: "Nasty, baby! Nasty!" (and that's with an Italian accent, mind you!)
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It's really hot outside!
Yes, it's 100 degrees! Yesterday after Warsteiner left and when I went back to sleep around 9:30, I REALLY went back to sleep, until 4 p.m.! I'd wake up every once in awhile but be too tired to do anything but go back to sleep. I get that way sometimes. And thank God for weekends so I can get the sleep I need! I dreamed a lot as well, and at the time I woke up I remembered my dreams, but not now. Warsteiner called at around 3:30, while I was still sleeping, and left me a message. And I called him back at 5 - he was still at work! He didn't get home until 8:30! He was at work on a Saturday for almost 12 hours! What's up with these jobs that make people work so hard!!! He was going out to a street fair for an hour to meet a couple friends and he invited me, but I hadn't showered yet and he was leaving right then. I was so happy that he asked me though! Yay! I showered after that. And went next door to get groceries and especially cat food - I was out of kitty food and James was definitely letting me know that he was hungry and knew it was time for food! Every time I stood up his little eyes would get all big, he'd let out a big mew, and go running toward the kitchen! He's so cute! Last night I was feeling happy about Warsteiner, but again just not sure what happens next. And whenever we talked on the phone yesterday it seemed that we had nothing to talk about. So I was even more bothered. However, today things are much better. I think I was out of it yesterday and also he was at work and a bit out of it. He emailed me this morning at 9 am, he was working from home at least today and had his softball game at 4:30, but he wanted to see me sometime! I emailed back that I was going for a walk and I'd call him when I got back. So then I got ready and was excited to do one the walks that I did all the time last summer when training for the 3-Day. However, it's fucking 100 degrees outside right now! I walked from Fullerton to Montrose Harbor and couldn't go any further north. In fact, I'd been having to stop quite frequently cause my stomach wasn't feeling normal and sometimes my esophagus felt funny and I worried that I was either going to throw up or pass out. At Irving Park I cut over to Marine Drive and made it to Addison before I had to get a cab the rest of the way. I'm not going to walk in 100 degree weather ever again! Anyway, I got back and showered and after a little while Warsteiner called and I said I'd go to his place in 25 minutes, but he ended up coming here after he heard about how bad I felt from my walk. He only got to stay about 40 minutes before having to go to his game, but I was so happy to see him. He's so cute! And the way he really looks at me like he's trying to memorize my face! And I love kissing him! We kissed for a long time and then things got a little more heated and I showed him that I have my own magic tongue!!! Then I showed him the online photo album I made of Friday and we cuddled a little on the couch. And then he had to go :( He said he wants me to come watch one of his softball games but not today due to the heat. I like that he plans for the future! He's talked about who I'm going to meet and what we're going to do. And at least with regards to work, I don't think he ALWAYS has to work on weekends. He said next weekend might not be that bad, but the big change-over is in August so it will be really busy before that. And he's going on vacation the first week of August to a cottage in Michigan with two of his sisters and their families. So that I can sometimes be with him even when he has to work, I told him that I would go over to his place and I'd just read. He said that would be nice. But that he might have a hard time working. So I told him I'd be the enforcer, at which he laughed and said I don't seem like the enforcer-type. I said that if he tried to touch my boob, I'd tell him he needs to work for 30 more minutes before any boob touching, and then when time was up, he'd get a reward!!Anyway, I'm feeling much better today, since he came to see me, and we talked much easier. And he accidentally left his sunglasses here and called to say that he had another pair so I didn't worry. And said then I'd just have to see him again! Have I said how cute he is! I have a headache, I'm going to lay down...
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A Perfect Night!
Warsteiner just left cause he has to go into work this morning for half a day. We had amazing drunken sex last night and fabulous hung over sex this morning!!! Yay!!! I am so completely liking this guy! I love how affectionate he is with me, and that I get to be completely affectionate with him (I mean as opposed to some guys who don't like PDA). He loves my cats, too! Although little Emma is shy so she stays away from him for now. Yesterday was the first time I got to see him around other people; before it had been only the two of us. And I discovered that he's damn funny! Very silly funny, but I like it! The whole day yesterday was absolutely perfect! (I was planning on writing just the first paragraph above and then going back to sleep, but I think I'll write a bit more here. It's lonely going back to bed after someone just left it. We were just cuddling, kissing, sleeping affectionately, and so without him there it will just be lonely me! :( Poor me! Anyway, he got off work a little late yesterday so he picked me up around maybe 5:30 and we went to his place where he changed and did all the getting ready stuff, and then we walked to the L and took it to the south side and the White Sox. He was very silly at his place and kept screeching, and I actually had to tell him that I wouldn't do something unless he stopped screeching so loud! I hadn't had my coffee and I was a tiny bit tired until we got to the game, so it got on my nerves. But I was so happy to see him all the same! However, one bad thing did happen - on the L downtown when it was getting crowded, a cute girl walked in with her friends and ended up standing right next to our seat, and he did a total check-out of her when she was walking in - I mean the up and down thing - and would look at her every once in awhile after that. Now, I'm first of all the jealous type and second of all can be self-conscious, so it made me feel terrible. I didn't say anything, but addressed that issue later on in the night. Still, guys should know that it is really hard on a girl when when we see that. And really rude of them to do it.We landed at our stop at exactly 6:52, which I know because we were trying to get there in order to take advantage of some of the free food and beer in The Patio beforehand, which was from 5-7. The Bold One actually got there on the train just after ours, so we waited for her and then all walked to the gate to meet her contacts with the tickets. And such luck, The Patio was open for another 15 minutes or so! So we had burgers and hot dogs and each of us got three beers for the table so we'd get our fair share of the free stuff. Warsteiner liked it there! He was impressed! And The Bold One approved, she agreed with me that he is so cute! So we sucked down our beer and when the lights turned off and we were herded out, we could each take one beer with us, which we filled to the brim before finishing off what was left. I love where our seats were! They aren't called the best seats cause they were in the outfield, in right field, but I love the view from there, and the fact that behind the seats the whole area is uncovered. We sat and chatted for a little bit and looked at the lights and the cool field, and then I listened to my message from Firecracker - she and The Single Guy (though not completely single anymore!) had seats just a few sections over, which was so perfect! So Warsteiner and I got up and went to meet them. They were so cute in their almost matching Red Sox tees! I was so excited to meet The Single Guy, whose blog I have read every since I saw him comment a few times on Firecracker's. He was very cute, sweet and nice, just like Firecracker had said! And Warsteiner really liked them both - he called The Single Guy "Rhody" (which for awhile in the beginning I thought was "Roady" since he had travelled to get here - understandable mistake!). After awhile we let them go back to their seats cause I know how much they love baseball and I didn't want to keep them from watching! Warsteiner and I walked a ways to get to our Beers of the World from the first time we went to a game! He got his 16 oz Heineken and I got my yummy Grolsch, and on the way back to our seats we got a beer for The Bold One as well. She got back to the seats just after we did and with a new beer, so we had a little extra, which turned out to be good since Warsteiner and I missed the cutoff for buying more beer later! We took pictures, watched the good play, and watched the White Sox reign victorious for the night (Red Sox beat them the night before so it's even-Steven for now). Near the end of the game some skinny tan chick (but who really wasn't at all pretty - she just looked good from behind) was sitting in the seats in front of us and she jumped up cheering a few times. The first time I saw Warsteiner do the once over checking her out, and I said "What the fuck, what was that?" in a half joking way and he said "it was just right there in front of me..." at which point I pointed out that I am a jealous girl (which he actually liked! yes, he said he likes that!) and can also be self-conscious so when I see him check a girl out like that in front of me it's like a punch in the stomach. I then turned to talk to The Bold One and Warsteiner kept rubbing my arm, and my neck, and my back, and I didn't stay hurt for long thankfully and was laughing when he said he was getting a crick in his neck from looking the total other way whenever the stupid chick jumped up to cheer. He's so fabulous! And I'm actually kind of glad that the opportunity presented itself for me to be able to tell him that OF COURSE I don't like seeing him check out other girls! So he can know that I'm a girl who is bothered by that (though I think most of us are). And unlike on the train, at the game I was a little drunk so it made it easy!After the game we met Firecracker and The Single Guy again and along with The Bold One and her contacts, we went up to the Stadium Club where we hung out until it closed and each had a couple beers. We chatted alot and it was very fun! And we even got a table at the end until we were pushed out! We then took a very fun and long train ride back north, during which Warsteiner had to pee so bad and was being so silly and loud and I couldn't stop laughing! And The Single Guy turned 29 while we were on the train! I held Warsteiner's hand across the aisle for the whole ride because I sat next to The Bold One so she didn't feel alone and left out. I so Adore how affectionate he is! I love it! Once off the train, we all waited while Warsteiner went down a little quiet street with lots of trees and finally relieved his bladder, after which he came running back, feeling fabulous! We all walked to The Burwood Tap, and dropped The Bold One off 50 feet away from it at her door - she was tuckered out! Then Firecracker, The Single Guy, Warsteiner and I stayed there for awhile and had a couple beers each. And Warsteiner bought himself and The Single Guy a shot each (that they didn't need) to toast the birthday guy. After that, the four of us said goodnight and took off. It was so fun!Warsteiner and I walked to my place, taking Deming and stopping a few times for making out! We can't walk down Deming now and not make out even once! We got back here and it's a passion-infused haze! He has amazing fingers and an amazing tongue! Hot Damn! And then just the memory of how it felt when he went inside me will keep giving me a tingle in my belly and wanting more! I'm going to have to rabbit later on just thinking about it (and yes, I used "rabbit" as a verb - just like google is now a verb). Once we woke up a little this morning Warsteiner pulled me over and we slept some more wrapped up all together, it was so nice! I love how he holds me. Eventually we woke up enough for some hot morning action, again fucking wonderful. And then we cuddled and talked. And eventually he had to go. And he said he'd call me later today.So now when do I see him again? And we're clearly quickly becoming a couple but haven't talked about it yet really. And I don't know the rules or how it goes. I've only really had 4 boyfriends. And two of those started in high school. I've had plenty of other interests and such, but we never were actually dating. So how often now can I see him? Does he want to see me often? These are all now little questions in my head. But I guess maybe every couple slowly figures it out. Or quickly. The Sheffield Garden Walk is today and he said some of his friends are running the beer tent so he may or may not stop by (he ran into his old football coach yesterday and told him he'd see him tomorrow, which is why I asked where he'd be running into the guy again). He didn't include me in this. I guess I have no idea how much alone time he needs, or if he likes being with a girlfriend very often. Me, when I am dating someone I like, when I have a boyfriend, I like to be with him most of the time. Almost all of the time when we're not at work, actually. But I don't know about him. He had to go into work this morning (an hour's drive) and I know he has to do work tomorrow as well, but he can do that from home. And he has his softball games on Sundays at I think 2:30. So will I maybe see him tonight? Or tomorrow? I have no idea. But right now I'm not going to let all that crap get to me, cause I had the best day yesterday with him and my friends! And he likes me!! By the way, another small thing, and I do this too every time I start really liking a guy - suddenly to me he becomes so fabulous and amazing and such a good catch and I feel like I don't match up. I put them up on a pedistal and I suddenly start feeling ugly and fat and uninteresting and boring. And wonder why they like me. And if they really like me. Anyway, my stupid issues. I'm so tired now, I've been typing for an hour, and I am going to go back to bed!!
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I'm happy again!
He's a good guy, I'm just an insane chick. We know each other for less than three weeks, go out three times, and already I go crazy. This morning I kept checking my email, expecting that he would write. I told myself to wait until noon but at 11:25 I finally emailed him: "Are you still coming tonight? I haven't heard a peep from you!" He wrote right back: "Hello Ms. Red-hottie counselor: I do hope you're having a good day. Work is still pretty crazy today -- but I don't quite care since end-of-day involves seeing you, having an icy-cold Bohemia style draft beer, and watching major league baseball. This isn't your average afternoon, by any wild stretch of the imagination. No cases today. That means you go home -- now! Warsteiner"So I was happy, but not completely happy because he didn't address not calling me back last night! I wrote back: "Hey you! Okay good, I was thinking of beating you since you didn't call me back last night or email me! I still may! I'm so excited for tonight!!!...." And so he called me then, from work! He definitely got the point that I upset about him not calling. He said he heard his phone ring last night but it was across the room, and he was sitting in his comfortable blue chair watching baseball and couldn't bring himself to get out of it, and he fell asleep right after. And he said he thought about calling me this morning but didn't want to wake me up. I feel so bad, I was assuming all of the worst things in the world about him and he was just at home watching baseball and falling asleep. And he was so nice to call me from work right after he got that email! I'm the freak, he's the nice guy. Anyway, I am taking the whole day off instead of just the morning. The cable guy came at 10, but I'm still on the couch and thinking about getting up for some food. What I really want is some coffee, but my milk went bad, even though it's not even to the sell-by date. What's up with that? I think my frige is cold enough. I have it to the highest level of cold. Anyway, I think I'll just make coffee anyway and drink it black. I'll just make it a little weaker than normal. By the way, I'm all mystic tanned, so feeling quite sexy, like I'm some surfer chick!!! And speaking of surfer chicks, I saw the movie Blue Crush a couple weeks ago. I loved it! I want to watch it again! And I now love Kate Bosworth!I just had to take a break cause James jumped up for some love. He's so sweet and so cute! And such a silly cat for loving his belly rubbed as much as he does! I adore him! He's now sleeping at my feet but before was cuddled along my side - he likes spooning!This weekend I have to 1) make the album from the bachelorette party and email it to everyone, 2) decide which pictures of my brother to use for the DVD and start getting that done, 3) finish the fucking opinion that I haven't done for work. Notice I put the work thing last, when I absolutely need to get it done. Oh and I have to watch the final episode of Into the West - I love that series! I'm so sad it's over. Although I liked the earlier episodes more, before the whites took over the country and before the butchering of the Indians. It's 12:45. I'll make my coffee, eat, call Comcast to make my cable work, and eventually shower and get ready. I'll look all fresh for Warsteiner, that's good! And oh yes, I think that I'm Going To Have SEX Tonight!!!! Because I'm not upset with him anymore! To the contrary, I like him even more since he called me from work! I better straighten up a bit for when he comes over tonight! And I'm off...
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I'm so insanely neurotic!
I hate that I become a paranoid and untrusting freak so easily! It's 11:09 and Warsteiner hasn't called me tonight. He always calls, at least for the past couple weeks. I called him a little after 10 on his cell and he didn't answer, so I left a message. He always has his cell with him as far as I know. On Tuesday he left it on the table. He's probably out with a friend or a few friends. But my stupid self is wondering if he's on another date. He acts like he's completely into me, but what if he can act that way with anyone? And if he's out with friends, why didn't he just answer and tell me? He's been so completely cool and open and liking me and so I have absolutely no reason to doubt that and be upset that he hasn't called me tonight. But still, what the fuck?! Why didn't he answer and/or call back? I fucking HATE it when I get this way! I start analyzing every little thing to death. In my defense, last weekend Little Brother and Future Sister-in-Law came for their bachelor and bachelorette parties, and 3 of Little Brother's friends picked me up. The guy who sat in the back seat with me, Bama, is unattached and was interested in me. The 2 in the front seat, one was married and the other dating someone. Both probably around my brother's age, so 24-26. Once we passed a girl who was wearing the tiniest skirt known to man. Both in the front were all over it, commenting, staring, etc. And when we got to the house where we all started out together, the rest of the guys weren't any better. One of the guys who lived in the house was 31, and he was cute, but as I found out later from Bama, he was wanting to hook up that night, even though he has a girlfriend. The guy in the car who had a girlfriend also wanted to hook up. As did another guy who has a girlfriend. They were all my brother's fraternity brothers. And they all seem like frat boys, and still seem like they're 21. But it was so disgusting to me, and so bothersome on that whole girl level. I have no right comparing Warsteiner to them at all. First, he's 30. And acts very different than them. And is so nice and sweet and doesn't deserve this at all. I'm so bad at the beginning of relationships, I have no trust. We've only been on three dates, and realistically he could go on dates with other people. But honestly, if he did I would be put off, because of the way he acts towards me when he's with me. Like he is completely into me. And then that makes me wonder if he's just good at that! I swear, I am so insane!!!! Tonight I have been productive for me. I took the bus a little past home to a place where I had seen wedding stuff displayed, a shop I mean, drycleaning and altering, so I figured I'd try it. It turned out great, the woman immediately spotted the things that needed to be altered. She's even going to take the whole skirt in on the sides, cause she said it was made for a bigger butt and figure - I LOVE her! And she pinned right above each boob on the seam, so it won't hang open. And on the back of the top to make it look like it fits better. I think it will actually look good! I started out hating this dress, but now that I have my super stomach-sucker-inner, it takes a little over an inch and a half off my stomach, and with the alterations, I think I'll look okay! Except for the fact that I need to lose 20 pounds. Well 10 would make me look good, 20 back to my fantastic self! But still, I feel much better about how I'll look now! Anyway, then I came home and because my cable box isn't working (tomorrow Comcast comes between 8 and 12, so I have a good excuse for being late to work - yay!) I put in The Mask of Zorro (it was on my mind cause The Meat mentioned it today for the dance that Catherine Zeta Jones and Antonio Banderas do during it. I can't remember the name of the dance, but it's the Bull dance) and then took off my toenail polish. All day I was intending to get myself a pedicure, but I took money out at the bank, sufficent for a pedicure and paying for the ticket at the game tomorrow and buying a couple beers, and I am so woefully low in money. I would be okay if it were just for me. I mean, I have to buy The Future Sister-in-Law two wine glasses that I promised her - $50, and a plane ticket to Indy for the wedding, and oh yes the altering is going be around $130 !!! And I have about $450 in my account after I took out my money. I was hoping to get a haircut before the wedding - luckily only $15 since I go to the Aveda school, and I will need random food. And I need to get something (obviously very cheap!) to wear to either the brunch the day before the wedding or the rehearsal dinner, since we aren't supposed to wear the same thing. But fuck, I have hardly anything to wear that looks good on me as it is! I can probably find something here. But the biggest thing on my mind is that I owe my friend, who is my ex-boyfriend from a year and a half ago but now just my friend, I'll call him The German (fittingly, as he's from Germany) $1225 that he loaned me to pay my first month's rent so early. I was supposed to immediately give him my security deposit from the old place of 1130 when it was returned, but I deposited it and since I kind of didn't pay any bills in June, I owed more now. And anyway, I haven't even payed him anything yet. And my grandma also gave me a check for $700 that disappeared - and it was supposed to be to help pay The German back and to pay for my expenses for the wedding. And my mom two weekends ago gave me a check for $300. I would have $150 otherwise. I haven't been spending a ton of money! I don't know how it disappeared! I did buy some clothes at Express - I had absolutely no work pants, one pair didn't fit and and the other pair was worn out and developed a little hole in the crotch/inner thigh area - so nice. And that reminds me that I'm going to return a shirt and pair of pants, so that will give me a little more money. Tomorrow at the game the ticket is going to be $53. I can't pay for Warsteiner, too, even though he's taken me out three times now. Oh and on the 31st - yes, a Sunday - and MY BIRTHDAY!!!! - a co-worker is getting married so we're all going. I'm planning on giving her a check for $50. Since it's my birthday, I will get some money from my grandparents. I'm so hoping to get maybe $800 total. I'll seriously get a money order for maybe $700 for Stephan. And then over half is paid. And then I'll tell him that I can pay maybe $200 a month, or maybe a little more? I so hate being poor! I'm watching Noting Hill now. I love this movie! I love the soundtrack too! And it's 12:10 am and I have not heard from Warsteiner. I was going to title my blog tomorrow "I'm Going to Have Sex Tonight!!!!" but now I'm not so certain. I might now just be telling how we made out outside and etc but that I went home alone. Cause him not calling me tonight really makes me distrust him. I'm just now finishing my bottle of wine, by the way. I haven't addressed that problem yet, but will someday. I just got my iPod and am listening to the soundtrack to Notting Hill. All are such loving and romantic songs. And it's 12:22 right now. I was so excited about him and so ready to be with him, i.e. for him to fuck the shit out me. However, I'm now thinking not only no sex but that I won't invite him up. I don't owe him sex after all, and so often I feel like that, and then I just feel bad later. But fuck those guys! I'm so bothered that Warsteiner didn't call me tonight. He has I think called me most nights. Or he should have said what he was doing tonight. So I didn't become so insane. But I guess I'm insane even without him. Sometimes it sucks being me.
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It's amazing how being a little excited about a guy can make you so happy!
I first met Warsteiner on July 4th. I was taking care of Mr. Asparagus and Florida Girl's cats over the weekend and Warsteiner was taking over on the 4th when he got back from a weekend in Door County (which I now know is in northern Wisconsin, I think near Michigan? - I guess I don't know after all!). Anyway, he called from the road and we chatted for awhile, and he asked if he could buy me a beer after the handoff, so of course I said yes! He called again from the road when he was closer, and I was at Florida Girl's place, so I just waited for him. He lives right below Florida Girl so he showered really quick and then came up. We hugged, since you know, we'd talked a couple of times. A little weird, but it seemed right. So we stole a couple of Mr. Asparagus's beers and sat on the teeny couch in the back room and chatted. I found out that he had seen my picture from the Christmas magnet on Florida Girl's refrigerator, and he had asked Florida Girl all about me on the Thursday before she left. He knew I had cats that I adored, that I worked with her, that I had a dog named Muffin who was my soul mate - and other things. I was impressed! But not sure about him, cause I knew nothing about him, and he's also not the type that I'm usually attracted to - he's tall but not really tall, about 5'10" I think, and he has light hair, a blondish brownish, and it's receeding slightly in front, and he's not a big guy. But he was nice, and I was flattered that he was interested in me! And I have to say too that he was really cute! And we had fun talking, even though I was a little uncomfortable. After awhile I got up to go, and he offered to give me a ride home, which I loved cause I had worn the most terrible shoes in the world to walk over there, and after seriously 4 blocks I had to get a cab to go the rest of the way! He dropped me off and said maybe he'd call me that night if he didn't go out to his sister's place. So at this time I was flattered but a little uncomfortable cause I wasn't sure about him. He did call that night by the way, but I didn't answer. The next day he called during the day, and I called him back that night and we chatted for awhile, it was nice. He asked me out and I said yes. I was going home to the cottage for the weekend, so I said Wednesday or Thursday. He said he'd prefer Wednesday cause that way he could see me sooner! I think he might have actually said so he could see my beautiful eyes sooner! It's a little corny, but cute! He ended up taking me to the Sox game that night, what a cool first date! We met downtown and took the L and picked up our tickets and went in, and he had some pretty good seats - I think all seats are good there anyway. And there was the best Beers of the World stand right behind us! He knew about it in advance! We had two beers and in the 4th inning he took my hand and was giving me the most amazing hand rub and forearm rub. I was seriously in heaven! I was watching the game but not seeing anything! And this continued for the whole game! He said he couldn't let go of my hand, and I didn't want him to. And he kissed me, too, a couple pecks here, a couple there. We must have been pretty disgusting to those around us, but it felt so good! Afterward we took the L back and we stood in a corner and cuddled. Yes, during first date. I know, I move fast! He was holding me the whole time, arms around my waist, our heads together. He'd give me little kisses on my forehead. Sometimes I felt self-conscious, not because of being with him, but just cause we were the mushy couple that I hate to see on public transportation. He walked me home and we held hands the whole way and talked. And then I invited him up, for 10 minutes, to meet my babies - he loves animals, too! I told him in the doorway "There's going to be no sex"! I got that from The Bold One! Well, I was right in that there was no sex, but there was some oral sex, most of it performed on me - he's fucking good! I told him I was going to call him The Rabbit II! Neither of us were intending things to go that far, but I didn't stop him cause it just felt so good, everything that he was doing to me! He left at about 1 - he had an 8 am meeting to get to the next day, that just sucks!The next time we went out was over a week later, this past Friday. Although we talked most nights and emailed back and forth as well. He picked me up, then we went back to his place to drop off his car, and I got to see his condo, which is nice. It's sparsely decorated, but that's like a guy! We went up to Lincoln Square and had some dark Warsteiners and sat in the open window of the bar and talked, and then later went to dinner and talked, and then had one more beer. When we sit and talk, he holds one of my hands! And he kisses my hand! When we had our beer after dinner, we were at the Brauhaus and there was little old German music playing, and we were cuddling! It was so wonderful! We sleepily took the L back, and when it got to Belmont the speaker told everyone to get off, but yet people were getting on, so we stayed on, and then it started going backwards, so we got off at Southport and took a cab. He loved the fact that I said "Let's cross the street so we get a cab going the right way" - he is not stingy or frugal or any of that, but doesn't like spending money unnecessarily. So we dropped him off and then me off. He's so sweet! He called me on Saturday to say what a great time he had the night before! And told me to have fun at The Future Sister-in-Law's bachelorette party! A few things about him to interrupt my story. He has 8, yes 8, brothers and sisters. 6 sisters, two brothers. He's the second to the youngest. He's devoted to his family and adores his nieces and nephews. He is 30, his birthday is August 19th so he's a Leo, too. He went to Notre Dame and double majored in first a management marketing thing, and second an MIS thing. Out of college (1996 graduated) he worked at a consulting firm until 2001, when he went out on his own. He has a few clients, but his big client is Abbott, so he spends most of his time there. He owns his own place, and is thinking about maybe buying a cottage in Michigan. He's catholic. I'll have to see how catholic later. Because I couldn't be catholic. (I'm Christian of course - Lutheran - but I really could never be Catholic). He doesn't go to church regularly but has his belief in God. He volunteers at his church, though, by setting up little outings for disabled and Downs' Sydrom children of the congregation! Isn't that fabulous! And he still has friends that he's been friends with since childhood! Oh - and because he has 6 sisters and only 2 brothers, that probably means that he has more x than y sperms swimming around in there, and I must have at least one daughter!Okay, so went out two days ago for our third date. We met at a little mexican place on Halsted and Wrightwood. It has an amazing outdoor area, with a huge tree over so much of it, lights hanging up, a fountain, and a projection TV. I had margaritas and he beer, and we both had wonderful combo dishes. We stayed for a long time! And when we weren't eating, he was holding my hand across the table! He tells me how cute I am, and how beautiful I am, and how sweet! And looks at me like I'm so special! And he doesn't hide the fact that he likes me! I asked questions about him and he asked questions about me. He said a flaw of his is that he's stubborn, but he doesn't usually show it. I'll have to find out how stubborn! He talked about a trip he took earlier this year to the Grand Canyon and two other canyons. Oh yes, he doesn't like heights. But he still went on a hike where he had to walk along a tiny pathway! Oh and when I said my friend Cathy in Hawaii just had a baby, he said WE will just have to go out there! Oh and also, on Monday, he actually called me before my interview, emailed me before my interview to wish me good luck, and called me after! How wonderful is he!!! On the walk home, holding hands of course, and not just holding hands passively, but holding hands actively, we took Deming. And that was where it got so fabulous! He stopped to kiss me, and we kissed for so long. We'd stop when people were coming. Then we'd kiss again. And again. We made out (I love saying "make out" - it's so funny sounding, so high school!) for forever, and it was so hot! Then we sat on a little cement staircase side and kissed for forever, and then his magic fingers were rubbing me through my jeans and I was in heaven! Through the jeans! Such magic fingers! At one point a car came up and turned into the driveway next to where we sat, and he said I was lucky that it came cause he was about to throw me back into the grass. I told him he could throw me into the grass anytime and kiss me, or throw me against a fence and kiss me, or throw me against a wall and kiss me! He liked that! And I told him that sometime we are going to go back to Deming, a little later at night, and he's going to fuck me in one of those fabulous yards! And then fuck me in the next one. He liked that, too. And it will happen! I told him that I liked it when he grabbed my head and kissed me hard. Can you tell that I like a little force! Just a little roughness, a little I-must-have-you-now intensity, is so amazing! Oh it was so good. I think we were on Deming for an hour. Then we finally walked, again holding hands, to my place. And we made out in front of my place, a little more of the magic fingers, me holding onto the appendage jutting out in his pants. I was so tempted to pull him up to my place. But the night was so perfect, and it was so late. And my place was messy. I finally told him that he made me so fucking hot and broke away. He walked away and looked back and I walked toward my place and looked back, and we waved. Ummmm!Tomorrow night we're going to the White Sox-Red Sox game with The Bold One! From 5-7 there are drinks and food, and then the game starts at 7. I'm so happy he's coming! And the brother of a friend of The Bold One's works for the Red Sox, so he's planning on telling us where the Red Sox are going after the game so we can go meet them! Also, Firecracker and The Single Guy are going to be there! So we'll hopefully see them a little before the game, and definitely after. I'll get to meet The Single Guy for the first time, and she'll get to meet Warsteiner! Warsteiner just sent me an email, in response to my email that I sent earlier. Here is part of it: Hey sweet girl:I'm gettin' pretty damn excited about Friday myself. A cold beer of the world, a hottie attorney, baseball,and a grilled polish -- sounds better to me than lottery winnings. (You come first in that list by the way -- I wasn't prioritizing!)He's so sweet!Okay, now the stupid font changed and I can't figure out how to change it back. It won't go back. Pissing me off! Oh - I figured it out now. Anyway, I've been typing forever and I have to go figure out where to get my stupid bridesmaid dress altered so I don't show my boobs to everyone at the wedding!Warsteiner makes me happy! But I want to get emails from him all the time now! And already I can start feeling myself having some of my old neuroses - does he look at other girls; if he falls for me so fast, will he fall out of love so fast or in love with someone else; he dated a girl in his building a year ago and told Mr. Asparagus that he ended it cause he wasn't ready to commit - so would he be ready now?; etc., etc. Fuck it, I'm just going to be happy!
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I love good quotes!
Being that it's a holiday weekend, half the people at the office left at noon, and that left just a tiny few of us. And nothing was scheduled, of course, as no one would want to come in on the day before a holiday weekend. My boss was off, I watered his plants before I left. And so I spent about an hour finishing something with which to decorate my apartment! I love good quotes, I love inspirational quotes, I love quotes that touch me. Ever since 1998 when I started having one of those daily calendars with quotes, I have saved the ones that meant a lot to me. At my old apartment, I just taped the cut-out quotes on my wall. But since I've moved to a new place and am for real keeping it looking always nice (this is a huge thing for me, if only you'd have seen how I sometimes lived in my old place!) I wanted to still have my quotes of inspiration but have them look nice. So I typed them all out and put them in text boxes and I have each in different fonts. Today I finished the printouts and cut them to fit my 8x10 frames. I ended up with 3 sheets, and tonight I put each in its frame. They look so good! And I'll always be able to read the little quotes that inspire me. Sometimes I think I'll put one my favorite quotes at the beginning of a post! Last night I had dinner with my friend Tivo and her husband. They have the most adorable puggle puppy named Zoe, who is now about 7 months old. When Tivo picked me up, she motioned for me to sit in the back seat - and as I saw when I got in, Zoe had thrown up on the front seat - and a LOT of throw up! Tivo said Zoe had eaten just before they left to get me, and she had spent half the trip trying to keep Zoe from eating her puke. It makes me laugh!
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