Sleepy!
I'm tired. And my head hurts right above each eye, so they aren't open very much as a result. I'm going to bed in about 10 minutes. I'm listening to John Prine's first album and can't stop listening to it over and over again.
I didn't go to work today but instead worked on the opinion all morning and then in the afternoon I got ready for a volunteer meeting that was tonight. I sent out some emails to the members and prepared the agenda and stressed a bit, and then went to the restaurant and we had our meeting. It went fine, and some of our good members were there who get stuff done and are generally very positive. We have a good gameplan for a fundraiser party in May.
However, even though it went well, these meetings just stress me out. First, because I hate being the president and having to "preside" as it were. Second, I often feel like I'm my shy 5th grade self again when I'm around these women. I'm fine with doing the little small-talk socializing with them, but I never really feel comfortable. And then when we discuss various things, I just sort of sit back and never feel confident in my opinions. Also, these women have been doing this stuff for much longer than I have, so they know a lot more. But I just feel little, small, shy, and icky sometimes by the time I leave, and I felt that way tonight. I know it didn't help that I was and am so tired and was really fading. But I just felt little, stupid, and every not-fun feeling you can think of afterward. I don't like who I am around them, how I feel so little, insignificant and self-conscious. Okay, no more whining. I'm boring myself just listening to it in my head.
I made good headway on the opinion today, and got a lot of stuff written down and went through everything. If the stupid meeting hadn't have been tonight I'd have spent the whole afternoon on the opinion and been in a really good place with it. However, I think I can do a lot tomorrow at work. I'm so looking forward to tomorrow so I can go to work and see everyone - today was way too lonely just sitting at home by myself! I talked to The Queen a little and chatted with The Meat for longer, talking about our weekends and whatnot. But I want to see them, especially The Meat. Having him around makes my day so much better.
Okay, I'm going to sleep now, I can't wait to feel my pillow, my cool sheets, and the perfect and wonderful weight of the comforter - oh, I'm off to go there now!!! G'night :)
I didn't go to work today but instead worked on the opinion all morning and then in the afternoon I got ready for a volunteer meeting that was tonight. I sent out some emails to the members and prepared the agenda and stressed a bit, and then went to the restaurant and we had our meeting. It went fine, and some of our good members were there who get stuff done and are generally very positive. We have a good gameplan for a fundraiser party in May.
However, even though it went well, these meetings just stress me out. First, because I hate being the president and having to "preside" as it were. Second, I often feel like I'm my shy 5th grade self again when I'm around these women. I'm fine with doing the little small-talk socializing with them, but I never really feel comfortable. And then when we discuss various things, I just sort of sit back and never feel confident in my opinions. Also, these women have been doing this stuff for much longer than I have, so they know a lot more. But I just feel little, small, shy, and icky sometimes by the time I leave, and I felt that way tonight. I know it didn't help that I was and am so tired and was really fading. But I just felt little, stupid, and every not-fun feeling you can think of afterward. I don't like who I am around them, how I feel so little, insignificant and self-conscious. Okay, no more whining. I'm boring myself just listening to it in my head.
I made good headway on the opinion today, and got a lot of stuff written down and went through everything. If the stupid meeting hadn't have been tonight I'd have spent the whole afternoon on the opinion and been in a really good place with it. However, I think I can do a lot tomorrow at work. I'm so looking forward to tomorrow so I can go to work and see everyone - today was way too lonely just sitting at home by myself! I talked to The Queen a little and chatted with The Meat for longer, talking about our weekends and whatnot. But I want to see them, especially The Meat. Having him around makes my day so much better.
Okay, I'm going to sleep now, I can't wait to feel my pillow, my cool sheets, and the perfect and wonderful weight of the comforter - oh, I'm off to go there now!!! G'night :)
