Long weekend update
I had a wonderful weekend at home, but unlike the relaxing time I usually have when I visit my parents, this time I was pretty busy and also didn't get much sleep, so I'm fading quickly here. And this morning I was up at 4:30 Chicago time to get ready and get to the train, and I slept for two and half hours on the train but it doesn't really make up for the solid eight or so hours in a bed.
Okay so a quick overview:
On Friday I got to work late because I had to pack and get copies of my keys made for The German, then I spent most of the afternoon going over stuff for Monday with The Queen, although I did have a wonderful get-away for lunch with Florida! In the afternoon I left a little late so had to take a cab up to The German's to drop the keys off with his doorman and then the cab took me to get the train and I arrived just as it was starting to board and managed to sneak into the line so I could get window seat. And the trip was easy and I spent the whole time listening to music and reading my book. And speaking of my book, I know this is going to make me sound like such a dork but I don't care: I'm reading My Antonia by Willa Cather and I'm a little over halfway through, and it's just so amazing and stays in my thoughts for so long after I put it down. And while I was reading it on the train and listening to my beautiful and inspiring music, I'd look out of the window now and then to the farm fields covered in the light of the setting sun, or see some wild forest land sparkling in the sun - and I was all overcome with admiration and love for the pioneers and for their spirit and strength and their hope for something better. It was amazing! And yes, I know I sound just slightly over the top there! Anyway, my dad picked me up from the train station and when we got home, my mom, dad and I just hung out and chatted and joked and stuff like that. It was great!
Saturday: I woke up early so I could sit and have coffee with my mom and dad, and then I got ready and my grandpa picked me up at 11:30 for lunch. We went to a little golf club nearby and ate outside on the porch, under an umbrella, and the weather was so perfect and it was wonderful being able to enjoy the green grass and flowers. We stayed at our table until almost 3:00 which is an indication of how much we talked. It's been a long while since we had one of our grandpa-granddaughter lunches or dinners, so the first half of the time we talked about everything but my job and life, and I always love talking to my grandpa about things - he's so wise and so intelligent, and also in his old age has really mellowed out and isn't as argumentative or stubborn now, and for the past 17 or so years he becomes so much more loving and expressive every year.
And I have to say that by the end of our talk about my job and future and life, I felt so good and hopeful, and also as if a little bit of weight had been lifted off me because I was able to express all my fears and my frustrations with myself, both personal and professional, and also my complete lack of confidence in myself professionally. And my grandpa was so wonderful and listened, and followed up, and was understanding, and brought in instances from his life that were similar, and told me how he views me but also, most importantly, helped me develop a plan to start hopefully regaining confidence in my intelligence and ability to do things, and also a plan for when I go home, to get me feeling more in control and less frustrated. I loved being able to share with him, and I loved that he heard me, and I loved that he supported me. And he told me that I shouldn't start looking for another job until I can conquer this lack of self-confidence, because obviously I can't sell myself when I don't think I have anything to offer. So I also love that he isn't just pressing forward with the ultimate goal of another job but supports me in addressing underlying problems first. I love my grandpa and I fully see the amazing man that he is. Sometimes I get really frustrated with him and lose sight of that, but I'm so happy to see it right now.
Okay, so after my grandpa dropped me off, I rested briefly and then spruced myself up and my parents and I left for a wedding at my parents' church. This is a guy who I've known most of my life, and his family and my family have been close for most of that time. M was one grade behind me in school and he has two younger brothers, one of who was best friends with my brother all through grade school and the other was one year younger than them. And by grade school, I mean our private Lutheran school that went from kindergarden through eighth grade. And two grades shared a room because it was so small, so every other year M and I would be in the same classroom. His class was slightly bigger than mine at the end, so I believe he graduated from eighth grade with eleven people in the class whereas my class graduated with just six. (And I fully believe that this closeted upbringing is partially why I've always been, I think, a little behind other people my age in growing up).
When I was in eighth grade and M was in seventh, M was the stud of the school because he was the only guy who was taller than all the girls, and it didn't hurt that he was the best basketball player on the team either. Around Christmastime that year, M admitted to me that he'd liked me for awhile which shocked me because I had such low self-confidence, and in our little childlike way, we became boyfriend and girlfriend. I can still remember the feeling I'd get in my stomach when he would put his hand on my nyloned knee while we'd be watching some movie on abstinence in the little library. [It sounds funny but I do remember exactly that - M and I and a couple friends sat in the back row (we were at tables), and were watching a little movie on Amy Grant and her choice to remain a virgin until she got married so there were all kinds of interviews with her and her husband and all that. And under the table, M put his warm hand on my knee and I was wearing one of my short skirts and it was so exciting!] And I remember the excitement when a number of us would go to someone's house on a weekend night and watch scary movies in the basement, and M and I would sit smooshed up together and he would have his arm around me or his hand on my knee, or hold my hand. I don't have a great memory, but I will always remember that wonderful excitement of my first boyfriend, and being so excited that he liked me, and loving the feel of his big warm hand on my leg! And also - he gave me my first real kiss - my first french kiss! And I was a little silly then and still am now, but I still know that we french kissed a total of nine times while we were "going together" - I think that's what we called it then.
Anyway, when I went to high school I broke up with him because I wanted the excitement of high school guys (believe me, it was all crushes for the longest time and absolutely no action). I still saw him every Sunday at church and very often at my brother's basketball games after school. He spent a very long time trying to convince me to date him again, and always gave me these long looks and deep stares, but while I was flattered and really cared for him, he was too good and not nearly exciting enough for me.
But ever since we dated that year, we have both cared for each other even though we rarely see each other. He started dating the girl he married on Saturday at the end of high school, and I remember sometime at the end of college she broke up with him for a little over a year and he would call me long distance and we'd talk for hours as I tried to help him and be a friend while he cried. That was while I was in law school, so it doesn't seem like so long ago. I think about a year after that time, before M got back together his now-wife, J, his family came to my parents' cottage for a day while my brother and I were home, and M and I got in the hot tub while everyone else went out on a boat ride. We kissed a little while in there. It was nice, but I knew things weren't going anywhere between us. While I love M as a person, and I love his whole family, he is so incredibly good, and just doesn't intrigue me or excite me. So I was so happy for him when he and J got back together.
So anyway, now fast forward to Saturday, and the ceremony was so incredibly touching! M is such an emotional person and while he was repeating his vows he would pause for long moments while he tried to compose himself to be able to speak. While repeating one of the phrases his voice broke up, and it was so sweet! And J was looking at him with so much love and encouragement, and nodding at him to help him get through it all. It was amazing, to see the true love and know that their love story has taken awhile to get them to this point, but it worked.
The time after the wedding and also the reception were fun, and that was good because while we were driving to the wedding I had really wished that wouldn't have said yes to the reception. I was nervous about who I'd be sitting with because besides M and his family, I really haven't talked to any of the people who I went to grade school with but I knew I'd be sitting with them. I'll sometimes see them at church at the holidays but it's awkward and none of us have ever ended up speaking to catch up. But things were comfortable, and I really had a good time talking with them all and bonding a little again. And after dinner but before we left, I talked for awhile with M's middle brother and I just love that whole family, I love that feeling that they're almost like extended family to me because we've grown up together.
Sunday: my parents and I woke up early to go to the early church service, which starts at the terrible hour of 8:15 a.m. I admitted to my mom after we got home that I slept through the whole sermon because I just couldn't win the fight to keep my eyes open and stay awake, even though I tried because we were in the second row and I really like our pastor and didn't want to offend him - but he of course saw me snoozing the whole time.
When we got home I sat with my parents for half an hour and then went to pick up my grandma and we went out to lunch and then to her place for a little while afterwards. It was good to see her, although I'll admit that making time for my grandma is a little more like a chore, unlike with my grandpa. I love her so much though, and she's so loving and sweet - she's just gotten quite ditzy in her old age now, so it's more about listening and having patience with her. [My grandparents, my mom's parents, divorced back when I was around 8 or 9 years old, but when I graduated from eighth grade my grandpa moved to our city (and my mom had moved my grandma there a couple years before) and my grandparents slowly became friends again. There's no way they will ever be married again, but are very close now, and when my grandpa lives in Michigan for half the year he owns the condo next door to my grandma's, and they talk every day - it's of course a more complicated background story than I've told, but all that matters now is that they are each very important to each other and their mutual support and friendship is a very postive thing for both of them.]
When I got home from my grandma's, I took a half hour nap in my bed and was so incredibly tired when my mom woke me up, but I'm glad she did. My parents and I walked down the street to The P's house - they were hosting a goodbye party for another couple who has retired and are moving out of the state. So all these neighbors were there, and most I haven't talked to in years and used to play with their children when were all young. It was so cool to see them all again now! And also K, The P's daughter, was there - K and I were best friends when we were little so I loved catching up with her and reminiscing a little. And I absolutely adore The Ps, so I always love seeing them (they're my parents' best friends so I often get to see them in the summer).
One very cool thing was a neighbor dad who I'll call Mr. B. He's a 4-star general and just got back from his second tour in Iraq a couple weeks ago. I wanted to hear anything and everything he could tell me, so I was an extremely captive audience. A few of the stories he told of various experiences were pretty great and definitely not something that happens every day. I didn't really get to find out too much about what's really going on Iraq, partly because I was slightly intimidated so didn't ask too many detailed questions, and didn't want to offend him either. But I did ask a number of questions and he talked at length about whatever I asked. I also know that he is extremely upset with the media, who he says doesn't come even close to portraying what's really going on in Iraq. The whole thing was really, really interesting.
Then on Sunday night I read in the family room for awhile while my dad watched TV, and then I hung out with my mom for a long time and she gave me this little personality test that she and my dad recently took (my dad of course took it while complaining the whole time!) Then my mom and I tried to do little tests on each other, which was surprisingly hard but interesting. And then we read about ourselves and my mom was finally forced to see that I really am the complete opposite of her! The results also give advice on ways to deal with different personality types and in different situations, and my mom finally recognized a way to deal with me that doesn't make me so annoyed with her. It's actually quite wonderful - she sent me a couple of emails today regarding something she wants me to do and she put all this stuff into practice, and it's just nice to see her understanding what I have a hard time with and the steps that she needs to take to get me to do things - it took this little test to make her see it, but I love it.
Okay that's all. It wasn't the very quick overview that initially planned! :) James and Emma are so happy to have me home, and I love seeing them so happy and being able to pet and cuddle with them! I'm really tired. I know I need a very long sleep tonight so I'm going to put my clean dishes away and finish washing the few items left, and I think I'll call it a night. Oh - so exciting!! - Pottery Barn tried to deliver all my stuff today (a day early) and they left the thing on my door saying they'll try again tomorrow afternoon, so I'm going to leave work at noon and tomorrow night I'll have my rugs!!! Yay!!! Now I'm off to bed!
Okay so a quick overview:
On Friday I got to work late because I had to pack and get copies of my keys made for The German, then I spent most of the afternoon going over stuff for Monday with The Queen, although I did have a wonderful get-away for lunch with Florida! In the afternoon I left a little late so had to take a cab up to The German's to drop the keys off with his doorman and then the cab took me to get the train and I arrived just as it was starting to board and managed to sneak into the line so I could get window seat. And the trip was easy and I spent the whole time listening to music and reading my book. And speaking of my book, I know this is going to make me sound like such a dork but I don't care: I'm reading My Antonia by Willa Cather and I'm a little over halfway through, and it's just so amazing and stays in my thoughts for so long after I put it down. And while I was reading it on the train and listening to my beautiful and inspiring music, I'd look out of the window now and then to the farm fields covered in the light of the setting sun, or see some wild forest land sparkling in the sun - and I was all overcome with admiration and love for the pioneers and for their spirit and strength and their hope for something better. It was amazing! And yes, I know I sound just slightly over the top there! Anyway, my dad picked me up from the train station and when we got home, my mom, dad and I just hung out and chatted and joked and stuff like that. It was great!
Saturday: I woke up early so I could sit and have coffee with my mom and dad, and then I got ready and my grandpa picked me up at 11:30 for lunch. We went to a little golf club nearby and ate outside on the porch, under an umbrella, and the weather was so perfect and it was wonderful being able to enjoy the green grass and flowers. We stayed at our table until almost 3:00 which is an indication of how much we talked. It's been a long while since we had one of our grandpa-granddaughter lunches or dinners, so the first half of the time we talked about everything but my job and life, and I always love talking to my grandpa about things - he's so wise and so intelligent, and also in his old age has really mellowed out and isn't as argumentative or stubborn now, and for the past 17 or so years he becomes so much more loving and expressive every year.
And I have to say that by the end of our talk about my job and future and life, I felt so good and hopeful, and also as if a little bit of weight had been lifted off me because I was able to express all my fears and my frustrations with myself, both personal and professional, and also my complete lack of confidence in myself professionally. And my grandpa was so wonderful and listened, and followed up, and was understanding, and brought in instances from his life that were similar, and told me how he views me but also, most importantly, helped me develop a plan to start hopefully regaining confidence in my intelligence and ability to do things, and also a plan for when I go home, to get me feeling more in control and less frustrated. I loved being able to share with him, and I loved that he heard me, and I loved that he supported me. And he told me that I shouldn't start looking for another job until I can conquer this lack of self-confidence, because obviously I can't sell myself when I don't think I have anything to offer. So I also love that he isn't just pressing forward with the ultimate goal of another job but supports me in addressing underlying problems first. I love my grandpa and I fully see the amazing man that he is. Sometimes I get really frustrated with him and lose sight of that, but I'm so happy to see it right now.
Okay, so after my grandpa dropped me off, I rested briefly and then spruced myself up and my parents and I left for a wedding at my parents' church. This is a guy who I've known most of my life, and his family and my family have been close for most of that time. M was one grade behind me in school and he has two younger brothers, one of who was best friends with my brother all through grade school and the other was one year younger than them. And by grade school, I mean our private Lutheran school that went from kindergarden through eighth grade. And two grades shared a room because it was so small, so every other year M and I would be in the same classroom. His class was slightly bigger than mine at the end, so I believe he graduated from eighth grade with eleven people in the class whereas my class graduated with just six. (And I fully believe that this closeted upbringing is partially why I've always been, I think, a little behind other people my age in growing up).
When I was in eighth grade and M was in seventh, M was the stud of the school because he was the only guy who was taller than all the girls, and it didn't hurt that he was the best basketball player on the team either. Around Christmastime that year, M admitted to me that he'd liked me for awhile which shocked me because I had such low self-confidence, and in our little childlike way, we became boyfriend and girlfriend. I can still remember the feeling I'd get in my stomach when he would put his hand on my nyloned knee while we'd be watching some movie on abstinence in the little library. [It sounds funny but I do remember exactly that - M and I and a couple friends sat in the back row (we were at tables), and were watching a little movie on Amy Grant and her choice to remain a virgin until she got married so there were all kinds of interviews with her and her husband and all that. And under the table, M put his warm hand on my knee and I was wearing one of my short skirts and it was so exciting!] And I remember the excitement when a number of us would go to someone's house on a weekend night and watch scary movies in the basement, and M and I would sit smooshed up together and he would have his arm around me or his hand on my knee, or hold my hand. I don't have a great memory, but I will always remember that wonderful excitement of my first boyfriend, and being so excited that he liked me, and loving the feel of his big warm hand on my leg! And also - he gave me my first real kiss - my first french kiss! And I was a little silly then and still am now, but I still know that we french kissed a total of nine times while we were "going together" - I think that's what we called it then.
Anyway, when I went to high school I broke up with him because I wanted the excitement of high school guys (believe me, it was all crushes for the longest time and absolutely no action). I still saw him every Sunday at church and very often at my brother's basketball games after school. He spent a very long time trying to convince me to date him again, and always gave me these long looks and deep stares, but while I was flattered and really cared for him, he was too good and not nearly exciting enough for me.
But ever since we dated that year, we have both cared for each other even though we rarely see each other. He started dating the girl he married on Saturday at the end of high school, and I remember sometime at the end of college she broke up with him for a little over a year and he would call me long distance and we'd talk for hours as I tried to help him and be a friend while he cried. That was while I was in law school, so it doesn't seem like so long ago. I think about a year after that time, before M got back together his now-wife, J, his family came to my parents' cottage for a day while my brother and I were home, and M and I got in the hot tub while everyone else went out on a boat ride. We kissed a little while in there. It was nice, but I knew things weren't going anywhere between us. While I love M as a person, and I love his whole family, he is so incredibly good, and just doesn't intrigue me or excite me. So I was so happy for him when he and J got back together.
So anyway, now fast forward to Saturday, and the ceremony was so incredibly touching! M is such an emotional person and while he was repeating his vows he would pause for long moments while he tried to compose himself to be able to speak. While repeating one of the phrases his voice broke up, and it was so sweet! And J was looking at him with so much love and encouragement, and nodding at him to help him get through it all. It was amazing, to see the true love and know that their love story has taken awhile to get them to this point, but it worked.
The time after the wedding and also the reception were fun, and that was good because while we were driving to the wedding I had really wished that wouldn't have said yes to the reception. I was nervous about who I'd be sitting with because besides M and his family, I really haven't talked to any of the people who I went to grade school with but I knew I'd be sitting with them. I'll sometimes see them at church at the holidays but it's awkward and none of us have ever ended up speaking to catch up. But things were comfortable, and I really had a good time talking with them all and bonding a little again. And after dinner but before we left, I talked for awhile with M's middle brother and I just love that whole family, I love that feeling that they're almost like extended family to me because we've grown up together.
Sunday: my parents and I woke up early to go to the early church service, which starts at the terrible hour of 8:15 a.m. I admitted to my mom after we got home that I slept through the whole sermon because I just couldn't win the fight to keep my eyes open and stay awake, even though I tried because we were in the second row and I really like our pastor and didn't want to offend him - but he of course saw me snoozing the whole time.
When we got home I sat with my parents for half an hour and then went to pick up my grandma and we went out to lunch and then to her place for a little while afterwards. It was good to see her, although I'll admit that making time for my grandma is a little more like a chore, unlike with my grandpa. I love her so much though, and she's so loving and sweet - she's just gotten quite ditzy in her old age now, so it's more about listening and having patience with her. [My grandparents, my mom's parents, divorced back when I was around 8 or 9 years old, but when I graduated from eighth grade my grandpa moved to our city (and my mom had moved my grandma there a couple years before) and my grandparents slowly became friends again. There's no way they will ever be married again, but are very close now, and when my grandpa lives in Michigan for half the year he owns the condo next door to my grandma's, and they talk every day - it's of course a more complicated background story than I've told, but all that matters now is that they are each very important to each other and their mutual support and friendship is a very postive thing for both of them.]
When I got home from my grandma's, I took a half hour nap in my bed and was so incredibly tired when my mom woke me up, but I'm glad she did. My parents and I walked down the street to The P's house - they were hosting a goodbye party for another couple who has retired and are moving out of the state. So all these neighbors were there, and most I haven't talked to in years and used to play with their children when were all young. It was so cool to see them all again now! And also K, The P's daughter, was there - K and I were best friends when we were little so I loved catching up with her and reminiscing a little. And I absolutely adore The Ps, so I always love seeing them (they're my parents' best friends so I often get to see them in the summer).
One very cool thing was a neighbor dad who I'll call Mr. B. He's a 4-star general and just got back from his second tour in Iraq a couple weeks ago. I wanted to hear anything and everything he could tell me, so I was an extremely captive audience. A few of the stories he told of various experiences were pretty great and definitely not something that happens every day. I didn't really get to find out too much about what's really going on Iraq, partly because I was slightly intimidated so didn't ask too many detailed questions, and didn't want to offend him either. But I did ask a number of questions and he talked at length about whatever I asked. I also know that he is extremely upset with the media, who he says doesn't come even close to portraying what's really going on in Iraq. The whole thing was really, really interesting.
Then on Sunday night I read in the family room for awhile while my dad watched TV, and then I hung out with my mom for a long time and she gave me this little personality test that she and my dad recently took (my dad of course took it while complaining the whole time!) Then my mom and I tried to do little tests on each other, which was surprisingly hard but interesting. And then we read about ourselves and my mom was finally forced to see that I really am the complete opposite of her! The results also give advice on ways to deal with different personality types and in different situations, and my mom finally recognized a way to deal with me that doesn't make me so annoyed with her. It's actually quite wonderful - she sent me a couple of emails today regarding something she wants me to do and she put all this stuff into practice, and it's just nice to see her understanding what I have a hard time with and the steps that she needs to take to get me to do things - it took this little test to make her see it, but I love it.
Okay that's all. It wasn't the very quick overview that initially planned! :) James and Emma are so happy to have me home, and I love seeing them so happy and being able to pet and cuddle with them! I'm really tired. I know I need a very long sleep tonight so I'm going to put my clean dishes away and finish washing the few items left, and I think I'll call it a night. Oh - so exciting!! - Pottery Barn tried to deliver all my stuff today (a day early) and they left the thing on my door saying they'll try again tomorrow afternoon, so I'm going to leave work at noon and tomorrow night I'll have my rugs!!! Yay!!! Now I'm off to bed!
