Pictures from Vancouver :)

I've been in a bit of a funk since I came back from visiting Mr. H this past Tuesday - I was first of all kind of busy at work and then just missing Mr. H and our wonderful time together, and working on researching a lot of little things having to do with moving to Vancouver, with figuring out what kind of work I can do there and what work I want to do, oh and also I was making a photo album of my visit so Mr. H and I can share it with all our family and friends (it has 259 photos in it!). Also, Mr. H has been really busy this week since I left so we haven't been able to talk as much as usual, and he also just got a flu, so I've been missing him even more than I normally would.

And I'm sometimes feeling slight frustration because I want to have a plan for how I'll move to Vancouver immigration-wise and when I'll move there - I want to just have a game plan so I can start organizing things in my head and making lists of all the things I need to do. I think I'll start feeling better when I know our likely timeframe. But I'm having a hard time finding clear-cut answers online about this stuff. I just have all these thoughts, all these ideas for things I want to do, some guilt at leaving friends here, some fear at moving to a whole new city, some worries about how emotional I'll probably be for the first month with the whole change, with getting James and Emma used to living with two dogs, with leaving everything I know, with needing to get a car and a job and find a couple friends there. And I also have a lot of excitement, too, but because we haven't figured out immigration yet, I'm worried that it's going to take way longer than we're expecting so I don't want to get excited yet only to be disappointed, and not knowing how long it'll take or how we'll do it is stressing me out slightly - also because I really am already mentally preparing to leave and if I suddenly find out that it'll take eight months then the mental preparation I'm going through now will be premature and I'll have to get used to the idea of staying longer then, which isn't what's in my head right now or what I want.

Oh and have I mentioned stress about what I want to do and what job I can get there?! I do feel that I'm moving closer to figuring some things out, at least for the big picture. And I have a lot of sort of foggy ideas and such swimming around in my head. I don't know how they might all fit together but at least the ideas are floating around, and it's all pretty exciting to me. And I've started looking at job ads to learn all the many things I still need to learn to really effectively work in this field I'm interested in - and that's a little intimidating, seeing all that I don't know anything about yet. So I also browsed at some classes here over the summer and got a listing of schools in Vancouver where I could maybe take a couple classes because I know I'm not the best with discipline and keeping to a schedule of teaching myself stuff. But that's bothering me as well because I really do want to have more self-discipline because I have all this time that I really could be using to learn and teach myself this stuff but instead I somehow waste all the time. Oh but so also though, I worry a little about what kind of job I can get initially when I move there because I won't be able to really work in this field yet, at least not full-time. So there's the future career I'm thinking about, the stuff I need to learn for that, some other ideas I have for making money, and also the issue of a first job when I get there - all of those things are on my mind.

Oh and I'm determined to start eating better as well! Tomorrow I'm going to the grocery store and I'm going to get yogurt and fruit that I'll really eat and vegetables that I'll really eat (as opposed to what happens too often: I buy them and they sit in the refrigerator until they go bad).

I know I need to chill a bit and take a big step back and stop thinking about and worrying about every single little thing. I know that, but yesterday and today I'm just in that hormonal-type or at least brain-chemistry-type thing where it's all here and now and I'm unable to completely relax about any of it. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be much better and back to being more relaxed and laid-back.

Anyway, enough with the whining and stressing for now. Here are just a tiny few of the hundreds of pictures I took over my wonderful few days with Mr. H! I so love being with him, I love feeling him and being with him and holding his hand and falling asleep together and also waking up together. He's so wonderful and makes me so happy!!! I'm also looking forward to when we're really together so that we can have normal life together as opposed to our visits being such events. Also because that whole part makes me a little nervous because I have no experience with it - the whole living together and learning to develop a routine and still have special couple time and also balance that with personal time and just figuring out all that goes into being a cohabiting couple that is so foreign to me so scares me so I worry too much - like figuring out the household chores and what little things annoy each of us and what we like to eat and who cooks or do we cook together or take turns and who cleans and how to determine when we each and each other need personal time and I like the idea of going grocery shopping together and doing little things like that together but so just all of that stuff - the daily life living together stuff. And so I'll feel better when we start to figure it out a little! Fuck, I'm sounding insane even to myself right now!!! I'll stop writing, here are the pictures, I'll take a few deep breaths and drink some water and tomorrow when I wake up I'm going to start the day off by being more organized but also more sane and most of all, mentally relaxed!! :)

And quickly, my plan for tomorrow: 1) get up at 8 and shower right away, 2) straighten and clean living room, 3) do dishes, 4) get backpack and walk to coffeeshop near grocery store and read html and css book for an hour or two, 5) get groceries and walk home, 6) relaxation time, 7) be ready at 5:30 to hang out with Tivo for awhile. Okay, that sounds like a perfect plan!!! I feel a little better already! :)

View of downtown Vancouver from the plane while getting ready to land, it's so pretty!
I love Mr. H's toolbelt and tools!!! They turn me on!!!
This adorable little kitty named Yoda cuddled with so much while we were at her house, I absolutely fell in love with her!!!
On Sunday we took a ferry to a near-by island, it was absolutely gorgeous out there on the water!!
Another view from the ferry
When we got off the ferry we drove to Sechelt and this was the view from the cottage we visited
There was a beautiful flowering tree so I took some photos of course! :)
I loved the light and view coming in through the window in the cottage, and the lightness of this chair was just perfect there!
On the ferry ride back, after which we drove up to Whistler for the night
Some of the ski hills in Whistler, it was so rustic and quaint and pretty and ski-village-like there!
This is Shannon Falls, which is about halfway between Vancouver and Whistler - all that cold, clean and fresh water falling down made me so thirsty!
At the bottom of Shannon Falls, there were some people making rock stacking sculptures
There were cherry trees with big huge and beautiful cherry blossoms absolutely all over Vancouver, I couldn't stop staring at their complete beauty!!
A pretty view of downtown from a pier in North Vancouver

Oh and I also surprised Mr. H when I got there - I made him a photo book of our first 5 1/2 months together on Shutterfly - it had 29 pages and it was absolutely perfect and beautiful!!! And I call it The Book of Love! I can't really post any pictures of it on here because it of course has pictures of us on every page, but trust me that it is absolutely beautiful and the best idea! I want to make many more of these books for myself and Mr. H and for many people, because they're so wonderful! Oh wait, I can post one page - I have one page with just pictures of our four babies - his dogs and my kittens! Okay so here's one page from our Book of Love to end this post!!! :)

I'm going to Vancouver tomorrow!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow afternoon I'm flying to Vancouver to see my love!!!!!!! And I am SOOOOOOOOO excited right now, oh my gosh I just have so much excitement and happiness in my heart!!!! My plane is scheduled to land a little before 6 p.m. Vancouver time, so that's even better, knowing that we'll have the whole evening to spend together! Oh I'm just so happy right now!!!!!

However, I'm also really sleepy right now. Last night I didn't go to sleep (although I did nap for about 45 minutes this morning before I left for work) because I really wanted to finish a thing I had to write. Well I sort of had to mostly start it as well and then finish it - I got a really good start last night and then spent most of the day working on it more. The past couple days I've been so stressed because of all I had to get done for work before I left, and then a bunch of other stuff I also had to get done. But now I'm just feeling good! I've gotten enough done, and whatever doesn't get done will still work out okay as well. I'm just happy now so that's good! Oh yes and sleepy too! I painted my toenails awhile ago so hopefully now they're dry enough to go to bed and I won't wake up in the morning with them all smudged. I've set some of the stuff out that I'll need to pack and my camera battery is recharging right now and my ipod is recharging. But I won't pack until tomorrow cause otherwise James knows what the suitcase means and he gets sad. I don't think Emmalove really understands the meaning of the suitcase, but she might catch on one of these times, too. So I want them to be happy until the last possible minute - and because when James is poopy and sad, I'm not happy either.

My face looks terrible right now hopefully only due to the lack of sleep. I'm going to exfoliate now and moisturize it all up and oh I really hope that tomorrow I'm looking a little more alive and refreshed! And I'll sleep on the plane as well to get more caught up on my sleep. Oh - and I also have an under-the-skin zit on my forehead and oh I just want that fucker to shrink back inside! So I also have to try to not moisturize that part and instead blast it with drying-out stuff! Cause I really don't want a big zit coming on when I'm in Vancouver!

Okay I need to go get ready for bed - I can tell I'm sleep cause I'm just babbling here. Oh and I saw this fun little quiz on CeeCi's blog a little while ago and just now checked it out and what do you know - the results came out perfectly! And it was actually pretty fun to take to consciously think about the ways I pronounce things and compare it to other possibilities and how others around the country might speak.

Tomorrow I see my wonderful love and oh I'm so so so so so so so happy!!!!!!! And I'll for sure have some pictures of scenery when I get back!

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Midland
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
North Central
The West
Boston
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Weekend Recap

I'm going to keep this short - for real! - because it's my bedtime.

Tonight I showered and trimmed up some layers in my hair cause for the past few days my hair has just fallen really flat. I need someone else to trim the length for me a little cause it's way too long to do by myself. And I am terrible with actually getting around to making hair appointments at the one place I go where students cut your hair for cheap - and whenever I do call the only appointments are a few weeks in advance and during weekday afternoons and I usually wait to call until I really need a trim so I don't want to wait that long. I also just removed toenail polish and did all the manicure stuff besides painting - my toenails get so dried out so I'm moisturing them tonight. I'm getting myself all prettied up for seeing Mr. H on Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!! (Oh just saying that gets me so excited that it needed lots of fabulous exclamation points!!!!)

My brother and sister-in-law's visit was very fun! I didn't go to work on Friday because of course I procrastinated too long and went to bed too early on Thursday night, and then on Friday morning I realized how much cleaning I still had left to do. I really really piss myself off sometimes, but yet I don't seem to get any better. But anyway, my place was beautiful when they arrived in the early afternoon on Friday. We went out to dinner at night at a nearby restaurant with my sister-in-law's friend from college who lives here, and on Saturday morning I made them pancakes for breakfast cause they wanted to get to the hotel (they were in town for a wedding) early to get ready. And James and Emma both loved having them here and were running all around and being their completely adorable little selves! My brother especially loved them and their cute and silly little antics!

And I think the best and most important thing while they were here - they got to meet and talk to Mr. H through the webcam. I'm so happy about that and even though it wasn't an actual meeting, now my brother has talked with Mr. H and heard Mr. H talk and we all chatted for probably close to 45 minutes. So now it's a little less weird for my brother because he's sort of met the man I completely love and who I'm going to spend my life with!! :)

I've been kind of on and off depressed this weekend for no big reason but just a lot of little worries/frustrations. 1) I still don't know what kind of career I want to have and I don't have much faith in myself to be able to do much, because I know I'm just not the best worker; 2) I'm starting to really look at everything when I'm out and about because I love this city and I'm already kind of missing it, and I honestly can't say what will happen in the long run and where Mr. H and I will end up living - so there's no guarantee that I will ever live here again and I'm trying to memorize everything I can while I'm still here, and I look around at all the amazing urban beauty with a kind of sadness even as I know I'm taking a really important and exciting step by leaving here; 3) likewise, I'm thinking of my closest friends who I'll be leaving and the relationships I have here and the people who love me, and I'm starting to get a little sad; 4) I felt kind of lonely after my brother left and the feeling continued with me on and off throughout the weekend.

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Okay - well my mood wasn't really low when I was writing that last paragraph but I was just recounting what I was down about on and off during the weekend. But now I'm feeling fabulous as I'm about to go to bed because Mr. H and I just had a little chat on skype and just seeing his smile and talking with him for a bit puts me in such a calm and peaceful and at the same time joyous mood. I love feeling his love and it makes everything okay and happy for me just knowing that I'm loved so much and knowing that he's there.

Also - because I'm becoming a hockey fan, I watched the whole Canucks game tonight (well had it on and half watched it while doing my stuff, but was listening the whole time) and they won in OT just before Mr. H and I chatted, so that's an extra good thing because it makes Mr. H happy and I want his team to win! :)

Random things

It's a little after 2 p.m. and I'm going to leave work soon because I have a lot to do at home.

Tomorrow afternoon my brother and sister-in-law are flying here for a wedding and tomorrow night they're going to stay with me - which means of course that I have some cleaning to do! My dishes are mostly all clean but I need to dry and wet swiffer and clean the rug and clean my couch and do my clothes laundry and also clean everything on my bed, from mattress pad to sheets and blankets, etc. My brother is allergic to cats, not deathly allergic but still bothered, and I'm letting them have my bed for the night. So I want as few cat hairs on all the bed stuff as possible. And actually tonight after I get it all cleaned and the bed made, I'm going to shut the bedroom door and sleep on the couch so James and Emma won't be all over the bed with me.

They'll only be staying with me on Friday night but I'm excited. And I don't know when the wedding is or when they'll have to get a cab to the hotel, but hopefully we can get some breakfast on Saturday morning too, because I love going out to breakfast!

Last night I watched Lost and then flipped to the Vancouver-Dallas hockey game cause it was on some random sports channel for me! Mr. H was of course watching it as well, and we talked on skype during the intermissions. And I also looked at Vancouver's roster online and read about all of the players so I'll know more about them and like rooting (sp?) for them to win! It's actually really fun for me to watch hockey (when I care about one of the teams) because there's so much action, it's so fast, I'm constantly amazed by the speed and quick movements that these guys can do on iceskates (because I can go very slowly and stiffly about two miles an hour and that's it). So I get to become a hockey fan now because I have a reason - because my Mr. H loves the Canucks, and because I'll be living in Canada!!

Florida just called and we talked for awhile about The Meat and how he's really down and depressed right now and going through a hard few days. He gets depressive episodes now and then and he always tells me that he just has to wait it out and it'll be better on the other side. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier on Florida and I and we feel so helpless by not being able to do anything to help him.

I'll write him a little note (cause he's not in his office right now) and then I'll head home for cleaning!

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Okay it's almost 10 now and I haven't done much. A little, but as usual I procrastinate until nighttime. Mr. H and I already talked on skype and he's gone to bed because he has a terrible cold - yesterday he said he thought he was getting sick and now tonight it was full-blown and he sounded terrible! I hate when someone I love so much is suffering and there's nothing I can do to make it better! And I know the best thing for him is to sleep and if I was there with him I couldn't do anything, but I still wish I was there.

Yesterday morning when I woke up, it was snowing outside. WTF?! Right now I'm running my space heater in my living room because I can't seem to get warm. I'm so ready for spring to get here and oh will I be happy when I can walk outside slowly and just enjoy the beautiful wonderful weather!!!

In other news, two nights ago I decided to try to pop two little bumps on my face because they weren't getting bigger or smaller and I especially don't want them there when I go to Vancouver. The popping didn't exactly work and they were much bigger bumps yesterday, and last night I was trying to squeeze anything and everything out but only liquid was coming out, and after all that the one on my forehead looked like a massive mosquito bite cause it was so swollen all around the whole thing. So I tried pressing a bag of frozen blueberries against it to try to reduce the swelling and also just freeze anything hiding inside there (same with the one on my cheek, and I don't usually get zits on my cheeks (knock on wood)!). Today I covered them with makeup when I went to work and oh they looked terrible and I felt like my forehead had a mini mountain on it! But I've washed them tonight and I'm not touching them or doing anything else and I'm so happy to report that the one on my forehead is looking slightly better. Still red and ugly, but it looks like it's drying out a little and that's a really good thing! I know it's such a stupid thing, but it's really bothersome having such big things on my face!!!

And I'll go get restarted with the cleaning in a second but I just have to say one other thing: I find it so disgusting that so-called leaders like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, as well as the media reporting non-stop, have managed to get Don Imus fired. Once again, no, of course I don't like what he said. Yes, it sounded terrible. But come the fuck on already. This whole thing is so wrong and I actually feel sorry for Imus now and hope he can come back stronger than ever on some other radio network, just to stick it to Jackson and Sharpton who have such ridiculously high egos and try to create controversy just so they can try to prove that they're still powerful and necessary. They are all about pressure and essentially blackmail, and I find about 95% of what they say and/or do to be complete crap. Everything about those two is ridiculous and disgusting to me, and I would never want someone like them speaking for me. Oh it gets my blood boiling just thinking about it again.

Okay, I'll go get started now. I'm tired and I'd rather take a nap on the couch, but I'll hopefully get in my cleaning zone soon after I start.

Little Words Meme and Talks with Mom & Dad

I saw this on one of Ceeci's post from I think last month and I thought it looked fun (I actually did it last night so the answers are from then):

Three Little Words Meme

1. Where is your cell phone? On the coffeetable.

2. Boyfriend/girlfriend? He's my fiance!

3. Hair? Long strawberry blonde.

4. Your mother? Intelligent, controlling, worrier.

5. Your father? Funny, caring, moody.

6. Your favorite item(s)? Computer, camera, ring.

7. Your dream last night? Remodelled work offices.

8. Your favorite drink? Water and coffee.

9. Your dream guy/girl? I found him.

10. The room you are in? My living room.

11. Your fear? Dying from cancer.

12. What do you want to be in 10 years? Happy, healthy, fulfilled.

13. Who did you hang out with last night? My two kittenbabies.

14. What are you not? Mean, rich, uncaring.

15. Are you in love? Oh yes indeed.

16. One of your wish list items? More financial security.

17. What time is it? Seven fifty-two.

18. The last thing you did? Got my dinner.

19. What are you wearing? Tanktop, pants, slippers.

20. Your favorite book? Have no favorite.

21. The last thing you ate? Yummy dry cornflakes.

22. Your life? I'm pretty happy.

23. Your mood? Relaxed, unfortunately lazy.

24. Your friends? Bring me joy.

25. What are you thinking about right now? Calling my parents.

26. Your car? Have no car.

27. What are you doing at this moment? Typing and eating.

28. Your summer? Exciting things planned.

29. Your relationship status? I'm happily engaged.

30. What is on your TV screen? The Colbert Report.

31. When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday with Mr. H.

32. Last time you cried? This past Friday.

33. School? Six years ago.


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I have so much on my mind right now. Last night I called my parents and talked to my mom about our plan for me moving to Vancouver - she didn't take it very well, which I expected. Still, we ended the conversation well. Today I got a few emails from her and I'm trying really hard to breathe and relax and put all her ridiculousness out of my head, so I'm not going to say another thing about any of them.

And tonight just 15 minutes ago, I got off the phone with my dad after we talked for 59 minutes - I'd told my mom last night that I wanted to tell my dad so he didn't know anything until I told him. It was a much more mature and real and serious conversation with my dad tonight (compared with the talk with my mom), and really very emotionally draining. He's worried of course and just really wants to know that Mr. H and I are thinking this through, and are acting like adults and have an adult relationship, etc. I of course assured him of all of that but he said I could demonstrate it, and at the same time really take away some of his worry and make him feel so much better, by updating him frequently with new things we find out (especially regarding a work permit and health insurance/healthcare). So the more he hears about us taking this seriously, as we are, and getting questions answered and making real plans, the better he'll feel.

I love my dad so incredibly much. I love that we talked for so long tonight and I love that even though it was all very serious and often a little hard for me, I felt so loved by him. He even opened up a little about how being a parent with children who are mostly adult is more difficult than when were little, because now he can just worry and talk to us but has to ultimately stand back then and watch us make our own decisions alone, and he can just hope and pray thay our decisions are the right ones. He also talked about how he doesn't deal with these kinds of things - that cause him stress and worry - very well and that he doesn't talk about what's going on his head - he said I know all that about him. But at the same time, I love that he really talked to me tonight and for so long, and let me know his worries but also let me know that if this is right and both Mr. H and I are making a serious commitment here and have really thought it through, then he'll be so happy knowing I'm starting a life with someone I love and who loves me, and knowing that I'm settled in and happy.

I'm happy too that he told me what I can do to make this easier on him - just keeping him updated regularly and keeping him in the loop, and telling him what Mr. H and are planning and figuring out and finding out. I love knowing what I can do to make my dad happy and make this all easier on his mind, that really makes me feel happy and relieved. And I know that sometime he'll finally get to see and really realize how serious Mr. H and are, and how real and wonderful and important this relationship and love of ours is to us. And that will make me the most happy!

(Oh and by the way, Mr. H and I rented a car when he was here a month ago and we drove to Michigan and spent five hours with my parents and then drove back to Chicago (Mr. H wasn't here for long so we needed our own time too, and five hours was a perfect amount of time for this first meeting), and they both really liked him a lot, and were so impressed by so many things about him. The first meeting went as good as I had hoped and made me so happy.)

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It's a little later now and I'm about to get ready for bed. Mr. H and I just got off the phone and can I just say quickly how happy he makes me!!! He is so wonderful, he's just so close to perfect for me in my mind and when I see him smile big on the webcam and see his dimple and hear him laugh, oh it just makes my heart absolutely soar!!! It's impossible for me to explain to people just how wonderful he is because I can never find the words - and the words I find sound so inadequate to me - but he just really really is!!!!

By the way, I am absolutely fascinated by this whole Don Imus thing. I don't like what he said at all but all the calls for him to be fired are absolutely ridiculous to me, and some of those calling for his firing I find to be such hypocrites and such bad examples for so many people out there of all our races. Anyway, I'm following this story with something close to obsession for some reason. I've never listened to or heard this Imus guy's radio program so I don't care one way or another for him. But the fact that everyone is just jumping all over this guy like he's the devil incarnate is so bothersome to me. He said something bad and was wrong, but what about redemption and forgiveness, what about all these so-called reverends setting a good example. And what about other people who have said bad things as well and not had such massive calls for their firing, etc. And also - oh I could keep going on and on here and I guess that's why this whole story interests me so much. Mr. H let me rant and go on about it for awhile tonight and I'm glad cause it's just so in my mind right now. I haven't usually talked about these kinds of issues on this blog but it's so in my head that I needed to write something on it here.

Okay - to bed! Woohoo, two days in a row for me, I'm awesome!!!! :)

Our happiness!

This actually happened a month ago but I just don't have the time or find the time anymore to post anything. But so yes, we're engaged!!!!!! And in a week and three days I fly to Vancouver to visit my fiance!!! And on the day I leave, April 24, it'll be our 6-month anniversary!

Because I'm doing a quick update now, I'll continue just a little longer! Mr. H is Canadian so we've been figuring out which route we'll take to get him here to the US - and I've become an expert in US Immigration law for fiance(e) and spousal visas. Still, it looks like it's going to take longer than I had originally thought - the Vancouver consulate said it was taking a year to process these visas from first filing. So Mr. H and I just recently made the decision that I would move to Vancouver first and get my Canadian residency and then from there we'd start the US immigration filings.

At first the idea freaked me out but then I started thinking of the so so so many benefits:

1) Mr. H and I will be able to be together much sooner.

2) I'll get to live in another city and country for a temporary period of time and ever since graduating from law school I've wanted to experience another place but be able to return to Chicago - only money and fear and job and so many other things always prevented that. But now I have this perfect opportunity!

3) I'll get to know Mr. H's family and I just love that idea because otherwise it would take me years to really feel like I knew them well and feel like they were family.

4) It'll be such an adventure!

5) It'll get me out of my current rut because otherwise I don't think I would ever leave the comfort of my current job and explore other options. When I move to Canada I won't be able to practice law so that won't even be an option, and instead I'll have to really be outside of my comfort zone and prove to myself that I can do just fine - it'll give me some much-needed confidence! I can also explore so many other options, I can take some web design classes or just keep doing it on my own but have more time (I completed my first website recently - a whole website for Mr. H and his business, and it's beautiful!!!! Yay me!!!!).

Anyway, I love the idea that Mr. H and I will be able to be together much sooner, that we'll be able to start the slightly stressful beginning of introducing my two cats and his two dogs to each other (I've read so many articles on ways to do this because I want it to go as smoothly as possible). And I love that we'll get to start the process of living together and figure out all that as it happens. And I love the idea of this adventure even as a tiny bit is very stressful, but it's a good stress and I know I won't be alone while I try to find a job and figure out what to do there.

We don't have a time quite yet as to when I'll be moving there because first Mr. H needs to meet with an attorney there to answer some questions about Canadian immigration and a work permit and health insurance. I think we're going to have to get married right away for some of these things. And then at a later time we can have a little ceremony there in Vancouver and also we'll have one in Chicago probably when we move back here.

James and Emmalove are very good although a month ago I noticed that James was trying to go pee and nothing was coming out, and I knew this could sometimes happen to boy cats and I also know they can die if it's not taken care of right away, so I rushed him to the vet and cried there while they took him in the back, the vet met with me and said she couldn't express anything from his peepee and he would scream in pain whenever she pressed on his belly (that broke my heart!). Then I waited in the waiting room, trying not to cry, while they sedated him and put a catheter (sp?) in and an IV in his little arm, and then he spent two nights at the vet until they knew he was doing okay and peeing on his own. There's a 50-50 chance that it will happen again at some point so I always keep my eye on him and on the litter box. Oh and it was $750, not that he isn't worth it in every possible way, but it made me realize that I really need to work on always having some money set aside for rainy days.

Also a month ago, my aunt in Wisconsin passed away from breast cancer that had metastasized (sp?) to her bones. She would have been 52 just this past week. She'd been fighting the bone cancer for the past I think five years, trying to hold it off as long as she could. A week before she died I went with my parents to see her and it was so sad and so scary. She didn't look like herself at all even though a couple times when she was awake we saw her humor a bit, which was almost more painful. I hate this disease cancer, I hate everything about it. I hate how prevalent it is, I hate how many kinds there are and how they're all different, I hate that we can't always cure it, and I hate how much it terrifies me. My aunt was so incredibly strong and dealt with so much at such a young age, and I admire her so much for it. Even while battling the initial breast cancer she was going to college on weekends and I think some nights, and she graduated right after they discovered the cancer in her bones. And during that time she was also raising a family and always moving up in her job. She was so strong and wonderful and I wish so much that cancer didn't have to occupy so many of her years and didn't have to take her life at such a young age.

Well, I'm suddenly at a loss now. I can't think of anything else to talk about. I could gush about Mr. H plenty I'm sure, but after writing about my aunt I don't feel like writing much more now.

I'll try to get more in the habit of writing again, but I can't promise anything, not even to myself. A week ago I started a new blog set to private with the idea that I could get back in the habit of writing and be doing it for me instead of with other people in mind. And when I was regularly writing in this blog it really helped me so much - both with organizing my thoughts and also with the relationships with other bloggers. But I've gotten so out of the habit that I haven't been able to start again. I'm actually amazed that once I started this post I was able to just keep writing. Oh and that private blog - I haven't written a thing in it since starting it. So I'm not even doing good with that!

I guess from this I've seen that once I start writing it comes out, but then again, this post is mostly just recapping what's been going on and not writing everything in my head. Hmmm. I'm not even making sense to myself right now with any point I was trying to make. In conclusion, I want to write but I don't know how frequently it will happen, and I don't know if I'll be able to get back in the swing of things so easily after not writing for so long. I feel like I've lost my voice. Maybe I'll start by determining to write one paragraph a day in the little private blog so I can get back in the swing of things. That's what I say now anyway, but I'll see what happens. However, I will make a 95% promise that I won't go for over two months without posting again, just so people know I'm still alive and kicking and doing mostly well! And who knows, maybe I'll suddenly be posting four or five times a week again now that I've written this! I have no idea! I know I'd like that though. I'm thinking of all the reasons why I'd like that now! Oh and Mr. H just suggested to me in the last week that I post about my recent cravings to get drunk again since I told him that one of the reasons I initially started the blog was because I knew the alcoholism was something I'd have to address soon. So I could maybe write on that soon.

Okay, enough rambling. I have some serious laundry to do. And my dishes from the past week to do. And some other important things. And I've planned to call my parents tonight so I need to get going. Hopefully I'll write again soon.