Things I'm thankful for, and my Inner Harry Potter - woops, I mean Smile :)
Last night I left work a little after 6 and walked home. I had the iPod playing and my backpack on, and the sun was setting. The colors were just gorgeous, everywhere I looked! At one point, trees with yellow leaves were framed against the deep turquoise of the sky. At another time, the shadows of the trees on the sidewalk were like a heavenly promenade. I wanted to take pictures – I saw gorgeous pictures everywhere I looked! But my camera was in my purse which was in my backpack, and I was walking fast to get my exercise. And besides, it would work best if I had my tripod with me. So here’s my little plan: tomorrow night I’m planning to walk home again, and I’ll have my camera hanging around my neck and my tripod in my backpack, so I can hopefully get some wonderful shots!!!
When I got to my building, I checked my mailbox and found the envelope from my mom, and instead of just $50 like I asked for, she sent me $100. She’s just wonderful, she does so much for me, so so so so much. I deposited the check and bought some food for myself and cat food for James and Emma. And then I pampered myself!! I gave myself a pedicure and manicure as best as I could, and lotioned up my feet and hands with a peppermint and rosemary shea butter cream, it was wonderful! And later I showered so I wouldn’t have to this morning, and then sat in bed and read and wrote out some things.
One thing I did was to write out a list of things for which I’m grateful. This is from my How Now exercise book. And then, as it instructed, I let myself “actually feel gratitude for each item.” A few of my items:
1) My parents and their unconditional love, and all the millions of little amazing things that my mom does for me, including calling me every morning to wake me up
2) The experiences and memories that my brother and I will always share
3) The cuddles and silliness of my kittens, from the way Emma runs to me, to James making his silly little sounds and spooning with me at night
…
6) Blue skies and sunshine
7) The ability to walk (as opposed to those who can’t), so that I can enjoy my walks home
8) The gorgeous fall colors, the color of the sky at dusk, and the beauty everywhere in nature – all that makes me so happy and makes me feel so alive
9) My psychiatrist – for helping me feel so empowered
10) My job – even though I don’t make a lot of money, I have been so blessed by the wonderful friends I’ve made, the interesting people, the experiences I’ll never forget, the laughter, and the stories, and also for it being here for me even when I’m a bad employee
11) Having a beautiful and comfortable place to live
12) Being able to wake up and see the sun reflecting off the lake
13) My hair, my eyes, and my skin
14) My mind and intellect, and depth of feeling
…
It felt good to put down in writing the things that I’m so thankful and grateful for, and to concentrate and focus on each one. And this morning, I told my mom that I put her down first, because she is the number one thing that I’m grateful for – and it’s completely true for a million different reasons. She was so happy, and it made me so happy to make her so happy!
The next exercise is to work on my Inner Smile – “joy creates an almost instantaneous sense of expansion – an inner smile that’s like a warm bath. Some call this warm bath “flow” or “spirit”…Think about someone or something that you love. This could be a child, a place in nature, or a favorite memory. Whatever you choose, make sure that just reflecting upon it creates an automatic inner smile. Then surrender to that inner smile. Let it light you up. Feel it spread through your body and even beyond it, uniting you joyously with your surroundings.”
I tried this a little last night, but it was hard for me to come up with one thing. There are many times when I feel such a joy, and feel like it’s bursting from my chest, but it’s not because of any one thing. Also, I was a little distracted, because I couldn’t get Harry Potter out of my mind – this sounds like exactly what he had to
do in order to get his Patronis and protect himself from the Dementors! So I kept picturing myself holding a wand and feeling joy burst from within me in rays of sunlight that pushed all the bad things away! Very silly, I know! But I do love that feeling of ultimate joy when I have it! So I’ll have to work on feeling it more often.
I’ve had a lot of thoughts running around in my head lately. I’ve started jotting down some of them. When I get them a little more organized I’ll post them. This not drinking thing is proving to be really good. I’m more like I remember being years ago, when I’d think a lot more, and write a lot more, and have my introspective moments a lot more. Of course, I want to get some of these thoughts more in order, but I like having them again and not blotting them and everything else out with the drink.
When I got to my building, I checked my mailbox and found the envelope from my mom, and instead of just $50 like I asked for, she sent me $100. She’s just wonderful, she does so much for me, so so so so much. I deposited the check and bought some food for myself and cat food for James and Emma. And then I pampered myself!! I gave myself a pedicure and manicure as best as I could, and lotioned up my feet and hands with a peppermint and rosemary shea butter cream, it was wonderful! And later I showered so I wouldn’t have to this morning, and then sat in bed and read and wrote out some things.
One thing I did was to write out a list of things for which I’m grateful. This is from my How Now exercise book. And then, as it instructed, I let myself “actually feel gratitude for each item.” A few of my items:
1) My parents and their unconditional love, and all the millions of little amazing things that my mom does for me, including calling me every morning to wake me up
2) The experiences and memories that my brother and I will always share
3) The cuddles and silliness of my kittens, from the way Emma runs to me, to James making his silly little sounds and spooning with me at night
…
6) Blue skies and sunshine
7) The ability to walk (as opposed to those who can’t), so that I can enjoy my walks home
8) The gorgeous fall colors, the color of the sky at dusk, and the beauty everywhere in nature – all that makes me so happy and makes me feel so alive
9) My psychiatrist – for helping me feel so empowered
10) My job – even though I don’t make a lot of money, I have been so blessed by the wonderful friends I’ve made, the interesting people, the experiences I’ll never forget, the laughter, and the stories, and also for it being here for me even when I’m a bad employee
11) Having a beautiful and comfortable place to live
12) Being able to wake up and see the sun reflecting off the lake
13) My hair, my eyes, and my skin
14) My mind and intellect, and depth of feeling
…
It felt good to put down in writing the things that I’m so thankful and grateful for, and to concentrate and focus on each one. And this morning, I told my mom that I put her down first, because she is the number one thing that I’m grateful for – and it’s completely true for a million different reasons. She was so happy, and it made me so happy to make her so happy!
The next exercise is to work on my Inner Smile – “joy creates an almost instantaneous sense of expansion – an inner smile that’s like a warm bath. Some call this warm bath “flow” or “spirit”…Think about someone or something that you love. This could be a child, a place in nature, or a favorite memory. Whatever you choose, make sure that just reflecting upon it creates an automatic inner smile. Then surrender to that inner smile. Let it light you up. Feel it spread through your body and even beyond it, uniting you joyously with your surroundings.”
I tried this a little last night, but it was hard for me to come up with one thing. There are many times when I feel such a joy, and feel like it’s bursting from my chest, but it’s not because of any one thing. Also, I was a little distracted, because I couldn’t get Harry Potter out of my mind – this sounds like exactly what he had to
do in order to get his Patronis and protect himself from the Dementors! So I kept picturing myself holding a wand and feeling joy burst from within me in rays of sunlight that pushed all the bad things away! Very silly, I know! But I do love that feeling of ultimate joy when I have it! So I’ll have to work on feeling it more often.I’ve had a lot of thoughts running around in my head lately. I’ve started jotting down some of them. When I get them a little more organized I’ll post them. This not drinking thing is proving to be really good. I’m more like I remember being years ago, when I’d think a lot more, and write a lot more, and have my introspective moments a lot more. Of course, I want to get some of these thoughts more in order, but I like having them again and not blotting them and everything else out with the drink.
