My weekend, talk with my dad, etc,
I'm really really sleepy so this won't be long. I had to get up very early this morning to get to the Amtrak and take the train back to Chicago, and even though I slept on it, it hardly felt like it by the afternoon and evening. And I had to stay after work to help my boss with a class that he teaches.
And then I got home, and I was soooooooo excited to see my little babies! I expected there to be some poop on the hallway carpet because James has very very frustratingly decided that the hallway carpet is where he likes to poop. And over the weekend I came up with a plan: 1) get a second litter pan and put some litter in it but not a ton in case he doesn't like sinking in the litter when he's pooping and that's why he doesn't use the litter pan anymore, and 2) set out three food bowls along the length of the hall carpet and along the wall where he poops, because we all know that cats won't poop in the same place where they eat. So that's the plan - but of course I want to do both things at the same time and I don't have the second litter pan yet, so I'll get that tomorrow after work.
But then, today when I got home, not only was there a poop waiting for me on the carpet, but I found an extremely wet pee spot as well - and that oh so frustrates me and I have to work so so so hard to not be mad at James because he wouldn't know why I was mad at him. I cleaned it all up, but tonight before I go to bed I'll have to roll the carpet up because I don't want it getting any more pee-damaged. And damn it, I love that carpet! So I must get James to stop using my carpet as his toilet!
My weekend was very nice. I took the train home to my parents' house on Friday night and I read and listened to music the whole way. Then on Saturday my dad had to go watch some things being installed for his work so my mom and I slept in a bit and then sat downstairs and drank coffee and talked for a couple hours, and one of her sweet cats curled up in my arms on the table and I always love that! Then we both got dressed and my mom dropped me off at my grandpa's house, and I spent four hours with him talking and typing everything he said for his biography. We went over some of the harder things that day, such as mistakes he made with regard to his son and his relationship with his parents when he was really young. Sometimes it was hard watching him, because I knew it was very difficult for him to look back on some of those things.
After that, my mom picked me up and we went home for dinner. She had gotten a Honey Ham - yummmmmmy!!!! So the three of us ate and chatted and hung out, and then my mom and I watched a couple shows while we read magazines and talked and the sweet kitty was again in my arms!
On Sunday we got up very very very early for early church service and came home for awhile afterward, and all three of us sat around the table, drank coffee, and read the paper. Then we picked my grandpa and grandma up and we went to my favorite autumn place in the whole world - a wonderful apple orchard, and inside one of the old buildings they serve hot and cold apple cider (I like the hot stuff) and all kinds of donuts, pastries and pies (I always get one plain donut). The place was sooooooooo crowded on Sunday because it was absolutely perfect and gorgeous weather, it smelled so good out, looked so beautiful, the skies were clear blue, the leaves were changing, the little children were running all around outside, the air was warm but still with a bit of a fall crispiness to it - it was just perfect! So anyway, we all had our little snacks and then walked around a little, and then my dad drove us all around on a little tour of fall leaves changing color. I wanted to take pictures but of course we were driving and I was sitting between my grandparents, and I also had to go to the bathroom soon after we started driving and it only got worse so the last thing I wanted was to stop somewhere and make it longer before I could get to a bathroom to pee!
So then we dropped my grandparents off and my parents and I went home, and I was so tired from getting up so early - the sleepiness really hit me - so I took a wonderful 2 hour in my bed and then woke up for dinner. And on Sunday night my mom and I again sat at the table, watched a couple shows (I can't even remember which ones so it shows how much I was paying attention), read little magazines and talked. And I again had sweet kitty in my arms! She adopted me for the weekend! :)
And then on Monday it was pretty much a repeat of Saturday, with my dad going to work, my mom and I sleeping in a little and then drinking coffee and talking, getting ready, being dropped off at my grandpa's and spending four hours with him going over some of his very interesting career. He worked on the Manhattan Project so I absolutely loved being able to hear more about that, and ask all kinds of questions and get a pretty complete image of everything about the job, the atmosphere there, the city, the general atmosphere in the US, etc. And we went over a lot more as well, including when he started his own company and developed a special adhesive that was used by Chrysler for five years. My grandpa was a chemist, by the way. I love my meetings with him and getting to hear again some of the stories that I'd heard parts of before, and putting everything in order, and asking a lot of questions, and going much more in depth about everything than I ever had before. And I type everything he says! Oh, and he even paid me this time, $200, and said it would keep going up as we continued meeting and I started writing. So I like that as well, because I need it.
My mom picked me up and we went home and we all ate dinner and a little later my mom and I watched the show Heroes, and it's such a good show! This was only the third episode and already I'm drawn in and very intrigued! Then my mom and I downloaded some pictures for my dad and we all looked at all the lovely images he captured!
Then this morning I had to get up so so so so so so so so early. My dad and I left at 6:50 a.m. to get me to the train. And then, when we got there and parked while waiting for it to be close to the time, my dad turned to me and wanted to know what was going on with me, and he told me he worries about me a lot, kind of all the time. First he wanted to talk about my job and how my mom told him that The Meat is retiring in a year and my boss would probably go to a different division, and I had told my mom that I would need to find something different around or before that time. And then there's the matter of my possible career change as I don't have any real interest in law. So he's worried about me procrastinating (he knows me) and not making any decisions. And he's worried about me being always poor. And he's just worried because I don't know what kind of career I want and in what area, and my current job will only be going on the same for another year.
And then when we got out of the car and were walking towards the platform, he asked me if I'd gone on any dates lately. I told him I went out with a guy a couple of times, and that I'm starting to get back out there again. He said he worries about that a lot, too, because he just "wants me to find my spot." He suggested doing the online dating like I did a couple years ago, just to get me out there and meeting people again. I said I was thinking about that but that I can't do everything at once and I want to figure out my career thing first. He said, "well do it, cause time is moving on and I'm always worrying about you!" And then he put his arm around me and said, "I think you're hiding something from me, and that worries me, too."
While he was telling me all this, I felt the urge to cry right behind my eyeballs so strong sometimes. First, because my dad was sharing with me and he doesn't do that very much. Second, because I just want him to be happy. And third, because it was making me realize how little is certain in my life, and how little I've actually accomplished. I'm thirty now and I have no idea what job or career I want, and I kind of like to do a lot of little things but I have no idea how to make money with any of them. Also, I'm thirty and I'm poor and while I can live comfortably in my apartment, I am trying to pay off debt but can only do that very slowly, I have little extra spending cash, I'm not saving anything, I don't own anything, and I probably couldn't even afford car insurance if I were to have a car, which I've been wanting more and more for little errands. And again, I'm thirty and have hardly had any real boyfriends in my life, have a hard time finding a guy who I'm into and have him be equally into me, have no real prospect right now for a partner, and while most people my age are married now and thinking about having a baby or already have one, I'm still trying to figure out the very basic things. So it makes me feel kind of shitty about myself when I look at it all from that perspective.
Of course, I do remind myself of having overcome alcoholism. And of learning so much about myself in the last couple years. And of having my babies to love. And of having such a pretty, warm and comfortable apartment. And The Meat pointed out that even though I don't know exactly what I do want to do, at least I know things that I don't want to do. Still, it doesn't sound so impressive. And I wish I could say that while I was young and free, I had traveled all over the world, but I've had no money at all to travel with. And I can't even say that, living in Chicago, I've gone to see all kinds of cool plays and musicals and operas - because 1) I never think of it, 2) when I do think of it I don't know who to go with, and 3) I always think they'll be so expensive.
Okay, I'm putting a stop to the pitty party now. Because even though there's a lot I haven't done and figured out yet, I still have all the time I need. And besides, I think I'm pretty fucking fabulous in so many ways!! So I'll focus on that right now! Or at least try to.
Oh, and I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. So my first thing is to always be in bed by 11:30 p.m. No more 1 a.m. nights. And second, I have to keep the TV off unless it's one of my pre-selected shows that I watch. And third, I'm going to see what channels basic cable comes with because I'm thinking of maybe getting rid of the expanded cable. I watch way too much TV, it eats away my time, my nights, my weekends, and part of my life, and keeps me from doing so many things that I really want to do.
Okay, that's all. Now it's time for me to get ready for lovely bed! And right now, I have my sweet little James cuddled up against my side, and my sweet little Emma is sleeping on the top of the couch above us! I have to say, that makes me feel so wonderful!!!
And then I got home, and I was soooooooo excited to see my little babies! I expected there to be some poop on the hallway carpet because James has very very frustratingly decided that the hallway carpet is where he likes to poop. And over the weekend I came up with a plan: 1) get a second litter pan and put some litter in it but not a ton in case he doesn't like sinking in the litter when he's pooping and that's why he doesn't use the litter pan anymore, and 2) set out three food bowls along the length of the hall carpet and along the wall where he poops, because we all know that cats won't poop in the same place where they eat. So that's the plan - but of course I want to do both things at the same time and I don't have the second litter pan yet, so I'll get that tomorrow after work.
But then, today when I got home, not only was there a poop waiting for me on the carpet, but I found an extremely wet pee spot as well - and that oh so frustrates me and I have to work so so so hard to not be mad at James because he wouldn't know why I was mad at him. I cleaned it all up, but tonight before I go to bed I'll have to roll the carpet up because I don't want it getting any more pee-damaged. And damn it, I love that carpet! So I must get James to stop using my carpet as his toilet!
My weekend was very nice. I took the train home to my parents' house on Friday night and I read and listened to music the whole way. Then on Saturday my dad had to go watch some things being installed for his work so my mom and I slept in a bit and then sat downstairs and drank coffee and talked for a couple hours, and one of her sweet cats curled up in my arms on the table and I always love that! Then we both got dressed and my mom dropped me off at my grandpa's house, and I spent four hours with him talking and typing everything he said for his biography. We went over some of the harder things that day, such as mistakes he made with regard to his son and his relationship with his parents when he was really young. Sometimes it was hard watching him, because I knew it was very difficult for him to look back on some of those things.
After that, my mom picked me up and we went home for dinner. She had gotten a Honey Ham - yummmmmmy!!!! So the three of us ate and chatted and hung out, and then my mom and I watched a couple shows while we read magazines and talked and the sweet kitty was again in my arms!
On Sunday we got up very very very early for early church service and came home for awhile afterward, and all three of us sat around the table, drank coffee, and read the paper. Then we picked my grandpa and grandma up and we went to my favorite autumn place in the whole world - a wonderful apple orchard, and inside one of the old buildings they serve hot and cold apple cider (I like the hot stuff) and all kinds of donuts, pastries and pies (I always get one plain donut). The place was sooooooooo crowded on Sunday because it was absolutely perfect and gorgeous weather, it smelled so good out, looked so beautiful, the skies were clear blue, the leaves were changing, the little children were running all around outside, the air was warm but still with a bit of a fall crispiness to it - it was just perfect! So anyway, we all had our little snacks and then walked around a little, and then my dad drove us all around on a little tour of fall leaves changing color. I wanted to take pictures but of course we were driving and I was sitting between my grandparents, and I also had to go to the bathroom soon after we started driving and it only got worse so the last thing I wanted was to stop somewhere and make it longer before I could get to a bathroom to pee!
So then we dropped my grandparents off and my parents and I went home, and I was so tired from getting up so early - the sleepiness really hit me - so I took a wonderful 2 hour in my bed and then woke up for dinner. And on Sunday night my mom and I again sat at the table, watched a couple shows (I can't even remember which ones so it shows how much I was paying attention), read little magazines and talked. And I again had sweet kitty in my arms! She adopted me for the weekend! :)
And then on Monday it was pretty much a repeat of Saturday, with my dad going to work, my mom and I sleeping in a little and then drinking coffee and talking, getting ready, being dropped off at my grandpa's and spending four hours with him going over some of his very interesting career. He worked on the Manhattan Project so I absolutely loved being able to hear more about that, and ask all kinds of questions and get a pretty complete image of everything about the job, the atmosphere there, the city, the general atmosphere in the US, etc. And we went over a lot more as well, including when he started his own company and developed a special adhesive that was used by Chrysler for five years. My grandpa was a chemist, by the way. I love my meetings with him and getting to hear again some of the stories that I'd heard parts of before, and putting everything in order, and asking a lot of questions, and going much more in depth about everything than I ever had before. And I type everything he says! Oh, and he even paid me this time, $200, and said it would keep going up as we continued meeting and I started writing. So I like that as well, because I need it.
My mom picked me up and we went home and we all ate dinner and a little later my mom and I watched the show Heroes, and it's such a good show! This was only the third episode and already I'm drawn in and very intrigued! Then my mom and I downloaded some pictures for my dad and we all looked at all the lovely images he captured!
Then this morning I had to get up so so so so so so so so early. My dad and I left at 6:50 a.m. to get me to the train. And then, when we got there and parked while waiting for it to be close to the time, my dad turned to me and wanted to know what was going on with me, and he told me he worries about me a lot, kind of all the time. First he wanted to talk about my job and how my mom told him that The Meat is retiring in a year and my boss would probably go to a different division, and I had told my mom that I would need to find something different around or before that time. And then there's the matter of my possible career change as I don't have any real interest in law. So he's worried about me procrastinating (he knows me) and not making any decisions. And he's worried about me being always poor. And he's just worried because I don't know what kind of career I want and in what area, and my current job will only be going on the same for another year.
And then when we got out of the car and were walking towards the platform, he asked me if I'd gone on any dates lately. I told him I went out with a guy a couple of times, and that I'm starting to get back out there again. He said he worries about that a lot, too, because he just "wants me to find my spot." He suggested doing the online dating like I did a couple years ago, just to get me out there and meeting people again. I said I was thinking about that but that I can't do everything at once and I want to figure out my career thing first. He said, "well do it, cause time is moving on and I'm always worrying about you!" And then he put his arm around me and said, "I think you're hiding something from me, and that worries me, too."
While he was telling me all this, I felt the urge to cry right behind my eyeballs so strong sometimes. First, because my dad was sharing with me and he doesn't do that very much. Second, because I just want him to be happy. And third, because it was making me realize how little is certain in my life, and how little I've actually accomplished. I'm thirty now and I have no idea what job or career I want, and I kind of like to do a lot of little things but I have no idea how to make money with any of them. Also, I'm thirty and I'm poor and while I can live comfortably in my apartment, I am trying to pay off debt but can only do that very slowly, I have little extra spending cash, I'm not saving anything, I don't own anything, and I probably couldn't even afford car insurance if I were to have a car, which I've been wanting more and more for little errands. And again, I'm thirty and have hardly had any real boyfriends in my life, have a hard time finding a guy who I'm into and have him be equally into me, have no real prospect right now for a partner, and while most people my age are married now and thinking about having a baby or already have one, I'm still trying to figure out the very basic things. So it makes me feel kind of shitty about myself when I look at it all from that perspective.
Of course, I do remind myself of having overcome alcoholism. And of learning so much about myself in the last couple years. And of having my babies to love. And of having such a pretty, warm and comfortable apartment. And The Meat pointed out that even though I don't know exactly what I do want to do, at least I know things that I don't want to do. Still, it doesn't sound so impressive. And I wish I could say that while I was young and free, I had traveled all over the world, but I've had no money at all to travel with. And I can't even say that, living in Chicago, I've gone to see all kinds of cool plays and musicals and operas - because 1) I never think of it, 2) when I do think of it I don't know who to go with, and 3) I always think they'll be so expensive.
Okay, I'm putting a stop to the pitty party now. Because even though there's a lot I haven't done and figured out yet, I still have all the time I need. And besides, I think I'm pretty fucking fabulous in so many ways!! So I'll focus on that right now! Or at least try to.
Oh, and I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. So my first thing is to always be in bed by 11:30 p.m. No more 1 a.m. nights. And second, I have to keep the TV off unless it's one of my pre-selected shows that I watch. And third, I'm going to see what channels basic cable comes with because I'm thinking of maybe getting rid of the expanded cable. I watch way too much TV, it eats away my time, my nights, my weekends, and part of my life, and keeps me from doing so many things that I really want to do.
Okay, that's all. Now it's time for me to get ready for lovely bed! And right now, I have my sweet little James cuddled up against my side, and my sweet little Emma is sleeping on the top of the couch above us! I have to say, that makes me feel so wonderful!!!
