Sleepy again - a short update from tonight and what I wrote last night
Last night I started writing a post and I was so sleepy as I started and fell asleep at one point for maybe 45 minutes when James came cuddling, and then I wrote another paragraph and next woke up at 4:30 a.m. from James pawing at me and purring. And then moved to my bed and half woke up when my mom called but went right back to sleep and didn't wake up until well into the afternoon.
I completely and absolutely SUCK - it makes me feel so awful and so dirty and so angry with myself for just sleeping away through work. I want to just kick myself sometimes! And now I have such a headache all around both of my eyes so I need to take some Tylenol in a couple minutes and go to bed. I meant to write much more tonight and have it be exciting and I especially have one thing in particular that is so in my head and I haven't worked it all out yet and think I won't until I write it out - but with a headache and sleepy again, it'll wait until tomorrow.
Here's what I wrote last night:
I have to keep this short because it's WAY past my bedtime now!! I had a wonderful night and talked with Mr. Hands for quite awhile on the phone and then we IMed for quite awhile - it was really so wonderful, I have such fun talking to him and he makes me so happy!!!!! And IMing is fun, too - although not nearly as intimate feeling, but at least on IM I could see him and all his hotness!! And I love being able to see his smile, it always makes me smile!! And if I can figure out how to make my stupid webcam work properly then he'll be able to see me as well, and we might even be able to talk through the microphones, too - then it would be perfect because I'd get the intimacy of hearing his voice and also seeing him!!!
Last night [Tuesday night] I struggled forever with the stupid webcam as well, and had to download stuff and uninstall the old stuff which the computer wouldn't even recognize was there but made me uninstall anyway, and then reinstall the program, and restart the computer a number of times (and that's sssssuuuuucccchhhhh a slow process on my very slow lemon computer). And finally, it seemed that the camera was working. I chatted briefly with The Bold One and she could see me, so I didn't have to throw the camera across the room after all and all felt right with the world again! :) Until tonight when the stupid MoFo wouldn't work again - well I could see myself, and the thing said it was broadcasting, but Mr. H couldn't see me and I think got an error message or something. Tomorrow night I'll fiddle more with it and hopefully I won't have to end up throwing it across the room after all! (Well of course I wouldn't actually throw it, I'd be more likely to start crying in frustration and that would be much healthier so I'll accept crying tomorrow if necessary!)
Let's see, what else? I talked to MWFB (My Wonderful Friend Benji) today and he's so excited for me and he's a true believer in the power of things like this, so it was wonderful talking to him! And he let me gush all I wanted and actually encouraged it! Oh - Mr. Hands and I talked tonight about the next time we'll see each other!!! Yay!!!! Oh I'm so excited!!!! I'm going to fly there on a Thursday and get in in the early evening, and I'll fly back on a Monday - so we'll have three full days together plus Thursday night and Monday morning, and I have such good thoughts and feelings about it - SUCH good ones! We don't know the exact weekend yet, and won't until Mr. H knows his schedule a little more, but it will most likely and hopefully be in later November or early December, and I'm so happy knowing that we're scheduling and planning it.
It's just so amazing this thing between us, the feelings we both have, the excitement, the fun we have talking and IMing, the amazing attraction we both feel - I have such a hard time putting it all into words right now, but I'm feeling so many things ranging from such excitement to deep contentment. And I know that there's something very special here, something that hasn't happened before to me. I'm a very very very very happy girl right now because of my amazing and wonderful man!!!! :)
[James was just over for a cuddle and I fell asleep right along with him. I'm so sleepy.] One other thing - I cancelled my membership on the dating site that I was using. I closed all of the matches for the reason of "pursuing another relationship" and then I cancelled the subscription. I am committed to seeing what happens with Mr. H, and my only focus is on him and us. And I love it that way!!! Oh and I also told SP ALL about Mr. Hands, and I cut off all hookups between us - again because Mr. Hands is my only guy!!! SP understood completely and is happy and hopeful for me, but I'm sure he is also feeling some deep disappointment and that makes me feel bad - but of course it doesn't change my mind. And one more thing - I also had a bit of a talk with The German and was a little more direct and strong and "I am woman, hear me roar" than I usually am. I'm too tired to write more about that now though. I feel so good though! So strong and so happy and I'm just smiling all over the place, both on the outside and in my heart!
I completely and absolutely SUCK - it makes me feel so awful and so dirty and so angry with myself for just sleeping away through work. I want to just kick myself sometimes! And now I have such a headache all around both of my eyes so I need to take some Tylenol in a couple minutes and go to bed. I meant to write much more tonight and have it be exciting and I especially have one thing in particular that is so in my head and I haven't worked it all out yet and think I won't until I write it out - but with a headache and sleepy again, it'll wait until tomorrow.
Here's what I wrote last night:
I have to keep this short because it's WAY past my bedtime now!! I had a wonderful night and talked with Mr. Hands for quite awhile on the phone and then we IMed for quite awhile - it was really so wonderful, I have such fun talking to him and he makes me so happy!!!!! And IMing is fun, too - although not nearly as intimate feeling, but at least on IM I could see him and all his hotness!! And I love being able to see his smile, it always makes me smile!! And if I can figure out how to make my stupid webcam work properly then he'll be able to see me as well, and we might even be able to talk through the microphones, too - then it would be perfect because I'd get the intimacy of hearing his voice and also seeing him!!!
Last night [Tuesday night] I struggled forever with the stupid webcam as well, and had to download stuff and uninstall the old stuff which the computer wouldn't even recognize was there but made me uninstall anyway, and then reinstall the program, and restart the computer a number of times (and that's sssssuuuuucccchhhhh a slow process on my very slow lemon computer). And finally, it seemed that the camera was working. I chatted briefly with The Bold One and she could see me, so I didn't have to throw the camera across the room after all and all felt right with the world again! :) Until tonight when the stupid MoFo wouldn't work again - well I could see myself, and the thing said it was broadcasting, but Mr. H couldn't see me and I think got an error message or something. Tomorrow night I'll fiddle more with it and hopefully I won't have to end up throwing it across the room after all! (Well of course I wouldn't actually throw it, I'd be more likely to start crying in frustration and that would be much healthier so I'll accept crying tomorrow if necessary!)
Let's see, what else? I talked to MWFB (My Wonderful Friend Benji) today and he's so excited for me and he's a true believer in the power of things like this, so it was wonderful talking to him! And he let me gush all I wanted and actually encouraged it! Oh - Mr. Hands and I talked tonight about the next time we'll see each other!!! Yay!!!! Oh I'm so excited!!!! I'm going to fly there on a Thursday and get in in the early evening, and I'll fly back on a Monday - so we'll have three full days together plus Thursday night and Monday morning, and I have such good thoughts and feelings about it - SUCH good ones! We don't know the exact weekend yet, and won't until Mr. H knows his schedule a little more, but it will most likely and hopefully be in later November or early December, and I'm so happy knowing that we're scheduling and planning it.
It's just so amazing this thing between us, the feelings we both have, the excitement, the fun we have talking and IMing, the amazing attraction we both feel - I have such a hard time putting it all into words right now, but I'm feeling so many things ranging from such excitement to deep contentment. And I know that there's something very special here, something that hasn't happened before to me. I'm a very very very very happy girl right now because of my amazing and wonderful man!!!! :)
[James was just over for a cuddle and I fell asleep right along with him. I'm so sleepy.] One other thing - I cancelled my membership on the dating site that I was using. I closed all of the matches for the reason of "pursuing another relationship" and then I cancelled the subscription. I am committed to seeing what happens with Mr. H, and my only focus is on him and us. And I love it that way!!! Oh and I also told SP ALL about Mr. Hands, and I cut off all hookups between us - again because Mr. Hands is my only guy!!! SP understood completely and is happy and hopeful for me, but I'm sure he is also feeling some deep disappointment and that makes me feel bad - but of course it doesn't change my mind. And one more thing - I also had a bit of a talk with The German and was a little more direct and strong and "I am woman, hear me roar" than I usually am. I'm too tired to write more about that now though. I feel so good though! So strong and so happy and I'm just smiling all over the place, both on the outside and in my heart!
