Late Gratitude Tuesday - the "I's"!
Last night I wrote out almost all my "I" words for my again late Gratitude Tuesday, but I just couldn't quite finish them before almost falling asleep on the couch. So I've now finished them up and it'll be Gratitude Tuesday on Thursday this week. I've spent almost the entire night tonight going through pictures on my computer, fixing some of them up a bit and then organizing them into online albums. I've been neglecting that so I'm just now getting caught up.
Hmmm, what else? I'm kind of having a bit of brain freeze or something right now because I can't think of anything else to write about - or maybe it's because if I start writing about any one of a few topics I'll have a lot to say, but it's way past my ideal bedtime (yet another fucking thing that I really really really need to work on) and I need to finish this, post it and get to bed.
So, here are all the wonderful things that begin with the letter "I" and that make me feel so grateful, which is such a wonderful way to be!!!
Intelligence - I am so so so grateful for my intelligence. It has been a huge part of my identity for almost as long as I can remember, and even though I have self doubts sometimes now and don't currently have a very challenging job, I still believe in my intelligence and it still plays an enormous part in how I view myself.
Imagination - I am incredibly grateful for our ability as humans to imagine just about anything. We wouldn't have nearly as many luxuries in life had someone not first thought up the idea. And I'm also grateful for my own imagination, which can sometimes take me out of the present and into a world of my own making!
Individuality - do you see how so far I have started each of these items with the word "I" - was it an Ayn Rand novel which talked about a terrifying world where there was no "I"? All choices were essentially made for people, and they were always a part of some group and that was to be their identity - and there could be no thinking differently, dressing differently, talking differently, or doing differently. (I looked it up and yes, it was the book Anthem - which I read during my first year in college.) I love that we are all so different in so so so many ways. And we have the freedom and option to be whoever and whatever we want to be. We can each grow and develop and change in any way that each of us, as individuals, wants to - and each of these little differences and little choices we make just reflect our individuality. It's beautiful. Along these lines, another thing I'm grateful for is our little Imperfections - which become so endearing and make us who we are.
Independence - the dictionary defines independence as "freedom from the influence, control or determination of another or others; not dependent on others,...especially for financial support." I am so so so grateful that I am independent, that I can do what I want and when I want to do it, that I don't have to ask permission or ask for money or rely on anyone else for things. That's not to say that I don't like having others in my life or that I don't want to share my life with someone who will affect decisions that I make and that we make together, but I'm so happy that I can do it all myself and can survive on my own. I'm also so grateful for living in this this time and era because I don't believe that women ever before in history have had this much opportunity and could have this much independence.
Income - I'm so grateful for my income, as it contributes in large part to allowing me to be independent, and it allows me to be comfortable and healthy and able to purchase food and necessities and keep my babies happy. I don't make the most money currently, but I'm happy for now and to me that's much more important than being rich.
Immune System - I love my strong immune system (knock on wood!) and am so grateful for having it and for how well it takes care of me. Although, on a side note, my grandpa (who is a germophobe and also constantly worries about illnesses as well as being extremely pessimistic) told me that when the bird flu hits, it will actually be much worse on people who have good immune systems because it causes the immune system to attack the person's own organs (especially the lungs) - so the stronger the immune system, the more danger a person is in. I have to admit that I didn't like hearing that, even though I don't spend much time worrying about it as there's really nothing I know of that I could do.
Insurance - I am so so so grateful for my health insurance. The prices for doctors visits, hospital stays, prescription drugs, etc. are so incredibly outrageous and without insurance I wouldn't feel safe or comfortable at all. However, I also find it ridiculous that the poor people with no insurance are charged those astronomical rates, but all health insurance companies end up having the rates they are required to pay often cut in half. I love my insurance though!
Ideas - I'm so grateful for all the wonderful ideas that I have, all the wonderful little ideas that pass through my head, all the wonderful ideas that I hear from others and adopt as my own. They make life much more fun and interesting!
Infatuation - this sounds like an odd one, but I love having little mini-crushes, little infatuations - they're harmless and give me such a little rush, give me the extra bit of energy to make myself look pretty, give me a little something to look forward to - and give me moments of such joy and excitement!
Introspection - I'm very grateful for those times when I'm very introspective. It's healthy to really analzye yourself now and then, and I believe that I always come out of those periods a little bit stronger and a little bit wiser.
Intimacy - of course I'm grateful for intimacy! It's such a wonderful feeling to know someone so well, to trust someone so much, to share pieces of yourself with someone and have them share with you. Relationships and connections with people are a huge part of what makes life so amazing, so having a deep sense of intimacy, as well as intimate moments, is such a fabulous thing.
Interests - I'm so grateful for my hundreds of little interests, and for the fact that really almost anything can spark my interest - just to learn more or understand better. There are so so so many amazing things in this world, I can't even begin to start listing all the things that interest me!!
Intuition and Instincts - I'm grateful that I'm starting to learn to trust what I somehow know - what both my instincts and intuition are telling me. I'm sure I'll get better at this in the future, but I love that I'm starting to recognize these things and listen to myself.
Intestines - I'm so grateful that I can eat food and that my body does everything it's supposed to do in taking out the good stuff and discarding the rest. And intestines are of course one of those internal organs that does good things and works well!
Insects - ohhhh this is a hard one! I'm trying really hard to think of reasons why I should be greatful for insects, which I'm not so fond of. Here's what I came up with - they fill a vital role in our world - they eat the dead stuff and they are food for some animals, and they spread pollen so there can be more beautiful flowers. I'm sure there are many other things along those lines, so even though I don't want the insects to be in my apartment or crawl on me, I still recognize that there are reasons to be grateful for them, and I can allow myself to be grateful for them for those reasons, for the role they play in making the world work.
Ink - I like good pens (not super expensive or anything, just ones that write well) that sort of flow across the paper, and I like sometimes writing in different colors of ink just for a change - and it would be kind of hard to write so well and so much and so easily without ink, so I'm grateful for ink. And I'm grateful too that people found a way to put the ink into pens so we don't have to use inkwells anymore.
Italics - I like being able to add italics when I really want to emphasize something!!
Instructions - even though most guys don't like following them :) they certainly do come in handy sometimes! I'm grateful that, especially through the wonder of the internet, we can find instructions for just about anything!
Idealism and Innocence - I'm not quite so innocent as I once used to be, but yet I still feel that way quite often - or maybe it isn't innocence so much as naivete. However, whatever it is, I like it and I like that part of me. I like still being shocked by things, and I like not being so jaded. And I also like my idealism. I think it keeps me young and keeps me real and I like it.
Initiative - I have a tendency to be lazy and not do much, and I also can't focus on improving myself in many ways at the same time or even having many things going at once - I'm terrible, I worry about how, when I'm a mother, I'll be able to just get my children dressed and me dressed and manage to feed us and feed James and Emma and also keep my life in some sort of order at the same time. I really do worry about this. I need to find a guy who's kind of good at (although not anal with) organization and planning, because I pretty much lack all skills there. And he'll also need to maybe even help me make lists of things to do for each day because otherwise I won't get anything done. Anyway though, this isn't complaining time but gratitude time, and what I'm getting to here finally is that I'm so grateful when I get moments of having initiative - when I actually do things, start things - it makes me feel wonderful! Of course, I also need to work on the continuing part and the finishing part because I also have problems there - oh I have so much more work to do on myself!!!
-----------
That's it! I'm going to really, really try to actually get my Gratitude Tuesday for next week done and nicely posted on Monday night. Getting things done on time is another one of the millions and billions of things that I need to work on. If I had time to write anymore tonight, it would be a frustration rant at all of my terrible habits and flaws and all the millions of things that I need to work on about myself. But instead, I'm going to bed!
