Moving decision, wanting to be a friend again, and excited for a fun "me" night!
Today was a little odd, I think it was because The Meat was in quite a weird mood where he was laughing but pushing people a little too much and bordering on being mean or annoying sometimes. He wasn't really mean to me, but when I told him he needed to back off a little cause he was crossing over the line numerous times with other people, he made faces at me. I tried to get him to tell me what was causing the mood but he insisted that it wasn't a mood and he was just having fun and pushing people a little. He better wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow, because he just wasn't himself today and he's the rock and center of our group, and when he's off, everything seems to be off.
I'm also really trying to figure out what to do about moving, specifically whether to use movers or to rent a U-Haul and let everyone help me. I scheduled a moving company today and am trying to decide tonight whether to cancel.
The pros of movers: 1) I don't feel bad about them doing the work and physical labor; 2) they know what they're doing so won't scratch my dining room table; 3) they'll be efficient (ideally); 4) they can lock up their truck (with all my stuff inside it) overnight in their lot.
The cons of movers: 1) I'm thinking it will probably cost a little over $700 once it's all added up; 2) they will show up after their first move of the day and hopefully in the timeframe of 2-4 p.m. when I have the loading dock reserved, but they can't promise any certain time - which will stress me out.
The pros of self-moving: 1) saving a lot of money - I'm thinking it would only be around $100 for the truck and dolly and furniture dolly; 2) I'd be more in control of time; 3) I could slowly take boxes up myself on the 1st while waiting for my friends to come help.
The cons of self-moving: 1) I feel bad asking people to do anything for me so I'll be feeling bad the whole time that my friends are helping me; 2) on the 31st I can move out either between 2 and 4 p.m. or after the last people are done, which I think is 9:30 p.m. - so the 2-4 is too early as everyone will be at work and 9:30 is bordering on late but would be doable; 3) my friends aren't expert movers; 4) I don't yet know where I can park the truck overnight where it will be safe and all my stuff won't be stolen; 5) I don't want to drive the truck myself so I'll have to wait for others to drive it for me; 6) I'll have to ask my friends to help me two days in a row - to move out on the 31st and to move me in on the 1st; 7) for the move-in it's two floors up so I'll feel so bad having my friends carry heavy stuff up two flights of stairs; 8) I'm a bad organizer and organizing causes me stress so having to organize the truck, the times, my friends, leaving the truck somewhere, driving the truck, dropping the truck back off, etc. is very stressful for me.
There are quite a lot of cons of the self-move! But yet it would save so much money and could
work out quite smoothly. I laid a lot of this out for my mom tonight and she said as long as my friends have volunteered to help, I may as well take them up on their offer and save a lot of money. But she also acknowledged some of the cons. Oh - I also saw online that there are some guys out there who you can just hire to be movers but without the truck. So I could also do that - rent the truck myself and hire these guys to move me out and/or in. That might actually be a good idea, because I don't mind paying guys for doing the labor but I don't like the idea of paying them to drive back to their home base and drive to my place and all those extra charges and such. And then they could be on my timeframe, too.
It's just such a pain in my fucking ass to have to move out on one day and not move in until the next day! I'll call my new building again tomorrow to see if I can get any more information as to when the people before me will be completely moved out, and what the management needs to do before I move in, and whether I could get my keys on the 31st or not until the 1st. Maybe the people before me will be moving out early in the morning and I could move in in the evening! Honestly, I won't bank my hopes on that, but it can't hurt to call and ask.
I'm going to try to stop thinking about it for now, and I'll figure it out tomorrow.
I also both talked to and saw The Bold One today. She instant messaged me in the morning and threw it out there that we haven't been friends for awhile now because I never call her or return her calls, and she wondered if I somehow associate her with alcohol because I stopped talking to her around the time when I stopped drinking. She made very good points, and I am very often consciously aware that I never call her or other friends.
When I made myself stop drinking, I told myself that I would be a better friend because I wouldn't be drinking every night, but I'm actually a worse friend now. For some reason when I come home after work I feel so relaxed and comfortable and don't feel like talking on the phone or doing much of anything once I'm comfortably home. I become a loner at night and I'm usually fine with that. If I have plans a couple nights during the week that's acceptable and fun, but if it's more than that I get stressed because I think I need my alone time, or maybe just my lazy time.
I don't know. I don't know if it's me, if I need more alone time than some, or if I'm lazy, or why it is that I don't want to talk to people at night, and why it's okay with me to lose contact with my friends. I don't want to be that way. I want to be a good friend. But I think somehow I see it as so much work to be a friend and I don't have the energy, or won't make myself have the energy. But this part of me has bothered me for some months now. I don't want to be okay with being alone so much, and I don't want to be okay with not taking the time for friends, and I'm not really living my life by not spending time with people who I love and instead just retreating into my home alone.
Right when I was walking into my apartment tonight, I got a call from my buzzer downstairs and it was The Bold One. She came up and we sat at the table and talked for maybe half an hour, maybe forty-five minutes, and it was wonderful. I loved seeing her, I loved talking to her, I loved hearing about what she'd been doing and what she'd been going through for the past couple months. It really made me so happy. I'm thinking that maybe, to get me back into being a friend and used to having more contact with my friends, I can take more of baby steps and not make plans for a whole night or for a big dinner or anything like that, but instead make plans to go get coffee together or shop a little together - something that's fun but also not taking up a whole night. And that way I won't run away from the contact like I've been doing. I know it sounds ridiculous that I need to take baby steps at being a friend, but somehow I've developed issues and I'm not sure exactly the reason why, but hopefully baby steps will help.
Tomorrow night I'm having a different kind of a "me" night!
At 3:00 I'm getting a haircut - well, a trim of maybe an inch and a half - which I desperately need because I'm being attacked by millions of evil split ends, and then at 6:00 I'm getting a massage!!! My first ever professional massage!!! I've been promising myself a massage for about the past 6 years but have never gone. For Christmas my brother and TSIL got me a gift certificate for an hour-long massage at a place near me - what a fabulous gift! That's what I'm finally using tomorrow night. I'm pretty fucking excited for it all! Every time I've been given even a tiny bit of a back massage by some guy I go all weak and will pretty much do anything for it to continue, so this will be just absolute heaven to get a massage for an entire hour!!!!!
[When I was just looking for a picture of a massage I found an article advocating breast massage - for health and to get the toxins out. It even suggests that a partner can help! This just cracks me up a bit because I'm imagining all the guys volunteering to give women breast massages after reading this, of course just out of the goodness of their hearts!]
Okay then, time for bed. And tomorrow I'll hopefully make up my mind once and for all about how to move, and tomorrow night I'll be all relaxed and rid of all the evil split ends!
I'm also really trying to figure out what to do about moving, specifically whether to use movers or to rent a U-Haul and let everyone help me. I scheduled a moving company today and am trying to decide tonight whether to cancel.The pros of movers: 1) I don't feel bad about them doing the work and physical labor; 2) they know what they're doing so won't scratch my dining room table; 3) they'll be efficient (ideally); 4) they can lock up their truck (with all my stuff inside it) overnight in their lot.
The cons of movers: 1) I'm thinking it will probably cost a little over $700 once it's all added up; 2) they will show up after their first move of the day and hopefully in the timeframe of 2-4 p.m. when I have the loading dock reserved, but they can't promise any certain time - which will stress me out.
The pros of self-moving: 1) saving a lot of money - I'm thinking it would only be around $100 for the truck and dolly and furniture dolly; 2) I'd be more in control of time; 3) I could slowly take boxes up myself on the 1st while waiting for my friends to come help.
The cons of self-moving: 1) I feel bad asking people to do anything for me so I'll be feeling bad the whole time that my friends are helping me; 2) on the 31st I can move out either between 2 and 4 p.m. or after the last people are done, which I think is 9:30 p.m. - so the 2-4 is too early as everyone will be at work and 9:30 is bordering on late but would be doable; 3) my friends aren't expert movers; 4) I don't yet know where I can park the truck overnight where it will be safe and all my stuff won't be stolen; 5) I don't want to drive the truck myself so I'll have to wait for others to drive it for me; 6) I'll have to ask my friends to help me two days in a row - to move out on the 31st and to move me in on the 1st; 7) for the move-in it's two floors up so I'll feel so bad having my friends carry heavy stuff up two flights of stairs; 8) I'm a bad organizer and organizing causes me stress so having to organize the truck, the times, my friends, leaving the truck somewhere, driving the truck, dropping the truck back off, etc. is very stressful for me.
There are quite a lot of cons of the self-move! But yet it would save so much money and could
work out quite smoothly. I laid a lot of this out for my mom tonight and she said as long as my friends have volunteered to help, I may as well take them up on their offer and save a lot of money. But she also acknowledged some of the cons. Oh - I also saw online that there are some guys out there who you can just hire to be movers but without the truck. So I could also do that - rent the truck myself and hire these guys to move me out and/or in. That might actually be a good idea, because I don't mind paying guys for doing the labor but I don't like the idea of paying them to drive back to their home base and drive to my place and all those extra charges and such. And then they could be on my timeframe, too.It's just such a pain in my fucking ass to have to move out on one day and not move in until the next day! I'll call my new building again tomorrow to see if I can get any more information as to when the people before me will be completely moved out, and what the management needs to do before I move in, and whether I could get my keys on the 31st or not until the 1st. Maybe the people before me will be moving out early in the morning and I could move in in the evening! Honestly, I won't bank my hopes on that, but it can't hurt to call and ask.
I'm going to try to stop thinking about it for now, and I'll figure it out tomorrow.
I also both talked to and saw The Bold One today. She instant messaged me in the morning and threw it out there that we haven't been friends for awhile now because I never call her or return her calls, and she wondered if I somehow associate her with alcohol because I stopped talking to her around the time when I stopped drinking. She made very good points, and I am very often consciously aware that I never call her or other friends.
When I made myself stop drinking, I told myself that I would be a better friend because I wouldn't be drinking every night, but I'm actually a worse friend now. For some reason when I come home after work I feel so relaxed and comfortable and don't feel like talking on the phone or doing much of anything once I'm comfortably home. I become a loner at night and I'm usually fine with that. If I have plans a couple nights during the week that's acceptable and fun, but if it's more than that I get stressed because I think I need my alone time, or maybe just my lazy time.
I don't know. I don't know if it's me, if I need more alone time than some, or if I'm lazy, or why it is that I don't want to talk to people at night, and why it's okay with me to lose contact with my friends. I don't want to be that way. I want to be a good friend. But I think somehow I see it as so much work to be a friend and I don't have the energy, or won't make myself have the energy. But this part of me has bothered me for some months now. I don't want to be okay with being alone so much, and I don't want to be okay with not taking the time for friends, and I'm not really living my life by not spending time with people who I love and instead just retreating into my home alone.Right when I was walking into my apartment tonight, I got a call from my buzzer downstairs and it was The Bold One. She came up and we sat at the table and talked for maybe half an hour, maybe forty-five minutes, and it was wonderful. I loved seeing her, I loved talking to her, I loved hearing about what she'd been doing and what she'd been going through for the past couple months. It really made me so happy. I'm thinking that maybe, to get me back into being a friend and used to having more contact with my friends, I can take more of baby steps and not make plans for a whole night or for a big dinner or anything like that, but instead make plans to go get coffee together or shop a little together - something that's fun but also not taking up a whole night. And that way I won't run away from the contact like I've been doing. I know it sounds ridiculous that I need to take baby steps at being a friend, but somehow I've developed issues and I'm not sure exactly the reason why, but hopefully baby steps will help.
Tomorrow night I'm having a different kind of a "me" night!
At 3:00 I'm getting a haircut - well, a trim of maybe an inch and a half - which I desperately need because I'm being attacked by millions of evil split ends, and then at 6:00 I'm getting a massage!!! My first ever professional massage!!! I've been promising myself a massage for about the past 6 years but have never gone. For Christmas my brother and TSIL got me a gift certificate for an hour-long massage at a place near me - what a fabulous gift! That's what I'm finally using tomorrow night. I'm pretty fucking excited for it all! Every time I've been given even a tiny bit of a back massage by some guy I go all weak and will pretty much do anything for it to continue, so this will be just absolute heaven to get a massage for an entire hour!!!!![When I was just looking for a picture of a massage I found an article advocating breast massage - for health and to get the toxins out. It even suggests that a partner can help! This just cracks me up a bit because I'm imagining all the guys volunteering to give women breast massages after reading this, of course just out of the goodness of their hearts!]
Okay then, time for bed. And tomorrow I'll hopefully make up my mind once and for all about how to move, and tomorrow night I'll be all relaxed and rid of all the evil split ends!
