Sex, fears, and other things
SP left just a little bit ago. We had wonderful fun - hot sex and also talking and sharing. I wish he could have stayed a little longer, but he had to get going.
At one point, after we'd just finished a session, a moment of sadness came over him and he started crying a little. At first he tried to hide it and excuse it, but ended up talking to me about some of what was on his mind. He needed a little bit of a cry, and to get some stuff out - I'm a big believer in letting it out sometimes. He shared some deep feelings with me, and some fears. I know he was still holding some back, but it really meant a lot to me. An incredible lot. He let me in and let me see another part of him that he usually hides from everyone else. I feel so honored and so happy for that.
I listened, and sometimes tried to say things that would make him feel better, but it's one of those things where nothing I say can really affect anything. It's just life, and certain worries he has. Just like we all have certain worries that we can't do anything about. I have certain ones myself, and nothing that anyone says can really change or take care of them. But it still helps to verbalize the worries sometimes, just so they don't get bottled up. I hope I was able to make him feel a little better by being there for him. By the time he left, he was back to his normal self. And had been for awhile, following more fun action and some laying in bed talking about random things. I just wish I could do something more, but there's nothing I can do besides be a friend when he needs one. He's such a special person, and I just want him to be in a good place. But I'm afraid now that his worries get to him more often than he ever lets on. And I feel so powerless to help him. I hate feeling powerless like this!
In other news, today was The Most Beautiful January Day Ever In Chicago! It was perfectly sunny and in the 50's, and just lovely and happy and smelling like spring!!! When I was at the bus stop in the morning, I closed my eyes and lifted my face to the sun, and felt it's warmth on my face! And it was wonderful! By the way, when I close my eyes like that towards the sun, what I see behind my eyelids is an orange lake, with the water gently moving and sunlight reflecting off it. Sorry, I know it's a bit off the subject, but I was so conscious of it this morning when I kept closing my eyes toward the sun!
I'm sitting on my couch right now and I keep looking around because my place is gorgeous! Last night I stayed up way, way too late, doing five loads of laundry and thoroughly cleaning my place. I love it when I get in one of those modes sometimes, because seeing everything so clean and straightened now makes me feel just wonderful!
Well, I can't think of anything else to talk about just now. I'm feeling a bit melancholy at the moment. Content, but melancholy. I'm going to go read for awhile.
At one point, after we'd just finished a session, a moment of sadness came over him and he started crying a little. At first he tried to hide it and excuse it, but ended up talking to me about some of what was on his mind. He needed a little bit of a cry, and to get some stuff out - I'm a big believer in letting it out sometimes. He shared some deep feelings with me, and some fears. I know he was still holding some back, but it really meant a lot to me. An incredible lot. He let me in and let me see another part of him that he usually hides from everyone else. I feel so honored and so happy for that.
I listened, and sometimes tried to say things that would make him feel better, but it's one of those things where nothing I say can really affect anything. It's just life, and certain worries he has. Just like we all have certain worries that we can't do anything about. I have certain ones myself, and nothing that anyone says can really change or take care of them. But it still helps to verbalize the worries sometimes, just so they don't get bottled up. I hope I was able to make him feel a little better by being there for him. By the time he left, he was back to his normal self. And had been for awhile, following more fun action and some laying in bed talking about random things. I just wish I could do something more, but there's nothing I can do besides be a friend when he needs one. He's such a special person, and I just want him to be in a good place. But I'm afraid now that his worries get to him more often than he ever lets on. And I feel so powerless to help him. I hate feeling powerless like this!
In other news, today was The Most Beautiful January Day Ever In Chicago! It was perfectly sunny and in the 50's, and just lovely and happy and smelling like spring!!! When I was at the bus stop in the morning, I closed my eyes and lifted my face to the sun, and felt it's warmth on my face! And it was wonderful! By the way, when I close my eyes like that towards the sun, what I see behind my eyelids is an orange lake, with the water gently moving and sunlight reflecting off it. Sorry, I know it's a bit off the subject, but I was so conscious of it this morning when I kept closing my eyes toward the sun!
I'm sitting on my couch right now and I keep looking around because my place is gorgeous! Last night I stayed up way, way too late, doing five loads of laundry and thoroughly cleaning my place. I love it when I get in one of those modes sometimes, because seeing everything so clean and straightened now makes me feel just wonderful!
Well, I can't think of anything else to talk about just now. I'm feeling a bit melancholy at the moment. Content, but melancholy. I'm going to go read for awhile.
