Pictures from Vancouver :)
And I'm sometimes feeling slight frustration because I want to have a plan for how I'll move to Vancouver immigration-wise and when I'll move there - I want to just have a game plan so I can start organizing things in my head and making lists of all the things I need to do. I think I'll start feeling better when I know our likely timeframe. But I'm having a hard time finding clear-cut answers online about this stuff. I just have all these thoughts, all these ideas for things I want to do, some guilt at leaving friends here, some fear at moving to a whole new city, some worries about how emotional I'll probably be for the first month with the whole change, with getting James and Emma used to living with two dogs, with leaving everything I know, with needing to get a car and a job and find a couple friends there. And I also have a lot of excitement, too, but because we haven't figured out immigration yet, I'm worried that it's going to take way longer than we're expecting so I don't want to get excited yet only to be disappointed, and not knowing how long it'll take or how we'll do it is stressing me out slightly - also because I really am already mentally preparing to leave and if I suddenly find out that it'll take eight months then the mental preparation I'm going through now will be premature and I'll have to get used to the idea of staying longer then, which isn't what's in my head right now or what I want.
Oh and have I mentioned stress about what I want to do and what job I can get there?! I do feel that I'm moving closer to figuring some things out, at least for the big picture. And I have a lot of sort of foggy ideas and such swimming around in my head. I don't know how they might all fit together but at least the ideas are floating around, and it's all pretty exciting to me. And I've started looking at job ads to learn all the many things I still need to learn to really effectively work in this field I'm interested in - and that's a little intimidating, seeing all that I don't know anything about yet. So I also browsed at some classes here over the summer and got a listing of schools in Vancouver where I could maybe take a couple classes because I know I'm not the best with discipline and keeping to a schedule of teaching myself stuff. But that's bothering me as well because I really do want to have more self-discipline because I have all this time that I really could be using to learn and teach myself this stuff but instead I somehow waste all the time. Oh but so also though, I worry a little about what kind of job I can get initially when I move there because I won't be able to really work in this field yet, at least not full-time. So there's the future career I'm thinking about, the stuff I need to learn for that, some other ideas I have for making money, and also the issue of a first job when I get there - all of those things are on my mind.
Oh and I'm determined to start eating better as well! Tomorrow I'm going to the grocery store and I'm going to get yogurt and fruit that I'll really eat and vegetables that I'll really eat (as opposed to what happens too often: I buy them and they sit in the refrigerator until they go bad).
I know I need to chill a bit and take a big step back and stop thinking about and worrying about every single little thing. I know that, but yesterday and today I'm just in that hormonal-type or at least brain-chemistry-type thing where it's all here and now and I'm unable to completely relax about any of it. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be much better and back to being more relaxed and laid-back.
Anyway, enough with the whining and stressing for now. Here are just a tiny few of the hundreds of pictures I took over my wonderful few days with Mr. H! I so love being with him, I love feeling him and being with him and holding his hand and falling asleep together and also waking up together. He's so wonderful and makes me so happy!!! I'm also looking forward to when we're really together so that we can have normal life together as opposed to our visits being such events. Also because that whole part makes me a little nervous because I have no experience with it - the whole living together and learning to develop a routine and still have special couple time and also balance that with personal time and just figuring out all that goes into being a cohabiting couple that is so foreign to me so scares me so I worry too much - like figuring out the household chores and what little things annoy each of us and what we like to eat and who cooks or do we cook together or take turns and who cleans and how to determine when we each and each other need personal time and I like the idea of going grocery shopping together and doing little things like that together but so just all of that stuff - the daily life living together stuff. And so I'll feel better when we start to figure it out a little! Fuck, I'm sounding insane even to myself right now!!! I'll stop writing, here are the pictures, I'll take a few deep breaths and drink some water and tomorrow when I wake up I'm going to start the day off by being more organized but also more sane and most of all, mentally relaxed!! :)
And quickly, my plan for tomorrow: 1) get up at 8 and shower right away, 2) straighten and clean living room, 3) do dishes, 4) get backpack and walk to coffeeshop near grocery store and read html and css book for an hour or two, 5) get groceries and walk home, 6) relaxation time, 7) be ready at 5:30 to hang out with Tivo for awhile. Okay, that sounds like a perfect plan!!! I feel a little better already! :)














Oh and I also surprised Mr. H when I got there - I made him a photo book of our first 5 1/2 months together on Shutterfly - it had 29 pages and it was absolutely perfect and beautiful!!! And I call it The Book of Love! I can't really post any pictures of it on here because it of course has pictures of us on every page, but trust me that it is absolutely beautiful and the best idea! I want to make many more of these books for myself and Mr. H and for many people, because they're so wonderful! Oh wait, I can post one page - I have one page with just pictures of our four babies - his dogs and my kittens! Okay so here's one page from our Book of Love to end this post!!! :)
