Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I'm so bad with these titles! Violet needs to help me, hers are always perfect and fun!

Wednesday, July 27
Food:
3 cups coffee w/ milk
1 yogurt
4 chicken fingers and a few fries - yummy but I felt so bad later!
Quarter pound burger (without bun) w/ monteray (sp?) jack cheese, grilled onions, and my favorite green olives - from Monks Pub - so good! And introduced to me by my wonderful friend Benji!
Some chopped lettuce w/ vinegarette dressing - also Monks
Alcohol:
1 beer - Warsteiner, one of my favorite beers, and also my favorite man!
1 bottle Pinot Grigio - yes, it happened again. And I need to address this and will, but not now
Exercise:
40 minutes treadmill, and weight machines - and I have a couple of blisters so tomorrow at lunch I'll just ride the bike, which also makes me sweat like a motherfucker! Oh and I'm also wonderfully sore from the weights on Monday - yay! I love that!

Tonight after exercising, I met Firecracker, who was off work between 5 and 9 - yes, she had to go back to work at 9 pm until who knows when. Who are the people who run these companies who make my friends and man I like stay so late!!?? It's terrible!!! But I digress. This was the first time that she and I had really hung out together, and it was so fun! We went to Monk's Pub downtown and first had some peanuts, the shells of which our waitress eventually pushed on the floor - I love this place! It's all decorated so old and cool! And we each had a Warsteiner (the beer, not my man!), and a mini version of the Monk Burger - quarter pound as opposed to half pound. But the best part was that I got to know her better and we chatted about everything - jobs, our guys, sex, friends, fun, sex, our guys, each other, and more of what is currently occupying our minds right now - our guys, and our horniness for them! (She's going to want to kill me for writing all this!) It was so much fun! And I'm glad we're getting to know each other better! Although she might think I'm somewhat of a freak now :) But hopefully in a good or at least funny way!! :)

Warsteiner hasn't called me tonight, and guess what - I'm okay with it! I called him when I got home at 9:45 and left a message that he better not still be at work, and that I hoped instead he was either asleep in his comfy blue chair or laying in bed reading Harry Potter and unable to get the phone, or asleep. And I told him to call me tonight or tomorrow. But I'm not insane anymore! Cause I know he likes me and he's into me, and I'm into him! And he emailed me a little after lunch and said, among other things, how sleepy he was. So when I called, he was probably asleep. I can't wait to see him again!

I also can't wait to see Wedding Crashers. I've heard how funny it is! I don't usually like to spend the money to go see silly comedies or action movies, but I'll spend the money to see this one. Hmmm, I'm also right now watching The Daily Show and Diane Lane is on, and I'm reminded of how much I love the sex scenes in Unfaithful. Oh...My...Gosh...! Yes, those scenes are so amazing! My favorite one is the hallway scene, when she is sort of trying to get away, and he won't let her. And then he kisses her and she finally gives in, and he roughly pulls her jeans down and then her underwear down and does her from behind. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...! Have I mentioned how I like and dream of a little force and roughness! UM! The hurried scene in the bathroom is a close second - the intensity and desire and need - VERY GOOD!

I just opened my mail and I got a thank you card from The Future Sister-in-Law (August 13th is the big date! Coming soon!). It's actually a nice card! She thanked me for the towels I got them and for the meat tenderizer - yes, they go so well together, towels and meat tenderizer! It made me laugh, which was why I bought the meat tenderizer in addition to the towels! And she also told me to bring my dancing shoes to the wedding and "don't worry[,] there won't be any shots there!" A week and a half ago, at her bachelorette party, she kept buying shots for us, and then a group of guys brought over a whole basket of shots. I know and can handle my beer and my wine. But I never drink shots or any hard alcohol, so I was messed up! I had to be put in a cab by I'm assuming one of the girls there. And there were some interesting pictures of me at the end of the night! Warsteiner actually liked the two I sent him, of the maid of honor grabbing my boobs. At two separate times. She and The Future Sister-in-Law have done that in many pictures so it's nothing new to her, but I admit that the pictures are kind of hot, in that her hands are really cupping and holding my boobs. If I knew how to post a picture, I'd put one of them up right now, just with our faces blocked out. But in this picture, part of the good part is my expression - all seduction! I like to play to the camera sometimes! Hmmm, I think I'll post this and then try to figure out how to put a picture in!

I had to go into edit mode - it's 11:43 and Warsteiner called me a little before 11:30. He's so wonderful! He was on the rooftop deck of his building with Florida Girl, Mr. Asparagus, the guy who owns the rooftop, and his friend Mary (one of his best friends since he can remember - he likes that I'm jealous but said I can't be jealous of her, who we now call The Mary Factor! I'm actually looking forward to meeting her!). He's so fabulous! He said he misses me being in his bed and I told I'm equally missing being in his bed. And that he's very comfy to lay on. And I said we fit together very well - at which he said he thinks so but we will need many more times of testing it together!! And I told him that I was so happy to get his email today; he said it was just a few lines and I said I didn't care, it made me happy. See, some and probably most guys have no idea that just by them sending an email, it tells us that they're thinking about us, which is what we want!!!! And he said he'd see me anytime that I could see him! Yay! Tomorrow I'm supposed to get drinks with a friend from law school, what shall I call him? The only thing I can think of is TP. I haven't heard from him to confirm, but that's normal. However, I just want to see Warsteiner now! What I'm thinking is that maybe I'll tell TP that we can go for a few beers, but that I really want to get back to see Warsteiner by 10:30 or 11:00. Also, happiness(!), I think Warsteiner is going to come to LouAnn aka The Italian Chef's house for food on Friday night now. He knows that Florida Girl and Mr. Asparagus are going, and me. And absolutely everything that The Italian Chef makes is fabulous and amazing! And I'd love to hang out with him with Florida Girl, Mr. Asparagus, and The Italian Chef. Plus, I told him we could leave whenever and do whatever! He liked that, as do I!!!! So YAY! I'm just so happy! I like him! And he likes me! And he's almost my boyfriend! I will absolutely (hopefully) see him tomorrow night, even though I'm sure I'll be buzzed, because that's what I want most - to see him and hug him and kiss him and just be near him. I'm a very content kitten right now! Content except for wanting to see him tomorrow, that is!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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Written by Caterpillar :: 7/27/2005 11:18:00 PM :: ::


About Me

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly :: Anonymous

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly :: Buckminster Fuller



Name::Caterpillar
From::Chicago, United States

I'm a 30-year-old sometimes girl and sometimes woman living in Chicago. Over the past year I have faced my biggest demon and won, and as a result I have hope again for wonderful and fabulous things to happen! I'm still learning, growing and always trying to improve myself, but I absolutely love life and think I'm very close to becoming a real butterfly!!!
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How I Feel

"I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved."

"Desire is an entirely free sensation, loose in the air, vibrating, filling life with the will to have something..."

- Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho

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Quotes That Touch and Inspire Me

♥ I think that the most beautiful women I've ever met are the ones that know who they are, have stories to tell, ideas to share, wisdom to impart and love the skin they're in. No one can love us as we love ourselves. No one can take away our beauty and our dignity when we own those things. To me confident=beautiful. :: CeeCi

♥ I'd been feeling a little blue (for no particular reason) when I began thinking about things like attention, age and body image. Suddenly, it washed over me. I see people looking at me and I see them reacting. I began thinking about the times I notice the attention and realized its the days I'm strutting, the days I'm open and holding my head up. This got me to thinking further. How I perceive myself is what I show to others...People don't realize it, but they show the world everything about themselves in the way they move and act, in the words they say and the way they say them. A little confidence can lead to a lot of confidence. :: CeeCi

♥ When we believe in ourselves the world is an entirely different place and our place in it feels right and happy and healthy. :: CeeCi

♥ Remember that something incredibly wonderful is always possible!

♥ There are moments that are wonderful, if you let them be.

♥ Being distrustful put me in a very lonely place, a place filled with doubt and hypervigilance. I'm grateful I've learned to trust again, because in learning to do it, I learned to trust myself. :: CeeCi

♥ We're all a work in progress. I believe we will be until the day our lives end. Why fight it? I love the changes I experience. Some are certainly easier and more enjoyable than others, yet I wouldn't stop the process for any thing in the world. :: CeeCi

♥ We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey, or miss the chance to see a rainbow on the way :: Gloria Gaither

♥ Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed :: Storm Jameson

♥ Love is everything. It is the reason we are here, and the wonder we take with us wherever we go.

♥ Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow :: Mary Anne Radmacher

♥ Just live in the moment, the moment you're in. Don't live two days from now. Don't live two hours in advance. Live now. And appreciate what you have now. Don't go any further. You have this moment. This second. Breathe it. Enjoy it. Live in it. :: Open Eyes

♥ Leap, and the net will appear.

♥ I've learnt that when we express our deepest feelings, even though we may stammer or be unable to find the right words, it always pays. It pays to be authentic.

♥ There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness :: Carl Jung

♥ I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, myth is more potent than history, dreams are more powerful than facts, hope always triumphs over experience, laughter is the cure for grief, love is stronger than death :: Robert Fulghum

♥ You must learn day by day, year by year, to broaden your horizon. The more things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more you are indignant about, the more you have left when anything happens. :: Ethel Barrymore

♥ Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. :: Carl Jung

♥ I will try to be as honest as I can with myself. That is all that is required of me. I'll keep admitting and opening my hidden box of fears, hurts and insecurities, again and again, until I know each one of them by their first name. :: Anu

♥ It struck me that there is amazing beauty everywhere. Does it matter where you are or who we're encountering? There is magic all around us. The fact that we're alive, the fact that we're living in this place and time. The fact that we've met the people we've met, all of it, every bit of it, only contributes to the wonder that is life. :: CeeCi

♥ No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the starts, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit. :: Helen Keller

♥ Half of doing anything is believing that you can.

♥ Often God has to shut a door in our face, so that he can subsequently open the door through which he wants us to go. :: Catherine Marshall

♥ Even if it burns a little low at times, the secret of life is to always keep the flame of hope alive.

♥ The three grand essentials of happiness are something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for.

♥ Some people will say that you are going the wrong way, when it is simply a way of your own.

♥ Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion. :: Martha Graham

♥ Life is a series of new beginnings, and in every ordinary moment there are a thousand miracles to behold.

♥ Don't let the approval of others determine your belief in yourself.

♥ When it's all said and done, when all the opinions have been uttered, preached, shouted, and shared, there is only one thing we can do: From this moment on...love.

♥ When you're stuck in a spiral, to change all aspects of the spin you need only to change one thing. :: Christina Baldwin

♥ You have to look for the joy. Look for the light of God that is hitting your life, and you will find sparkles you didn't know were there.

♥ Be the change you wish to see in the world... :: Gandhi

♥ Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

♥ We each have only a limited amount of time here. We have to do more with it - pay attention, explore, be open to all of life. Because we have only one chance, we have to make life seem longer than it really is. :: Viggo Mortensen

♥ Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. :: Cadet Maxim

♥ Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore! Dream! Discover!

♥ What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail? :: Unknown

♥ To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. :: David Viscott, M.D

♥ Right now it feels like:...no dream will ever remain unfulfilled...no desire will ever remain unanswered...no tear goes unnoticed and no effort wasted...the hills are alive and so are we...each moment is fresh and waiting to happen...and there will be garbage like situations all around...but it is upto us to light mud lamps in it...and glow in our own acceptance and appreciations... :: Anu

♥ I struggle with not feeling like I'm good enough at times. Usually, its because I'm pushing it too hard and have depleted my reserve. Yet, I know without a shadow of a doubt that no matter how heavy or thin, how young or old I appear to others it's what I feel on the inside that glows through. If I could give every person on this planet just one gift it would be the unwavering knowledge that they are beautiful and worthy of every good thing the universe holds. :: CeeCi

♥ It's easier to buy into the negative things we conjure about ourselves than the positive things. Knowing that is the first step towards changing the thoughts that keep us unhappy. With time moving forward, why stay trapped in the past? All we have is right here and right now, I intend to make the most of it! :: CeeCi