9 Months and a Baseball Game tomorrow - yay!!!
Okay first of all, what is UP with me staying up so late at night! It's 11:45 p.m. and I'm just now finally starting to write. I wanted to go to bed early tonight because of course I really really think it would help me with the getting up in the morning (yes, I know it's a new and genius theory)! I got home at about 6:15 tonight and made myself some dinner and watched Rock Star Supernova from 7-8 because I'm officially sort of hooked on it now, and then I talked to Florida for an hour about an interesting and slightly depressing something that happened at work today (regarding someone else, not personally depressing), and then I left a couple messages for The Bold One and left a message for The German, and then I soaked my feet in the bathtub and tried to scrub my calluses (sp?) off and gave myself a pedicure as best as I could, and then I read some blogs and gave James and Emma love, and now somehow it's so late and I've been home for 5 1/2 hours and I feel as if I've hardly done anything. But yet, tonight was actually sort of productive according to my lazy standards!! :)
Well anyway, I'll get on with this so I can get to bed! First of all - I was thinking this morning about how long 9 months really is. It takes 9 months between conception to a baby being born. It's 3/4ths of a whole year. And a whole lot of days. And tomorrow (the 10th, so it'll be "today" when people actually read this) it will be 9 months since I have last ingested any alcohol. 9 months! I'm actually really doing it, succeeding with this sobriety thing (and this is I think the first time that I have actually called it "sobriety", because I used to hate that word and it's still not my favorite and sometimes makes me cringe). And I'm really really happy, and I feel as if my life has been given back to me since I stopped drinking, and I feel so hopeful and happy and I have my whole mind and I'm truly aware of everything around me and inside me now and I know that I have a future to look forward to now and I feel healthy and I'm slim again and I just feel so incredibly fabulous!!!!!! And it's all because I finally decided to do something about my alcoholism even though at the time I couldn't imagine going a week without alcohol, let alone 9 whole months! But so yay me!!!! 9 months!!!! 9 months!!!! I almost can't wrap my mind around the concept that it's been so long since I've gotten myself drunk!
Well anyway, I'm also looking forward to tomorrow for another reason: because tomorrow night I'm going to the White Sox-Yankees game with The Bold One and we'll see our fabulous South Side friends and it's going to be such an exciting game! And do you know who else is going with me?? This is almost as unbelieveable as it being 9 months since I've had a drink! The German!!! The German, who has remained so stubborn about his "disinterest" in all things sports and his desire to be different which made him always refuse to go to a game before. But this time, he's not fighting me!!! It's a frickin' miracle! We have a little sort of cutesy play thing where I'm telling him that I'm taking him somewhere fun tomorrow and he's saying that it better not be baseball game, even though he knows very well that it is.
But last year he always came out with his rude, "Tigress, you know that stuff doesn't interest me. Find someone else to go, it's not something I would enjoy." And he'd say that with a voice of finality and even when I'd really try, even when I was distressed because I had no one to take my extra ticket, even when I think I cried - he still would never give in. But now he's going to go with me! His first time ever in a baseball park! And he'll be seeing such a great game with so much energy all around! I'm so ridiculously excited that he's going and I'm so ridiculously excited about showing him how fun it is to actually be at a game!!!! Yay!!!! And I'll get to take more wonderful pictures! I just love baseball park pictures - they look so timeless when I switch them to black and white, and I love the lights shining on the field and the people everywhere!
Okay, I could write a lot more so I could use a hundred more exclamation points to show my general allover happiness and joyfulness and excitement right now, but I'm going to go get myself ready for bed so I can wake up and not be so exhausted and/or fall back asleep in the morning! But just for me, so I'll feel more complete and at ease, I'll add just a few more fabulous exclamation points to end this happy post! :) Okay, ready? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel soooooooooooooooo much better now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Goodnight!!!
[Update at 7:58 a.m. - The German gave me his morning call and was acting just like last year, and told me I had to own up to where we were going or he wasn't going to make an effort to get out of work early. So I told him we were going to meet and then get on the Red Line and go south. And he said, "to the baseball game. Why are you doing this Tigress? Why do you make me leave work early for something that I have no interest in? And I have told you that many times." It made me start crying and I can't seem to stop now. And even when he knew I was crying, he was like my dad and couldn't seem to understand why. He was short at the end of the conversation and very monotone and sounding slightly pissy. I told him I was so incredibly excited all day yesterday, and he asked, "excited to take me somewhere that I don't want to go?" He's so terrible and he's just ruined my good mood completely and I went from being so so so happy last night to so so so sad now and weeping uncontrollably. He's going to come with me but he said he's not happy about it, and that he's only coming because of me. So I tried telling him that it doesn't matter where you are if you're with people who you like, and I told him to change his mindset and not come meet me being pissy and expecting to have no fun at all. He said he would try. I hate him right now for ruining this for me, and for being such a stubborn selfish ass, and for making me feel guilty now for taking him so that I'll be feeling bad all night and trying to placate him. But mostly I'm just so sad, because I was so happy and excited and now it's all gone. And it's all cloudy outside and I haven't even showered yet so I'm really late, and I can't stop crying. During the day I'll remind myself of all the wonderful things that make me grateful and happy, and I'll try to alter my mood, but right now it's just all so terrible. Which really sucks considering all of my exclamation points last night.
And also as I was crying and getting the food ready for my babies this morning, somehow a big metal three-foot straight-edge ruler that I had stupidly leaned standing up against the counter fell, and made a terribly loud noise, and James and Emma were so freaked out and Emma was hissing at James and at me because of it and making awful sing-songy noises. And I hate that when my sweet baby looks directly at me as I'm trying to tell her it's okay and leans her ears all the way back and makes a loud hiss right at me. That happened before when she got the bag stuck around her little neck and it freaked her out so much. It's been 15 minutes since it fell and I see that James has finally now ventured into the kitchen to eat, but he's constantly looking behind him. And Emma is watching him from the safety of the hallway. I'm such a terrible kitten-mama, too. I knew even as I set the straight-edge there last night not to, but I did anyway. And now my babies are completely freaked out.
I need to go shower. I'm so late.]
[One more update, 8:58 a.m. - I've stopped crying, and little Emmalove is feeling safe in her kittenhome again and is brushing against me and being her normal sweet self. She didn't know who or what caused the very large and terrible noise, so she wanted both and James and I to stay away from her. I'm so happy my sweet baby loves me again!]
Well anyway, I'll get on with this so I can get to bed! First of all - I was thinking this morning about how long 9 months really is. It takes 9 months between conception to a baby being born. It's 3/4ths of a whole year. And a whole lot of days. And tomorrow (the 10th, so it'll be "today" when people actually read this) it will be 9 months since I have last ingested any alcohol. 9 months! I'm actually really doing it, succeeding with this sobriety thing (and this is I think the first time that I have actually called it "sobriety", because I used to hate that word and it's still not my favorite and sometimes makes me cringe). And I'm really really happy, and I feel as if my life has been given back to me since I stopped drinking, and I feel so hopeful and happy and I have my whole mind and I'm truly aware of everything around me and inside me now and I know that I have a future to look forward to now and I feel healthy and I'm slim again and I just feel so incredibly fabulous!!!!!! And it's all because I finally decided to do something about my alcoholism even though at the time I couldn't imagine going a week without alcohol, let alone 9 whole months! But so yay me!!!! 9 months!!!! 9 months!!!! I almost can't wrap my mind around the concept that it's been so long since I've gotten myself drunk!
Well anyway, I'm also looking forward to tomorrow for another reason: because tomorrow night I'm going to the White Sox-Yankees game with The Bold One and we'll see our fabulous South Side friends and it's going to be such an exciting game! And do you know who else is going with me?? This is almost as unbelieveable as it being 9 months since I've had a drink! The German!!! The German, who has remained so stubborn about his "disinterest" in all things sports and his desire to be different which made him always refuse to go to a game before. But this time, he's not fighting me!!! It's a frickin' miracle! We have a little sort of cutesy play thing where I'm telling him that I'm taking him somewhere fun tomorrow and he's saying that it better not be baseball game, even though he knows very well that it is.
But last year he always came out with his rude, "Tigress, you know that stuff doesn't interest me. Find someone else to go, it's not something I would enjoy." And he'd say that with a voice of finality and even when I'd really try, even when I was distressed because I had no one to take my extra ticket, even when I think I cried - he still would never give in. But now he's going to go with me! His first time ever in a baseball park! And he'll be seeing such a great game with so much energy all around! I'm so ridiculously excited that he's going and I'm so ridiculously excited about showing him how fun it is to actually be at a game!!!! Yay!!!! And I'll get to take more wonderful pictures! I just love baseball park pictures - they look so timeless when I switch them to black and white, and I love the lights shining on the field and the people everywhere!
Okay, I could write a lot more so I could use a hundred more exclamation points to show my general allover happiness and joyfulness and excitement right now, but I'm going to go get myself ready for bed so I can wake up and not be so exhausted and/or fall back asleep in the morning! But just for me, so I'll feel more complete and at ease, I'll add just a few more fabulous exclamation points to end this happy post! :) Okay, ready? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel soooooooooooooooo much better now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Goodnight!!!
[Update at 7:58 a.m. - The German gave me his morning call and was acting just like last year, and told me I had to own up to where we were going or he wasn't going to make an effort to get out of work early. So I told him we were going to meet and then get on the Red Line and go south. And he said, "to the baseball game. Why are you doing this Tigress? Why do you make me leave work early for something that I have no interest in? And I have told you that many times." It made me start crying and I can't seem to stop now. And even when he knew I was crying, he was like my dad and couldn't seem to understand why. He was short at the end of the conversation and very monotone and sounding slightly pissy. I told him I was so incredibly excited all day yesterday, and he asked, "excited to take me somewhere that I don't want to go?" He's so terrible and he's just ruined my good mood completely and I went from being so so so happy last night to so so so sad now and weeping uncontrollably. He's going to come with me but he said he's not happy about it, and that he's only coming because of me. So I tried telling him that it doesn't matter where you are if you're with people who you like, and I told him to change his mindset and not come meet me being pissy and expecting to have no fun at all. He said he would try. I hate him right now for ruining this for me, and for being such a stubborn selfish ass, and for making me feel guilty now for taking him so that I'll be feeling bad all night and trying to placate him. But mostly I'm just so sad, because I was so happy and excited and now it's all gone. And it's all cloudy outside and I haven't even showered yet so I'm really late, and I can't stop crying. During the day I'll remind myself of all the wonderful things that make me grateful and happy, and I'll try to alter my mood, but right now it's just all so terrible. Which really sucks considering all of my exclamation points last night.
And also as I was crying and getting the food ready for my babies this morning, somehow a big metal three-foot straight-edge ruler that I had stupidly leaned standing up against the counter fell, and made a terribly loud noise, and James and Emma were so freaked out and Emma was hissing at James and at me because of it and making awful sing-songy noises. And I hate that when my sweet baby looks directly at me as I'm trying to tell her it's okay and leans her ears all the way back and makes a loud hiss right at me. That happened before when she got the bag stuck around her little neck and it freaked her out so much. It's been 15 minutes since it fell and I see that James has finally now ventured into the kitchen to eat, but he's constantly looking behind him. And Emma is watching him from the safety of the hallway. I'm such a terrible kitten-mama, too. I knew even as I set the straight-edge there last night not to, but I did anyway. And now my babies are completely freaked out.
I need to go shower. I'm so late.]
[One more update, 8:58 a.m. - I've stopped crying, and little Emmalove is feeling safe in her kittenhome again and is brushing against me and being her normal sweet self. She didn't know who or what caused the very large and terrible noise, so she wanted both and James and I to stay away from her. I'm so happy my sweet baby loves me again!]
