What I've been up to
I'm alive, I swear I am! I've been really busy this week and even when I write that I'm saying to myself, "what the fuck, you couldn't find even five minutes to come write something?" And yes, of course I could but somehow I didn't. Anyway, I really really really need to go to bed cause I just got off the phone with Mr. H and it's after 1:30 a.m., and I need to get downtown tomorrow morning before 9, which is so unusual for me. Oh - and this evening, I hung up seven pictures in a new nail salon that's opening tomorrow!!!! I hung two 8x10 photos, in big matted frames of course. And then five 11x14 photos also in big matted frames. They look AMAZING!!! And I'm soooooo excited now that they're up because I had been so so nervous and getting stressed and the owner and I were going back and forth a bit earlier in the week about percentage of any possible sales, and then I was drafting a contract for us, and then having to pick which pictures I wanted to use and order them, and get to Target to buy frames for them all, and design little cards to post underneath each photo with the name of the photo, month it was taken in, price, and then info about me, and then I had issues with the printing of said little info cards. And well so anyway, tomorrow morning I need to get there early to hang up one more picture because tonight it wasn't balanced well on a chair at one point and it fell and the glass was fine but the frame broke in two, so I can fix it and use it in my own place here, but I need to swap the frame out with one of the extras I have here. Oh and also, I printed one picture in a 16x20 size and it looks fucking fabulous!!! Only I couldn't find a good frame for it and I didn't like any at Target. But Target online did have one that looked perfect, so I've ordered it but it won't be here for a few days probably so eventually I'll move one of the smaller ones to the little waxing room and replace it with the big photo, and it'll look so so so impressive and amazing!!! :) I'm so excited by all this and also a little overwhelmed, and oh I just have a lot of emotions inside me right now and not even all regarding the pictures. BUT, as I said, I need to go to bed. I'm going to be a much better writer now this week cause at least my big project is almost finished now. And tomorrow I'll take some pictures of my beautiful pictures hanging on the walls there and I'll post a couple cause I'm just so excited!!! :) I'll still be playing Musical Monday because I love to do it, but not today, and then I was thinking and next Monday is Christmas and the next Monday is New Year's and I'll be laying in bed with Mr. H! So I'll get back to Musical Monday in January - or I might just start posting songs on random days until then!
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Musical Monday and other stuff
Okay, Musical Monday. Shit, I haven't really even thought about what song I'll post! And it's after midnight and I am so so so fucking determined to get to work before 9 a.m. tomorrow because there's a bet going on that I won't be able to - so I need to go to bed! Which means that I'll see which songs I already have uploaded and maybe haven't posted yet. Oh, I actually know there's one I haven't played yet! I uploaded it awhile ago to post specifically for my lovely and fabulous and wonderful friend Emerald Eyes (e.e.) when she was going through a low time - because I was sure I remembered her once a long time ago say that it was one of her favorite songs!!! (And okay, I love it, too - how can you not love this song?!) So here we have: Toto :: AfricaOkay, now I have to repost my To-Do lists and cross off all the stuff I've gotten done so far! I fucking LOVE crossing things out on my lists!!! So so so exciting and how fabulous to see that I've been productive!!! Things To Do: Apartment- wash dishes- get new vacuum bags- vacuum very cat-hairy rug- do about five loads of laundry ( well I did four loads and still have at least two more to do, but I can still cross it out because at least I did a lot and have clean sheets and have clean clothes to wear to work tomorrow) - dry and wet swiffer all floors- de-hair all bed stuff- straighten in each room- backup all files on computer Things To Do: Everything Else- completely write work brief tonight- work on smugmug website - figure out plan for which pictures where ( I have more ideas but I haven't sat down and done the planning properly yet) - design unique little cards for placement under pictures and at front desk ( well I didn't do this but yet I searched around on the internet to get ideas for different little designs, so I count that as doing a little but not enough to cross off any words) - name pictures - create a new email account for photo and web work ( I was going to do this tonight but now it's too late) - figure out what to do about framing - get back to work on learning code and designing site for Mr. H ( I didn't do much but I did read a few websites tonight on code and I was so excited reading them! I love this stuff!) - try on more coats at stores so my mom can get me a nice coat for x-mas - try on certain clothes in my closet so I know whether I need to buy any new clothes for my trip to see Mr. H Things To Do: Christmas- order 8x10s of Grandpa & me picture and Grandma & me picture- buy two frames for said pictures - find a book for my grandpa - order two genealogy magazine renewals for my mom ( this one is half crossed off cause I ordered one of them today and the other one I have to actually call on so I'll do that tomorrow) - figure out some other cute genealogy present for my mom, possibly something I could make ( I found a couple great little things and ordered them online, so that's all done!) - figure out what in the hell to get for my brother and sister-in-law ( oh this is a good one! I emailed my brother and he said he likes unique and that they need some pictures for their walls which are mostly blank - so today I ordered two black frames with matting that will hold 11x14 pictures, and then I ordered two of my Chicago nighttime pictures ( switched to black and white as he said he liked) to be printed, and I'll pick them up tomorrow. Yay!) - get supplies to make other little presents for everyone - get stamps for mailing x-mas cards when the arrive Okay, so yay me! No, not everything is done yet, but my list is so much smaller and more manageable, and I feel so good! And because my home is completely and beautifully clean, I feel so much more in control and not that super-frustrated feeling of needing to clean even though I have other things to do. Oh and I already have lists made out for tomorrow and Tuesday nights so I'll be so organized in my approach to everything! Yay me! I had wonderful talks with Mr. H this weekend. I love how even when I'm a little sleepy or not in a talking mood, or if I can tell he's that way, we start slow but then end up having such good talks, or light talks, or fun talks, or serious talks - but the time just sort of flies by for me because I like talking with him so much. Tonight we talked about legal stuff - contracts in the construction field to be exact - and then we talked a lot about immigration and all the questions that we need to find answers to. And tomorrow I'm going to email an immigration attorney with all these questions - she's actually the attorney who handled The German's case for the past few years and he called her and told her a bit about Mr. H and I and she said she'd be happy to answer my questions and give me some information. So I'll be so happy to find out some more so Mr. H and I can know a little more and be able to plan accordingly! Christmas is in two weeks from today (Monday), and in two and a half weeks, I fly to see Mr. H!!! Oh I get so excited thinking about it! I can't wait!!! Now I'm off to bed so I can get up so so so early tomorrow morning and get to work before 9 and shock the hell out of everyone and cause the people who bet against me to lose!!!! :)
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Procrastination stress and Photography excitement
Tonight I have to write something for work and I absolutely have to finish it so my boss can look over it tomorrow, so I'll be up very late. Sometimes I'm such a complete ass and could just absolutely beat myself for all my stupid procrastination. I've also procrastinated on doing laundry so I have hardly anything clean to wear. And I've procrastinated on doing my dishes so I have no clean plates or glasses or cups any longer. As I said - I'm a complete stupid ass with all my procrastination!!! On Tuesday night I took the babies to their vet appointment for their little annual checkup and shots and whatnot. Little Emma weighs 10.2 pounds and James weighs 15 pounds - the vet said he should probably lose a pound and recommended that I only feed them in the morning and at night but between those times, to pick up any food. But my babies are used to always having food out! They have dry food out at all times and I leave their wet food plates out so they can, as the vet said, "graze". She pointed out that cats in the wild don't graze all day. But my babies aren't out in the wild and this is all they know! And while James might lose a little weight, and be very unhappy at the same time, little Emma would also suffer and she's so skinny as it is! So I don't know right now what I'll do. I might get weight control dry food and only leave that out. Or feed them 3 cans a day of wet food instead of 4. But I'm not going to suddenly make such a huge change and make them only eat twice a day and have to stuff themselves at those times. Also, I felt very sorry for myself while getting them to the vet. I got home too late to call a cab and I live only a block from a major street but first of all, it was fucking cold outside! Second, I was carrying a cat carrier with 25 pounds in it first down my curvy stairs and then for that very long block and sometimes over ice, and my forearms felt like they were going to give out any second when I finally got to the end of the block. And then I had to wait for a few minutes in that freezing cold until a cab came - but at least I'd brought a blanket to cover the carrier both to block out the cold and the noise. Little Emmalove was in a little Emmaball at the back of the carrier and James was sitting all curious looking out the front - he's so cute! Emma gave pitiful little cries of protest now and then while we were cab, and James was just looking at the front, which I had facing forward - so he looked all around the front of the cab and at the lights passing above. And at the vet Emma went first and was very scared but just cried now and then and she did very well. And then it was James's turn and he got more and more fidgety as the exam went on and then started hissing! And James never hisses! I think he remembered the last time we were there when I took him in for his diarrhea but couldn't get a poop sample to bring in, so they extracted some from his little butt and I heard him scream down the hallway. So by the end of the exam the vet had to put a collar on him while she gave him his shot, to prevent him from turning around and biting her. He was fine again as soon as he was back in his carrier, but my poor little guy was not at all happy while he was on the table! In other news, and this is very very exciting news, The Bold One has arranged for me to furnish all the pictures for a brand new nail salon that's opening in a couple weeks downtown!!! I originally thought that the owner would just choose two or three of my photos, but somehow it's changed and today The Bold One and I went and looked at the space to get an idea of how many photos there should be and maybe where they'd go. I think we're going back tomorrow, when the actual lighting will be in. And I have a lot of planning to do! And getting pictures printed out in much larger sizes! The problem I have is with the frames though - because I can't at all afford to buy ten, fifteen or more very large and good frames. I'm not sure what to do about that just yet, but I'll first think about which pictures will go well in the space, how to group them, and where to put them. And I'll also work on getting my smugmug site looking more perfect, and on designing little cards to put under all the pictures. I'm very excited, but I also feel that I'm not nearly good enough for this and I feel quite overwhelmed and I'm pretty nervous. Still very excited though. I'm starting to stress myself out now. I'm going to make a list here of all the things I want and need to do and then at least it'll help me organize it all in my head. Things To Do: Apartment- wash dishes - get new vacuum bags - vacuum very cat-hairy rug - do about five loads of laundry - dry and wet swiffer all floors - de-hair all bed stuff - straighten in each room - backup all files on computer Things To Do: Everything Else- completely write work brief tonight - work on smugmug website - figure out plan for which pictures where - design unique little cards for placement under pictures and at front desk - name pictures - create a new email account for photo and web work - figure out what to do about framing - get back to work on learning code and designing site for Mr. H - try on more coats at stores so my mom can get me a nice coat for x-mas - try on certain clothes in my closet so I know whether I need to buy any new clothes for my trip to see Mr. H Things To Do: Christmas- order 8x10s of Grandpa & me picture and Grandma & me picture - buy two frames for said pictures - find a book for my grandpa - order two genealogy magazine renewals for my mom - figure out some other cute genealogy present for my mom, possibly something I could make - figure out what in the hell to get for my brother and sister-in-law - get supplies to make other little presents for everyone - get stamps for mailing x-mas cards when the arrive Okay, there's the bulk of it. I'll think of more things to add to the list and then I'll start assigning days to each thing. But I know tonight my only assignment is to finish my work thing, so I'll try putting everything else to the back of my mind, which is so so so hard to do when I just want to get some of these things off my list!!! Oh, I just had a fabulous idea - I'll do some laundry tonight while I'm typing! James is lying in my arms right now sleeping and I'm holding one of his little paws! I'll stay here for 15 more minutes and close my eyes, and then I'll get set up for working and then put a load of laundry in and then make coffee and then start working and then take a break when my love Mr. H calls, and then get back to work after that. It's a plan :) And I can't wait until I get this thing done tonight so tomorrow I can start really working on the other things on my list.
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Musical Monday and Introducing THE Hands!! :)
Here's a cute little funny that I ran across recently, it makes me smile! Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something "practical" for Christmas. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. "It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for "Name of your former bank." After a slight hesitation, she put down "Piggy."I love that! So so so cute!!! :) Musical Monday today is a band I stumbled across and I really like their sound so much. The band is Azure Ray, and here's some info on them care of Wikipedia: Azure Ray is an American indie duo, consisting of musicians Maria Taylor and Orenda Fink. They met at the age of 15 at the Alabama School of Fine Arts. They fronted a band called Little Red Rocket, often compared to Veruca Salt, in their hometown of Birmingham, Alabama in the mid and late 1990s and released two albums with the band on Tim/Kerr records.
Azure Ray started in Athens, Georgia, but has since relocated to Omaha, Nebraska and joined the music scene there. Their sound is sparse and understated, with intimate lyrics, elements of alt-country and folk Americana, and occasional forays into minimalist electronica territory. They are also in another Saddle Creek band called Now It's Overhead, with Andy LeMaster also of Georgia. The two have also collaborated with Moby and co-wrote the song, "Great Escape" on the album, 18 with Bright Eyes. Fink also works with Japancakes.
Orenda Fink married Todd Baechle, lead singer of The Faint, in March 2005.I'm playing two songs from their 2002 album November EP, which is such a good album, although it only has six songs on it - but all six are beautiful and go together so perfectly, it's all the same mood, which I like in an album. Anyway though, the lyrics are pretty long so I'm not going to post them here (cause I want to get to the pictures of Mr. H's sexiest hands known to man (or at least known to this woman!)), but if you want to read along with the songs, go here. Azure Ray :: NovemberAzure Ray :: Other Than This WorldSo, Mr. H had a wonderful idea! He suggested that as I call him "Mr. Hands", maybe I should post a picture of his hands so people know why he has that name! Fabulous! I love looking at pictures of his hands so I should of course have a couple posted here!!! He has the sexiest hands in the whole entire world, have I mentioned that before?! :) (Oh and after writing "Fabulous!" there, I can't get the sound of that British girl's voice from the I think Orbitz gum (or whatever it's called - Orbitz might be the travel site but the gum I think sounds the same) saying "Fabulous!" and showing her pearly whites along with the little sparkle added in!) Mmmmm, I lurrrrvvvve this picture! Mraow!! I adore the lighting in this wonderful picture of us holding hands! Yes I know he just suggested one picture, but I have to post all my favorites now! I love seeing his strong hands and I admit that part of the time when he's showing me stuff on his computer (I want a Mac!) I'm just looking at his hands! Okay and the rest of him, too :) This picture was from the very early morning just a couple weeks ago, when we were waiting for his cab to arrive - his wonderful hand was so strong and felt so good resting on my leg. I can't wait to see him again. I miss him. :(I had a pretty lazy weekend but I did do a few things - I ordered and picked up some pictures of Mr. H and I together and I've put them in frames around my place, I designed and ordered my Christmas cards online (and I'm sooooooo excited to see them cause I think they look soooooooo cool!!!), I made some backup cds of some of the stuff on my computer, I ordered Christmas presents for my dad and a few little things for my grandma and mom, I got a few little things at Walgreens, and I got a bunch of cat food from Petsmart. And I passed a couple of emails back and forth between my mom and Mr. H regarding my mom's dishwasher, and that made me happy! And I took some pictures for Mr. H tonight. And Mr. H and I had some really good communication (and of course we talked a lot and emailed and texted as well) and I just feel us growing constantly even closer and closer and that's from already being in such a wonderful place and in love - I have SUCH a wonderful sense of happiness and contentment and peace all around me (well except for my few hormonal moments and when I have them I tell Mr. H exactly what's in my mind and he is absolutely fabulous at saying and feeling and reacting the exact perfect way) - yes well anyway I was talking about the feeling I have almost all the time, of such contentment and happiness and joy and it's just so so so wonderful, and I feel through all this that this is just meant to be, this is it and I'm so happy with that and wouldn't want anything different. I'm where I'm meant to be right now, and he and I are where we're meant to be now and have found each other when the timing was just right and we were both ready, and now we have something so amazing and so special and so beautiful, and we have so much to look forward to in the future! And I'm just overwhelmed with such fucking happiness!!! :) But also with that peaceful contentment - I wish I could describe it better but it's just pure contentment and happiness with just absolutely everything. * * * * * * *Three things that I'm grateful for right now: * my wonderfully and amazingly comfy still-sort-of-new (5 months old) mattress, which I will be going to sleep on in only a few short minutes. I still so often, as I get into bed or as I'm laying there, think about just how amazingly comfy my bed is! * my super-silky-soft sheets, which are going to make me feel so decadently good for a few seconds before I fall asleep! (And I'm not exaggerating on these sheets, even Mr. H thought they were amazing and that was without me saying anything about them first!) * beautiful music of all kinds which can bring me into so many different moods or just so beautifully accent my moods. There is SO MUCH amazing music out there, and so many amazing sounds and amazing voices and amazing ways of expressing emotions and feelings - it boogles my mind sometimes but I just love it too!
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It's a special day for...! And a Friday night meme from CeeCi!
It's December 2nd, and that means... Happy Birthday, Florida!!!!!!! Yes, it's my wonderful friend Florida's birthday today (it's very early morning on December 2 right now)! And Florida, I'm planning on calling you but you tend to get up earlier than me so I'm hoping you'll check here and be surprised!!! :)
And I know that she doesn't like the mushy stuff, but I'm going to write just a little about why I love her so much! I've known Florida for about 4 1/2 years now (I almost can't believe it's been that long) and she is first of all one of the funniest, goofiest, most natural and real and wonderfully silly people I know - she puts everyone at ease almost immediately and people just love to be around her because she has such a wonderful energy about her, and she laughs often and is often laughing even at herself and her own silliness! She's also such a wonderful friend, and has been there for me if I needed her during hard times, and called me when she sensed I needed someone to talk to, and she has worried about me which has made me feel so good because I know she really cares. Also, her marriage to Asparagus has been such an example for me, and I've watched them and listened to how they keep their relationship so strong, and so I've learned in a way from them about the kind of relationship and marriage that I want through seeing them, and I've learned from Florida that a marriage is work and you need to put effort into it in order to keep it and the relationship strong.
I feel that I'm not at all doing justice to my wonderful friend here! Somehow I'm having a hard time finding the right words to describe how wonderful she is - I'll cut this short and just say that I adore her, I have such fun with her, I care about her and her happiness so much, I want all the best things for her, and I want her to know, despite my complete ineptitude with descriptive language here, just how much I love her for everything about her!!!! And as far as I'm concerned, there's absolutely no one in the world like her - she is so unique, so special, so wonderful, so everything - and I think the world of her!!!! So everyone wish Florida a very very happy and fabulous birthday!!!! :) Friday Night Meme! Wonderful CeeCi tagged me the other night, and I think she knows how much I love answering these little things! And I loved her thinking of me!!! So here I go with tonight's fabulous meme! •What are you proud of? I'm most proud of the past about 14 months, which have been by far the best time in my life so far. In that time I have announced my alcoholism to my little world and determined to conquer it and take my life back, and I did it!! And as a result of kicking alcohol to the curb, I've lost a lot of weight and now love how I look, and that feels so good! And then somehow over the past year, because of a number of factors including the stopping drinking, the losing weight, taking control of my life, feeling the love and support of so many friends both in real life and this wonderful virtual world, realizing and developing my talents and interests, being fully mentally awake again instead of dulled by alcohol and fear, and due to the guidance of a very special friend - I have grown an enormous amount in so so so many ways in this past year, and I really honestly feel now that I'm spreading my new wings and starting to test them out for flight (or at least I'm in the whole cocoon and undergoing metamorphasis)! I know that sounds silly in a way, but I actually really see and really feel the differences in myself, and I'm so aware of everything now - everything around me, everyone in my world, every emotion going through my head and body, every thought and feeling and reaction and so much more - it's really amazing, and I feel so so so fabulous and happy and full of joy!!!! And I have such love in my life now, and it wouldn't have been possible 14 months ago! :)
•What time do you wake up in the morning?
Ugh, I hate even thinking about waking up! If I were good, I would get up at 6:30 and then be able to move at my normal very-morning-slow and still get to work on time (providing that I not play on the computer and not do other things that don't need to be done in the morning - which I always do anyway). I sometimes do get up at 6:30. Sometimes 7:00. More often a little after 7:00 when my mom calls me and talks to me while I feed the babies and make my coffee so she knows I'm really awake and not lying to her while I get ready to jump back in bed. But then I still move slowly and still play on the computer so I always get to work late and can't seem to break my bad morning habits. I think it's time for a new leaf to be turned over - I'll only get on the computer to get my wonderful morning song that Mr. H sends me everyday (and which I so love and look forward to!), but I won't read any other emails, and I won't write any emails (except maybe a quick email to my fabulous boyfriend!), and I won't read or write any blog posts. Then I should do better at getting to work on time!
•If there was one person from the past that you could go back and talk to who would it be?
Wow, this is a huge question! Does it mean all of the past, every person who ever lived? Because that's SUCH a hard question then, to pick just one person! Or does it mean from my own past, because it's possible to read the question that way, too. I think this question is ambiguous.
Well, if it's someone from my own past...I have been lucky enough so far to not have anyone close to me die - other than my dad's dad when I was I think in eighth grade, or maybe I was a little younger. He had a stroke some years before that and couldn't communicate well at all, but I never tried to really talk to him because his whole condition made me nervous and uncomfortable and I didn't know what to do or say. However, my mom would sit with him for hours when we would visit and she's told me how she would very slowly figure out what he wanted to say. In the past few years I've learned so much more about him, as well as my dad's mom who died when my dad was 21, through talking to one of my aunts, and I even got my dad talking one day, which almost never happens. Also, I've looked at so many pictures of my grandpa from the time of his marriage and while my dad was young and growing up, and I've also talked to my mom about all she's learned while interviewing people for her genealogy research. And I've often wished that I could go back to that time as I am now and get to know him better, and sit with him and let him get to know me.
As it is, I have one memory of my grandpa before his stroke - I remember him in his kitchen in Milwaukee, and my cousins and I were very young and running all around - and I remember seeing him smiling and laughing and at least in my memory I see him holding a red pot-holder.
Name 5 things in your freezer at the moment...
- Blueberries and mixed berries - Brocolli - Two old unopened bags of Edemame - A bag of stir-fry from Trader Joe's - A stuffed chicken breast from Trader Joe's [And I'll fully answer - all of those things have been in there for a very very long time. I'm very bad with actually using the things I buy for my freezer.]
•Do you believe in afterlife?
I don't know exactly what I believe anymore. I hate not knowing what to believe, it's very very scary and very uncertain. However, I do believe there's some higher power or energy, and I do believe there's something after death but I don't know what that might be. I believe in something after death because I believe that some spirits remain on earth after death for various reasons - which points to something after death - and I believe that we are more than just bodies with brains - I believe very strongly that we all have souls - so even though I'm very uncertain about other things regarding God and the Universe, I do believe that something happens to our souls after our bodies die and I don't believe that we're just a simple organism and everything we know and feel and believe comes purely from our brains. Oh, and I also believe that animals have souls as well, so my Muffin is somewhere out there, and my babies will be somewhere out there as well when they someday (hopefully very far from now) pass away.
•What are 5 sites you visit daily?
- Yahoo Mail - Blogger - Google [Those are the only three that I visit every day for sure. I also visit my favorite blogs, and my own blog, and Mr. H's blog, and various other sites - but sometimes not every single day right now.]
•Five things you ate that you will never eat again:
- Liver - Anchovies (tried a dried one once just to see) - Frozen orange squash (it made me gag when I was young and my mom tried to make me eat it) [Hmmm, I can't think of anything else and I keep trying! There are foods I've never tried and never will try, like clams or oysters, but I can't think right now of anything else that I've eaten and hated so so so much that I would never ever eat it again.]
•Five things that make you happy:
- Waking up to an email from Mr. H every morning, and talking to him every night before I go to sleep. And really everything about us makes me happy! - Hearing little James's certain mew and seeing his look of wanting cuddling on his face, and then feeling him cuddled against my side with my arm around him and listening to him purr. - Laughing whenever Emma looks up at me and mews loudly for affection, because she opens her little mouth so wide and her little nose crinkles and she looks so adorably silly and so so so so cute! - The fun I have with everyone at work on every weekday - the laughter, the talks, the silliness, the intensity and caring, the guidance and support I receive, the fact that it feels like home to me and they all feel like family. - The hope and excitement I have for the future, but also the hope and excitement I have for every single day and every week and every month! Great things are happening! And something wonderful is always possible!!! :)
* * * * * * *3 Things I'm Grateful For Today:* It's Friday night (well really Saturday morning) so I get to sleep later tomorrow morning! * The orange juice which I'm drinking to try to help with the cold I'm quickly getting. * The soft toilet paper I use which is nice on my nose now that I'm having to blow it quite often (again, the cold). And tomorrow, I'll be making a little trip to the store for more orange juice, some tylenol cold, and super-soft tissues with lotion on them!
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