A date tomorrow, and how to address not drinking
I just got off the phone with Guy #3, who I'm going to call The Coach. We had talked one night last week for over an hour and it was a pretty good conversation. The next day he sent me some pictures of himself, and he's pretty cute in a very boyish way. Last night he called me early, while I was still at work, so I didn't answer. And then I called him later and got his voicemail.
We talked tonight for about fifteen minutes. It wasn't the easiest-flowing conversation, but we talked about the NCAA tournament, and about his week of baseball (the school where he teaches is on spring break so the baseball team has been playing doubleheaders every day since Saturday) and how he's had no free time because of it, how he was a little sick earlier in the week and has been so tired every night because of all the baseball, about my weekend and the wedding and my day today, and about a class he teaches.
After all that, he asked me what I was up to this weekend, and I told him I didn't have any solid plans. And I asked him what he was up to and he told me his plans for Saturday. Then he said he didn't have any plans for tomorrow and I just said "Oh!" but I was going to wait for him to actually ask me out. There was a moment of silence and then he did and I said yes.
But here was the moment I had kind of dreaded: he said he'd come into the city and we could go for drinks. I had talked to The Meat about what I should say when drinking came up and he told me to just tell guys that that wasn't something I was really interested in, so it would be taken off the table. But first, that sounds kind of weird and incomplete; second, I would rather have a guy know that I stopped drinking because I have a problem and addressed it than think that I just don't like to have fun; and third, I'm better at telling the truth than at telling half-truths.
So I told The Coach that I'd love to meet up, but that I stopped drinking five months ago so I'd just drink cranberry juice. He was a little surprised and apologized and then asked why I stopped, and I told him that I have a problem and I'd finally decided to do something about it. And then I said, "I'm probably scaring the hell out of you right now," because that's of course a pretty big thing to lay on someone when he hasn't even met me yet. But to his credit, he took it well and said no, that it didn't scare him and told me that a number of people in his family either had or currently have a problem with alcohol, and he gave me some details on a couple family members. After that and after a half-moment of silence, he told me to call him tomorrow when I got home or when I was leaving work, and then we told each other to have a good night and said goodbye.
I have no idea what he's thinking now, but I know that if a guy told me this a few months ago, I'd immediately think it was one strike against him. And of course, because alcohol was so important to me then, I would have already decided against him. He's probably not the latter, but I very well may have one strike against me in his eyes. And during our first conversation last week, I got the impression that he's sometimes a bit of a partier, so dating someone who doesn't drink could very well not be something he's interested in.
However, I guess I don't care too much, because I'm not invested in this guy at all. And even in our phone conversations we've had some half-moments of silence, so I'm more nervous about us having enough to talk about tomorrow. And I guess that if he doesn't like me, he doesn't like me. And if I don't like him, then I don't like him. And if my not drinking has anything to do with him not liking me, then so be it. Because that's who I am now. But still, my ego wouldn't like it if he didn't like me, no matter the reason.
Anyway though, I need to figure out a good way to address this so I'm comfortable and also so I don't scare guys off. Should I have not said anything and when we went to the bar just ordered a cranberry juice and told him that I don't like to drink much or that I don't drink much? Maybe that would be a better way so I'm not laying everything out at the beginning. I don't know? But I'd like to have a plan of some sorts as to what I will say. I think usually I'd be much better maybe because I'd be meeting a guy right after work and usually we'd both live in the city, so I'd just meet him at the place of choice and then order plain cranberry juice. But then again, he'd ask me then why I wasn't drinking, so I'd have to tell my story anyway. And I don't know if I'd feel comfortable telling a white lie such as being on medication or something like that. But maybe that would actually be best. Basically, I just need to get comfortable with a way of addressing this issue. And now, enough blubbering about it.
Today was busy but fun. A new guy was covering for my boss, who's at the hospital with his wife. The new guy is really silly so I have fun with him, and he had me give my opinion on some shoes online, and we also took a field trip to the fourth floor where his office is, and later a field trip to a watch shop to get his watch fixed. So it was an interesting and different type of day!
Oh, and I got to my desk at exactly 9:30 this morning - but I had to take a cab in order to get there by then. Last night I stayed up much later and loaded and ran the dishwasher, fully cleaned my kitchen, fully cleaned my bathroom, and threw all my dirty clothes in the laundry. But then I woke up late this morning, and it was the sun that thankfully woke me because it's so incredibly hot in the morning and makes my bedroom into a sauna and nearly blinds me through my eyelids.
A couple months ago, I mentioned a lawyer who we all knew and who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given six months to live. She died on Monday. I didn't write about it, but on Tuesday night when I left work, I couldn't stop thinking about how the world was just going on even though someone died. And a paralegal student's father died suddenly of a heart attack a couple weeks ago. She came to see everyone yesterday, more just to get out of the house. She saw him almost every day, and he was much more than just a father in her life. She explained the rollercoaster of emotions that she's on, and also the overwhelming guilt she feels at being alive and living without him there. She feels guilty when she looks at the sunshine and gets a moment of happiness, or when she feels the warmth of spring and feels alive, and she even felt guilty having gotten out of bed and gotten dressed and gone into work. I haven't had to go through something like that yet, thankfully, but somehow I knew exactly what she was talking about and feeling.
I'm tired. And off to bed sometime soon now.
We talked tonight for about fifteen minutes. It wasn't the easiest-flowing conversation, but we talked about the NCAA tournament, and about his week of baseball (the school where he teaches is on spring break so the baseball team has been playing doubleheaders every day since Saturday) and how he's had no free time because of it, how he was a little sick earlier in the week and has been so tired every night because of all the baseball, about my weekend and the wedding and my day today, and about a class he teaches.
After all that, he asked me what I was up to this weekend, and I told him I didn't have any solid plans. And I asked him what he was up to and he told me his plans for Saturday. Then he said he didn't have any plans for tomorrow and I just said "Oh!" but I was going to wait for him to actually ask me out. There was a moment of silence and then he did and I said yes.
But here was the moment I had kind of dreaded: he said he'd come into the city and we could go for drinks. I had talked to The Meat about what I should say when drinking came up and he told me to just tell guys that that wasn't something I was really interested in, so it would be taken off the table. But first, that sounds kind of weird and incomplete; second, I would rather have a guy know that I stopped drinking because I have a problem and addressed it than think that I just don't like to have fun; and third, I'm better at telling the truth than at telling half-truths.
So I told The Coach that I'd love to meet up, but that I stopped drinking five months ago so I'd just drink cranberry juice. He was a little surprised and apologized and then asked why I stopped, and I told him that I have a problem and I'd finally decided to do something about it. And then I said, "I'm probably scaring the hell out of you right now," because that's of course a pretty big thing to lay on someone when he hasn't even met me yet. But to his credit, he took it well and said no, that it didn't scare him and told me that a number of people in his family either had or currently have a problem with alcohol, and he gave me some details on a couple family members. After that and after a half-moment of silence, he told me to call him tomorrow when I got home or when I was leaving work, and then we told each other to have a good night and said goodbye.
I have no idea what he's thinking now, but I know that if a guy told me this a few months ago, I'd immediately think it was one strike against him. And of course, because alcohol was so important to me then, I would have already decided against him. He's probably not the latter, but I very well may have one strike against me in his eyes. And during our first conversation last week, I got the impression that he's sometimes a bit of a partier, so dating someone who doesn't drink could very well not be something he's interested in.
However, I guess I don't care too much, because I'm not invested in this guy at all. And even in our phone conversations we've had some half-moments of silence, so I'm more nervous about us having enough to talk about tomorrow. And I guess that if he doesn't like me, he doesn't like me. And if I don't like him, then I don't like him. And if my not drinking has anything to do with him not liking me, then so be it. Because that's who I am now. But still, my ego wouldn't like it if he didn't like me, no matter the reason.
Anyway though, I need to figure out a good way to address this so I'm comfortable and also so I don't scare guys off. Should I have not said anything and when we went to the bar just ordered a cranberry juice and told him that I don't like to drink much or that I don't drink much? Maybe that would be a better way so I'm not laying everything out at the beginning. I don't know? But I'd like to have a plan of some sorts as to what I will say. I think usually I'd be much better maybe because I'd be meeting a guy right after work and usually we'd both live in the city, so I'd just meet him at the place of choice and then order plain cranberry juice. But then again, he'd ask me then why I wasn't drinking, so I'd have to tell my story anyway. And I don't know if I'd feel comfortable telling a white lie such as being on medication or something like that. But maybe that would actually be best. Basically, I just need to get comfortable with a way of addressing this issue. And now, enough blubbering about it.
Today was busy but fun. A new guy was covering for my boss, who's at the hospital with his wife. The new guy is really silly so I have fun with him, and he had me give my opinion on some shoes online, and we also took a field trip to the fourth floor where his office is, and later a field trip to a watch shop to get his watch fixed. So it was an interesting and different type of day!
Oh, and I got to my desk at exactly 9:30 this morning - but I had to take a cab in order to get there by then. Last night I stayed up much later and loaded and ran the dishwasher, fully cleaned my kitchen, fully cleaned my bathroom, and threw all my dirty clothes in the laundry. But then I woke up late this morning, and it was the sun that thankfully woke me because it's so incredibly hot in the morning and makes my bedroom into a sauna and nearly blinds me through my eyelids.
A couple months ago, I mentioned a lawyer who we all knew and who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given six months to live. She died on Monday. I didn't write about it, but on Tuesday night when I left work, I couldn't stop thinking about how the world was just going on even though someone died. And a paralegal student's father died suddenly of a heart attack a couple weeks ago. She came to see everyone yesterday, more just to get out of the house. She saw him almost every day, and he was much more than just a father in her life. She explained the rollercoaster of emotions that she's on, and also the overwhelming guilt she feels at being alive and living without him there. She feels guilty when she looks at the sunshine and gets a moment of happiness, or when she feels the warmth of spring and feels alive, and she even felt guilty having gotten out of bed and gotten dressed and gone into work. I haven't had to go through something like that yet, thankfully, but somehow I knew exactly what she was talking about and feeling.
I'm tired. And off to bed sometime soon now.
