I'm suddenly too sleepy now to think of a good title!
I've been SO bad with posting lately, I know I know I know! It's all because I have such fun talking with Mr. H and we've been talking until my bedtime or past it almost every night, or at least IMing until that time, and I usually write my posts at night. So at least I haven't been posting because I'm happy and talking tons with my wonderful guy - that's an okay reason!!! :)
Today I planned on writing some big long drawn out post but then I slept until 11:00 (which was okay cause Mr. H and I talked last night until 3 a.m. my time) and I took a nap on my couch from around 2:00 to 6:30 tonight (I was snuggling with James and his soft kitten snores just lulled me into my own sleepy zone). And then I had some stressful crying and then was talking with Mr. H until just now.
Something kind of good happened tonight even though it was really stressful for me and I did my share of crying because of it. It had to do with me asking Mr. H to come here for a visit before I went to visit him in his city. And we'd been planning this whole time that I'd go visit him next. I'd been so stressed about talking to him about this and I didn't know how he would react, and I felt so bad for changing things on him and I didn't want him to feel bad and worry, but all my closest and most wonderful friends had expressed so much worry about me flying so far away to see a guy who they felt I hardly know, and they reinforced their worries many times and I started worrying about whether I was indeed being not smart, and I worried about my wonderful friends who are so important to me losing respect for me, and I worried about Mr. H being sad or disappointed in me or getting angry, and oh there were just so many things running around in my head and I felt so so so much stress because of it.
So first I did a kind of stupid thing - I asked Mr. H if he could come here first in an email - because I was too much of a pussy to call him when that would have been so much better and not left him wondering and not left me stressing about what he was thinking. I realize now that the email was really vague about the reasons so I completely understand that he didn't know what to think or how to react to it. After he sent me a short little email back saying he was a bit confused and a little sad, I called him and almost immediately all the stress came out in a bunch of tears and I told him in maybe a slightly jumbled mess about the why's and I told him all my worries (not about him at all but about what my friends would think of me and about whether maybe I was being stupid and naive by planning to go there so soon) and I especially explained the worries of my friends.
And do you know how amazing and wonderful Mr. H was? I wish I could adequately express how wonderful he was! He of course didn't like hearing that my friends had worries about him, but at the same time he could take a step back and understand exactly why they would worry. And he even said that the fact that these people care so much about me says such good things about me - he was so giving and wonderful even in a slightly hard situation! And then he said that there was a very easy solution to this - he would come visit me first and while he's here, he'll meet my friends from work! And then they can see that he's really into me and for the right reasons, and that he also is a real and good guy! And he even said we could have some of them over and he'd cook dinner for us all! (Oh my gosh, as I write this I just have such a warm happy smile on my face and such a sense of I don't even know how to describe it but a really good and warm feeling inside!)
All of this was so good and so positive, because 1) he didn't get angry and anger always kind of scares me, 2) he cared so much about me even as I was telling him semi-bad things and hated seeing me so stressed and crying, 3) he turned it into a positive situation by saying he'd come here and meet my friends, and 4) he made me laugh afterward so I'd feel better, and even tonight said that what made him most happy wasn't just that we got through that perfectly and both feel good now, but that I'm happy now and not feeling so stressed inside. He is really such a wonderful person!!! And it just makes me so happy!!! And after all that we talked much more and about so many more things and he's just wonderful, he really really is, and we have such similiar views on so many things, it's so wonderful for both of to keep discovering all the ways we're alike!
In other news, there's some rogue centipede crawling around my apartment. Last night when I was talking Mr. H this centipede suddenly appeared on my couch about two feet from my face! I jumped up and was trying to find something to smoosh him with when he crawled somewhere and disappeared. Ewwwww!!! I retreated to the floor first and then to my bedroom. And this morning I checked the entire couch over and shook out my blanket and checked it all over, and I've kept my eyes pealed (or is it peeled - suddenly I'm forgetting which spelling to use for words that can use both an "ee" and "ea" - what is my fucking problem!) for the rogue guy all day but he's hiding somewhere. I'm hoping he'll come crawling out and the babies will spot him cause I've found a number of dead centipedes on the floor in the morning since we've lived here.
Let's see, what else? I'm sleepy and can't think right now of all the other things that may have been on my mind before, and it's 11:30 now so it's almost past my latest possible bedtime - I need to go to sleep now! And I'm going to sleep with a happy smile on my face!
Today I planned on writing some big long drawn out post but then I slept until 11:00 (which was okay cause Mr. H and I talked last night until 3 a.m. my time) and I took a nap on my couch from around 2:00 to 6:30 tonight (I was snuggling with James and his soft kitten snores just lulled me into my own sleepy zone). And then I had some stressful crying and then was talking with Mr. H until just now.
Something kind of good happened tonight even though it was really stressful for me and I did my share of crying because of it. It had to do with me asking Mr. H to come here for a visit before I went to visit him in his city. And we'd been planning this whole time that I'd go visit him next. I'd been so stressed about talking to him about this and I didn't know how he would react, and I felt so bad for changing things on him and I didn't want him to feel bad and worry, but all my closest and most wonderful friends had expressed so much worry about me flying so far away to see a guy who they felt I hardly know, and they reinforced their worries many times and I started worrying about whether I was indeed being not smart, and I worried about my wonderful friends who are so important to me losing respect for me, and I worried about Mr. H being sad or disappointed in me or getting angry, and oh there were just so many things running around in my head and I felt so so so much stress because of it.
So first I did a kind of stupid thing - I asked Mr. H if he could come here first in an email - because I was too much of a pussy to call him when that would have been so much better and not left him wondering and not left me stressing about what he was thinking. I realize now that the email was really vague about the reasons so I completely understand that he didn't know what to think or how to react to it. After he sent me a short little email back saying he was a bit confused and a little sad, I called him and almost immediately all the stress came out in a bunch of tears and I told him in maybe a slightly jumbled mess about the why's and I told him all my worries (not about him at all but about what my friends would think of me and about whether maybe I was being stupid and naive by planning to go there so soon) and I especially explained the worries of my friends.
And do you know how amazing and wonderful Mr. H was? I wish I could adequately express how wonderful he was! He of course didn't like hearing that my friends had worries about him, but at the same time he could take a step back and understand exactly why they would worry. And he even said that the fact that these people care so much about me says such good things about me - he was so giving and wonderful even in a slightly hard situation! And then he said that there was a very easy solution to this - he would come visit me first and while he's here, he'll meet my friends from work! And then they can see that he's really into me and for the right reasons, and that he also is a real and good guy! And he even said we could have some of them over and he'd cook dinner for us all! (Oh my gosh, as I write this I just have such a warm happy smile on my face and such a sense of I don't even know how to describe it but a really good and warm feeling inside!)
All of this was so good and so positive, because 1) he didn't get angry and anger always kind of scares me, 2) he cared so much about me even as I was telling him semi-bad things and hated seeing me so stressed and crying, 3) he turned it into a positive situation by saying he'd come here and meet my friends, and 4) he made me laugh afterward so I'd feel better, and even tonight said that what made him most happy wasn't just that we got through that perfectly and both feel good now, but that I'm happy now and not feeling so stressed inside. He is really such a wonderful person!!! And it just makes me so happy!!! And after all that we talked much more and about so many more things and he's just wonderful, he really really is, and we have such similiar views on so many things, it's so wonderful for both of to keep discovering all the ways we're alike!
In other news, there's some rogue centipede crawling around my apartment. Last night when I was talking Mr. H this centipede suddenly appeared on my couch about two feet from my face! I jumped up and was trying to find something to smoosh him with when he crawled somewhere and disappeared. Ewwwww!!! I retreated to the floor first and then to my bedroom. And this morning I checked the entire couch over and shook out my blanket and checked it all over, and I've kept my eyes pealed (or is it peeled - suddenly I'm forgetting which spelling to use for words that can use both an "ee" and "ea" - what is my fucking problem!) for the rogue guy all day but he's hiding somewhere. I'm hoping he'll come crawling out and the babies will spot him cause I've found a number of dead centipedes on the floor in the morning since we've lived here.
Let's see, what else? I'm sleepy and can't think right now of all the other things that may have been on my mind before, and it's 11:30 now so it's almost past my latest possible bedtime - I need to go to sleep now! And I'm going to sleep with a happy smile on my face!
