A New Template (yay!), A Date (a wee bit nervous), and An Anniversary (a peaceful smile)
[Edit: Yes, the template is having some issues. Why? I don't know yet because it was working perfectly and gorgeously on another blog and I just copied and pasted the template. I'm going to try to make some changes tonight but I may have to go to bed and work on fixing it tomorrow at work. This is such a pisser!!! I wanted it to look perfect! The sidebar is supposed to be to the right and not have any pink background behind it. And the main column is only supposed to be as wide as the writing contained therein. In case I fix these things, it won't make any sense what I'm saying and that would be a good thing! But otherwise, I'll hopefully have it all figured out within 24 hrs!]
Okay, hopefully when you all read this my new template will be up and working and will be looking wonderful!!! I'm so in love with the new colors and with my beautiful picture on the top banner! The one thing that I couldn't figure out was how to have the entire thing always centered no matter how big or small you make the page. I could do the banner fine, but the post column and sidebar column are both separate and I couldn't figure out a way to link them together and then set them as a pair to be centered. So instead I set all three elements in one place so at least they all look good relative to each other. But to do all that I learned a little about the differences between absolute and relative positioning and floating! I feel so cool!!! :) This is the template that I worked off of and changed around, and I also have to thank CeeCi for making the most gorgeous template for herself - and which I tried to emulate in a number of ways because it's so pretty! :)
Originally I was going to finish up and post my Gratitude Tuesday list of K words, because I really want to start back up with regularly doing Gratitude Tuesday - it really does have such an effect on my outlook and mood for the whole week. BUT, I stayed a little late at work because today I suddenly started cleaning my desk and little area and kept going at it (and this is an area that has not been cleaned or straightened in full for a.very.long.time.), so by the time I was even sort of finished it was late and then I hung out with The Meat and chatted with him for awhile. And then when I got home I started putting the few things from the old template into the new template.
And then I decided to finally call this guy who I met a couple weeks ago; he called me a couple days after we met and left a message and I called him back a few days after that and left a message, and then I went through my funk and during that time he called another three times and left messages and I had never returned the calls. He last called last night and left a very nice and sweet message. So anyway, when I called he was in rehearsal with his little band but sounded so happy to hear from me, and he called back an hour later and we chatted for awhile.
And now I have a date with him tomorrow night - he's picking me up at 7:30 and we're going to dinner. He was free tomorrow and Saturday and so was I so I said whichever day was better for him and he chose tomorrow. I know it's probably the better day because 1) it gives me no real time to chicken out, and 2) it's during the week so I'll be busy all day and then we can't stay out too late. But still, it seems so soon and I'm a little nervous - a first date, with the potential for awkward silences and all that. BUT, I'll remind myself that I'm fabulous and I'll try to be myself, and I'll have fun no matter what - that will be my mantra at least!
Oh - today (Wednesday, the 27th - it's after midnight) is an anniversary of sorts for me. One year ago today, on a Tuesday morning while I was sitting in front of the mirror getting ready for work, I felt some chest pains and the realization suddenly crystalized in my mind that if I didn't stop drinking, it was going to kill me. I knew it without a doubt.
I had skipped work the day before because on Sunday night I had gotten my normal bottle of wine and then, as sometimes happened when I was extra weak, I wanted more after the first bottle so I ordered in another bottle of red wine and drank half of it before passing out on my couch. The next morning I woke up and at sometime called in sick, and then lost an internal battle in my head and drank the other half of the bottle that was left. And then at around 11:30 a.m., already a little drunk, I ordered in another bottle of red wine and drank that into the afternoon before passing out again and waking up sometime in the evening completely disoriented and feeling physically like shit and mentally out of it and emotionally so dirty and horrible and guilty.
So anyway, that next morning after feeling chest pains, I knew the disease was going to kill me if I didn't stop drinking - and that was a terrifying and very real thought. And sitting in front of the mirror, I decided to stop. I was crying while trying to put my makeup on and making plans in my mind - to call my doctor, to research pills that would temporarily help me with the cravings, to make an appointment with a therapist who specialized in alcoholism, and finally, to tell all my friends about this so it would be real and I couldn't run away from my decision once the fear of dying was gone and the craving took over. That day I was almost numb - my decision was made but it was almost too big, too raw, to verbalize just yet. I did research the meds online though, and also made an appointment with my regular doctor and called about an appointment with a psychiatrist.
So it was a year ago when I made my decision, which was a really really really really really big deal. I wasn't able to stop completely right away - I think I drank three times after my decision, the last time being November 9th last year. Anyway though, my mom's birthday is Sept. 28th (tomorrow), so on her birthday last year, I was able to tell her of my decision and tell her of the appointments that I had made and the steps forward that I was taking. And even though I still felt numb and raw and a bit lost inside, and I knew it wouldn't be easy at all, it felt good to have made the decision and be starting it all.
Well so anyway, I wanted to note this day and remind myself of where I was exactly a year ago. I'm so thankful for that chest pain (due to whatever cause) and for the sudden message and subsequent strength from above that has given me a whole new life and hope!!! :) I feel like the banner picture right now - with a heavenly light shining down on me and a rainbow glowing next to me!!! :)
And now, it's ridiculously late so I need to post this and load in the new template and pray that it all looks perfect so I can go to bed right afterward!
Okay, hopefully when you all read this my new template will be up and working and will be looking wonderful!!! I'm so in love with the new colors and with my beautiful picture on the top banner! The one thing that I couldn't figure out was how to have the entire thing always centered no matter how big or small you make the page. I could do the banner fine, but the post column and sidebar column are both separate and I couldn't figure out a way to link them together and then set them as a pair to be centered. So instead I set all three elements in one place so at least they all look good relative to each other. But to do all that I learned a little about the differences between absolute and relative positioning and floating! I feel so cool!!! :) This is the template that I worked off of and changed around, and I also have to thank CeeCi for making the most gorgeous template for herself - and which I tried to emulate in a number of ways because it's so pretty! :)
Originally I was going to finish up and post my Gratitude Tuesday list of K words, because I really want to start back up with regularly doing Gratitude Tuesday - it really does have such an effect on my outlook and mood for the whole week. BUT, I stayed a little late at work because today I suddenly started cleaning my desk and little area and kept going at it (and this is an area that has not been cleaned or straightened in full for a.very.long.time.), so by the time I was even sort of finished it was late and then I hung out with The Meat and chatted with him for awhile. And then when I got home I started putting the few things from the old template into the new template.
And then I decided to finally call this guy who I met a couple weeks ago; he called me a couple days after we met and left a message and I called him back a few days after that and left a message, and then I went through my funk and during that time he called another three times and left messages and I had never returned the calls. He last called last night and left a very nice and sweet message. So anyway, when I called he was in rehearsal with his little band but sounded so happy to hear from me, and he called back an hour later and we chatted for awhile.
And now I have a date with him tomorrow night - he's picking me up at 7:30 and we're going to dinner. He was free tomorrow and Saturday and so was I so I said whichever day was better for him and he chose tomorrow. I know it's probably the better day because 1) it gives me no real time to chicken out, and 2) it's during the week so I'll be busy all day and then we can't stay out too late. But still, it seems so soon and I'm a little nervous - a first date, with the potential for awkward silences and all that. BUT, I'll remind myself that I'm fabulous and I'll try to be myself, and I'll have fun no matter what - that will be my mantra at least!
Oh - today (Wednesday, the 27th - it's after midnight) is an anniversary of sorts for me. One year ago today, on a Tuesday morning while I was sitting in front of the mirror getting ready for work, I felt some chest pains and the realization suddenly crystalized in my mind that if I didn't stop drinking, it was going to kill me. I knew it without a doubt.
I had skipped work the day before because on Sunday night I had gotten my normal bottle of wine and then, as sometimes happened when I was extra weak, I wanted more after the first bottle so I ordered in another bottle of red wine and drank half of it before passing out on my couch. The next morning I woke up and at sometime called in sick, and then lost an internal battle in my head and drank the other half of the bottle that was left. And then at around 11:30 a.m., already a little drunk, I ordered in another bottle of red wine and drank that into the afternoon before passing out again and waking up sometime in the evening completely disoriented and feeling physically like shit and mentally out of it and emotionally so dirty and horrible and guilty.
So anyway, that next morning after feeling chest pains, I knew the disease was going to kill me if I didn't stop drinking - and that was a terrifying and very real thought. And sitting in front of the mirror, I decided to stop. I was crying while trying to put my makeup on and making plans in my mind - to call my doctor, to research pills that would temporarily help me with the cravings, to make an appointment with a therapist who specialized in alcoholism, and finally, to tell all my friends about this so it would be real and I couldn't run away from my decision once the fear of dying was gone and the craving took over. That day I was almost numb - my decision was made but it was almost too big, too raw, to verbalize just yet. I did research the meds online though, and also made an appointment with my regular doctor and called about an appointment with a psychiatrist.
So it was a year ago when I made my decision, which was a really really really really really big deal. I wasn't able to stop completely right away - I think I drank three times after my decision, the last time being November 9th last year. Anyway though, my mom's birthday is Sept. 28th (tomorrow), so on her birthday last year, I was able to tell her of my decision and tell her of the appointments that I had made and the steps forward that I was taking. And even though I still felt numb and raw and a bit lost inside, and I knew it wouldn't be easy at all, it felt good to have made the decision and be starting it all.
Well so anyway, I wanted to note this day and remind myself of where I was exactly a year ago. I'm so thankful for that chest pain (due to whatever cause) and for the sudden message and subsequent strength from above that has given me a whole new life and hope!!! :) I feel like the banner picture right now - with a heavenly light shining down on me and a rainbow glowing next to me!!! :)
And now, it's ridiculously late so I need to post this and load in the new template and pray that it all looks perfect so I can go to bed right afterward!
