My new goal: waking up on time
I just spent the last hour and a half pouring myself out into my private diary blog, so my fingers are pretty tired of typing. Also, it’s 10:40 right now and I had planned on going to bed at 10 – it 
really, really bothers me, much more than people know, that I am so inconsistent with getting up in the morning. Some mornings, less frequently, I’m able to get myself up when my first alarm goes off. More often, I turn off the first one while barely waking up, then when the second goes off I launch to the end of the bed and turn it off, but lay back down and reset the first one so I can get a little more sleep. And then my mom calls and half the time I get up after talking to her and half the time I go back to sleep, telling myself that I need just a few more minutes of sleep. As a result, it’s almost impossible for me to get to work even close to on time. And even when I get up from the first alarm, I fuck around and am so slow that I leave really late.
So, it bothers me enormously that I have very little self-control in the morning. It bothers me that I get to work consistently late. And it bothers me that sometime, when I get a new job, I’ll have to start being on time and won’t know how or be able to do it. So my plan is to try to shift my schedule and go to bed earlier from now on, by 11 at the latest. And then hopefully I’ll be more able to force myself to get up in the morning. This is big job for me, because I’m a true night person and can so easily stay up so late doing not much of anything.
My current mood is kind of lonely, reflective, and a bit sad. And resigned. I’ve been, on my own self-prescription, taking only one or two of my antidepressant pills a day instead of the three per day that I’m supposed to take. I think I’ll go back up to three per day for awhile, until I get over this current sadness. Just so I won’t have the fog overhead and instead be able to see the sunshine in the distance.
I’m also going to call my doctor’s nurse tomorrow morning and see if she can fit me in either tomorrow or on Friday. I want to talk to her about a couple of things, and also, my mom just last week, through her genealogy research, found my dad’s mother’s father’s two brother’s families, and discovered that not only have they had alcoholism in their lines and early-onset breast cancer, but also vitamin B12 deficiencies – for which they need a monthly shot (the pills don’t work). My dad just got tested but hasn’t gotten his results back. I’d like to be tested as well, just to see. I seem to be tired a lot, even though I sleep a lot, so I’d love to find some chemical reason behind it that can be treated. It’s probably wishful thinking, but I’d still like to know.
It’s exactly 11 p.m. now so my latest bedtime. I just need to clean out the litter pan and fill up the humidifier, and then I’ll be blissfully asleep!
really, really bothers me, much more than people know, that I am so inconsistent with getting up in the morning. Some mornings, less frequently, I’m able to get myself up when my first alarm goes off. More often, I turn off the first one while barely waking up, then when the second goes off I launch to the end of the bed and turn it off, but lay back down and reset the first one so I can get a little more sleep. And then my mom calls and half the time I get up after talking to her and half the time I go back to sleep, telling myself that I need just a few more minutes of sleep. As a result, it’s almost impossible for me to get to work even close to on time. And even when I get up from the first alarm, I fuck around and am so slow that I leave really late.So, it bothers me enormously that I have very little self-control in the morning. It bothers me that I get to work consistently late. And it bothers me that sometime, when I get a new job, I’ll have to start being on time and won’t know how or be able to do it. So my plan is to try to shift my schedule and go to bed earlier from now on, by 11 at the latest. And then hopefully I’ll be more able to force myself to get up in the morning. This is big job for me, because I’m a true night person and can so easily stay up so late doing not much of anything.
My current mood is kind of lonely, reflective, and a bit sad. And resigned. I’ve been, on my own self-prescription, taking only one or two of my antidepressant pills a day instead of the three per day that I’m supposed to take. I think I’ll go back up to three per day for awhile, until I get over this current sadness. Just so I won’t have the fog overhead and instead be able to see the sunshine in the distance.
I’m also going to call my doctor’s nurse tomorrow morning and see if she can fit me in either tomorrow or on Friday. I want to talk to her about a couple of things, and also, my mom just last week, through her genealogy research, found my dad’s mother’s father’s two brother’s families, and discovered that not only have they had alcoholism in their lines and early-onset breast cancer, but also vitamin B12 deficiencies – for which they need a monthly shot (the pills don’t work). My dad just got tested but hasn’t gotten his results back. I’d like to be tested as well, just to see. I seem to be tired a lot, even though I sleep a lot, so I’d love to find some chemical reason behind it that can be treated. It’s probably wishful thinking, but I’d still like to know.
It’s exactly 11 p.m. now so my latest bedtime. I just need to clean out the litter pan and fill up the humidifier, and then I’ll be blissfully asleep!
