My new addiction
Today I SWEAR I'm taking my computer in to be fixed. As you can see by my lack of posting, I usually typed my fun blog stuff at home! The German came over on Sunday and was fiddling with it, and he thinks maybe something is wrong with the RAM or some microsoft software has been corrupted. I have a haircut (trim) scheduled for 3 pm this afternoon, so after that I'll go home, collect the computer and all the stuff it came with, including I think backup microsoft stuff, and bring it to The Geek Squad at Best Buy. And they'll probably keep it for awhile.
But I'm okay with that now. One reason I hadn't taken the computer in before now, along with my general laziness and stuff to do like television shows at night that I couldn't leave during, was that I need something to DO at home, and in safe mode I could still play my little computer games - like Spider Solitaire. I logged in about 1,000 hours last week playing spider solitaire. Seriously, I'd easily spend HOURS playing it, while watching TV or movies. Cause I can't JUST watch TV or movies, I have to watch while doing something else equally mindless.
However, I've found the most wonderful and amazing replacement!!! I'm so ridiculously excited by this, and addicted to it already! Sudoku!!!! I bought one of the problem books at Borders yesterday after working out, cause I just KNEW, from seeing the books a couple weeks ago and then seeing a news report on the popularity of it, that I would love these little number puzzles. I ADORE that kind of stuff! Last night on the bus I read all the rules and hints and learned all that. And after getting groceries, feeding the babies, and making myself dinner, I sat down and watched Prison Break while starting to work on my first Sudoku puzzle. And seven puzzles later, and very late at night, I finally had to call it quits. As I came to the end of each puzzle, I'd tell myself to go shower and get ready for bed, and when I finished each, I'd instead be COMPELLED to start another, and so on. At midnight I finally showered. I had a hard time waking up this morning as a result. And then on the bus this morning I started another puzzle. And am just ITCHING to take it out of my purse and work on it more right now. So now, if I'm MIA, no one has to wonder if I fell off the wagon anymore. Instead, it will be because I've turned into Crazy Sudoku Lady.
I did fall off the wagon once last week though. On Wednesday night, after I think 10 days of not drinking, I drank a bottle and a half of wine and as a result didn't make it to work on Thursday. I felt terrible and dirty all day Thursday and all day Friday as well. Each day prior to that I'd been THINKING about alcohol and drinking a little more and a little more, and on that Wednesday afternoon, the idea suddenly jumped into my head, mascarading as Inspiration, that I would keep thinking more and more about it unless I just got it over with and got drunk. But after the first bottle of wine, my brain told me it wasn't enough and I went out and got another. I just can't do any of this anymore, it's so clear to me. So I am newly and even more determined. And let's see, today is Day 6, and so far I haven't even really thought about it. And since I have a new addiction to Sudoku to occupy my thoughts, I hope that helps.
Also, I still haven't made it to an AA meeting. For a variety of reasons, all very important: too tired, too cold outside, want to walk home, a fantastic show on TV, or just laziness. I'll have to check my list to see if there's a meeting on Tuesdays near me, and I could go to that. I'll have already gotten my hair cut and taken my computer in, I'll already be by me so I won't be able to walk home or work out, and there are absolutely no good shows on Tuesday nights to draw me in. The cold could be a problem and Sudoku could be a problem. But I owe it to myself completely to go. I can't go on Wednesday nights cause tomorrow night I start guitar classes again - yay! Which means I really have to practice tonight so I don't make a fool of myself tomorrow in class, especially since the teacher is really cute :)
On Sunday when The German came over, I got a lot of action! And he got some himself! No sex, cause sex just seems to be off the table, but he spent a lot of time on me! That's the ONE bad thing with my relatively new antidepressant - it takes longer for me to come. Sometimes it's really frustrating for me. He first did a lot of action on me while dinner cooked, and then we stopped and ate dinner. My hands were shaking throughout. Afterward we moved back to the couch, stripped down, turned on some porn, and I went down on him for awhile until he exploded. And after a bit, he knelt on the floor and just did unbelieveable magic to me! After that we cuddled for a bit and finished watching the porn scene that was on at the time, and then he got to work on my computer. He didn't have too much luck with fixing anything, but did get some answers and tried a lot of different things. And then we ran through the rain for coffee and cake at the little Austrian bakery down the street. He was at my place for about six hours in all, and I had a wonderful time and was happy to be with him.
Update on the job front - I didn't get the federal job I had wanted. They hired someone else. Tivo let me know last Wednesday night a little before I went home. I wasn't too disappointed really, because it had been so long since I'd interviewed and as far as I'd heard, someone might not have been hired at all due to lack of a budget. So I wasn't hoping. But I did feel like a loser on the way home on Wednesday night. Cause I felt like they just didn't like me. I can't say, though, that it contributed to my drinking, because I'd already made the decision to drink before I heard the news. However, I don't feel like a loser anymore now, because one of the bosses here talked to The Boss Man there yesterday and so I now know that The Boss Man really liked me and pushed for me, but had to defer to the head of the department, who chose this other woman. And The Boss Man encouraged me to apply for any other opening that would come up under him. So that made me feel good and happy! And yes, liked, because I want to be liked. And now I just need to get my application over to the city, so I can get that job!
After I post this, I'm going to draft my match.com little blurb. Yes, I've said it before, but now I'm ready to get back in there and get excited about people again. The Meat said that he's got a few little things to add to my blurb, which some guys may get. And I trust The Meat, cause I want someone a little like him - who's a good guy, but has, as The Bold One puts it, a bit of an edge. And some badness. And some mystery. And some alternativeness. And isn't just some boring normal guy.
By the way, I never wrote about the nicest thing that The Meat did for me. It was just sweet. Two Fridays ago I'd told him how poor I was and how little money I had to last me for the next week and a half. So on Monday, he brought me two $20 bus cards and didn't want anything for them. It really touched me. And helped me out so much, too. To get to work and back home each day! It was really sweet of him.
I have to leave in 45 minutes. In that time, I need to draft an order, print out next week's schedule, quickly prepare a motion, and draft my match.com blurb and give it to The Meat to rewrite it. I think that's all. Of course, I have a huge amount of other stuff I'd love to keep writing about, but it will have to wait until tomorrow!
But I'm okay with that now. One reason I hadn't taken the computer in before now, along with my general laziness and stuff to do like television shows at night that I couldn't leave during, was that I need something to DO at home, and in safe mode I could still play my little computer games - like Spider Solitaire. I logged in about 1,000 hours last week playing spider solitaire. Seriously, I'd easily spend HOURS playing it, while watching TV or movies. Cause I can't JUST watch TV or movies, I have to watch while doing something else equally mindless.
However, I've found the most wonderful and amazing replacement!!! I'm so ridiculously excited by this, and addicted to it already! Sudoku!!!! I bought one of the problem books at Borders yesterday after working out, cause I just KNEW, from seeing the books a couple weeks ago and then seeing a news report on the popularity of it, that I would love these little number puzzles. I ADORE that kind of stuff! Last night on the bus I read all the rules and hints and learned all that. And after getting groceries, feeding the babies, and making myself dinner, I sat down and watched Prison Break while starting to work on my first Sudoku puzzle. And seven puzzles later, and very late at night, I finally had to call it quits. As I came to the end of each puzzle, I'd tell myself to go shower and get ready for bed, and when I finished each, I'd instead be COMPELLED to start another, and so on. At midnight I finally showered. I had a hard time waking up this morning as a result. And then on the bus this morning I started another puzzle. And am just ITCHING to take it out of my purse and work on it more right now. So now, if I'm MIA, no one has to wonder if I fell off the wagon anymore. Instead, it will be because I've turned into Crazy Sudoku Lady.
I did fall off the wagon once last week though. On Wednesday night, after I think 10 days of not drinking, I drank a bottle and a half of wine and as a result didn't make it to work on Thursday. I felt terrible and dirty all day Thursday and all day Friday as well. Each day prior to that I'd been THINKING about alcohol and drinking a little more and a little more, and on that Wednesday afternoon, the idea suddenly jumped into my head, mascarading as Inspiration, that I would keep thinking more and more about it unless I just got it over with and got drunk. But after the first bottle of wine, my brain told me it wasn't enough and I went out and got another. I just can't do any of this anymore, it's so clear to me. So I am newly and even more determined. And let's see, today is Day 6, and so far I haven't even really thought about it. And since I have a new addiction to Sudoku to occupy my thoughts, I hope that helps.
Also, I still haven't made it to an AA meeting. For a variety of reasons, all very important: too tired, too cold outside, want to walk home, a fantastic show on TV, or just laziness. I'll have to check my list to see if there's a meeting on Tuesdays near me, and I could go to that. I'll have already gotten my hair cut and taken my computer in, I'll already be by me so I won't be able to walk home or work out, and there are absolutely no good shows on Tuesday nights to draw me in. The cold could be a problem and Sudoku could be a problem. But I owe it to myself completely to go. I can't go on Wednesday nights cause tomorrow night I start guitar classes again - yay! Which means I really have to practice tonight so I don't make a fool of myself tomorrow in class, especially since the teacher is really cute :)
On Sunday when The German came over, I got a lot of action! And he got some himself! No sex, cause sex just seems to be off the table, but he spent a lot of time on me! That's the ONE bad thing with my relatively new antidepressant - it takes longer for me to come. Sometimes it's really frustrating for me. He first did a lot of action on me while dinner cooked, and then we stopped and ate dinner. My hands were shaking throughout. Afterward we moved back to the couch, stripped down, turned on some porn, and I went down on him for awhile until he exploded. And after a bit, he knelt on the floor and just did unbelieveable magic to me! After that we cuddled for a bit and finished watching the porn scene that was on at the time, and then he got to work on my computer. He didn't have too much luck with fixing anything, but did get some answers and tried a lot of different things. And then we ran through the rain for coffee and cake at the little Austrian bakery down the street. He was at my place for about six hours in all, and I had a wonderful time and was happy to be with him.
Update on the job front - I didn't get the federal job I had wanted. They hired someone else. Tivo let me know last Wednesday night a little before I went home. I wasn't too disappointed really, because it had been so long since I'd interviewed and as far as I'd heard, someone might not have been hired at all due to lack of a budget. So I wasn't hoping. But I did feel like a loser on the way home on Wednesday night. Cause I felt like they just didn't like me. I can't say, though, that it contributed to my drinking, because I'd already made the decision to drink before I heard the news. However, I don't feel like a loser anymore now, because one of the bosses here talked to The Boss Man there yesterday and so I now know that The Boss Man really liked me and pushed for me, but had to defer to the head of the department, who chose this other woman. And The Boss Man encouraged me to apply for any other opening that would come up under him. So that made me feel good and happy! And yes, liked, because I want to be liked. And now I just need to get my application over to the city, so I can get that job!
After I post this, I'm going to draft my match.com little blurb. Yes, I've said it before, but now I'm ready to get back in there and get excited about people again. The Meat said that he's got a few little things to add to my blurb, which some guys may get. And I trust The Meat, cause I want someone a little like him - who's a good guy, but has, as The Bold One puts it, a bit of an edge. And some badness. And some mystery. And some alternativeness. And isn't just some boring normal guy.
By the way, I never wrote about the nicest thing that The Meat did for me. It was just sweet. Two Fridays ago I'd told him how poor I was and how little money I had to last me for the next week and a half. So on Monday, he brought me two $20 bus cards and didn't want anything for them. It really touched me. And helped me out so much, too. To get to work and back home each day! It was really sweet of him.
I have to leave in 45 minutes. In that time, I need to draft an order, print out next week's schedule, quickly prepare a motion, and draft my match.com blurb and give it to The Meat to rewrite it. I think that's all. Of course, I have a huge amount of other stuff I'd love to keep writing about, but it will have to wait until tomorrow!
