Powerless, scared and sad
I'm so sad right now and feel so fragile and torn up and hopeless and powerless and joyless - and it doesn't have anything to do with a guy but with something much more important to me: my "family" at my work.
The situation is that we just got someone new in our group and that person needs a room. The people outside of our group are resisting moving, so we're one room short on our floor. The Meat told me tonight that either my boss or a different guy are going to have to move down three floors, but as a consession will lose a bit of their work as a result. Because we're all such good friends in our group, I figured my boss would never want to leave, and he has seniority.
After I got home tonight I got a call from my boss. He'd gotten the info out of Wake Forest (The Meat was planning on talking to both of them tomorrow morning about it) and was completely enthused by the idea of losing that part of the work, which he hates. What the fuck!!!!? I was blown away by his laziness and stupidity in not caring about leaving everyone! So I pointed that out - the leaving everyone, the fact that his secretary would still be upstairs, the leaving everyone, being all alone down there, and again - leaving everyone. He smartly picked up on my feelings regarding the move and said he'd think about all that, and made some very simple observations that he should have thought about right away. (Sorry, I'm a bit pissed here, and there will be more bitching shortly). Anyway, we left it that we'd all talk about it tomorrow morning and he'd think about it tonight.
After I hung up I burst into tears. How could he think of leaving!? And all these people are my family up there! They are the reason that I've stayed at this job for so long and why I'm being so picky about where I get my next job! Because I love and adore them all!
I was weeping and needed to express my shock at my boss even thinking of moving. So I called The Meat's voicemail and left a crying message. And then I called back and left another message about how much I hate my boss right now. The Meat will be mocking my crying tomorrow, I know. I also just got off the phone with Florida, and it felt good to be able to vent my frustration and powerlessness and anger to her, and know that she completely understands.
If my boss makes the decision that we'll be the ones to move, I'll be crying some every day. And I'll walk into his office every single time because crying women make him so uncomfortable. And I'll also start looking harder for a new job, and be much more willing to accept an unperfect one. And I'll be so depressed about going to work, and sad when I'm there, and missing everyone upstairs, even though they'll just be three floors up. My heart will be breaking daily. I know I sound really melodramatic but I'm also completely serious. I feel broken even right now.
And if we do move, a part of me will always hate my boss, forever after this. For his laziness and his total selfish stupidity. I'm not good with change to begin with, but him taking me away from all the people I love will be almost too much for me to handle.
I can hardly think of anything else, but I have one observation to make that doesn't have anything to do with my boss or work situation. I'm watching the women's ice skating right now and the announcers are so incredibly annoying sometimes, especially the female announcer. I think everything that comes out of her mouth is pure stupidity.
I'm so sad, and I hate having to wait until tomorrow to find out my "fate". And tomorrow morning I think I'm going to be a wreck of nerves. Florida made a great suggestion that I'm completely going to follow - I'm going to tell my boss tomorrow that if he makes us move, he's going to have to deal with me crying every day, and I'll also talk to him about my period and other women's issues every day as well, just to make him completely uncomfortable. As payback for breaking my heart and tearing me away from my wonderful work family who I love.
But to be honest, I don't think I'll have to tell him about the crying - I think I may actually start crying. I may start crying when we all even start to talk about it. Because I start crying right now whenever I imagine starting to talk about it. Why does this all have to change? Right now I'm half hating even the three other relatively new people who came up a year ago. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. I woke up this morning so happy and glowing with joy, and tonight I'm going to sleep feeling broken and like my world is about to flip upside-down.
The situation is that we just got someone new in our group and that person needs a room. The people outside of our group are resisting moving, so we're one room short on our floor. The Meat told me tonight that either my boss or a different guy are going to have to move down three floors, but as a consession will lose a bit of their work as a result. Because we're all such good friends in our group, I figured my boss would never want to leave, and he has seniority.After I got home tonight I got a call from my boss. He'd gotten the info out of Wake Forest (The Meat was planning on talking to both of them tomorrow morning about it) and was completely enthused by the idea of losing that part of the work, which he hates. What the fuck!!!!? I was blown away by his laziness and stupidity in not caring about leaving everyone! So I pointed that out - the leaving everyone, the fact that his secretary would still be upstairs, the leaving everyone, being all alone down there, and again - leaving everyone. He smartly picked up on my feelings regarding the move and said he'd think about all that, and made some very simple observations that he should have thought about right away. (Sorry, I'm a bit pissed here, and there will be more bitching shortly). Anyway, we left it that we'd all talk about it tomorrow morning and he'd think about it tonight.
After I hung up I burst into tears. How could he think of leaving!? And all these people are my family up there! They are the reason that I've stayed at this job for so long and why I'm being so picky about where I get my next job! Because I love and adore them all!
I was weeping and needed to express my shock at my boss even thinking of moving. So I called The Meat's voicemail and left a crying message. And then I called back and left another message about how much I hate my boss right now. The Meat will be mocking my crying tomorrow, I know. I also just got off the phone with Florida, and it felt good to be able to vent my frustration and powerlessness and anger to her, and know that she completely understands.
If my boss makes the decision that we'll be the ones to move, I'll be crying some every day. And I'll walk into his office every single time because crying women make him so uncomfortable. And I'll also start looking harder for a new job, and be much more willing to accept an unperfect one. And I'll be so depressed about going to work, and sad when I'm there, and missing everyone upstairs, even though they'll just be three floors up. My heart will be breaking daily. I know I sound really melodramatic but I'm also completely serious. I feel broken even right now.
And if we do move, a part of me will always hate my boss, forever after this. For his laziness and his total selfish stupidity. I'm not good with change to begin with, but him taking me away from all the people I love will be almost too much for me to handle.
I can hardly think of anything else, but I have one observation to make that doesn't have anything to do with my boss or work situation. I'm watching the women's ice skating right now and the announcers are so incredibly annoying sometimes, especially the female announcer. I think everything that comes out of her mouth is pure stupidity.
I'm so sad, and I hate having to wait until tomorrow to find out my "fate". And tomorrow morning I think I'm going to be a wreck of nerves. Florida made a great suggestion that I'm completely going to follow - I'm going to tell my boss tomorrow that if he makes us move, he's going to have to deal with me crying every day, and I'll also talk to him about my period and other women's issues every day as well, just to make him completely uncomfortable. As payback for breaking my heart and tearing me away from my wonderful work family who I love.
But to be honest, I don't think I'll have to tell him about the crying - I think I may actually start crying. I may start crying when we all even start to talk about it. Because I start crying right now whenever I imagine starting to talk about it. Why does this all have to change? Right now I'm half hating even the three other relatively new people who came up a year ago. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. I woke up this morning so happy and glowing with joy, and tonight I'm going to sleep feeling broken and like my world is about to flip upside-down.
