Things on my mind
I've been MIA! First, I haven't been able to get on the internet at work - my computer tells me a cable is unplugged but I can't seem to find any unplugged cable. I haven't gotten around to calling the computer help desk yet, but hopefully tomorrow I will and they'll be able to get me back online very soon! Second, I've been really, really tired, and so very lazy at night. And third, I'm really into the book I'm reading so last night I didn't even turn on my computer.
Okay so first, my little photo session on Saturday night went so well!!! I put a white sheet on the floor and used the brick wall as background, and I ended up with so many incredibly sexy pictures!!! And I look so hot in them all!!! (Of course, that's due to good lighting and artful covering, and being able to choose the best from about 200 total pictures!) On Sunday I actually spent way too much time going through all of them and picking out my favorites, then my favorites from that bunch, and then playing with altering of color and brightness and all that. I sent 22 of them to The German and he was impressed equally by me and by my photographic abilities! And I've also learned some things I want to change with lighting, and I want to try some different camera angles. So I'll be having another session sometime very soon! And yes, I know I don't usually post any pictures of myself, but I so want to show everyone how cool my pictures came out, and how cool the fence net nylons look, so I'm just adding half of a picture on here :)
I'm in a pretty okay mood now, but last night and all of today before about 6 p.m. I was in a terribly sad and lonely mood. I started crying numerous times but never enough that anyone would see me. All I wanted to do was to curl up a ball in a corner and make everything around me disappear. It was awful. I felt like I was never going to be happy again.
A little before 6:00 tonight The Meat asked me why I wasn't myself today, and I said I'd just been so melancholy and sad and hopeless, so he and The Queen worked to cheer me up. They
were talking about funny movies and it made me think of one of my all-time favorite silly movies - Top Secret! I told them how in high school, during the summer after our freshman year, a few of my girlfriends and I tried to make our own version of Top Secret - and I still have the video with our silliness! The Meat wants me to bring it to work tomorrow so we can watch it. I don't know, I'm the most terrible actress in it, but I could fast forward through the terrible parts. I'll review it tonight to see if there's any possible way that I'd let a group of people at my work see it.
After that, The Meat and I spent some time looking over the lyrics to some John Prine songs, and some of our favorite parts in particular. He talked about his favorite ones to play on the guitar, and which ones he wants to teach me. Tonight, after 1) I finish watching Lost and 2) have a little play time, I'm going to play around with my guitar for a bit! And start getting my calluses back!
Oh, yesterday I had the most wonderful few hours! My friend since high school, AmyD, was in town for a couple days with her husband and little 19-month-old daughter, IB. Her husband was working, so I met AmyD at her hotel and we walked a ways to have lunch, and then after lunch we walked around looking for a place to change little IB's poopy diaper! I soon realized that it can be hard for a mother to find a bathroom in the city with a changing table. AmyD eventually had to change little IB's diaper while IB laid in her stroller.
Little IB was so cute and such a little joy! I know I'll be so happy when I'm eventually a mom! I'll be tired, too, of course, cause I saw that it can be a lot of work :) And in a month, AmyD will have another little baby! She has a wonderful big belly!!! I still can't get over the miracle that there is a little baby living in her tummy right now! We talked all about labor, changes to your body during pregnancy, the complete embarrassment of even the idea of some poop squeezing out while you're pushing, and the need to have yourself cleaned up and primped a little down there before going into labor. I love these talks! And a month before I go into labor, I'll be getting myself a good wax so the doctor and nurses don't think I look messy! I think the worst thing though is the hemorroids - outside the butt!! Holy crap! The Meat and The Queen confirmed that this happens. When I'm pregnant I'm going to be looking down there with a mirror all the time and hoping I don't see anything coming out!!
I think one reason I got so sad last night was because I had such a good time with AmyD during the day and I wish I could see her more often, and also because I started worrying that I may never get married and be able to have a family. Of course, I could have a baby by myself, and I will if a few more years go by, but I'd much rather have a baby with a man I love and adore.
But with regard to men, I'm starting to realize that I have some issues, maybe more than just a few. The most obvious issue is trust, and with good reason. I've heard of so many men who have cheated, and honestly, a few years ago two married men cheated with me (at different times). So as a result, I have issues. Second, I worry so much about the passion and excitement leaving, and becoming like my parents. The thought just terrifies me and makes me cringe completely. I could go on but all this is for another day. And I also have to add, because if I don't I'll feel bad, that I know so many truly good guys who are wonderful husbands and would never cheat. And I also know that it's not only men who cheat. It's just confusing sometimes, but I'm trying to figure out exactly why I haven't had a boyfriend in over two years, and why I seem to have little interest in finding one right now.
It's about 9:30 now and Lost is over and I'm so tired. I'm going to play for a little while, and then get my guitar out, even if it's only for five minutes. And I think I'll go to bed early.
Okay so first, my little photo session on Saturday night went so well!!! I put a white sheet on the floor and used the brick wall as background, and I ended up with so many incredibly sexy pictures!!! And I look so hot in them all!!! (Of course, that's due to good lighting and artful covering, and being able to choose the best from about 200 total pictures!) On Sunday I actually spent way too much time going through all of them and picking out my favorites, then my favorites from that bunch, and then playing with altering of color and brightness and all that. I sent 22 of them to The German and he was impressed equally by me and by my photographic abilities! And I've also learned some things I want to change with lighting, and I want to try some different camera angles. So I'll be having another session sometime very soon! And yes, I know I don't usually post any pictures of myself, but I so want to show everyone how cool my pictures came out, and how cool the fence net nylons look, so I'm just adding half of a picture on here :)I'm in a pretty okay mood now, but last night and all of today before about 6 p.m. I was in a terribly sad and lonely mood. I started crying numerous times but never enough that anyone would see me. All I wanted to do was to curl up a ball in a corner and make everything around me disappear. It was awful. I felt like I was never going to be happy again.
A little before 6:00 tonight The Meat asked me why I wasn't myself today, and I said I'd just been so melancholy and sad and hopeless, so he and The Queen worked to cheer me up. They
were talking about funny movies and it made me think of one of my all-time favorite silly movies - Top Secret! I told them how in high school, during the summer after our freshman year, a few of my girlfriends and I tried to make our own version of Top Secret - and I still have the video with our silliness! The Meat wants me to bring it to work tomorrow so we can watch it. I don't know, I'm the most terrible actress in it, but I could fast forward through the terrible parts. I'll review it tonight to see if there's any possible way that I'd let a group of people at my work see it.After that, The Meat and I spent some time looking over the lyrics to some John Prine songs, and some of our favorite parts in particular. He talked about his favorite ones to play on the guitar, and which ones he wants to teach me. Tonight, after 1) I finish watching Lost and 2) have a little play time, I'm going to play around with my guitar for a bit! And start getting my calluses back!
Oh, yesterday I had the most wonderful few hours! My friend since high school, AmyD, was in town for a couple days with her husband and little 19-month-old daughter, IB. Her husband was working, so I met AmyD at her hotel and we walked a ways to have lunch, and then after lunch we walked around looking for a place to change little IB's poopy diaper! I soon realized that it can be hard for a mother to find a bathroom in the city with a changing table. AmyD eventually had to change little IB's diaper while IB laid in her stroller.
Little IB was so cute and such a little joy! I know I'll be so happy when I'm eventually a mom! I'll be tired, too, of course, cause I saw that it can be a lot of work :) And in a month, AmyD will have another little baby! She has a wonderful big belly!!! I still can't get over the miracle that there is a little baby living in her tummy right now! We talked all about labor, changes to your body during pregnancy, the complete embarrassment of even the idea of some poop squeezing out while you're pushing, and the need to have yourself cleaned up and primped a little down there before going into labor. I love these talks! And a month before I go into labor, I'll be getting myself a good wax so the doctor and nurses don't think I look messy! I think the worst thing though is the hemorroids - outside the butt!! Holy crap! The Meat and The Queen confirmed that this happens. When I'm pregnant I'm going to be looking down there with a mirror all the time and hoping I don't see anything coming out!!
I think one reason I got so sad last night was because I had such a good time with AmyD during the day and I wish I could see her more often, and also because I started worrying that I may never get married and be able to have a family. Of course, I could have a baby by myself, and I will if a few more years go by, but I'd much rather have a baby with a man I love and adore.
But with regard to men, I'm starting to realize that I have some issues, maybe more than just a few. The most obvious issue is trust, and with good reason. I've heard of so many men who have cheated, and honestly, a few years ago two married men cheated with me (at different times). So as a result, I have issues. Second, I worry so much about the passion and excitement leaving, and becoming like my parents. The thought just terrifies me and makes me cringe completely. I could go on but all this is for another day. And I also have to add, because if I don't I'll feel bad, that I know so many truly good guys who are wonderful husbands and would never cheat. And I also know that it's not only men who cheat. It's just confusing sometimes, but I'm trying to figure out exactly why I haven't had a boyfriend in over two years, and why I seem to have little interest in finding one right now.
It's about 9:30 now and Lost is over and I'm so tired. I'm going to play for a little while, and then get my guitar out, even if it's only for five minutes. And I think I'll go to bed early.
