A date tomorrow, and how to address not drinking

I just got off the phone with Guy #3, who I'm going to call The Coach. We had talked one night last week for over an hour and it was a pretty good conversation. The next day he sent me some pictures of himself, and he's pretty cute in a very boyish way. Last night he called me early, while I was still at work, so I didn't answer. And then I called him later and got his voicemail.

We talked tonight for about fifteen minutes. It wasn't the easiest-flowing conversation, but we talked about the NCAA tournament, and about his week of baseball (the school where he teaches is on spring break so the baseball team has been playing doubleheaders every day since Saturday) and how he's had no free time because of it, how he was a little sick earlier in the week and has been so tired every night because of all the baseball, about my weekend and the wedding and my day today, and about a class he teaches.

After all that, he asked me what I was up to this weekend, and I told him I didn't have any solid plans. And I asked him what he was up to and he told me his plans for Saturday. Then he said he didn't have any plans for tomorrow and I just said "Oh!" but I was going to wait for him to actually ask me out. There was a moment of silence and then he did and I said yes.

But here was the moment I had kind of dreaded: he said he'd come into the city and we could go for drinks. I had talked to The Meat about what I should say when drinking came up and he told me to just tell guys that that wasn't something I was really interested in, so it would be taken off the table. But first, that sounds kind of weird and incomplete; second, I would rather have a guy know that I stopped drinking because I have a problem and addressed it than think that I just don't like to have fun; and third, I'm better at telling the truth than at telling half-truths.

So I told The Coach that I'd love to meet up, but that I stopped drinking five months ago so I'd just drink cranberry juice. He was a little surprised and apologized and then asked why I stopped, and I told him that I have a problem and I'd finally decided to do something about it. And then I said, "I'm probably scaring the hell out of you right now," because that's of course a pretty big thing to lay on someone when he hasn't even met me yet. But to his credit, he took it well and said no, that it didn't scare him and told me that a number of people in his family either had or currently have a problem with alcohol, and he gave me some details on a couple family members. After that and after a half-moment of silence, he told me to call him tomorrow when I got home or when I was leaving work, and then we told each other to have a good night and said goodbye.

I have no idea what he's thinking now, but I know that if a guy told me this a few months ago, I'd immediately think it was one strike against him. And of course, because alcohol was so important to me then, I would have already decided against him. He's probably not the latter, but I very well may have one strike against me in his eyes. And during our first conversation last week, I got the impression that he's sometimes a bit of a partier, so dating someone who doesn't drink could very well not be something he's interested in.

However, I guess I don't care too much, because I'm not invested in this guy at all. And even in our phone conversations we've had some half-moments of silence, so I'm more nervous about us having enough to talk about tomorrow. And I guess that if he doesn't like me, he doesn't like me. And if I don't like him, then I don't like him. And if my not drinking has anything to do with him not liking me, then so be it. Because that's who I am now. But still, my ego wouldn't like it if he didn't like me, no matter the reason.

Anyway though, I need to figure out a good way to address this so I'm comfortable and also so I don't scare guys off. Should I have not said anything and when we went to the bar just ordered a cranberry juice and told him that I don't like to drink much or that I don't drink much? Maybe that would be a better way so I'm not laying everything out at the beginning. I don't know? But I'd like to have a plan of some sorts as to what I will say. I think usually I'd be much better maybe because I'd be meeting a guy right after work and usually we'd both live in the city, so I'd just meet him at the place of choice and then order plain cranberry juice. But then again, he'd ask me then why I wasn't drinking, so I'd have to tell my story anyway. And I don't know if I'd feel comfortable telling a white lie such as being on medication or something like that. But maybe that would actually be best. Basically, I just need to get comfortable with a way of addressing this issue. And now, enough blubbering about it.

Today was busy but fun. A new guy was covering for my boss, who's at the hospital with his wife. The new guy is really silly so I have fun with him, and he had me give my opinion on some shoes online, and we also took a field trip to the fourth floor where his office is, and later a field trip to a watch shop to get his watch fixed. So it was an interesting and different type of day!

Oh, and I got to my desk at exactly 9:30 this morning - but I had to take a cab in order to get there by then. Last night I stayed up much later and loaded and ran the dishwasher, fully cleaned my kitchen, fully cleaned my bathroom, and threw all my dirty clothes in the laundry. But then I woke up late this morning, and it was the sun that thankfully woke me because it's so incredibly hot in the morning and makes my bedroom into a sauna and nearly blinds me through my eyelids.

A couple months ago, I mentioned a lawyer who we all knew and who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given six months to live. She died on Monday. I didn't write about it, but on Tuesday night when I left work, I couldn't stop thinking about how the world was just going on even though someone died. And a paralegal student's father died suddenly of a heart attack a couple weeks ago. She came to see everyone yesterday, more just to get out of the house. She saw him almost every day, and he was much more than just a father in her life. She explained the rollercoaster of emotions that she's on, and also the overwhelming guilt she feels at being alive and living without him there. She feels guilty when she looks at the sunshine and gets a moment of happiness, or when she feels the warmth of spring and feels alive, and she even felt guilty having gotten out of bed and gotten dressed and gone into work. I haven't had to go through something like that yet, thankfully, but somehow I knew exactly what she was talking about and feeling.

I'm tired. And off to bed sometime soon now.

Not cleaning, The German and his new boat, and apartment decision

I just spent the last couple hours catching up on the last couple weeks of some of my favorite blogs, and now it's way past my bedtime. And I didn't clean at all. But it was worth it, and catching up made me happy. But still, I'm going to at least load the dishwasher before I go to bed so I'll have clean dishes in the morning. And I'm going to make myself get up a little earlier so I can straighten up because SP might be coming over tomorrow night. Not that he would stop coming over if it was dirty tomorrow, but it's so messy in here that I'd be mortified and would try to lead him around in the dark so he didn't see shit strewn everywhere.

Today I got up on time (thanks to James helping by pawing my nose so I'd wake up and give him some kitten cuddling) and got to work at 9:25 a.m. Yay me!!! Tomorrow I need to get there a little earlier. And that's of course after doing some cleaning. So shit, I'm not going to get a full night of sleep.

The German came over tonight for a bit because he had to pick up his drycleaning near my place. He heated up some Bavarian-style sausages, which he said were very authentic when we tried them. I could only eat a little - the texture was so light and kind of mushy and the taste was just not good in some indescribeable way. So he finished my sausage and I ate just the bread that he brought along.

He showed me a message-board website on his kind of new boat. Oh yes - he bought a sailboat this weekend. He's been talking about possibly buying a boat and eventually, when he retires in a couple years (he's so thrifty that he'll be able to retire soon, and he's only 41 and has a good but not outrageous-paying job), just sailing all over the world. His plan of sailing everywhere by himself sounds so lonely to me, but he's weird like that. But anyway, he got a fantastic deal on a 1966 Pearson Commander. It's 26' and in pretty good condition (I haven't seen it yet so this is according to him). It needs a new paint job and a couple of minor repairs, and it's missing a couple of minor little things. But the seller isn't buying a new boat, and owned that one for the last thirty years, so he left everything in it - and I guess that's often not the case as the seller takes out all the little stuff and it costs a bunch to replace it all. How much did The German spend on this little gem? $2,000. And these boats usually sell for I think $5,000-$9,000. At least that's what one website said. But this guy has plenty of money, and The German met him at a social function recently, so maybe that helped.

Anyway, the boat is in a shipyard by a harbor up near the Wisconsin border. The German has already applied for a mooring in one of the downtown harbors and hopefully he'll get one, because otherwise I'm not sure what he'll do. He wants me to be involved in fixing it up and learning to sail it with him! I've never been on a sailboat before, but I'm so excited! I wouldn't want to be on the ocean, but I can hopefully handle Lake Michigan! Of course, I'll be wearing a hat at all times and SPF 1000, because I don't want wrinkles, much less skin cancer!

In other news, tomorrow is the 30th and I have to let my apartment building know by the 31st whether I want to keep my apartment. I love and adore my apartment, but the idea of saving around $250/month in rent sounds so much better. Such that if I end up staying, I'll be so pissed at the waste. And I can still get a great place a little further north, and see if I can like living somewhere a little more vintage or not. And I can always move from there after a year, too. And I'll really miss my area and miss the bus and miss the lake, but I'll be being brave and exploring a new area, and challenging myself to embrace a little bit of change. So it's all good, and for the best, and it's the smart thing to do even if it's the harder thing to do. And I'll only get a place that will let me paint, and then it will be fun to decorate a new place. I can have fun with my paint swatches again. So I'll let them know that I'm not staying, and I'll start looking for a new place. And I still have two months here to enjoy my wonderful apartment and painted walls and balcony and view.

Now it's really late and I didn't intend to write more than a paragraph or two, so I'm going to bed. Well, first loading the dishwasher and then going to bed!

Wedding weekend recap

First, a couple of little things:

1) I really miss cold weather on days like these - when I didn't shower and my hair is looking terribly greasy by the end of the day. I would have loved to put on a hat so at least all the strangers on the street and in the bus didn't see me looking so bedraggled. And why didn't I shower? Because I was sooooooooooo tired and don't even remember turning the first alarm off this morning, and I forgot to change my second alarm back from California time, so it woke me up at 9:00 - and I didn't get to work until just after 10:30. Yes, bad me, bad morning, and I was tired and had a headache all fucking day - I think because I never had any coffee.

2) When I got off the bus tonight, the air was just reeking of the absolute worst fishy smell possible! I don't know if a bunch of fish up and died in the pond or what, but the smell didn't completely disappear until I walked the two blocks to my place. Seriously, it was terrible!!!

3) I WON our NCAA office tournament!!! And yes, I know that the tournament isn't over, but all seventeen of us are out now. But I won!!!! So I get $100!!!! Yay me!!!! Oh, and Florida tied for second, so we kick ass!!!

Okay, now that's done. I got back last night and have been so tired since. And even tired when I was there. I'm watching James and Emma eating catnip off their scratching boards right now - a reward after I trimmed their claws. They're so cute!!!

The weekend in California was wonderful. I absolutely love having our whole family together and spending time with everyone. I so adore my aunts and my uncle and I wish we all lived closer. Of course, my uncle lives in the burbs so I should see him more often, but time just passes by quickly. We made a pact though, that when he and his family get back from Aruba next week, we'll all get together. And the gymnastics season has ended for my little cousins so at least their weekends will be more open.

My cousin's wedding was an indoor wedding - it was pouring rain all day Saturday. And when I say pouring, I really mean pouring - there was never a time when I could even pop my head out without being drenched in two seconds. However, the wedding was so beautiful anyway and everyone could hear perfectly, and I don't know whether that would have been the case if the wedding had been outside. And I'm so glad that we could all hear, because it was the best and most moving wedding ceremony ever. It really was so perfect. Trena and Nick had asked Nick's uncle (also named Nick) to perform the ceremony, and he took the responsibility so seriously - he did so much reading and research into wedding ceremonies, and talked to Trena and Nick numerous times about what they wanted.

The result was a half-hour ceremony that included personal stories, advice, humor, serious moments, and really sweet moments. And the fact that Uncle Nick felt so strongly really shined through, and made the entire ceremony just amazing. My favorite part of all was when one of the groomsmen (there were seven) pulled his ukelele out of the curtains and started strumming. Everyone laughed, because it was so perfect and unexpected. And then the whole wedding party sang Stand By Me, and it was choreographed perfectly, with the bridesmaids singing some parts, the groomsmen singing some parts, some solos, and it ended with all of us joining in. I absolutely loved it!!! It was sweet, touching, freeing, funny, and poignant. Just perfect!

The reception was nice, too. The food was amazing - I've never had food at a wedding reception that came even close to this. And there was a dessert buffet - oh the chocolate!!! And the appetizers before dinner were wonderful as well - they had baked brie!!! I love brie!!! (The detailing on Trena's dress was so so so beautiful - both sweet and elegant.)

[A little break in the story - I just got a call from SP and it makes me so happy! Only I didn't answer because I didn't know who it was and I didn't feel like talking to anyone else. I almost, almost answered just in case it was him, but didn't. But he left a cute message that has me grinning ear to ear and squealing inside! Happy night! I wish he would call back but I know he won't.]

This was my first big event-type thing since not drinking. I did well, meaning that I wasn't even tempted. However, it was kind of hard sometimes watching everyone else drink and get drunk and have a wild time, because I wasn't having a wild time and didn't have the freeing feeling of being drunk. During dinner at the reception, everyone was passing around and refilling the bottle of wine and frequently talking about drinking. So I definitely felt out of it and not part of the fun.

But the worst part was that I was reverting to my sometimes shyness. And I was so pissed at myself for being shy. But I didn't feel comfortable. Even at the dinner table, everyone we were sitting with was so nice, and they were fun and friendly. And I talked with them and all, but it wasn't natural for me, and I didn't feel like myself at all, and wasn't outgoing and talkative as I like to be. It kept getting worse and I kept feeling continually self-conscious and not myself. It was pretty awful. I was so disgusted with myself.

So for the rest of the night I just hung out with my family, and I even escaped upstairs to my room at one point. After I went back downstairs, I watched everyone dancing and thought how fun it would be to dance, and told myself to go dance with Trena, but a part of me wouldn't let myself. After awhile I felt like I was a burden to my aunt and uncle because I was just hanging around them, and my brother and TSIL had disappeared so I headed upstairs, where I found them in bed (we had connecting rooms, sharing a bathroom). At least I didn't feel like such a loser leaving the party at 11:00 because they had left it a little earlier.

So there's my crybaby story! I still had a wonderful time though. And everyone noticed how much weight I've lost! And I fit into my new pants which were a size smaller!!!

On Sunday I was able to take some pictures outside, very quickly, before we had to leave to take my brother and TSIL to the airport. I also tried to take some pictures of the hills as we drove down the mountain. My favorite thing though was just across the street from the lodge. There's a store (that my cousin has never actually seen open - but I see on the door that it's only open on Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 1-5) called Guns 'n' Lace! It sells, yes, guns and ammo and all that, and also lingerie. Because of course, they go together very well. :)

Oh - and that reminds me! The history of the lodge! It used to be a brothel back during the gold rush and who knows how long afterward - how fun is that!!!! It first opened in 1860 and closed sometime, and then a few years ago a guy bought it and refurbished and remodeled it and turned it into the hotel and bar and entertainment center. The rooms are all on the second floor and are very small, as befit a brothel. And the guy decorated them all differently, how fun is that! My brother and TSIL and I had one of the few rooms with a shared private bathroom. The rest of the rooms used community bathrooms. And all the rooms had sinks in them and little hanging mirrors. Our rooms had pictures of cowboys and Indians on horseback. Another room had pictures of guns. And another had pictures of butterflies. Trena had the leopard room - leopard-print comforter, leopard-print chair, framed leopard prints, and tiger pictures. It was the most wonderfully unique hotel! Also, all the rooms had little bells on the ceiling - I'm sure from back in the brothel days, so the madame could ring the bell when time was up, or when new men had arrived. I loved the history of the place! Also, there used to be a tunnel from the brothel to the building across the street, so guys could sneak over.

So anyway, on Sunday my parents and I went to my Aunt M's house, and my Aunt J and cousin D were also there. She just sold her house in February and moved into the cutest little rental house in Vallejo - and it overlooks the bay!! She really has the most beautiful view, and it was so peaceful sitting out on her porch and overlooking the water and the hills in the far distance. And it was warm, too! Especially in the sunshine! It made me so incredibly excited for spring to come!! Here's a picture of her view:

After awhile of talking and eating, everyone decided to take little rests and I got a chance to talk with my Aunt M. She's so amazing and so wise, and I cherish every moment that I get to spend with her. I can't think of the words to explain it right now, but she has such a lasting effect on me, and I look to her for guidance in many ways. I can remember things that she told me years ago. She also takes such an interest in family and in those around her. And she often tells me tales about my father as a child, and about their parents.

This time we talked about my decision to stop drinking, and about all the major changes in her life recently. And we talked about looking for answers from God, and about her view of God, because she knows I'm sometimes struggling to find what I believe. We also talked about astrology, and about life changes and life cycles. It was all very interesting and I'm so glad we had the time to really talk. (The picture has nothing to do with this, but I just love the rolling hills of California so I had to include a picture!)

Later we all went to Nick and Trena's house in Benicia, where we got the tour of their new house and got to meet their dog Oscar (who was a fabulous dog, but I'm not used to boy dogs so his balls were quite disturbing and impossible to not look at - as you can see). We stayed for some pizza dinner and watched them open a few wedding gifts, and then my parents and I drove back to Sacramento (I slept most of the way) so they could drop me off for my flight on Monday morning.

So that was my weekend, or at least the general summary of it. I loved seeing the obvious love between Nick and Trena, and how affectionate they both are with each other, which includes some sweet handholding when they are just sitting next to each other. I love affection and definitely want someone who isn't uncomfortable giving a lot of it. (Even as I'm typing here, Oscar's balls are distracting me!)

My apartment is, as usual, a disaster. It needs a serious cleaning, or at least a serious throwing away of trash and putting away of numerous items. But now it's too late and I'm so tired and need to go to bed so I can wake up on time tomorrow morning. And I need to be there early.

Tomorrow I'll write about The German and his new boat! Oh and just one more picture from the little town of Forest Hill - isn't this the funniest thing! Independent Order of Odd Fellows - WTF?! And it's "World Wide"!? Maybe I'm missing something?

A bunch of random shit again :)

I got home a little while ago, and I’m able to type at home because I just picked up my computer tonight. Best Buy called me today and reported that they couldn’t find anything wrong with the hard drive. Stupid fucking computer – it dies and crashes and definitely is a lemon, but when I take it in, it acts all innocent and angelic and works perfectly for them. At least the guy helping me tonight believes me that something’s up, because he was showing me how to run the check for myself and he saw how incredibly long the system takes to boot up and to even open anything up. And I don’t care if the computer can somehow understand what I’m saying here about it – it’s a fucking loser-ass, nearly worthless, lemon computer!!!!

So, I’ve been busy this week. I guess it’s obvious since I haven’t written anything here since Monday. And without the computer at home, I couldn’t type when I actually had time. We had a huge case up on Wednesday and I spent all day Tuesday, late into Tuesday night, and half the day on Wednesday working on it, and then the other half of Wednesday was spent watching it. And today I was organizing for next week (since I leave for California tomorrow morning) and spending some time with everyone at work and learning about bankruptcy law from The Meat and I also had a lunch date (more on that later).

And tonight I had so much to do and so I had to skip something that I’d been so looking forward to for the last few weeks – a get-together of girls, put together by Violet, among others. It was going to be a chance for everyone to meet friends of friends and maybe make new friends. And I was so excited about the idea, and I even dressed all cute for it today! But I had to go shopping for something to wear to the wedding, and I had to drop off my key to The German so he can take care of James and Emmalove for me, and I had to go to Walgreens, and I had to pick up my computer. So I hope it went really well so they plan another one really, really soon!

But I did find some clothes! Yay! At Ann Taylor Loft I bought a perfect black sweater, and also a super-cool black pencil skirt with buttons up the front. It isn’t that much but I spent at least an hour at the store because I tried on massive amounts of clothes – you never know what’s going to look good! Then I took the bus to Express and tried on massive amounts of clothes there and ended up getting three pairs of pants (or is it pair of pants?). I love Express semi-dress pants, and they fit me perfect. Except they’re too long. And I want to wear one pair to the wedding, so I’m going to be pinning them up with a bunch of small safety pins. It isn’t my ideal, but the safety pins work pretty well (I’ve used them before – have I mentioned that I’m a procrastinator?).

I have to do some laundry and I’ll take it down in a little bit, but I need a bit of a rest on my couch first, and I’ve been just dying to type! I’m also keeping my eye on the basketball games. I saw that Duke lost to LSU and kick ass – I had that!!!! I’m amazing!!!! :)

So, I had a lunch date today. It was with I believe Guy #2, who I wrote about a couple posts ago. He called on Tuesday night and we chatted for 40 minutes. It wasn’t the best conversation and he talked a lot, but I squeezed in a bunch of questions, too, so I could get all his background. We planned on lunch and I wasn’t too excited about it, mostly because time was of the essence today. But everyone at work convinced me to just go. He was good looking in a way, but has a hard look to his face. I’m not sure how to describe it. The hardness reminds me of some actor but I can’t think for the life of me who it is.

We met downstairs in my building and walked to Marshall Fields and to a restaurant in the basement. He walked too fast and I seriously almost told him to slow his ass down. And he talked a lot. When we sat down I also saw that he moved a lot. He couldn’t just sit still. Oh, and he was a fucking loud talker! I’m sure that the people sitting two booths down from us could hear every word he said. And as to his personality, he was just kind of odd, and not in a good way. I’m really bad with putting my finger on exactly what it is about someone. He talked a lot. And didn’t stop to really listen to me sometimes. He interrupted me a few times. He didn’t ask me many questions. I got the impression also that 1) he isn’t super intelligent, 2) he isn’t that deep, and 3) he’s either a bit on the negative side or something similar. I know I sound like such a bitch. And I also know that I might be wrong about a lot of those things, because this was our first time meeting, and we only had one lunch. But still, these were my first impressions, and even though it sounds bitchy, I'm writing what I felt even as I acknowledge that I may be completely wrong.

So anyway, from all the above, I knew pretty quickly that we weren’t going to be a match. But we managed to talk the whole time, and by the end we were a little more comfortable and had steered the conversation toward some more interesting things. When he dropped me off at my building, he gave me a very weak hug and said it was fun meeting me, and asked if I’d like to go to dinner or a movie sometime. And I said “sure, that would be fun” like an idiot, because I didn’t know what else to say. I mean, he was a nice guy. A bit odd, but nice. So I didn’t want to say no! So we’ll see. I hate saying no and usually just get distant so they get the point. But maybe I should be honest with him in an email. I just don’t know how.

After I got back to the office he emailed me to send me a couple pictures of himself, because I asked him to send me pictures. And he also emailed me tonight to update me on his situation with his apartment that he'd been very bothered by and that we talked about at lunch. So I think I'll send back a very short email so he knows I got his emails and so I'm not rude.

Anyway though, on to more fun things! Last night SP came over for a short time. We knew it would be short so it was incredibly intense. I greeted him at the door wearing only a black button-down shirt, with all the buttons undone. After he undressed, he told me to sit on his face. Then he pushed me back on the couch and told me to suck his cock. And it continued from there. I love when he comes over! And I seriously was so incredibly turned on that I just wanted to eat him alive!

He commented last night that maybe one of these times we’d be able to have a long, languid session as opposed to our hot and intense ones. But he didn’t know if it would be possible – because he seriously turns into an animal when he’s here and couldn’t slow down for anything. And I love that!

Right before he left he turned me around and pulled me into his body, pulled my shirt off one shoulder, moved my hair to the other shoulder, and bit and sucked my lower neck – so hot! He loves doing that and knows I love it equally as much. And he left a mark, which I love, too. I loved going to work today, knowing that just under my shirt I have evidence of our passion!!!!

Then, about ten minutes after SP left, I got a call and it was Guy #3 – the teacher at The Meat’s son’s high school. It was the first time we’d spoken, and we talked for a little over an hour. It was a pretty good conversation overall. I asked a lot of questions, he asked some questions. He talked a lot. But we did manage to touch on some pretty interesting topics. And at the end, we were talking about the NCAA tournament and joking with each other. He’s a big sports guy, so we talked more about sports than I normally would. But I have no problem with it really. As long as it isn't always that way. And some of it might have been because it was our first conversation. And there were a couple almost awkward lulls, which I hate!

He seemed like a really nice guy, although he also seemed a little like a partier. He also is a real guy’s guy and it seems like he has a ton of guy friends, who he refers to always as "my buddy(ies)". I’m not sure if he’s mature enough for me. And I usually like more mature and experienced men. But he was nice, and I can tell he’s a really good person. So we’re going to try to meet up one evening next week. He emailed me pictures of himself this afternoon and he’s cute – little boy cute. He’s 30 but looks like he could be 22. He’s not someone who I’d normally find really attractive, but I’ll see how it is when I meet him. He gave off a good vibe, and he does in his pictures as well. I’m going to try to keep an open mind.

Okay, well that’s the end of the guy update. Oh, I need to give my waking up and getting to work update, before I forget! Monday and Tuesday I did really well and got there at I think 9:30 on Monday and 9:35 on Tuesday. Wednesday was not good. I stayed up until 3 a.m. on Tuesday night reading for that case, and I just couldn’t get up in the morning. Even when my mom called me, I just HAD to lay back down after I hung up with her. So I got there at about 10:45, and that’s with taking a cab, too. And today I got there at 9:40, so that was okay. Tomorrow morning I have to get to the airport at about 8 a.m. It’s going to suck. But I can sleep on the plane. And I’ll be meeting my parents there and we’ll be on the same plane to Sacramento.

I’m getting so fucking tired. Maybe I don’t need to do laundry after all. I wanted to wash my jeans because they’re perfectly tight right after washing but then they stretch out and end up pretty loose later. So they need tightening back up. Maybe I can just get them wet though! I can get in the shower with them on and then dry them as best as I can – since they need to dry by morning! That sounds so much better than going downstairs to the laundry room. All I want to do is close my eyes. But I need to do partial packing tonight or at least lay shit out and make a list.

I have a cute story about a friend and colleague of Florida’s. He reads this so I’ve been thinking for forever about a name for him and it’s just been too hard! Because he’s so silly, and projects such self-confidence even though I don’t think he really is all that confident always. And he’s really funny, and did I mention silly! He’s also a wonderful dad to his two little children, and Florida has told me how adorable they are. Oh and I recently discovered that he’s very metrosexual, which I find just hilarious! And he’s also pretty hot – Wake Forest agrees (and if he wasn't married, I think we'd both be after him) – I know Florida is going to hate me building up his ego here! :)

So anyway, he has so many little facets and little things about him and I couldn’t pick just one or two, so I was at a loss. Until I commented on his very cool bag which subs for the ugly and very boring briefcases that most lawyers carry, and he then spent a few minutes showing Wake Forest and I every pocket and every nook and cranny of it, and I couldn’t stop laughing to myself because he was so silly about it and so proud of his bag, although I admit that it was a super cool bag. But so now I have a name for him, after the brand of his bag, which I think was Ogio, or something very similar. (My internet on my computer isn’t working for some stupid reason. It’s acknowledging that it’s getting a signal from the wireless but is saying that a cable is unplugged. So when I want to post this, I’ll have to move to the floor and plug in the actual cable. And for that reason, I can’t check right now to see whether I’m correct about Ogio being the name. But that’s his name until I see a different spelling!)

Whew! That was a long story for explaining a name! Anyway, my original point – Ogio told Wake Forest and I the cutest story about his son T, who is four years old. T drew a picture in preschool class and when his teacher asked him what it was, he explained it to her and later to Ogio and his wife – it was a picture of Ogio (daddy) going poopy on the toilet! It cracked me up!!!! It doesn’t look that funny when I write it now, but knowing Ogio, it’s hilarious!

The game between Texas and West Virginia is almost over. Less than a minute to go. Texas is up by 3, and they need to keep it that way, dammit! I have them in the final game, so they NEED to win! Oh good, they just made two free throws so they’re up by five. Dammit, 3-pointer by WV. 14 seconds left and now a commercial.

What else? I haven’t written in so long so I know there’s other things. But I’m also well into my fourth page on Microsoft Word. So I’ll end this ridiculously long post. I still haven’t had any alcohol since November 9th! Yay me! And I still think about it sometimes, and think about the feeling of being drunk, and the devil tells me that I could have it just once more, but I know it wouldn’t be once. And I don’t want to go back to that time. And also, I REALLY don’t want to break my streak! In a couple weeks it'll be five whole months!!! That's seriously fucking amazing!!! Considering that I usually drank every day and at the most would go without for just one day or maybe two every once in awhile.

KICK ASS!!!! WV tied it with five seconds to go, and Texas, with that five seconds left, hit a 3!!! I’m still alive in our pool!!!! And Memphis won, which is fabulous!

I’ll be back from California on Monday night, and with tons of pictures! :) So I probably won't be able to write anything until then, except maybe I will on Sunday night, because my mom bought herself a little tiny mini laptop for when she travels, so I'll see.

Have a good weekend! And now that I have my computer back, piece of shit as it is, I can be posting regularly again!

Mad Hot Update (but actually it's not mad or hot, so just a normal update)

OMG, I saw the absolute best and cutest movie ever this weekend - Mad Hot Ballroom. Violet and I rented it and also Good Night and Good Luck on Saturday night, and watched them while cozied up on her couch in the basement. It was such a fun time! And seriously, Mad Hot Ballroom was so incredible! I'm recommending it to everyone, because it was fun, funny, uplifting, interesting, and some of the children in it were such characters and just too cute!!! Especially this little boy with a huge Einstein-like crop of light-brown hair - he was such a little thinker for being only ten years old! And then there was a boy from the Dominican Republic - he's actually the boy on the cover, and he was soooooooo cute - his eyes were the most incredible super-light green, and when he smiled it made me happy - he's going to be such a catch when he gets older! And hearing some of the little girls talking about boys, and what they want to be when they grow up, and then hearing the boys talk about girls - it was all just wonderful! And the dancing - these little kids were amazing!!! So I'll stop raving now, but seriously, rent it!!! I loved it!!!

Good Night and Good Luck was interesting just because it was factual, and contained real clips of McCarthy, and that shit is so scary, the witch-hunt that the man was on. And how much power he had, and how much fear he instilled in people such that no one could speak out against him. It's scariest because I can see bits and pieces of similarity with things going on today.

On Saturday I got up super early - 7:20 a.m. - and was proud of myself for it! I showered and got dressed and all that, and then scored the NCAA brackets from my work, and wrote for awhile, and then ventured out with my broken lemon computer and dropped it off at Best Buy. I really hope that I'll have it back in two to three weeks! Because I miss it!

After that I did some other errands - Home Depot for paintbrushes and fun browsing, Walgreens for prescriptions and necessities and browsing, and grocery store. At Walgreens I got some Noni Juice. I've suddenly heard a lot about it and it sounds super cool and since I'm a sucker for natural remedies and exotic stuff, and because a co-worker has a whole book on what Noni Juice can do for you, I decided to try it out. I took some on Saturday and some on Sunday, and tonight I'll have my Monday dose. I don't feel any different, but that doesn't mean it isn't doing something good on the inside! If I'd have had my computer I would have done some research on Noni but I didn't. Maybe I'll have time today to print some stuff out. So I can see if it actually does anything. But seriously, it really does sound cool and amazing!

On Sunday I slept in a little and then The German came over and we went up to Lincoln Square, walked all around, and then had brunch at Cafe Selmarie - soooo yummy! Then we walked around some more and then south on Lincoln for awhile. I'm going to ask my building management if they'll give me an extra week to decide whether I want to keep my place. If they say yes, I'll have until April 7, which would be much better. I just don't know! I love my area! I love all the people and all the activity and the fact that the lake is right there. If I went to Lincoln Square I know I'd get used to it there, too, and really I think that whole area is cool, too, but it's just different. However, it is much cheaper, and that's a really good thing. Anyway though, hopefully I'll have a little longer to decide and look around up there.

I think tonight I'll stop at a couple stores on my way home to see whether there's a pretty shirt or outfit I could buy. Because my cousin's wedding is only six days away! And I'm flying to California on Friday morning, so time is running out!!! And I have nothing to wear, nothing at all! I'm so excited to see her, and see my whole family, and the wedding weekend is up in the mountains somewhere northeast of Sacramento. The little picture is what their outdoor wedding site will hopefully look like! I can't wait to take pictures of all the scenery! Taking pictures makes me so happy!!

My friend AmyD had a baby boy on March 14th - congratulations to her and her husband and big sister IB!!! He's a cute little thing, only from the pictures he doesn't look so little - I still can hardly believe that a little person can squeeze out through our girly parts!! Babies are little, but they don't seem so little when I picture them actually coming out! However, that being said, I still want one - well, two actually. Or possibly three, but no more than that. And sometimes I don't even want a husband and just want a baby by myself. But don't worry, that won't be happening anytime soon. Still though, if in a couple years I still haven't found a guy who I love, I have two possible sperm donors in the wings!

I'm going to go chat with The Meat for awhile. We've been busy today so I've hardly talked to him. And then I have a shit-load of stuff to read. I know there was something I wanted to talk about here but I can't for the life of me think what it can be.

A bunch of random shit

My computer died last night, or at least the hard drive gave out. So tonight I'll take the fucking lemon of a computer back to Best Buy so they can send it away again for another couple weeks to replace the hard drive. I took pictures of the various blue screens but I didn't bring that camera to work so I could download them and post them here, even though I thought about it. I think I can put the memory card directly into my printer at home and if so, I'll print out a couple of the screens to give to the Best Buy Geek Squad guys. Cause at least one of the screens included some technical codes, so they should have those.

Here's the quote from yesterday's daily calendar:

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. - Marianne Williamson, author, lecturer, and spiritual leader

I like it. It's going on my wall!

Yesterday and today I was absolutely fabulous in getting up and to work on time!!! Yesterday I got here at 9:20 and today at 9:15 - yay me!!!!!!!! And over the weekend I'll also make myself get up by 8 and, like last weekend, shower and all that shit right away, so as to not be lazy. I feel so happy at getting to work so early!

The last three days at work have been very odd-seeming, because most of the boss-people have been gone to a conference during the day. So it's very quiet, and not as much fun. I saw The Meat for a bit on Wednesday night before I left, and also last night for a bit, and he's been here since noon today, so this afternoon we've been talking quite a bit and hanging out. It's been nice after all the quietness this week.

The Meat has recently made it his mission to find me a husband, so I have brief man news!

Guy #1 - very cute and sweet, I've seen him around many times because he's on this floor often. And a couple of the clerks know that I think he's cute so they've told him a number of times, but we'd never actually met before. Last week I finally introduced myself, and after that The Meat got a hold of him and quizzed him and tried to set up a date between us for tonight. I called him on Tuesday at work, and we chatted for a little bit but he didn't ask for my number or anything like that. And I've seen him twice here this week and both times we've chatted briefly but one of us had to go. I know he thinks I'm cute as well and isn't at all opposed to going out or getting to know me better, but so far he hasn't taken much initiative. Still, he's very cute and from what I know of him, he is a very nice guy.

Guy #2 - I haven't actually met him or talked to him yet, but we've traded voice mail messages and a couple emails. He's an attorney in the firm where Wake Forest's boyfriend works, and The Meat had quizzed the boyfriend about available guys at the firm. I don't know who he is or what he looks like, but I guess he's seen me a couple times and is definitely interested in meeting me. He emailed me on Wednesday, I called him at work yesterday and left a message, he emailed back saying he was really busy at work and probably wouldn't be able to call me, but asked for my cell and said he'd call me last night, and then he didn't call. Which I actually wasn't too upset about because I was getting really tired at 9:00 and fell asleep on my couch at 9:30. But he called me today at noon (I didn't answer). He was at the airport; he had mentioned in his email that he was leaving for a little vacation to California today and coming back on Monday. He said in his voicemail that he'd be back at work on Tuesday so he'd give me a call then, and that he'd definitely like to meet me sometime next week. Also, Wake Forest's boyfriend reported that he ran into the guy in the bathroom yesterday and he was kind of "giddy" - and the guy told Wake Forest's boyfriend that he'd emailed me but worried that he might have sounded dorky in the email (which he didn't), and was excited about meeting me. The stats on him from Wake Forest's boyfriend: he's tall, 6'2" or 6'3", has dark hair, is I guess attractive or at least not bad, and he's 36. I don't know much else.

Guy #3 - I also haven't met him. He's a teacher and coach at The Meat's son's school, and The Meat has mentioned him in the past as a possible guy for me. The Meat thinks very highly of him and said he was really good to both of his sons. Last weekend The Meat saw him and asked whether he was single (yes) and told the guy that he had someone for him to meet. So today The Meat had me print out some pictures of myself and write down my phone number, and he's going to send a note along with the picts to the guy this weekend, delivered by his son. The Meat said he'd introduce us if that would be more comfortable, and then leave and let the guy take me home (or call him if I hate the guy). So we'll see if the guy calls me and how it goes. (The Meat just walked down here and showed me the note, it was very nice).

Also, about ten minutes ago I just got a call and I got an interview for that job I applied for a few weeks ago! It's not until April 4th, so I have a couple weeks to bone up on this area of law and get myself prepared!

I'm also trying to find someone to go to the John Prine concert with me on May 6th. I emailed Piano Man today and I'm waiting to hear back from him. I know he'd like it and he'd be fun to go with. And it's in Waukegan so I need someone who has a car! I'm sooooooooooooooooo excited about seeing John Prine! He's become my number one favorite guy to listen to recently. Seriously, he's almost always playing on my iPod, although I've also recently gotten into listening to Dylan, too. So anyway though, to hear him perform live will be just absolutely amazing!!!!

That's about all. I still need to figure out what I want to wear to my cousin's wedding next weekend, and if I want to shop and maybe get something new and pretty, which would be nice. And I'm really hoping that SP will be able to come over tomorrow morning for awhile. Tonight The German is stopping by. And I need to check out Lincoln Square sometime this weekend to see if I could actually see myself living there. Oh and I may be getting together with Violet tomorrow night. And I'm going to bring some work home this weekend - some stuff to read and prepare for on a humungous (sp?) case that's up on Wednesday. And I won't have internet access, which is going to be so terrible because I'm so used to having it and being on my computer so much at home!

And now I need to get some stuff done here and have everything all prepared for next week! The afternoon has gone by very, very quickly!

Have a good weekend!

Robin wish, waking up, talking, cookie dough and basketball

Today on my way to work I saw my first robin of the year! I was on the bus when I saw it outside, right by the road, trying to peck in the dirt. So I got to make a wish. I’m still kind of thinking about what I want to wish for. The wish I came up with while on the bus was that this year, I will continue to grow, and get better at really doing things and living instead of being lazy and sitting on my couch. I don’t know if that really classifies as a normal type of robin-wish, but I think that’s what I most want – more than just getting a new job or falling in love or something like that. I’d rather have me grow and become better rather than some outside force in my life change. So that’s that – I’ve decided to stick with my original wish!

Today I did terrible with the waking up. First let me say that I did wonderful on Monday and Tuesday though! On Monday I got there at 9:25 and on Tuesday, at 9:33. But last night I stayed up until 1 a.m. doing laundry and folding and making the bed and all that. Of course, I didn’t start until 10 – because I was lazy and sitting on the stupid couch.

So this morning I just couldn’t wake up. I was in a daze. My mom had to call twice because I didn’t even hear the phone next to my ear, and even then, I really don’t remember what we talked about other than that I was trying to sound really awake and waiting to lay my head back down for just a few more minutes. I finally was able to get up at 8:30 and because I was going to be late already, I moved extra slow, and eventually got to work at 11:00.

SP came over tonight, from 5:30 to 8, and it was a perfect time. We had a lot of such hot action (and I’m kind of walking like a cowboy right now), and we also had time to relax and talk, and we had a really good talk. I was able to ask him a few questions and he talked to me about a couple of things. And it was really nice because I feel more comfortable now with talking to him about things that before we danced around a little, or at least I danced around. I feel really good about it, and like I took a bit of a step forward.

In other news, I need to work on eating better. I need to pick up SuperFoods RX again, because it was really inspiring me while I was reading it. I just started getting little yogurts again, so I take one with me to work to eat for breakfast every morning. But my lunch has been consisting of a couple cups of applesauce and maybe a few pretzels snatched from an officemate. And my dinner has usually been consisting of a large bowl of granola. And that’s been about it for the day. Oh and some chocolate chips for “dessert” after the granola. And a shit-load of coffee in the morning and sometimes a big cup during the afternoon.

Last night I had a craving for chocolate chip cookies, so I bought one of the Pillsbury cookie dough things. And for dinner I ate half of it raw. For breakfast this morning I ate half of the amount that was left, and for dinner tonight after SP left I finished it off. Very healthy, I know. Last night I had a terrible stomach ache since I had my gallbladder taken out eight or nine years ago. But at least my craving for cookies has passed. And I won’t be allowing myself to buy any more cookie dough. I really, really piss myself off sometimes, and sometimes more often than not!

Oh – tonight I have to do some reading up of the sportswriters so I can make my picks for NCAA basketball tournament. I’ve been organizing it at work and we have 17 people in, so first place gets $100, second place gets $50 and third gets $20. Last year I got second place!! I was so excited! And it was even more fun watching The Queen and Asparagus come in at the bottom of the pack, cause they’d been so confident at the start! Tomorrow I’ll be checking espn.com all day to see the scores! So fun! I love the fun and friendly little competition, and I love seeing how everyone is doing with their own brackets!!!

Short weekend recap and some pictures

I was so good this weekend in waking up! On Saturday I got up at 7:30 a.m. and today I got up at 7:45 a.m. I'm so proud of myself! Of course, this afternoon I took a nap from 2 to 7, but that's okay - I needed some extra sleep and at least I got up in the morning. I can't stop yawning and it's 11:30 so I'm going to bed in just a few minutes.

This morning I went to breakfast with Florida and Asparagus and then we walked around for a bit. It was so nice outside and so quiet, too, which was a little weird. And it smelled like spring!!! Asparagus made fun of me for saying that so I'm saying again!!! And it did! Oh and we stopped at the Kiehl's store so Florida could get a new lip balm and we both walked away with little bags of all kinds of super-cool free samples! I love free stuff! And I love moisturizing skin products! Tonight I'll have fun washing my face and using all the cool stuff they gave me :) And yes, I know that I sound like a dork when I say that - but I'll still have fun!

Oh - after I came back from breakfast but before falling asleep for my nap, I watched March of the Penguins, which of course I've heard so much about. It was definitely interesting and sometimes sad, sometimes happy, and I don't think there's ever been anything cuter than baby penguins!!! They are soooooooooo cute!!!! The way they walk, and their little wing-arms, and their little squawks! Oh they were adorable!

Yesterday I was hoping that SP would be able to come over and he tried but couldn't make it. We chatted on the phone for a little bit which was very good, and I got off the phone happy. And we have plans for this week!

Then I called The German and he came over a bit later and brought some of his fabulous tuna salad and some brocolli to steam. We ate on my balcony because it was sooooooo gorgeous outside!! And then we took a little nap on the couch. He is seriously the most comfy human pillow ever! After that we went for a walk outside by the lake. I took this cool picture (I think it's cool at least!):

After our walk The German helped me with a little more of my dollhouse. Not too much cause we needed to wait for the glue to dry on the part of the roof before actually attaching it to the house. Today I was planning to get a couple paintbrushes but I forgot and after my nap I wasn't going to be heading out just for paintbrushes. So tomorrow I'll get them so I can start putting the first coat of sealer on.

And before I go to bed (it's thundering and lightning outside right now - I love that!), I have to include just three more images from my wonderful comic porn - these are three pictures from three different books, but each of them are so funny and/or mouth-dropped-open-"I-can't-believe-he-said-that" that it cracks me up and I couldn't not share!

Sunday night comic porn

This is another comic book I particularly liked :)

By the way, I just saw that there's a movie coming out on Bettie Page. Not knowing anything about her besides her name and picture, I read up on her. She's definitely intriguing. I checked out a lot of her pictures as well. She had an interesting look about her, part innocence and part sensuality - I can see why she was so popular. And I like her bangs, too! If I dress up for Halloween this year I want to be her, and get myself a cool wig! I'd love to have a Bettie Page wig!!

Cartoon Porn

I got my hot hands on a bunch of little cartoon porn books from I believe the 1950's - so of course I took a bunch of pictures of them before I have to give them back! They're so cool! I love that they are so old, so it's a little like looking into a time capsule. Some of the words they use or phrases are a little different, and some of them are just odd or funny. But after looking at a bunch of them, I realized that they actually work in making me hot, so imagine what they did to teenage boys back then who didn't have porn movies to watch!

They each have eight pages. Here's one of my favorites:

I'm going to have to put one or two more up, too. I just can't decide which ones! They're all so different!

Another one

Okay, I know this one seems almost sacrilegious. But I'm posting it anyway. Other real people who "star" in their own comic books are Esther Williams, Ingrid Bergman, Rita Hayworth and Prince Aly Khan, and Roy Rogers (who ends up fucking a horse because his dick is too big for any woman to handle).