Starting off blue and now I'm a little better!
I'm feeling blue. Very blue and blah and a bit sad and lonely and left out and depressed. It sucks, and I know I should be happy, because life is great! But I can't get out of my funk. Hormones are partly to blame, and also lack of sleep is partly to blame. I stayed home from work yesterday in order to get the opinion completely finished, and I ended up doing shit all day long, and started in with it at 2 a.m., so I had another night with no sleep. Over the past couple weeks everyone has seen ample evidence of my procrastination abilities and ability to just fucking get nothing done over hours of time! I'm so frustrated with my whole self!
So here's why I'm sad. It's stupid, really: I haven't gotten my adequate fix of special time with The Meat. Sure, in the morning we were all standing around laughing and shootin' the shit. And The Meat filled me in on all that I missed yesterday. I sat in his office for about five minutes during the morning and we talked, but then we got interrupted. Our group had a speaker come over lunch, so no time then to talk. And then I was in my boss's office for over an hour sitting in on a meeting. It was finally too tortuous so I left and went straight in to see The Meat. And spent about half an hour with him.
Now, half an hour in his office talking should have been fine, but I didn't feel satisfied. We did more laughing and joking as opposed to soul-searching and serious, connected talking, and I think in my mood I need 1) some affirmation, 2) a reminder that I'm special, and 3) a reminder that he thinks I'm special. But I didn't really get any of it because we were lighthearted and having fun, and as a result I'm more blue than I was before. :( I hate female fucking shit hormones when they turn on me!!!! I hate feeling blue like this!!!! But dammit, The Meat is one of the most important people in my life at this moment, and certainly the most influential on me, and I need something to make me feel special again!
Okay - I interrupt the whine fest, because The Meat just came down to see if I was still here. He's finishing up some things so he told me to finish writing my blog (which he doesn't read, obviously!) and then come down and we'd walk out together. And I whined to him and told him I was feeling blue and icky and fat and ugly and my hair is looking flat and blah etc. And he did just what I needed him to do - he just pumped me right back up!!!! Not that the hormones have retreated all the way, but his pump-up has turned a little light on inside me!
And now, so I don't forget and can read this later tonight, here's what he said: even on my worst of days, which today isn't, I'm still a total babe. And I have everything going for me: I'm smart, funny, babe-a-licious (he was searching for the right word and I suggested this one, which he liked), compassionate, (he said a few more things that I can't exactly remember now), and then he said "You have it all, there's nothing more anyone could want," and he thought for a few seconds and concluded: "you have it all." And he was being completely serious!
So I'm still a little blue, and I'm going to miss him over the weekend, and my throat is a tiny bit sore, but The Meat has made most everything right in my world again. Of course, I hate having to rely on someone else telling me these things, but fuck it, the hormones aren't letting me tell myself today that I'm kick-ass, so I'm just going to believe what The Meat says until I'm back to my normal self!!!
BTW, The Meat has such sex appeal all over him today. Damn!
So here's why I'm sad. It's stupid, really: I haven't gotten my adequate fix of special time with The Meat. Sure, in the morning we were all standing around laughing and shootin' the shit. And The Meat filled me in on all that I missed yesterday. I sat in his office for about five minutes during the morning and we talked, but then we got interrupted. Our group had a speaker come over lunch, so no time then to talk. And then I was in my boss's office for over an hour sitting in on a meeting. It was finally too tortuous so I left and went straight in to see The Meat. And spent about half an hour with him.
Now, half an hour in his office talking should have been fine, but I didn't feel satisfied. We did more laughing and joking as opposed to soul-searching and serious, connected talking, and I think in my mood I need 1) some affirmation, 2) a reminder that I'm special, and 3) a reminder that he thinks I'm special. But I didn't really get any of it because we were lighthearted and having fun, and as a result I'm more blue than I was before. :( I hate female fucking shit hormones when they turn on me!!!! I hate feeling blue like this!!!! But dammit, The Meat is one of the most important people in my life at this moment, and certainly the most influential on me, and I need something to make me feel special again!
Okay - I interrupt the whine fest, because The Meat just came down to see if I was still here. He's finishing up some things so he told me to finish writing my blog (which he doesn't read, obviously!) and then come down and we'd walk out together. And I whined to him and told him I was feeling blue and icky and fat and ugly and my hair is looking flat and blah etc. And he did just what I needed him to do - he just pumped me right back up!!!! Not that the hormones have retreated all the way, but his pump-up has turned a little light on inside me!
And now, so I don't forget and can read this later tonight, here's what he said: even on my worst of days, which today isn't, I'm still a total babe. And I have everything going for me: I'm smart, funny, babe-a-licious (he was searching for the right word and I suggested this one, which he liked), compassionate, (he said a few more things that I can't exactly remember now), and then he said "You have it all, there's nothing more anyone could want," and he thought for a few seconds and concluded: "you have it all." And he was being completely serious!
So I'm still a little blue, and I'm going to miss him over the weekend, and my throat is a tiny bit sore, but The Meat has made most everything right in my world again. Of course, I hate having to rely on someone else telling me these things, but fuck it, the hormones aren't letting me tell myself today that I'm kick-ass, so I'm just going to believe what The Meat says until I'm back to my normal self!!!
BTW, The Meat has such sex appeal all over him today. Damn!
