Saturday, January 28, 2006

Butter, personal training, Brokeback Mountain, baby names, and sex songs

I was a naughty girl again last night :)

SP came over for a fun couple hours! When he first got here, he had me get a stick of butter from the refrigerator and we retreated to my bedroom. I laid naked on the bed, and he rubbed the butter all over me, starting with my neck, then generously coating my boobs, all over my stomach, my inner thighs, and then my happy place :)

The butter felt really good - I liked the cold against my skin - but I wasn't a huge fan of the smell of it as it warmed up a bit. I did like when SP had me sit on the edge of the bed with him behind me, facing the mirror doors of my closet, and I watched as he ran his hands all over my shiny buttery skin! And I didn't like when I went down on him and he initially tasted like butter - I almost gagged at the overwhelming taste and had to call up more of my own spit to dilute the taste. So anyway, that was my new experience for the night!

And in other news, my whole body is wonderfully sore, not due to sexual activity, but because I had my free personal trainer session with G on Thursday!!! I LOVE feeling sore after working out! He had me ride the bike for five minutes to warm up, then we went to a corner and did stretches first and then squats and lunges. We jogged once around the track and then went to the weight machines where he worked my legs so much and my chest and triceps as well. And then we went to the personal trainer section for the hardest part - squats and leg lifts using a step, running up and down the step, balancing on the half ball while lifting a bar for my back, laying and doing chest exercises, and then a bunch of really hard ab exercises.

I've decided that I'm going to use part of my new savings account to buy some sessions with G. I'm justifying it this way: the money is for either travel or something that I really want or just to keep saving. First, I have no one to travel with and so no immediate plans to go anywhere. And second, I wouldn't want to go to any warm locale anyway until I get myself in more perfect (like that?!) shape. And also, this getting in shape thing is an investment in my future - my health, my self-image, all that stuff. So it makes sense to use some of the money to jump-start my getting in shape. I don't push myself as much as G will, and also I get intimidated sometimes when at the gym. And also, I only do the things I know how to do. So I need to get my confidence up for when I'm there.

TIC and I initially looked into doing the personal training together so we could each have a cheaper rate. But when G started giving me quotes, I knew it would be too much for TIC to spend. And she's doing so good anyway with working out on her own. So I'm trying to figure out how much of my savings account I want to use. The three months is definitely out. The two months would use up almost my whole savings, so that's out. So I need to get a separate quote from him on 6 weeks/12 sessions, and 4 weeks/8 sessions. And I'll decide between those. I'd like to only use half of my savings account, so I may end up doing the one month plan. And really, in one month I'll have a really good start, my body will have started changing, and I'll have learned what to do on my own, so that should be completely adequate.

For a little laugh, check out THIS - the husband of the year awards. Of course, I would refer to them as the men I would like to kick the shit out of awards.

On Thursday night, TIC and I saw Brokeback Mountain. And holy shit, it was the best movie I've seen in so so so long. It was amazing! So touching, so real (and I'm talking the characters and the relationships, not the sex or anything like that). About half an hour from the end, I had tears running down my face and then a few minutes after that more tears, and later more tears, and by the end I really wished I was watching it in my own home so I could have a full-on weep. I turned to TIC and told her the obvious - that I couldn't stop crying. And my eyes were watery and red for the rest of the night. And I keep thinking about this movie. That's the real indication of a great movie - when it doesn't leave you when you leave the theater. I would highly, highly recommend it, and I also want it to win all the big awards. Of course, I haven't seen most of the other films that have been nominated for big awards so far, but this movie was so touching and so incredible and so well done, that it deserves to win.

I fell asleep on my couch again last night. This week I've done that I think 3 times. And each time is because I get so tired reading a new book that I just started: The Shadow of the Wind. It's not bad or anything, and it's supposed to be a fantastic book, but I just get tired reading it. So last night I fell asleep at 10:30, I woke up at 5 a.m. but was too tired to move from my couch, and I got up at 8 this morning. The German is coming over sometime soon to cook me breakfast, and then I need to work on organizing and perfecting all the pictures I took of the band last weekend, cause I need to give CDs with all the pictures to Piano Man tonight - Florida, Asparagus, myself, Piano Man, and two others are going to dinner, which will be such fun!

Oh - yesterday I got a hair trim at the Aveda Institute and I found another name to go on my potential-baby-name list! My stylist's name was Neda, which is Croatian and means hope - how cool is that! Foreign names are always my favorites!

Oh - I was going to tell the songs on my sex playlist! I'm always on the lookout for more, so let me know if anyone has any! Here they are:

- Red Light Special by TLC (goes back to sophomore year in college)
- Doin' It by Whatshisname (I always blank on his name, but he's so hot and the song is so incredibly hot!)
- Je t'aime...Moi non plus by Serge Gainsbourg (with Brigitte Bardot - in French, about sex, so sexy and includes lots of heavy breathing)
- Simply Beautiful by Al Green (such a sensual song)
- Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye
- Chains and Things by B.B. King (it's just sexy)
- Strokin' by Clarence Carter
- You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate
- Wild Thing by Tone Loc (a bit silly, but I like it)
- Sex Me by R. Kelly (I'm not sure I'll keep this on when I redo my iPod, cause it has that early 90's sound)

Give me more suggestions, I need more hot songs!

I have to go shower now, The German just called...

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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Written by Caterpillar :: 1/28/2006 10:17:00 AM :: ::


About Me

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly :: Anonymous

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly :: Buckminster Fuller



Name::Caterpillar
From::Chicago, United States

I'm a 30-year-old sometimes girl and sometimes woman living in Chicago. Over the past year I have faced my biggest demon and won, and as a result I have hope again for wonderful and fabulous things to happen! I'm still learning, growing and always trying to improve myself, but I absolutely love life and think I'm very close to becoming a real butterfly!!!
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How I Feel

"I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved."

"Desire is an entirely free sensation, loose in the air, vibrating, filling life with the will to have something..."

- Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho

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Quotes That Touch and Inspire Me

♥ I think that the most beautiful women I've ever met are the ones that know who they are, have stories to tell, ideas to share, wisdom to impart and love the skin they're in. No one can love us as we love ourselves. No one can take away our beauty and our dignity when we own those things. To me confident=beautiful. :: CeeCi

♥ I'd been feeling a little blue (for no particular reason) when I began thinking about things like attention, age and body image. Suddenly, it washed over me. I see people looking at me and I see them reacting. I began thinking about the times I notice the attention and realized its the days I'm strutting, the days I'm open and holding my head up. This got me to thinking further. How I perceive myself is what I show to others...People don't realize it, but they show the world everything about themselves in the way they move and act, in the words they say and the way they say them. A little confidence can lead to a lot of confidence. :: CeeCi

♥ When we believe in ourselves the world is an entirely different place and our place in it feels right and happy and healthy. :: CeeCi

♥ Remember that something incredibly wonderful is always possible!

♥ There are moments that are wonderful, if you let them be.

♥ Being distrustful put me in a very lonely place, a place filled with doubt and hypervigilance. I'm grateful I've learned to trust again, because in learning to do it, I learned to trust myself. :: CeeCi

♥ We're all a work in progress. I believe we will be until the day our lives end. Why fight it? I love the changes I experience. Some are certainly easier and more enjoyable than others, yet I wouldn't stop the process for any thing in the world. :: CeeCi

♥ We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey, or miss the chance to see a rainbow on the way :: Gloria Gaither

♥ Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed :: Storm Jameson

♥ Love is everything. It is the reason we are here, and the wonder we take with us wherever we go.

♥ Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow :: Mary Anne Radmacher

♥ Just live in the moment, the moment you're in. Don't live two days from now. Don't live two hours in advance. Live now. And appreciate what you have now. Don't go any further. You have this moment. This second. Breathe it. Enjoy it. Live in it. :: Open Eyes

♥ Leap, and the net will appear.

♥ I've learnt that when we express our deepest feelings, even though we may stammer or be unable to find the right words, it always pays. It pays to be authentic.

♥ There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness :: Carl Jung

♥ I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, myth is more potent than history, dreams are more powerful than facts, hope always triumphs over experience, laughter is the cure for grief, love is stronger than death :: Robert Fulghum

♥ You must learn day by day, year by year, to broaden your horizon. The more things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more you are indignant about, the more you have left when anything happens. :: Ethel Barrymore

♥ Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. :: Carl Jung

♥ I will try to be as honest as I can with myself. That is all that is required of me. I'll keep admitting and opening my hidden box of fears, hurts and insecurities, again and again, until I know each one of them by their first name. :: Anu

♥ It struck me that there is amazing beauty everywhere. Does it matter where you are or who we're encountering? There is magic all around us. The fact that we're alive, the fact that we're living in this place and time. The fact that we've met the people we've met, all of it, every bit of it, only contributes to the wonder that is life. :: CeeCi

♥ No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the starts, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit. :: Helen Keller

♥ Half of doing anything is believing that you can.

♥ Often God has to shut a door in our face, so that he can subsequently open the door through which he wants us to go. :: Catherine Marshall

♥ Even if it burns a little low at times, the secret of life is to always keep the flame of hope alive.

♥ The three grand essentials of happiness are something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for.

♥ Some people will say that you are going the wrong way, when it is simply a way of your own.

♥ Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion. :: Martha Graham

♥ Life is a series of new beginnings, and in every ordinary moment there are a thousand miracles to behold.

♥ Don't let the approval of others determine your belief in yourself.

♥ When it's all said and done, when all the opinions have been uttered, preached, shouted, and shared, there is only one thing we can do: From this moment on...love.

♥ When you're stuck in a spiral, to change all aspects of the spin you need only to change one thing. :: Christina Baldwin

♥ You have to look for the joy. Look for the light of God that is hitting your life, and you will find sparkles you didn't know were there.

♥ Be the change you wish to see in the world... :: Gandhi

♥ Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

♥ We each have only a limited amount of time here. We have to do more with it - pay attention, explore, be open to all of life. Because we have only one chance, we have to make life seem longer than it really is. :: Viggo Mortensen

♥ Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. :: Cadet Maxim

♥ Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore! Dream! Discover!

♥ What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail? :: Unknown

♥ To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. :: David Viscott, M.D

♥ Right now it feels like:...no dream will ever remain unfulfilled...no desire will ever remain unanswered...no tear goes unnoticed and no effort wasted...the hills are alive and so are we...each moment is fresh and waiting to happen...and there will be garbage like situations all around...but it is upto us to light mud lamps in it...and glow in our own acceptance and appreciations... :: Anu

♥ I struggle with not feeling like I'm good enough at times. Usually, its because I'm pushing it too hard and have depleted my reserve. Yet, I know without a shadow of a doubt that no matter how heavy or thin, how young or old I appear to others it's what I feel on the inside that glows through. If I could give every person on this planet just one gift it would be the unwavering knowledge that they are beautiful and worthy of every good thing the universe holds. :: CeeCi

♥ It's easier to buy into the negative things we conjure about ourselves than the positive things. Knowing that is the first step towards changing the thoughts that keep us unhappy. With time moving forward, why stay trapped in the past? All we have is right here and right now, I intend to make the most of it! :: CeeCi