Completely wasted day - I really piss myself off sometimes
I've been so boring and so incredibly lazy today and am feeling like complete shit because of it.
First the painters were supposed to come at 8 am to fill in the large holes in the wall and also various nailholes, and also do some work on part of the bathroom wall and bathroom ceiling. The bossman came at 8:45 to look at what needed to be done and reported that he was on another job but would come back in "a little while" with a guy to do the work. I had planned on the painters being here from 8 to about 10 so I'd go to work after that. Bossman and the worker guy finally arrived at 11:30 and I had been about to call my landlord to get him to call the guy and find out where the fuck he was. The painter guy was very nice and did all the work and even borrowed my vacuum to clean up in the bathroom (although he mistakenly filled in the nail holes that I had just made last night - I had to remove everything from the bathroom and didn't think to tell him, and of course I didn't tell him after I noticed it, either). He ended up leaving just a little before 2 pm.
I was still going to go to work because I took yesterday off for various reasons. So after the guy left (oh and he let in a huge fly which had James and Emma so so so excited and they were chasing it back and forth down the hall - so incredibly cute!) I got myself ready to go slowly because I was feeling so dizzy - I'm so bad with taking my antidepressants sometimes and the past couple days were two of those times so while the painter was here the withdrawal dizziness hit and although I took the pills then, it takes awhile for the medicine to get to my brain to make the dizziness go away.
I left my place at 2:15 and slowly walked two blocks to a drugstore that's on the way to the train and went in to get some candy, thinking that maybe I needed some sugar. But while in there and when I walked out, I was just feeling so awful and like I could barely walk because of the dizziness and also because of the absolutely oppressive heat and more so the humidity. So I shuffled back to my apartment and laid down and fell asleep for a few hours. Oh and before I laid down I cancelled my spot in the survey because I know myself and I wouldn't go all the way downtown after not doing anything all day - it's like I feel the day is already wasted anyway.
When I woke up I instant messaged with The German for awhile because he was still at work even though it was late, and then I spent the next few hours playing sudoku online and watching stupid crime dramas. And I was even supposed to call The German tonight but forgot until around 11:30 because of the addiction of playing game after pointless game of sudoku, and I didn't want to take the chance that he was asleep so I didn't call. That really really makes me angry with myself.
I feel like a terrible lazy fuck when I have a day like this. At least the morning part wasn't my fault, but after that it was. Tomorrow is a new day though, a new start! But I just hate knowing that I completely wasted an entire day in my life, I feel this huge weight of frustration and disappointment and anger with myself. And yes I know I'm being a bit dramatic but it's how I feel right now and how I always feel when I have one of these days (which luckily I don't have very often anymore since stopping drinking!)
But yes, tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. Every new day is a new start and has so much potential, so I'm just going to focus on that and get up tomorrow and feel joy at being able to go to work (because I really miss everyone when I don't go and I get kind of cranky at the lack of human interaction) and feel joy that I'll get to be productive and I'll put out of my mind the things I didn't do today and the lost opportunity for $100 (fuck that makes me so mad at myself right now!), because I know I can't change it now so I need to not let it weigh me down. It's hard right now though, and I'll feel bad when I go to work tomorrow after being gone for two days. Ugh, I'm just not in the positive mindframe right now! So okay, tonight I'll let myself still feel the frustration but tomorrow I'll try to be very positive and happy from the start! And I'll get to pick up my pictures that I ordered for printing, and I just love getting pictures, so that's something to be excited about!
First the painters were supposed to come at 8 am to fill in the large holes in the wall and also various nailholes, and also do some work on part of the bathroom wall and bathroom ceiling. The bossman came at 8:45 to look at what needed to be done and reported that he was on another job but would come back in "a little while" with a guy to do the work. I had planned on the painters being here from 8 to about 10 so I'd go to work after that. Bossman and the worker guy finally arrived at 11:30 and I had been about to call my landlord to get him to call the guy and find out where the fuck he was. The painter guy was very nice and did all the work and even borrowed my vacuum to clean up in the bathroom (although he mistakenly filled in the nail holes that I had just made last night - I had to remove everything from the bathroom and didn't think to tell him, and of course I didn't tell him after I noticed it, either). He ended up leaving just a little before 2 pm.
I was still going to go to work because I took yesterday off for various reasons. So after the guy left (oh and he let in a huge fly which had James and Emma so so so excited and they were chasing it back and forth down the hall - so incredibly cute!) I got myself ready to go slowly because I was feeling so dizzy - I'm so bad with taking my antidepressants sometimes and the past couple days were two of those times so while the painter was here the withdrawal dizziness hit and although I took the pills then, it takes awhile for the medicine to get to my brain to make the dizziness go away.
I left my place at 2:15 and slowly walked two blocks to a drugstore that's on the way to the train and went in to get some candy, thinking that maybe I needed some sugar. But while in there and when I walked out, I was just feeling so awful and like I could barely walk because of the dizziness and also because of the absolutely oppressive heat and more so the humidity. So I shuffled back to my apartment and laid down and fell asleep for a few hours. Oh and before I laid down I cancelled my spot in the survey because I know myself and I wouldn't go all the way downtown after not doing anything all day - it's like I feel the day is already wasted anyway.
When I woke up I instant messaged with The German for awhile because he was still at work even though it was late, and then I spent the next few hours playing sudoku online and watching stupid crime dramas. And I was even supposed to call The German tonight but forgot until around 11:30 because of the addiction of playing game after pointless game of sudoku, and I didn't want to take the chance that he was asleep so I didn't call. That really really makes me angry with myself.
I feel like a terrible lazy fuck when I have a day like this. At least the morning part wasn't my fault, but after that it was. Tomorrow is a new day though, a new start! But I just hate knowing that I completely wasted an entire day in my life, I feel this huge weight of frustration and disappointment and anger with myself. And yes I know I'm being a bit dramatic but it's how I feel right now and how I always feel when I have one of these days (which luckily I don't have very often anymore since stopping drinking!)
But yes, tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. Every new day is a new start and has so much potential, so I'm just going to focus on that and get up tomorrow and feel joy at being able to go to work (because I really miss everyone when I don't go and I get kind of cranky at the lack of human interaction) and feel joy that I'll get to be productive and I'll put out of my mind the things I didn't do today and the lost opportunity for $100 (fuck that makes me so mad at myself right now!), because I know I can't change it now so I need to not let it weigh me down. It's hard right now though, and I'll feel bad when I go to work tomorrow after being gone for two days. Ugh, I'm just not in the positive mindframe right now! So okay, tonight I'll let myself still feel the frustration but tomorrow I'll try to be very positive and happy from the start! And I'll get to pick up my pictures that I ordered for printing, and I just love getting pictures, so that's something to be excited about!
