Gratitude Tuesday - a double load of both A and B! And a brief update on SP and The German, too!
Yesterday I discovered CeeCi's blog, Giardino del Piacere, and she probably thinks I'm a stalker if she looks at her stats because I spent about forever on there reading every recent entry! Anyway, I loved something that she started a week ago called Gratitude Tuesday where every week she lists all the things she is grateful for that begin with a certain letter. And I'm going to do it, too, because it's a fabulous idea! I usually think of myself as being pretty aware of all the great things, and pretty optimistic and very strong, but the idea of going in an orderly fashion and thinking of all kinds of things, both big and little, both ideas and physical things, that I'm grateful for really appeals to me completely. And I think it's going to be such a healthy exercise as well, so when I'm feeling down and blue, I can look back and see all the wonderful things in my life that I'm grateful for and it will hopefully give me some perspective. And even when I'm feeling wonderful, realizing all the many things in my life that I'm grateful for will make me feel even that much more wonderful!
Now because I can't ever come up with ideas or words or whatever it is I'm supposed to be thinking of when I'm put on the spot, and also because I don't want to miss anything and if I worry that I'm missing something then I'll constantly be trying to think of other things after the fact, I decided to use the dictionary - which was fun in and of itself just to browse through all the many words! Yes, I'm slightly dorky sometimes and I'm grateful for that, too!! :) So anyway, because I want to be on the same letter as CeeCi each week, I'm doing both A and B this week, so it's a little long. Here we go:
The A's
America - although I tend to disagree a lot with the current presidential administration, and also look at our congress as a whole as a bunch of buffoons, and also don't like the traditional "American dream" - I do love what this country offers and I've loved growing up and living here, and I'm grateful for all the freedoms and opportunities that I often take for granted. I also love that I can get wonderful medical care here, and always have electricity, and always have internet ability, and can always walk down the street and not be afraid for my life (well, 99% of the time for that last one).
Animals - I love all animals, I love seeing animals, hearing animal stories, hearing about their silliness, seeing their beauty and cuteness - they make me so happy!
Abandon - I love that feeling. From dictionary: "to yield (oneself) completely, as to a feeling, desire, etc."
Accents - I fucking adore accents. I could listen to some accents forever, they're so fucking sexy!
Acetaminophen - aka Tylenol - because I'm allergic to aspirin and ibprofen, I'm very grateful to have the ever-present Tylenol for those certain times when I just can't take the pain (usually cramps and the every-once-in-awhile headache)
Adventures - I am so grateful for all the little adventures that I have, some large and many small. I see even walking down a new street or exploring a slightly different area of the city as an adventure, so it's easy to please me!
Air - to keep me alive, which is a good thing, and I'm grateful for the relatively clean air that I have to breath
Alarm clocks - or I would never wake up in the morning (and yes, the alarm clocks often don't work either, but I would be completely lost without them)
Alone time - I need a certain amount of alone time, probably more than some. Or maybe I'm just used to it. But I'm so grateful to be able to have it.
Anal activities - yes, I very much enjoy these although I know I still have much more to experience, and I'm going to get working on that
Angels - I believe in the real angels, and also that certain people can at certain times be angels, and I'm grateful for both
Antibiotics - because of these wonderful things as well as so many other medical discoveries, we don't have to worry about dying from small things anymore - I am so incredibly thankful for that
Antidepressants - these pills bring me back to the real me instead of the me with whacked out brain chemistry. And unfortunately that makes me think now of someone who I'm not grateful for - fuck you fuck you fuck you, Tom Cruise, you egotistical twat bastard.
Anu - she is a breath of fresh air, purity and poetry - and there is so much wisdom in her poetic words. She is also so sweet, open, accepting and loving, and I can relate to so many things she talks about, and I am so grateful for discovering her very recently.
Art - I love how art of all forms makes our world so much more interesting and beautiful. Even as I look out the window right now and see the sun shining on the greens leaves as they blow in the wind, it looks like art to me.
ATM machines - how I love not having to go to the actual bank to get money out!
Attention - yes, I love it
Austria - where I was based during my study abroad seven years ago, and I have so many wonderful memories from that experience - that time was the beginning of me changing, growing and really becoming who I am now, and everything about it means so incredibly much to me
The B's
Beauty - I see beauty everywhere in the world, and see so much beauty in myself, and am so grateful for that
Beds - I love sleeping and I love fucking and I love cuddling, and all three can be done in bed. And I'm also grateful for my new bed which is just so fabulously comfortable!
Blogs - writing this for the past year has helped me grow in so many ways - from the ability to get things out of my head and organized, to learning about myself and finally confronting certain things, to meeting other people, and also learning so much in some cases from reading the blogs of others, and also the sheer daily entertainment of it all
Babies - as in adorable human babies, one of which I want to have in two or three years, and also all animal babies because they're so cute and it makes me so happy to see pictures of animal babies. And I'm also so grateful for my own my babies, James and Emma, who are just my little angels of happiness!
Back - I love the enjoyment I get from every kind of touch to my back, whether a backrub or back tickle or just a tiny touch to my back - it may be my most happily sensitive body part and I absolutely adore back attention!
Balance - I am grateful for balance in life, and am always striving to find balance in many different areas
Beaches - I love pictures of the beach, and I love the feeling of being on the beach when I go on vacation
Beginning - I am grateful for new beginnings - which can be each and every day - and the idea that I can always change and grow and begin anew
Bites - I love to be bitten on the neck, how hot!
Black - I love wearing black, just love it
Bladder - yes this sounds silly, but I'm so grateful for having a large bladder - it has saved me so many times from having to pee in gross or crowded places
Boats - I love boats, it feels so amazing to be on the water!
Body - I am so grateful for having a healthy and beautiful body
Boobs - I love mine, love love love them!!!
Books - so many books, so many amazing stories and things we can learn
Brains - our brains are amazing things, and I'm so grateful for mine
Breathing - I'm incredibly grateful for being able to breath and not having to struggle in any way with it
Brother - I love my brother and am so incredibly grateful to have him in my life!
This was really fun to do, and it makes me so happy to think of so many things in my life that I'm grateful for. I'm very grateful to CeeCi for starting this wonderful exercise! :)
Okay, now it's after midnight and I'm just adding to the end of this post. I need to get to bed, so this will for real be quick!
First of all, I am so so so much better than I was on Sunday night. And that's because I emailed with SP on Monday and then late Monday afternoon we spoke and I told him how bad I felt, and how it had been eating me up inside, and he kept saying that it was okay, it was over with, but I wanted to truly express to him how much it did indeed matter to me. So through all I said, and the tears he could hear in my voice, but especially through my simple of statement of, "You know how important you are to me," and his answer of, "yes," it was all better. And I felt even closer to him as a result. And after that we were able to laugh and to catch up and talk and all was well with the world, and throughout our talking afterward, our connection was that much stronger and there was something more than there had been before. It was wonderful.
I also had a very in-depth instant message session with The German on Monday afternoon. It caused me to cry quite a bit but I was at work so I kept wiping my eyes and blowing my nose to try to hide it (there were only two people still there at the time, so luckily not everyone saw me weeping this time). I want to post part of our instant message conversation but I don't have time to go through and copy and paste the certain parts in here right now, so I'll do that tomorrow. But I'll say that during and afterward, even though I was crying and it wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, it was what I expected but also more, and I felt so good that I had gotten this out in the open a little and that we communicated, even if only by instant messenger (which was much easier for me as I told him, because of the crying it causes me). And also, I feel so much closer to him now as well after having talked a little. Although I still have to fully analyze the instant message conversation and afterward talk to him more at some point in the near future.
Last night The German and I talked on the phone for a bit, not about any of the topics that we covered on instant messager but light topics, and we instant messaged more. And today he called me from work (and thank God for that because I kept resetting and resetting my alarm clock this morning and eventually didn't get it completely reset so when he called and woke me up it was after 1:30 p.m.!!!) and then we instant messaged a lot, and then he left work early (he didn't have to work but needed to get some things done and he likes to go in sometimes when no one else is there because he can actually work without interruptions) and wanted to go sailing.
At first I was feeling lazy but then I jumped into gear and got ready and met MWFB and The German down at the boat at around 6:30 tonight, and we sailed! My first time sailing! It was great fun for the short while that we did it, but then MWFB started feeling a little sick so we went back in and dropped him off on shore and he had to go to meet a friend anyway. The German and I motored back out after that and went all down Navy Pier seeing the crowds of people, and then back to the harbor in the dark at about 9:30. And then we laid and cuddled in the front of the boat and watched the fireworks! It was so wonderful! And he kept me warm because it was quite nippy outside tonight! And I have to add that when we cuddled he held me very tight, and squeezed me extra tight very often, and he also kissed me many times throughout our boat ride and afterward - I'll of course talk more about The German tomorrow but I didn't want to forget that.
So that was my night, and then we got on the train and he got off on his stop after kissing me goodbye a few times, and then I came back here and have cuddled with James and Emma. And now I need to desperately go to sleep! Tomorrow I'll post some of that instant message conversation, because I need to write it out and analyze it in my head.
Now because I can't ever come up with ideas or words or whatever it is I'm supposed to be thinking of when I'm put on the spot, and also because I don't want to miss anything and if I worry that I'm missing something then I'll constantly be trying to think of other things after the fact, I decided to use the dictionary - which was fun in and of itself just to browse through all the many words! Yes, I'm slightly dorky sometimes and I'm grateful for that, too!! :) So anyway, because I want to be on the same letter as CeeCi each week, I'm doing both A and B this week, so it's a little long. Here we go:
The A's
America - although I tend to disagree a lot with the current presidential administration, and also look at our congress as a whole as a bunch of buffoons, and also don't like the traditional "American dream" - I do love what this country offers and I've loved growing up and living here, and I'm grateful for all the freedoms and opportunities that I often take for granted. I also love that I can get wonderful medical care here, and always have electricity, and always have internet ability, and can always walk down the street and not be afraid for my life (well, 99% of the time for that last one).
Animals - I love all animals, I love seeing animals, hearing animal stories, hearing about their silliness, seeing their beauty and cuteness - they make me so happy!
Abandon - I love that feeling. From dictionary: "to yield (oneself) completely, as to a feeling, desire, etc."
Accents - I fucking adore accents. I could listen to some accents forever, they're so fucking sexy!
Acetaminophen - aka Tylenol - because I'm allergic to aspirin and ibprofen, I'm very grateful to have the ever-present Tylenol for those certain times when I just can't take the pain (usually cramps and the every-once-in-awhile headache)
Adventures - I am so grateful for all the little adventures that I have, some large and many small. I see even walking down a new street or exploring a slightly different area of the city as an adventure, so it's easy to please me!
Air - to keep me alive, which is a good thing, and I'm grateful for the relatively clean air that I have to breath
Alarm clocks - or I would never wake up in the morning (and yes, the alarm clocks often don't work either, but I would be completely lost without them)
Alone time - I need a certain amount of alone time, probably more than some. Or maybe I'm just used to it. But I'm so grateful to be able to have it.
Anal activities - yes, I very much enjoy these although I know I still have much more to experience, and I'm going to get working on that
Angels - I believe in the real angels, and also that certain people can at certain times be angels, and I'm grateful for both
Antibiotics - because of these wonderful things as well as so many other medical discoveries, we don't have to worry about dying from small things anymore - I am so incredibly thankful for that
Antidepressants - these pills bring me back to the real me instead of the me with whacked out brain chemistry. And unfortunately that makes me think now of someone who I'm not grateful for - fuck you fuck you fuck you, Tom Cruise, you egotistical twat bastard.
Anu - she is a breath of fresh air, purity and poetry - and there is so much wisdom in her poetic words. She is also so sweet, open, accepting and loving, and I can relate to so many things she talks about, and I am so grateful for discovering her very recently.
Art - I love how art of all forms makes our world so much more interesting and beautiful. Even as I look out the window right now and see the sun shining on the greens leaves as they blow in the wind, it looks like art to me.
ATM machines - how I love not having to go to the actual bank to get money out!
Attention - yes, I love it
Austria - where I was based during my study abroad seven years ago, and I have so many wonderful memories from that experience - that time was the beginning of me changing, growing and really becoming who I am now, and everything about it means so incredibly much to me
The B's
Beauty - I see beauty everywhere in the world, and see so much beauty in myself, and am so grateful for that
Beds - I love sleeping and I love fucking and I love cuddling, and all three can be done in bed. And I'm also grateful for my new bed which is just so fabulously comfortable!
Blogs - writing this for the past year has helped me grow in so many ways - from the ability to get things out of my head and organized, to learning about myself and finally confronting certain things, to meeting other people, and also learning so much in some cases from reading the blogs of others, and also the sheer daily entertainment of it all
Babies - as in adorable human babies, one of which I want to have in two or three years, and also all animal babies because they're so cute and it makes me so happy to see pictures of animal babies. And I'm also so grateful for my own my babies, James and Emma, who are just my little angels of happiness!
Back - I love the enjoyment I get from every kind of touch to my back, whether a backrub or back tickle or just a tiny touch to my back - it may be my most happily sensitive body part and I absolutely adore back attention!
Balance - I am grateful for balance in life, and am always striving to find balance in many different areas
Beaches - I love pictures of the beach, and I love the feeling of being on the beach when I go on vacation
Beginning - I am grateful for new beginnings - which can be each and every day - and the idea that I can always change and grow and begin anew
Bites - I love to be bitten on the neck, how hot!
Black - I love wearing black, just love it
Bladder - yes this sounds silly, but I'm so grateful for having a large bladder - it has saved me so many times from having to pee in gross or crowded places
Boats - I love boats, it feels so amazing to be on the water!
Body - I am so grateful for having a healthy and beautiful body
Boobs - I love mine, love love love them!!!
Books - so many books, so many amazing stories and things we can learn
Brains - our brains are amazing things, and I'm so grateful for mine
Breathing - I'm incredibly grateful for being able to breath and not having to struggle in any way with it
Brother - I love my brother and am so incredibly grateful to have him in my life!
This was really fun to do, and it makes me so happy to think of so many things in my life that I'm grateful for. I'm very grateful to CeeCi for starting this wonderful exercise! :)
Okay, now it's after midnight and I'm just adding to the end of this post. I need to get to bed, so this will for real be quick!
First of all, I am so so so much better than I was on Sunday night. And that's because I emailed with SP on Monday and then late Monday afternoon we spoke and I told him how bad I felt, and how it had been eating me up inside, and he kept saying that it was okay, it was over with, but I wanted to truly express to him how much it did indeed matter to me. So through all I said, and the tears he could hear in my voice, but especially through my simple of statement of, "You know how important you are to me," and his answer of, "yes," it was all better. And I felt even closer to him as a result. And after that we were able to laugh and to catch up and talk and all was well with the world, and throughout our talking afterward, our connection was that much stronger and there was something more than there had been before. It was wonderful.
I also had a very in-depth instant message session with The German on Monday afternoon. It caused me to cry quite a bit but I was at work so I kept wiping my eyes and blowing my nose to try to hide it (there were only two people still there at the time, so luckily not everyone saw me weeping this time). I want to post part of our instant message conversation but I don't have time to go through and copy and paste the certain parts in here right now, so I'll do that tomorrow. But I'll say that during and afterward, even though I was crying and it wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, it was what I expected but also more, and I felt so good that I had gotten this out in the open a little and that we communicated, even if only by instant messenger (which was much easier for me as I told him, because of the crying it causes me). And also, I feel so much closer to him now as well after having talked a little. Although I still have to fully analyze the instant message conversation and afterward talk to him more at some point in the near future.
Last night The German and I talked on the phone for a bit, not about any of the topics that we covered on instant messager but light topics, and we instant messaged more. And today he called me from work (and thank God for that because I kept resetting and resetting my alarm clock this morning and eventually didn't get it completely reset so when he called and woke me up it was after 1:30 p.m.!!!) and then we instant messaged a lot, and then he left work early (he didn't have to work but needed to get some things done and he likes to go in sometimes when no one else is there because he can actually work without interruptions) and wanted to go sailing.
At first I was feeling lazy but then I jumped into gear and got ready and met MWFB and The German down at the boat at around 6:30 tonight, and we sailed! My first time sailing! It was great fun for the short while that we did it, but then MWFB started feeling a little sick so we went back in and dropped him off on shore and he had to go to meet a friend anyway. The German and I motored back out after that and went all down Navy Pier seeing the crowds of people, and then back to the harbor in the dark at about 9:30. And then we laid and cuddled in the front of the boat and watched the fireworks! It was so wonderful! And he kept me warm because it was quite nippy outside tonight! And I have to add that when we cuddled he held me very tight, and squeezed me extra tight very often, and he also kissed me many times throughout our boat ride and afterward - I'll of course talk more about The German tomorrow but I didn't want to forget that.
So that was my night, and then we got on the train and he got off on his stop after kissing me goodbye a few times, and then I came back here and have cuddled with James and Emma. And now I need to desperately go to sleep! Tomorrow I'll post some of that instant message conversation, because I need to write it out and analyze it in my head.
