Sunday night stuff
WTF - it's Sunday night already! I've decided that everyone really should have 3-day weekends EVERY weekend. Two days just isn't long enough.
I'm in a bit of an odd mood tonight. I'm kind of frustrated because I want to be doing something fun and also productive in a way, like reading, or getting my paints out and attempting to make art, or starting to write a story I told The Meat I'd write, or getting my guitar out and working on getting my calluses back. What I don't want to be doing is sitting like a lazyass on my couch, TV on, and doing nothing worthwhile. (Of course, writing this right now is not in that "not worthwhile" category)! I'm the laziest person! I'm going to do one of those productive things I just mentioned, but I can't decide which one and I need to get off my ass to start!
Also, I'm usually happy on Sunday nights because I completely enjoy going to work on Monday mornings - the company of everyone there is more fun than being alone in my apartment. But I'm not excited like I usually am. I've been kind of down on myself for the past week, and the feeling hasn't gone away yet. I feel not good enough, not fun enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not quick enough, not nice-dressed enough, not happy enough, just not up to par. It sucks!!! I need to have a serious talk with myself. Because for the past couple weeks I've been falling back into an old habit of mine - looking elsewhere for affirmation instead of looking inside and being truly happy with myself as I am. When I start looking outside, it becomes a terrible cycle, and in the past has been quite harmful. I need to reread all the quotes in my bathroom!
I guess it also doesn't help that I'm listening to a bunch of lovey-dovey romantic songs right now, so I'm turning that music off right now!
Today, I went with FireCracker to see Syriana. We went to a little old theater by Lincoln
Square, and tickets there are only $5 before 6 pm, every day!! Kick fucking ass!!! I'm always going there from now on! I thought the movie was really good and I'm always so intrigued by how countries are really run and the interactions between governments, and thinking about what is really going on behind the scenes, and the massive corruption and bullshit that most of us probably have no idea goes on. And it oftentimes pisses me off - that the people who really control things aren't ever held accountable even though they often do terrible things and care more about money and power than about making the little people's lives better. Anyway though, I'll get off my soapbox! I had fun seeing FireCracker, and fun seeing the movie!
Yesterday The German came over and made the most delicious breakfast for us!! He brought eggs, onions, a red pepper, bacon, and goat gouda, and made us the tastiest fritatta/scrambled egg mix that ever did exist! And he also brought a couple of clementines and laid the little pieces out on our plates as well. So nice! Afterwards we laid together on the couch and took a little nap for half an hour, and that was nice, too. I love laying my head on a strong shoulder, my hand on a guy's chest and his arm around me - it's so comfortable and comforting at the same time.
Then last night Florida and Asparagus picked me up and we drove to Andersonville to C and S's house. Piano Man was also there, and I gave him CDs with all the pictures from last weekend - I worked really hard yesterday afternoon altering many of them with Photoshop Elements, which I opened yesterday for the first time. After a little while chatting, we all headed out and walked in the rain to Charlie's Ale House for dinner. By the way, Clark Street in Andersonville is just so cool, and I keep meaning to explore the area more! Dinner was great fun and we had interesting conversations and many laughs! By the time Florida and Asparagus dropped me off at midnight, we were all yawning like mad - I'm getting tired so early these days!
And now, because they make me so happy, a couple pictures of my babies from yesterday while The German was cooking!! James was telling me to stop taking his picture already, and little Emma was hiding under the bed, as she usually does when The German is here:
I'm in a bit of an odd mood tonight. I'm kind of frustrated because I want to be doing something fun and also productive in a way, like reading, or getting my paints out and attempting to make art, or starting to write a story I told The Meat I'd write, or getting my guitar out and working on getting my calluses back. What I don't want to be doing is sitting like a lazyass on my couch, TV on, and doing nothing worthwhile. (Of course, writing this right now is not in that "not worthwhile" category)! I'm the laziest person! I'm going to do one of those productive things I just mentioned, but I can't decide which one and I need to get off my ass to start!
Also, I'm usually happy on Sunday nights because I completely enjoy going to work on Monday mornings - the company of everyone there is more fun than being alone in my apartment. But I'm not excited like I usually am. I've been kind of down on myself for the past week, and the feeling hasn't gone away yet. I feel not good enough, not fun enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not quick enough, not nice-dressed enough, not happy enough, just not up to par. It sucks!!! I need to have a serious talk with myself. Because for the past couple weeks I've been falling back into an old habit of mine - looking elsewhere for affirmation instead of looking inside and being truly happy with myself as I am. When I start looking outside, it becomes a terrible cycle, and in the past has been quite harmful. I need to reread all the quotes in my bathroom!
I guess it also doesn't help that I'm listening to a bunch of lovey-dovey romantic songs right now, so I'm turning that music off right now!
Today, I went with FireCracker to see Syriana. We went to a little old theater by Lincoln
Square, and tickets there are only $5 before 6 pm, every day!! Kick fucking ass!!! I'm always going there from now on! I thought the movie was really good and I'm always so intrigued by how countries are really run and the interactions between governments, and thinking about what is really going on behind the scenes, and the massive corruption and bullshit that most of us probably have no idea goes on. And it oftentimes pisses me off - that the people who really control things aren't ever held accountable even though they often do terrible things and care more about money and power than about making the little people's lives better. Anyway though, I'll get off my soapbox! I had fun seeing FireCracker, and fun seeing the movie!
Yesterday The German came over and made the most delicious breakfast for us!! He brought eggs, onions, a red pepper, bacon, and goat gouda, and made us the tastiest fritatta/scrambled egg mix that ever did exist! And he also brought a couple of clementines and laid the little pieces out on our plates as well. So nice! Afterwards we laid together on the couch and took a little nap for half an hour, and that was nice, too. I love laying my head on a strong shoulder, my hand on a guy's chest and his arm around me - it's so comfortable and comforting at the same time.Then last night Florida and Asparagus picked me up and we drove to Andersonville to C and S's house. Piano Man was also there, and I gave him CDs with all the pictures from last weekend - I worked really hard yesterday afternoon altering many of them with Photoshop Elements, which I opened yesterday for the first time. After a little while chatting, we all headed out and walked in the rain to Charlie's Ale House for dinner. By the way, Clark Street in Andersonville is just so cool, and I keep meaning to explore the area more! Dinner was great fun and we had interesting conversations and many laughs! By the time Florida and Asparagus dropped me off at midnight, we were all yawning like mad - I'm getting tired so early these days!
And now, because they make me so happy, a couple pictures of my babies from yesterday while The German was cooking!! James was telling me to stop taking his picture already, and little Emma was hiding under the bed, as she usually does when The German is here:
They're so cute!!!!! And James has just jumped on my lap and is laying on me and purring away - I'm such a happy kitten-mama!!!
