Waking up and a couple worries
Today I did very good with turning over the new leaf – I got on the bus at exactly 9:00 this morning and was at my desk a little before 9:30, so I’m proud of myself! Of course, I don’t remember turning off either of my alarm clocks this morning, but I woke up when my mom called and didn’t go back to sleep, and also I didn’t need to shower because my hair wasn’t greasy :)
Yesterday wasn’t so good. My mom wasn’t able to call, and I kept resetting my one alarm because I was so tired, until I guess I just turned it off, and I woke up at 8:10. Both nights I made it to bed by 11:15 so at least it’s a start in getting to bed earlier.
Usually I’m the deepest sleeper and nothing wakes me up, and I sleep the entire night through. But last night I woke up around 3:30 a.m. and just couldn’t get back to sleep for at least half an hour. I was tossing and turning and my brain was working like a madwoman.
First on my mind was the fact we found out yesterday - that The Meat is moving downstairs. And The Italian Chef and Wake Forest are of course going with him. I’m so sad, The Meat is sad, Wake Forest is sad, and today everyone else found out about it and they are all sad. The Meat told me yesterday that even though he’ll be downstairs, he’ll be coming up here a lot so I won’t be rid of him. That made me start crying and made him start joking to distract me. He’s such a good friend of mine and such an influence on me, and I can’t imagine not seeing him often every day, and all of us not having our fun little discussions together. It’s going to feel so lonely and quiet up here without them.
TIC and Wake Forest have said that they’ll come up here, and that I’ll have to go down there a couple times a day, but it will be so different and we all know it. Our little group is being, at least for now, broken up. The only good part of the news is that the move won’t happen until April or early May. At least that’s what we know now, but I want a definitive date or I’m scared I’ll come in one day to hear they’re moving immediately. And also because it’s not scheduled to happen right away, we all still have some hope that the stupid turf wars and clout wars can be won by us.
The other thing floating around in my mind was my doctor appointment coming up on Friday. I called just yesterday and spoke to the nurse so I could get in quickly. The little things – I want her to have my Vitamin B12 tested, and also my thyroid, and I’m going to tell her about my being tired so often and my complete lack of self-control in getting up in the mornings. The big thing is that for the past couple months I’ve often bled a little during sexual activities with SP. So I think I have some sort of cut or tear in there, maybe due to a fingernail or something tearing me at some point, but I want her to check it out and make sure nothing’s wrong. On Sunday there was quite a bit of blood, more than ever before, such that I thought my period may just have begun, but it didn’t.
So, my mind last night started worrying about cancer – cervical, ovarian, uterine. I’ll be 30 in a few months so it’s definitely possible. And we know there’s some kind of early breast cancer gene floating around in our family, and often breast cancer and ovarian cancer are related in families. But it’s so hard to get diagnosed, because doctors usually don’t take those things seriously, and hardly ever order some kind of x-ray for that area. I was remembering Fran Drescher of The Nanny and how she had to go to six different doctors before she found one who would give in to her insistence for an x-ray. I was worrying about that, and knowing that my doctor isn’t one who would order an x-ray. She’s really nice, and takes a lot of time with me, and always listens to everything I say and types everything I say into her computer. But she’s safe and I know wouldn’t order extra tests when she didn’t think they were needed. And I know, they probably aren’t necessary at all. Hopefully she’ll see some cut inside so I’ll know that’s where the bleeding has been coming from. And I’ll ask her to feel around my ovaries and uterus to make sure there are no lumps of any kind and that it all feels normal.
So that’s where I am. A good start to the day by getting up on time (yay me!), sad about The Meat, TIC and Wake Forest having to move in the near future, and possibly unreasonably worried that I have cancer. We have a big hearing tomorrow so I have a lot to do today, which is good, and my mind will be fully occupied by other things. I’ll probably post more tonight, at least if I’m not ridiculously tired!
Yesterday wasn’t so good. My mom wasn’t able to call, and I kept resetting my one alarm because I was so tired, until I guess I just turned it off, and I woke up at 8:10. Both nights I made it to bed by 11:15 so at least it’s a start in getting to bed earlier.
Usually I’m the deepest sleeper and nothing wakes me up, and I sleep the entire night through. But last night I woke up around 3:30 a.m. and just couldn’t get back to sleep for at least half an hour. I was tossing and turning and my brain was working like a madwoman.
First on my mind was the fact we found out yesterday - that The Meat is moving downstairs. And The Italian Chef and Wake Forest are of course going with him. I’m so sad, The Meat is sad, Wake Forest is sad, and today everyone else found out about it and they are all sad. The Meat told me yesterday that even though he’ll be downstairs, he’ll be coming up here a lot so I won’t be rid of him. That made me start crying and made him start joking to distract me. He’s such a good friend of mine and such an influence on me, and I can’t imagine not seeing him often every day, and all of us not having our fun little discussions together. It’s going to feel so lonely and quiet up here without them.
TIC and Wake Forest have said that they’ll come up here, and that I’ll have to go down there a couple times a day, but it will be so different and we all know it. Our little group is being, at least for now, broken up. The only good part of the news is that the move won’t happen until April or early May. At least that’s what we know now, but I want a definitive date or I’m scared I’ll come in one day to hear they’re moving immediately. And also because it’s not scheduled to happen right away, we all still have some hope that the stupid turf wars and clout wars can be won by us.
The other thing floating around in my mind was my doctor appointment coming up on Friday. I called just yesterday and spoke to the nurse so I could get in quickly. The little things – I want her to have my Vitamin B12 tested, and also my thyroid, and I’m going to tell her about my being tired so often and my complete lack of self-control in getting up in the mornings. The big thing is that for the past couple months I’ve often bled a little during sexual activities with SP. So I think I have some sort of cut or tear in there, maybe due to a fingernail or something tearing me at some point, but I want her to check it out and make sure nothing’s wrong. On Sunday there was quite a bit of blood, more than ever before, such that I thought my period may just have begun, but it didn’t.
So, my mind last night started worrying about cancer – cervical, ovarian, uterine. I’ll be 30 in a few months so it’s definitely possible. And we know there’s some kind of early breast cancer gene floating around in our family, and often breast cancer and ovarian cancer are related in families. But it’s so hard to get diagnosed, because doctors usually don’t take those things seriously, and hardly ever order some kind of x-ray for that area. I was remembering Fran Drescher of The Nanny and how she had to go to six different doctors before she found one who would give in to her insistence for an x-ray. I was worrying about that, and knowing that my doctor isn’t one who would order an x-ray. She’s really nice, and takes a lot of time with me, and always listens to everything I say and types everything I say into her computer. But she’s safe and I know wouldn’t order extra tests when she didn’t think they were needed. And I know, they probably aren’t necessary at all. Hopefully she’ll see some cut inside so I’ll know that’s where the bleeding has been coming from. And I’ll ask her to feel around my ovaries and uterus to make sure there are no lumps of any kind and that it all feels normal.So that’s where I am. A good start to the day by getting up on time (yay me!), sad about The Meat, TIC and Wake Forest having to move in the near future, and possibly unreasonably worried that I have cancer. We have a big hearing tomorrow so I have a lot to do today, which is good, and my mind will be fully occupied by other things. I’ll probably post more tonight, at least if I’m not ridiculously tired!
