My weekend
I'm very tired so don't have the energy to do a full update.
On Friday night I met Violet, FireCracker and FC2 for a wonderful dinner at Uncle Julio's Hacienda. It was fun to hang out with them and chat about all kinds of things. And we're going to take a couple cooking classes and Violet and I are looking into a belly dancing class! Yay! The waiter brought out sopapillas (sp?) for dessert with a candle in the middle to celebrate FireCracker's upcoming birthday, and we sang Happy Birthday to her :) And I'm happy that I'm getting to know them better - sometimes it takes me awhile to really open up and be completely me with people, and it frustrates me when I can feel that. Because more often I can be me right away. I know you two will read this, so know that I was a little off that night but am getting better!
On Saturday I slept in until noon and then got ready, vacuumed and generally straightened up a little in preparation for my dad's arrival, and then walked to the dollhouse store and picked up my new dollhouse kit! I'm not going to put the porch on so I chose a front door that's much more Italian and the lady there cut that size into the front piece. And I also added a side door opening on one side of the house so I chose the door and she cut that. I took a cab back here and then ran back out to get some milk and juice for my dad being here, then took a shower, and then unpacked all the dollhouse pieces. And there are way more little pieces than I had expected, but still this is a more simple house to build I know. Thank God I didn't get really overconfident in my as-yet-nonexistent skills and decide to start out with a really complicated one!
Soon afterwards I got a call from my dad downstairs so I buzzed him up. He was pretty exhausted after his 5-hour drive to Milwaukee, walk around the woodworking show, and then hour and a half drive to Chicago. We relaxed for awhile here and chatted, and then got off our lazy butts and walked to a little Scottish pub for dinner. We both had fish and chips - yummy!
He was in a really reflective mood over dinner, and also a kind of uncharacteristic talkative and sharing mood. So he told me about his current plan to retire in a year and a half, and options for what my parents would do after that. He said they'd like to live in a warmer place for half the year after that, but they can't leave my grandma up in Michigan, so there's no perfect plan yet. Also, they might want to then sell the cottage at some time, but in order for them not to be taxed on the earnings, it has to be their primary residence (lived in six months out of the year) for two out of five years prior to selling it. The summer/cottage season is pretty short in Michigan, so he's not looking forward to having to live there for six months. And also, it takes 45 minutes for him to get to work from there, so he doesn't like that much, either. I tried to turn him from the negative by pointing out that's it good to look at options and try to develop a plan, but it's something to look forward to, a new adventure, so he shouldn't be getting so down about the details and nitty-gritty stuff. Of course, I'm much more go-with-the-flow than he is, but still, I like to see him happy and not emotionally stressed.
Then he talked about how things are changing and going to be different now that my brother is living in Atlanta and owning his own home. He's sure that my brother will want us to come there for one holiday either this year or next year at the latest, and then again there's the question of what to do with my grandma, because we can't leave her alone for a holiday. And then also, it's expensive to fly around holidays, and driving would just take way too long. I can understand his feelings regarding this. We have always had every Thanksgiving and every Christmas at my parents. And I don't like the idea of that changing, either. But we both know it will, and that every year will be kind of up in the air. I told him that at least I'm not married and with my own home, too, to make it even more complicated! :)
And then he talked a lot about my Aunt Judy and how her cancer is progressing, and how some of the various drugs have stopped working at keeping her cancer at bay. And I know it's weighing on him because as the problem-solver, he can't do anything. And he feels things inside but doesn't really know how to express them very often. We talked about the advances that are constantly being made with cancer treatment, and how fast his mother died of the same thing whereas Judy has been able to keep the cancer sort of at bay for I think three years now. And we talked also about inner strength and determination, and how much that affects diseases like this, and how much inner strength Judy has - and I look up to her so much for that and for so much more, for how she's dealt with so many other things in her life. But we know it's getting worse and the doctors are running out of treatment options, and it saddens him so much. He's also been waiting for the past two weeks to hear of the passing of an aunt on his father's side of the family, and he knows that an uncle on his mother's side of the family doesn't have too much longer either. I hate seeing my dad being sad. He gets that look on his face and in his eyes, and I just want to do anything possible to somehow make things better for him. I can't take that look - it just hurts my heart to see him sad.
Anyway though, despite all our serious conversation, it was wonderful. I felt good that he could talk to me and get these worries at least verbalized, and I hope it lifted a tiny bit of weight off his chest. And also, I love knowing his mind and what he's thinking. It doesn't happen too often that he opens up about his worries and feelings, so I cherish it when it does. After we finished, we bundled up again and headed out in the cold. He didn't like the wind that added that extra bit of nippy to the night! :)
When we got back I switched on the Olympics and my dad got comfortable in my chair. And soon little Emma ventured out from under the bed! I was proud of her! My dad fell asleep a little after that and slept for about an hour, through the most exciting Olympic events of the night! And then we got ready for bed. I of course slept on the couch, which is actually really comfortable, and I only woke up once and that was from James pawing my nose and wanting cuddling.
This morning my dad and I walked to Nookie's for breakfast, and we spent the whole long meal talking photography and our digital SLRs and his wide-angle lens that he just bought, and so on and so on. I'm so happy that he's getting back into photography (I only recently found out that he used to be really into it, for fun, from before I was born until I was a few years old). Now we have something to talk about, a common interest to share. And that means so much to me because the past few holidays when both my brother and I have both been home, I've felt that he talked so much more easily with my brother because they could discuss houses and grown-up jobs and sports and all that, and I don't watch much football anymore so can't get in on any of those discussions, which sucks. And of course, I slither away when they talk about houses and grown-up jobs!
Oh - and he said the sweetest thing! He said when I was a little girl, he'd always wanted to find a field of dandalions and take pictures of me sitting in the middle of them. This is so unlike my dad! So so so unlike him, and I'm never ever going to forget it - it's a little reminder that he loved little me! He said he's always regretted not taking a picture like that, and I also love that he's thought of it sometimes since then. So I told him that when we're in California next month for my cousin's wedding in the mountains, we'd try to find a field of some flowers (although it might be a little too early for flowers) and we'd take pictures of me now!
When we came back to my place, I quickly showed him a few of my favorite photoblogs, and also quickly demostrated some of the very elementary things that can be done with Photoshop. And then he was leaving. On the elevator ride down, he finally asked me whether I was dating any guys and I told him no. He said, "You should be, because you're a really great girl." And he said it with his loving fatherly look in his eyes. He never says things like this, and sometimes I wonder if he's disappointed in me, so hearing him say this meant the world to me. Of course, then I told him that I might be taking belly dancing with Violet and he said something along the lines of "well you better get in shape," which kind of ruined his former great statement.
Two minutes after I got back up to my apartment, SP called and came over awhile later for some afternoon fun. It was wonderful but I also had mixed emotions afterward.
Then I spent a few hours cutting square edges into the window holes of my dollhouse and lightly sanding the surface areas. I put the main pieces together for a dry run and discovered that I definitely need a second person for that part. I was doing what I thought would be the very easy gluing together of the four pieces that would form the outside foundation when The German arrived at about 8:30 to make us dinner, and I was almost crying in frustration at that point. However, I blame my lack of patience on female issues and not on a general character flaw or inability to do this project.
The German and I then set to making dinner and eating dinner, and then sat together on the couch for a bit and chatted and he showed me new features on Google Map, and then he left. It was too late for us to start trying to put together the big pieces of the dollhouse, so he's going to come back some night this week to help me out. He'll be good because he'll let me do it but also take charge a bit, and if I get frustrated I can cry a little and he won't mind, and if I get snippy he'll pull me out of it.
And now we're to the present! I didn't address my work issues and I'm way too tired to get much into it all, but I'm 99% better than I was last Thursday night. It's all still a little up in the air and I'll find out more tomorrow, but suffice it say that if we move now, it will be because I convince my boss we really need to (as he decided he didn't want to), so I feel some sense of control although I would still be sad. But I need to talk more with The Meat about it tomorrow.
And I'm going to quickly address just a couple of things: 1) I work for the government so we're not corporate, or a real business, or about making money. The big issues are turf wars. 2) I've talked before about my relationship with people at work and with my boss as well, and we are much more like friends than like boss-employee, and he values my opinion and cares about me as a person and as a friend, as I do about him (despite my bit of meanness in my last post). So we are very different from the classic boss-employee relationship. 3) In response to a certain commenter - a) I never claimed to be a grown-up-acting woman all the time, which is why I define myself as a "girl/woman" in my profile; b) I have never claimed to be professional and in my current job and with my current co-workers, I am often far from what would be defined as "professional", but so are they. And we like it that way. And c) now you do know of one - me! :) And despite my occasional tendency to overreact to the idea of change at first (usually for about the first 24 hours after hearing of the possibility), I still think I'm pretty damn kick-ass anyway!!!
Whew! This is way longer now than I intended it to be when I first sat down to write a very very short update!!!
On Friday night I met Violet, FireCracker and FC2 for a wonderful dinner at Uncle Julio's Hacienda. It was fun to hang out with them and chat about all kinds of things. And we're going to take a couple cooking classes and Violet and I are looking into a belly dancing class! Yay! The waiter brought out sopapillas (sp?) for dessert with a candle in the middle to celebrate FireCracker's upcoming birthday, and we sang Happy Birthday to her :) And I'm happy that I'm getting to know them better - sometimes it takes me awhile to really open up and be completely me with people, and it frustrates me when I can feel that. Because more often I can be me right away. I know you two will read this, so know that I was a little off that night but am getting better!
On Saturday I slept in until noon and then got ready, vacuumed and generally straightened up a little in preparation for my dad's arrival, and then walked to the dollhouse store and picked up my new dollhouse kit! I'm not going to put the porch on so I chose a front door that's much more Italian and the lady there cut that size into the front piece. And I also added a side door opening on one side of the house so I chose the door and she cut that. I took a cab back here and then ran back out to get some milk and juice for my dad being here, then took a shower, and then unpacked all the dollhouse pieces. And there are way more little pieces than I had expected, but still this is a more simple house to build I know. Thank God I didn't get really overconfident in my as-yet-nonexistent skills and decide to start out with a really complicated one!
Soon afterwards I got a call from my dad downstairs so I buzzed him up. He was pretty exhausted after his 5-hour drive to Milwaukee, walk around the woodworking show, and then hour and a half drive to Chicago. We relaxed for awhile here and chatted, and then got off our lazy butts and walked to a little Scottish pub for dinner. We both had fish and chips - yummy!
He was in a really reflective mood over dinner, and also a kind of uncharacteristic talkative and sharing mood. So he told me about his current plan to retire in a year and a half, and options for what my parents would do after that. He said they'd like to live in a warmer place for half the year after that, but they can't leave my grandma up in Michigan, so there's no perfect plan yet. Also, they might want to then sell the cottage at some time, but in order for them not to be taxed on the earnings, it has to be their primary residence (lived in six months out of the year) for two out of five years prior to selling it. The summer/cottage season is pretty short in Michigan, so he's not looking forward to having to live there for six months. And also, it takes 45 minutes for him to get to work from there, so he doesn't like that much, either. I tried to turn him from the negative by pointing out that's it good to look at options and try to develop a plan, but it's something to look forward to, a new adventure, so he shouldn't be getting so down about the details and nitty-gritty stuff. Of course, I'm much more go-with-the-flow than he is, but still, I like to see him happy and not emotionally stressed.
Then he talked about how things are changing and going to be different now that my brother is living in Atlanta and owning his own home. He's sure that my brother will want us to come there for one holiday either this year or next year at the latest, and then again there's the question of what to do with my grandma, because we can't leave her alone for a holiday. And then also, it's expensive to fly around holidays, and driving would just take way too long. I can understand his feelings regarding this. We have always had every Thanksgiving and every Christmas at my parents. And I don't like the idea of that changing, either. But we both know it will, and that every year will be kind of up in the air. I told him that at least I'm not married and with my own home, too, to make it even more complicated! :)
And then he talked a lot about my Aunt Judy and how her cancer is progressing, and how some of the various drugs have stopped working at keeping her cancer at bay. And I know it's weighing on him because as the problem-solver, he can't do anything. And he feels things inside but doesn't really know how to express them very often. We talked about the advances that are constantly being made with cancer treatment, and how fast his mother died of the same thing whereas Judy has been able to keep the cancer sort of at bay for I think three years now. And we talked also about inner strength and determination, and how much that affects diseases like this, and how much inner strength Judy has - and I look up to her so much for that and for so much more, for how she's dealt with so many other things in her life. But we know it's getting worse and the doctors are running out of treatment options, and it saddens him so much. He's also been waiting for the past two weeks to hear of the passing of an aunt on his father's side of the family, and he knows that an uncle on his mother's side of the family doesn't have too much longer either. I hate seeing my dad being sad. He gets that look on his face and in his eyes, and I just want to do anything possible to somehow make things better for him. I can't take that look - it just hurts my heart to see him sad.
Anyway though, despite all our serious conversation, it was wonderful. I felt good that he could talk to me and get these worries at least verbalized, and I hope it lifted a tiny bit of weight off his chest. And also, I love knowing his mind and what he's thinking. It doesn't happen too often that he opens up about his worries and feelings, so I cherish it when it does. After we finished, we bundled up again and headed out in the cold. He didn't like the wind that added that extra bit of nippy to the night! :)
When we got back I switched on the Olympics and my dad got comfortable in my chair. And soon little Emma ventured out from under the bed! I was proud of her! My dad fell asleep a little after that and slept for about an hour, through the most exciting Olympic events of the night! And then we got ready for bed. I of course slept on the couch, which is actually really comfortable, and I only woke up once and that was from James pawing my nose and wanting cuddling.
This morning my dad and I walked to Nookie's for breakfast, and we spent the whole long meal talking photography and our digital SLRs and his wide-angle lens that he just bought, and so on and so on. I'm so happy that he's getting back into photography (I only recently found out that he used to be really into it, for fun, from before I was born until I was a few years old). Now we have something to talk about, a common interest to share. And that means so much to me because the past few holidays when both my brother and I have both been home, I've felt that he talked so much more easily with my brother because they could discuss houses and grown-up jobs and sports and all that, and I don't watch much football anymore so can't get in on any of those discussions, which sucks. And of course, I slither away when they talk about houses and grown-up jobs!
Oh - and he said the sweetest thing! He said when I was a little girl, he'd always wanted to find a field of dandalions and take pictures of me sitting in the middle of them. This is so unlike my dad! So so so unlike him, and I'm never ever going to forget it - it's a little reminder that he loved little me! He said he's always regretted not taking a picture like that, and I also love that he's thought of it sometimes since then. So I told him that when we're in California next month for my cousin's wedding in the mountains, we'd try to find a field of some flowers (although it might be a little too early for flowers) and we'd take pictures of me now!
When we came back to my place, I quickly showed him a few of my favorite photoblogs, and also quickly demostrated some of the very elementary things that can be done with Photoshop. And then he was leaving. On the elevator ride down, he finally asked me whether I was dating any guys and I told him no. He said, "You should be, because you're a really great girl." And he said it with his loving fatherly look in his eyes. He never says things like this, and sometimes I wonder if he's disappointed in me, so hearing him say this meant the world to me. Of course, then I told him that I might be taking belly dancing with Violet and he said something along the lines of "well you better get in shape," which kind of ruined his former great statement.
Two minutes after I got back up to my apartment, SP called and came over awhile later for some afternoon fun. It was wonderful but I also had mixed emotions afterward.
Then I spent a few hours cutting square edges into the window holes of my dollhouse and lightly sanding the surface areas. I put the main pieces together for a dry run and discovered that I definitely need a second person for that part. I was doing what I thought would be the very easy gluing together of the four pieces that would form the outside foundation when The German arrived at about 8:30 to make us dinner, and I was almost crying in frustration at that point. However, I blame my lack of patience on female issues and not on a general character flaw or inability to do this project.
The German and I then set to making dinner and eating dinner, and then sat together on the couch for a bit and chatted and he showed me new features on Google Map, and then he left. It was too late for us to start trying to put together the big pieces of the dollhouse, so he's going to come back some night this week to help me out. He'll be good because he'll let me do it but also take charge a bit, and if I get frustrated I can cry a little and he won't mind, and if I get snippy he'll pull me out of it.
And now we're to the present! I didn't address my work issues and I'm way too tired to get much into it all, but I'm 99% better than I was last Thursday night. It's all still a little up in the air and I'll find out more tomorrow, but suffice it say that if we move now, it will be because I convince my boss we really need to (as he decided he didn't want to), so I feel some sense of control although I would still be sad. But I need to talk more with The Meat about it tomorrow.
And I'm going to quickly address just a couple of things: 1) I work for the government so we're not corporate, or a real business, or about making money. The big issues are turf wars. 2) I've talked before about my relationship with people at work and with my boss as well, and we are much more like friends than like boss-employee, and he values my opinion and cares about me as a person and as a friend, as I do about him (despite my bit of meanness in my last post). So we are very different from the classic boss-employee relationship. 3) In response to a certain commenter - a) I never claimed to be a grown-up-acting woman all the time, which is why I define myself as a "girl/woman" in my profile; b) I have never claimed to be professional and in my current job and with my current co-workers, I am often far from what would be defined as "professional", but so are they. And we like it that way. And c) now you do know of one - me! :) And despite my occasional tendency to overreact to the idea of change at first (usually for about the first 24 hours after hearing of the possibility), I still think I'm pretty damn kick-ass anyway!!!
Whew! This is way longer now than I intended it to be when I first sat down to write a very very short update!!!
