Monday, July 31, 2006

End of birthday post

This is going to be short because I'm so sleepy, as I've been all day long, and it's already 11:45 p.m. And I have my list of F words compiled for Gratitude Tuesday but I haven't had time to expound on each of them, which I love to do, so I'll post my list later tomorrow. This was the little quote for today on my daily Believing in Ourselves calendar - I really liked it and thought it was an absolutely perfect quote for my 30th birthday:

Each of us is many women, and each stage of life offers the potential for discovering new freedom, new growth, and new pleasures. - Penelope Washbourn, scholar and writer

I had a wonderful and fabulous birthday today!!!! I received wonderful emails and e-cards and even an e-movie from so many people, and I talked to my mom, my brother, Tivo, JWu, Florida, and everyone from work, and I got voicemail messages from my dad and The Bold One, and The Meat, The Queen, TIC and S took me out to lunch at our favorite Thai place, and I spent a wonderful and fabulous night tonight with The German, who just left a bit ago. I told him I would have made him spend the night if I had AC in my bedroom and he said he would have - but it's so incredibly hot and muggy outside and in my bedroom as well, so tonight is the first night that I'm going to be sleeping on my couch to be in the AC.

The German came tonight bearing gifts from an enchanting little shop in Lincoln Square that we had looked around in. He gave me a little cat alarm clock that makes very loud mewing sounds over and over when it goes off. James and Emma find it fascinating and came looking for where the sound is coming from when we were making it go off - so cute! And he got me a coffee mug that says "cool" and has a picture of a cat in sunglasses on it, so "cool cat"! And he got me a keyring Bush's Last Day counter-downer - it's so great and we had loved them when we saw them before - it keeps count of the days, hours, minutes, seconds and tenth of a second left until 1/20/09 when he'll be out! I can't wait to show my parents, who are republicans!!! And he also got me a very nice dinner tray with slots to put pictures in it, because he knows how much I love my pictures and putting up pictures of my babies and family and all my friends!

And then he gave me a card that says "Happy Birthday Tiger" on the front (he calls me Tigress) and he wrote some stuff in it and ended it with "All the love of the schwein is yours! Happy Birthday, Tigress!" and then he filled in the little space left with a bunch of hearts and X's - how sweet is that!!!! I love it!!!! (Oh and he calls himself the schwein, so that's him of course who he's referring to.)

After I opened all my presents, we left to go to dinner and we held hands the whole way even though it was scorchingly hot. We went to a little Italian restaurant and had the best bruschetta and then got two thin-crust individual pizzas that were so so good! But we saved room because he was taking me to Cold Stone Creamery after dinner for birthday ice cream - and I ordered us a chocolate ice cream with brownies, chocolate chips and chocolate fudge - so so so yummy!!! Then we walked back here and spent an hour laying on the couch cuddling and playing with the babies. It was such a wonderful night!!!

And here's the part that I'm a little confused by, and I didn't ask him to clarify. At least two times, when I was talking about my parents being here, he said "we'll have to [do something or show them something]." What's up with that? He met my parents about exactly three years ago when we were dating but since we broke up back then, he's never seen them when they've been in town. So I don't know if he was just saying that, or if he wants to come with us, or what he means by it. I didn't press it and ask him because I didn't want to get sad if he said he wasn't going to come out because I know he'd expound on the "reason" and it would put a little black spot on my birthday.

But so anyway, it was a wonderful birthday!!! And I'm happy and so content right now!!! I love life and I love my family and friends all so incredibly much!!! And I love my blog friends so so much, too!!!

Okay, it's after midnight. I feel like I really need a night of serious good sleep because I was tired all day today, and on the train in the morning I was sleeping the whole way - but the sleep where I'm trying so hard to stay awake but it's impossible and my head jerks now and then, and when the train would shift suddenly I'd jerk up and be afraid that I was going to fall out of my seat but was too tired to fully wake up. It was terrible.

But anyway, tonight isn't going to be that night of a really long and good sleep, since it's so late already. Tomorrow night I absolutely need to do some painting. I'm determined to get the two little areas done: the bathroom and the little part of the hallway. Both should be relatively quick. And that leaves my bedroom for Wednesday night. I really really really hope that the cool-down comes on Wednesday night, because I heard that on Thursday it's only supposed to be 82 degrees - how perfect!

I also need to vacuum the entire place, and for some reason I just never get that motherfucking vacuum out even though after I vacuum I'm always amazed at what a difference it makes and promise myself that I'll vacuum every week. And I also need to do my dishes because they are all dirty, but it's so hot back in my kitchen that I can't bear to stay back there and do all the washing. And I also need to do some laundry, and clean and straighten up my bedroom. And get a few things from the grocery store. All that needs to be done by Friday morning so my place will look perfect for when my parents arrive on Friday in the early afternoon. What that means is that I'll be a little busy for the whole week, and not get a very long sleep any night.

I'm so tired. My eyes are starting to close between each sentence that I write. I'm again not going to edit this and just post it. Tomorrow I'll get my Gratitude Tuesday F-words (haha!) up in the afternoon or evening - I love the Gratitude Tuesdays sooooooooo much, so I'm looking forward to sitting down and really thinking about what makes me so grateful for each word.

Thank you so much to everyone who commented and sent emails and e-cards!!! I absolutely, positively and fabulously adored them all!!! It made me feel so wonderful and special!!!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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Written by Caterpillar :: 7/31/2006 11:49:00 PM :: ::


About Me

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly :: Anonymous

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly :: Buckminster Fuller



Name::Caterpillar
From::Chicago, United States

I'm a 30-year-old sometimes girl and sometimes woman living in Chicago. Over the past year I have faced my biggest demon and won, and as a result I have hope again for wonderful and fabulous things to happen! I'm still learning, growing and always trying to improve myself, but I absolutely love life and think I'm very close to becoming a real butterfly!!!
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How I Feel

"I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved."

"Desire is an entirely free sensation, loose in the air, vibrating, filling life with the will to have something..."

- Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho

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Quotes That Touch and Inspire Me

♥ I think that the most beautiful women I've ever met are the ones that know who they are, have stories to tell, ideas to share, wisdom to impart and love the skin they're in. No one can love us as we love ourselves. No one can take away our beauty and our dignity when we own those things. To me confident=beautiful. :: CeeCi

♥ I'd been feeling a little blue (for no particular reason) when I began thinking about things like attention, age and body image. Suddenly, it washed over me. I see people looking at me and I see them reacting. I began thinking about the times I notice the attention and realized its the days I'm strutting, the days I'm open and holding my head up. This got me to thinking further. How I perceive myself is what I show to others...People don't realize it, but they show the world everything about themselves in the way they move and act, in the words they say and the way they say them. A little confidence can lead to a lot of confidence. :: CeeCi

♥ When we believe in ourselves the world is an entirely different place and our place in it feels right and happy and healthy. :: CeeCi

♥ Remember that something incredibly wonderful is always possible!

♥ There are moments that are wonderful, if you let them be.

♥ Being distrustful put me in a very lonely place, a place filled with doubt and hypervigilance. I'm grateful I've learned to trust again, because in learning to do it, I learned to trust myself. :: CeeCi

♥ We're all a work in progress. I believe we will be until the day our lives end. Why fight it? I love the changes I experience. Some are certainly easier and more enjoyable than others, yet I wouldn't stop the process for any thing in the world. :: CeeCi

♥ We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey, or miss the chance to see a rainbow on the way :: Gloria Gaither

♥ Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed :: Storm Jameson

♥ Love is everything. It is the reason we are here, and the wonder we take with us wherever we go.

♥ Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow :: Mary Anne Radmacher

♥ Just live in the moment, the moment you're in. Don't live two days from now. Don't live two hours in advance. Live now. And appreciate what you have now. Don't go any further. You have this moment. This second. Breathe it. Enjoy it. Live in it. :: Open Eyes

♥ Leap, and the net will appear.

♥ I've learnt that when we express our deepest feelings, even though we may stammer or be unable to find the right words, it always pays. It pays to be authentic.

♥ There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness :: Carl Jung

♥ I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, myth is more potent than history, dreams are more powerful than facts, hope always triumphs over experience, laughter is the cure for grief, love is stronger than death :: Robert Fulghum

♥ You must learn day by day, year by year, to broaden your horizon. The more things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more you are indignant about, the more you have left when anything happens. :: Ethel Barrymore

♥ Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. :: Carl Jung

♥ I will try to be as honest as I can with myself. That is all that is required of me. I'll keep admitting and opening my hidden box of fears, hurts and insecurities, again and again, until I know each one of them by their first name. :: Anu

♥ It struck me that there is amazing beauty everywhere. Does it matter where you are or who we're encountering? There is magic all around us. The fact that we're alive, the fact that we're living in this place and time. The fact that we've met the people we've met, all of it, every bit of it, only contributes to the wonder that is life. :: CeeCi

♥ No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the starts, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit. :: Helen Keller

♥ Half of doing anything is believing that you can.

♥ Often God has to shut a door in our face, so that he can subsequently open the door through which he wants us to go. :: Catherine Marshall

♥ Even if it burns a little low at times, the secret of life is to always keep the flame of hope alive.

♥ The three grand essentials of happiness are something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for.

♥ Some people will say that you are going the wrong way, when it is simply a way of your own.

♥ Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion. :: Martha Graham

♥ Life is a series of new beginnings, and in every ordinary moment there are a thousand miracles to behold.

♥ Don't let the approval of others determine your belief in yourself.

♥ When it's all said and done, when all the opinions have been uttered, preached, shouted, and shared, there is only one thing we can do: From this moment on...love.

♥ When you're stuck in a spiral, to change all aspects of the spin you need only to change one thing. :: Christina Baldwin

♥ You have to look for the joy. Look for the light of God that is hitting your life, and you will find sparkles you didn't know were there.

♥ Be the change you wish to see in the world... :: Gandhi

♥ Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

♥ We each have only a limited amount of time here. We have to do more with it - pay attention, explore, be open to all of life. Because we have only one chance, we have to make life seem longer than it really is. :: Viggo Mortensen

♥ Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. :: Cadet Maxim

♥ Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore! Dream! Discover!

♥ What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail? :: Unknown

♥ To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. :: David Viscott, M.D

♥ Right now it feels like:...no dream will ever remain unfulfilled...no desire will ever remain unanswered...no tear goes unnoticed and no effort wasted...the hills are alive and so are we...each moment is fresh and waiting to happen...and there will be garbage like situations all around...but it is upto us to light mud lamps in it...and glow in our own acceptance and appreciations... :: Anu

♥ I struggle with not feeling like I'm good enough at times. Usually, its because I'm pushing it too hard and have depleted my reserve. Yet, I know without a shadow of a doubt that no matter how heavy or thin, how young or old I appear to others it's what I feel on the inside that glows through. If I could give every person on this planet just one gift it would be the unwavering knowledge that they are beautiful and worthy of every good thing the universe holds. :: CeeCi

♥ It's easier to buy into the negative things we conjure about ourselves than the positive things. Knowing that is the first step towards changing the thoughts that keep us unhappy. With time moving forward, why stay trapped in the past? All we have is right here and right now, I intend to make the most of it! :: CeeCi