I'm too tired to think of a title
I'm listening to some of the belly dancing songs that have downloaded so far - and it's making me want to belly dance a little!!
Okay first, the interview. It went okay but wasn't the best. I liked the guy and he was very friendly and all that, but throughout the whole thing I just didn't get the kind of vibe that we were very similar. I'm not sure how to describe it exactly. Maybe that he's much too serious or just that the job is very serious. Also, when he really got down to describing the job, I knew with certainty that I wouldn't be happy there. It's way too much courtroom time, and not just appearing but actively arguing matters. That's not something I'm good at nor would I enjoy it, and especially not five days a week. It would actually be more like torture and I'd never want to get out of bed in the morning to start the day. It also became apparent that while the attorneys all get along wonderfully, they don't necessarily have as close of a working relationship with the rest of the office staff. And the office was so quiet and had no life to it - I felt even when I first walked in that it would suck the life out of me.
I think I answered a couple questions badly, too. Not badly for me, because I kind of told the truth, but badly if I really, really wanted this job. And he seemed to understand and at the end of the interview he actually suggested another government agency that I might look into if I didn't get this job. Which was nice of him, and I think he's actually very correct in that agency being a better fit for me. But of course, it let me know for sure that I wasn't going to be getting an offer. Which is fine and all, but at the same time didn't make me feel fabulous if I'm being honest. Which is a little silly I know, but even if I don't want someone, I always want them to want me.
By the end of the interview, I felt a little bit like I did back when I was a sophomore in high school and was on the basketball team but never got off the bench, which was okay because I actually didn't want to be put in the game, especially not as a pity thing at the end of a game we were either assured of winning or assured of losing. At the end of the season the coach gave us a sheet with all our stats on it, and I was beyond mortified to see zeros all across for me, except for one foul that I got (at least there were two other girls in my boat with zeros as well, so I wasn't completely alone). But it was so humiliating and I wanted to sink into the ground and disappear. I would much rather he have left me off the sheet altogether rather than draw attention to my complete inadequacy. I took the sheet of paper home with me and hid it in one of my drawers and I still haven't ever shown anyone because it would still be too painful for me to let anyone see it. Now, that time was way way way way way worse than this, but I feel a bit of the same feelings deep inside right now.
The one thing that really pissed me off about myself was that I started very strong and upbeat, but at some point during the whole interview all my energy left and I moved inward and also felt so young and completely inadequate. When I got back to my office, I couldn't wait to change out of my suit and into my real clothes - when I wear the suit I just don't feel like me, but like I'm pretending and wearing someone else's clothes.
So anyway, that was that. And I honestly don't feel disappointed in the least, and I wouldn't take the job even if it was offered to me. But the feelings of being a failure and poser are still inside just a little bit. But enough about all that, because there are many more fun things to talk about!
After I got back to my office everyone was gone but The Meat had come back from the Cubs game for just a bit, and it made me so happy to be able to talk to him for a short while, and to see how he cares for me and likes me just as I am - so I regained some self-confidence and remembered that I also like me just the way I am!
Then I met Florida and we took the train and walked in fucking freezing cold and insanely strong winds to her place, and then Asparagus, Florida and I drove to a little tea shop near us (and yes, we drove instead of walked, but like I said - it was insanely cold out with the wind!). The tea place was actually really cool and it was fun smelling all the different blends and then shooting the shit with them. And we told ourselves that we weren't dorks for sitting in a tea place on a Friday night and instead we were trendy! And I really think we were cool and trendy and I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else! And also, Florida pointed out that it would be a great date place because it was pretty light, comfortable, they served light food, and it was something so different - and I'm totally going to remember that! I love the idea of a date there!
After awhile at the tea shop, I received the call I'd been waiting for - SP was almost at my place! So Florida and Asparagus dropped me off at home and I went up to get ready for SP. I put on my low-cut belly dancing pants and a short little camisole top, and although I didn't get to demostrate my new moves at the beginning, when he was dressing to leave awhile later I put the outfit back on and showed him my hip movements and also my current favorite on myself - the snake-like roll viewed from the side. He liked that one! We had a short time tonight but it was perfect - a perfect amount of action (starting with him standing behind me while we faced the mirror in the bathroom, and him half-undressing me as he moved his hands all over me, and him sucking on my earlobe and biting my neck as I watched him in the mirror and held my hands on his head and moved my butt against him, and then him walking me to the bedroom and throwing me on the bed - oh it was all so amazing!), a good amount of kissing (while I laid on him straddling him and he rubbed my back, neck, arms, and head), and also some good sharing.
The Coach called tonight but I didn't answer. I called back later and got his voicemail so left a message. And I was hoping to just get voicemail, because I didn't feel like talking much. I'm so tired again. The German also called - he was actually really sweet and called soon after my interview to find out how it went. I called him later tonight and gave him the full story and of course we chatted about many other things as well.
And now I'm really, really, really sleepy. Tomorrow I'll do laundry. And no excuses! And I think I just want a really quiet day because I've been so stressed this week. I want to sleep, and to catch up on my internet reading, and to work on my dollhouse, and sleep some more. And I know there are some other things as well, but I'm too tired to think of them right now.
Okay first, the interview. It went okay but wasn't the best. I liked the guy and he was very friendly and all that, but throughout the whole thing I just didn't get the kind of vibe that we were very similar. I'm not sure how to describe it exactly. Maybe that he's much too serious or just that the job is very serious. Also, when he really got down to describing the job, I knew with certainty that I wouldn't be happy there. It's way too much courtroom time, and not just appearing but actively arguing matters. That's not something I'm good at nor would I enjoy it, and especially not five days a week. It would actually be more like torture and I'd never want to get out of bed in the morning to start the day. It also became apparent that while the attorneys all get along wonderfully, they don't necessarily have as close of a working relationship with the rest of the office staff. And the office was so quiet and had no life to it - I felt even when I first walked in that it would suck the life out of me.
I think I answered a couple questions badly, too. Not badly for me, because I kind of told the truth, but badly if I really, really wanted this job. And he seemed to understand and at the end of the interview he actually suggested another government agency that I might look into if I didn't get this job. Which was nice of him, and I think he's actually very correct in that agency being a better fit for me. But of course, it let me know for sure that I wasn't going to be getting an offer. Which is fine and all, but at the same time didn't make me feel fabulous if I'm being honest. Which is a little silly I know, but even if I don't want someone, I always want them to want me.
By the end of the interview, I felt a little bit like I did back when I was a sophomore in high school and was on the basketball team but never got off the bench, which was okay because I actually didn't want to be put in the game, especially not as a pity thing at the end of a game we were either assured of winning or assured of losing. At the end of the season the coach gave us a sheet with all our stats on it, and I was beyond mortified to see zeros all across for me, except for one foul that I got (at least there were two other girls in my boat with zeros as well, so I wasn't completely alone). But it was so humiliating and I wanted to sink into the ground and disappear. I would much rather he have left me off the sheet altogether rather than draw attention to my complete inadequacy. I took the sheet of paper home with me and hid it in one of my drawers and I still haven't ever shown anyone because it would still be too painful for me to let anyone see it. Now, that time was way way way way way worse than this, but I feel a bit of the same feelings deep inside right now.
The one thing that really pissed me off about myself was that I started very strong and upbeat, but at some point during the whole interview all my energy left and I moved inward and also felt so young and completely inadequate. When I got back to my office, I couldn't wait to change out of my suit and into my real clothes - when I wear the suit I just don't feel like me, but like I'm pretending and wearing someone else's clothes.
So anyway, that was that. And I honestly don't feel disappointed in the least, and I wouldn't take the job even if it was offered to me. But the feelings of being a failure and poser are still inside just a little bit. But enough about all that, because there are many more fun things to talk about!
After I got back to my office everyone was gone but The Meat had come back from the Cubs game for just a bit, and it made me so happy to be able to talk to him for a short while, and to see how he cares for me and likes me just as I am - so I regained some self-confidence and remembered that I also like me just the way I am!
Then I met Florida and we took the train and walked in fucking freezing cold and insanely strong winds to her place, and then Asparagus, Florida and I drove to a little tea shop near us (and yes, we drove instead of walked, but like I said - it was insanely cold out with the wind!). The tea place was actually really cool and it was fun smelling all the different blends and then shooting the shit with them. And we told ourselves that we weren't dorks for sitting in a tea place on a Friday night and instead we were trendy! And I really think we were cool and trendy and I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else! And also, Florida pointed out that it would be a great date place because it was pretty light, comfortable, they served light food, and it was something so different - and I'm totally going to remember that! I love the idea of a date there!
After awhile at the tea shop, I received the call I'd been waiting for - SP was almost at my place! So Florida and Asparagus dropped me off at home and I went up to get ready for SP. I put on my low-cut belly dancing pants and a short little camisole top, and although I didn't get to demostrate my new moves at the beginning, when he was dressing to leave awhile later I put the outfit back on and showed him my hip movements and also my current favorite on myself - the snake-like roll viewed from the side. He liked that one! We had a short time tonight but it was perfect - a perfect amount of action (starting with him standing behind me while we faced the mirror in the bathroom, and him half-undressing me as he moved his hands all over me, and him sucking on my earlobe and biting my neck as I watched him in the mirror and held my hands on his head and moved my butt against him, and then him walking me to the bedroom and throwing me on the bed - oh it was all so amazing!), a good amount of kissing (while I laid on him straddling him and he rubbed my back, neck, arms, and head), and also some good sharing.
The Coach called tonight but I didn't answer. I called back later and got his voicemail so left a message. And I was hoping to just get voicemail, because I didn't feel like talking much. I'm so tired again. The German also called - he was actually really sweet and called soon after my interview to find out how it went. I called him later tonight and gave him the full story and of course we chatted about many other things as well.
And now I'm really, really, really sleepy. Tomorrow I'll do laundry. And no excuses! And I think I just want a really quiet day because I've been so stressed this week. I want to sleep, and to catch up on my internet reading, and to work on my dollhouse, and sleep some more. And I know there are some other things as well, but I'm too tired to think of them right now.
