Cramps, The Blues, depression, and then, most fun, dresses and big diamonds!!!
I'm back!! Sort of. I got my period this morning and the cramps started around 2:00 this afternoon, so I'm laying on the couch. And that's where I'll be all night tonight!
Yesterday I pretty much also spent the entire day on the couch. First, though, I had to go to Walgreens to get a refill of the anti-depressant meds because I was having some severe withdrawal. (I get so lazy about getting my refills). I was very, very, very dizzy! On my walk to Walgreens I felt almost drunk, and not in a good way. So after I got home, I popped my pills and ate some food along with it, and picked up my vampire book (The Historian). And I read until the wee hours of the night! But also, my stomach kind of hurt all afternoon and by evening I couldn't get my temperature right - I'd keep turning up the AC, get cold, turn it down, and get hot. Eventually I got the thermometer out and, as I had figured, I had a little temperature. Not big, not bad, just enough to make me not feel well.
However, when I should have been getting sleep to get over my little illness, I was reading. Until 4 a.m. Yes, I know....Anyway, I didn't want to stop. And also, every once in awhile I'd get really freaked out at the idea of a vampire, or otherworldly spirits and what-not. The book isn't scary; it's actually really interesting, and I want to find out what happens next! Not quite a page-turner like The DaVinci Code, but a page-turner nonetheless. But so, even though it wasn't scary, I still got a chill now and then. And was so thankful for my little James and Emma here with me! James kept curling up on the side of my lap and I just adore that!!!! And Emmalove was sleeping on my jeans on the table. Just having them here made me feel okay. Otherwise I would only be able to read this book during the day!
As a result of my staying up way, way, WAY past my bedtime, I slept way, way, WAY too late this morning. Sometimes I make myself so angry! I'm going to keep reading tonight, though!! Only I'll go to bed at a reasonable hour!
They were AMAZING!!!!! FABULOUS!!!! Every member of the band was so talented. Corky Siegel, when he played the harmonica, took our breath away, he was so good! And Jim Schwall was so good with his guitar
and I loved watching his fingers moving all over (even though his guitar that he had played for the past 35 years broke the day before, so we didn't get to see him with it - some people around us said how weird it was to not see him with his old guitar.) And then the two non-original members. Sam Lay was the drummer, and also sang a few songs of his own. He played with Dylan before!! And the Paul Butterfield Blues Band, which I guess is really famous even though I don't know it (I'm still a baby and learning!) He was a funny guy! BUT, my FAVORITE guy was the bassist, Rollo Radford! He just had this cuteness about him! He was a bit shy, and it came through so adorable!! And he was so good, too, and made such faces while playing, and sung a couple of fabulous songs. One was just a perfect blues song, it sounded totally made up, the other guys were standing back laughing while he strummed his bass and sang his stuff. It was hysterical! And I got that one on video! My camera, by the way, records in mp4s. I'm sure I can put some of these movies somehow on this site, but I'd probably have to convert them first. But I'm at a loss right now. If anyone knows whether and how we can put movies on here, let me know!!!
These guys were all so amazing, and had all been playing the blues for at least 40 years, and probably more. And
it showed! (By how good they were, not how old they looked!!! I'm not mean like that!!!) At one point, Corky got offstage for a good five minutes and walked among the crowd, playing the harmonica AMAZINGLY the whole time! They were just an amazing live show. I was in love with them as a band! And I want to see them again!
Also, FitzGerald's was so amazing, too! It was so small and intimate, and old and quaint, and at the same time so so so so cool!!! Florida, Asparagus and I got there too late to get a table. And The Meat didn't arrive until 9:15 (the show started at 9!), but we did get there early enough to get a great place standing by the bar, close to the stage. And by the second set, Florida and I had bar stools to sit on while Asparagus sat on the bar. So it was perfect!
Also perfect, because earlier that day, Florida broke her baby toe for the 5th time!!! I took a picture of her foot and I see a bit of bruise on the toe, and that is saying SO MUCH! When she fell in the street and ripped her pants and scraped her knee (she's going to just love me telling this story, she's so graceful!!!) she didn't have even a tiny bit of bruising! She NEVER bruises! So seeing some discoloration was visual evidence of how bad it hurt her. And she limped all over when walking - it really was hurting her! But it was a big part of our night, which is why I insisted on picture of her toe :) But, for her(!) I won't go so far as to post it on here!!! :) I'm so nice!!!
The pictures I put on here of the band playing don't do even a tiny bit of justice to how cool it really was there. I took a hundred pictures without flash, hoping that one would come out good, to get the ambiance, and I put the best possible one in here. But it's still blurry. So I also posted a flash picture, which never shows how things really look when it's darker.
Anyway, I'll stop gushing now. But I can't wait for the next show I see with Florida and Asparagus! Oh - one more thing. The Meat had a great time, but was disappointed. He said in the old days, they (The Band) wouldn't have stopped playing until they had "everyone writhing around on the floor" - nice! Oh - and no cowboys for me to flirt with. The majority of people there were between the ages of 50 and 70! I didn't care, though! I wouldn't have wanted some cute guy to distract me from the fabulousness of the show!!!! :)
Okay, I'm finished with the gushing. This morning I had menstral moodiness. I was so depressed, even as I didn't want to be and I knew it was my hormones. I so hate it when I fall into a bit of terrible, horrible depression like that. Thank God they have pills now-a-days (even though I know today was just hormonal. But I was thinking of my other bit of real depression). Seriously. I was thinking about that on the bus on the way to work. My mom's brother committed suicide when I was one year old. He never saw me. He had been diagnosed with schizophrenia at the time (mid 70's), as most people with mental problems were. But the symptoms that my grandma has related to me are clearly depression. It's so sad that psychiatry wasn't advanced enough to recognize depression and be able to offer real help at that time. I was a psychology major, and have been so interested in psychology and the mind since I read a book of Faulkner's in high school.
After the fact: I now go in depth about my uncle...
My view of my uncle has been at two extremes throughout my life. When I was young and even through high school, my grandma would talk of him often, and of how wonderful he was. How interested he was in the ocean and in all creatures who lived therein. When my grandma lived in Milwaulkee and we'd visit her there, she used to show me all the many shells and glass bottles and what-nots that my uncle got from the ocean, and I thought about how cool he was! My grandma also told me how, during the 70's, he dressed like a hippie so he could witness to them about Jesus. And she also told me the same stories over and over again about how terrible my grandpa was to my uncle. Which was very true. My grandpa used to be a terrible person. In fact, for most of his life he was a terrible person. He changed though, about 10-15 years ago. He's still selfish and stubborn and all that, but he really cares now and is a warm and happy person. But so anyway, when I was young I viewed my uncle as a tortured soul, a real human, a caring person, a soulmate, and someone who would have really understood me. I cried a few times over him, wishing so much that I had known him, or that I could know that he had at least seen me once. And I wrote poetry about him, too. My mom, during this time, would imply negative things about my uncle, and my dad would sometimes say he was a "nut". I would get so defensive and not allow them to disparage my wonderful uncle.
Later, when I was in college and law school, I finally heard about other side of him. Yes, he was a tortured soul. And yes, my grandpa's actions and attitude toward him, I firmly believe, made him into what he was, and also, I'm absolutely positive, contributed to his eventual depression and suicide. My grandpa now realizes all this, by the way. And is so sorry for it. But anyway, I then heard about his anger issues, and how he could fly off the handle, and how he hit my grandma a few times. My grandma is kind of a simple woman, a bit ditzy and lacking in common sense, although she used to be very booksmart, apparently. But she's so wonderful and so full of love, and she chooses to only remember the wonderful things about my uncle. Well, usually, except for the few times she told me about the bad side.
It was shocking when I first heard these stories. I had put my uncle up on pedestal. I guess everyone is human. It was just so strange, though, to hear stories of my uncle as the angel, and then stories of him as the devil. Which is what I do feel I heard! As a result, I don't feel like I know who my uncle was at all. Except that I know he loved the ocean. And I know he's in heaven. And I guess I hold onto that, and I think I still see him overall as a little boy, unloved by his father and overloved by his mother. What's ironic is that if he hadn't committed suicide, I probably wouldn't like him now. I'm quite sure of it, unless somehow he went for help and serious counseling somewhere along the line. Otherwise, I can't imagine how fucked up he'd be right now.
Wow, that was a TANGENT!!! I didn't expect at all to start writing about that right now! But I'm glad I did. I hadn't thought about my uncle in so long until today on the bus, when I started really thinking about depression.
Hmmmm....I'm all introspective now :)
I'll just tell one more little thing before I get to reading my book again. Yesterday, when I was waiting at
Walgreens for my prescriptions to be refilled, and after I'd walked all over the store, I stopped at magazines. And I decided to buy a Bride magazine! I do this about once a year, so I can tear out pictures of dresses that I like, or more likely, like tiny bits of. And I can look for other things that I like. Yes, I have a wedding file! But probably most girls do! And it mostly just contains pictures of dresses and pictures of rings - since I want to have a fun destination wedding. Either in a little Gazebo covered in pink flowers and overlooking the ocean on St. Thomas, like Florida and Asparagus did, or on a beach, or in the mountains of Wyoming. But something cool, and fun, and AWAY! That way, I don't have to spend an entire year or more stressing about what kind of napkin I want on the tables, etc! I'll just go there with the man I love, with my family, and with all the wonderful friends of mine who can hopefully come! And it will be wonderful, fun, and most of all, low stress!!!
Oh - and just so you know, I also have a file on my computer of wedding
dress pictures (and also bridesmaid dresses, since I often like their design much more than the ultra-busy wedding dresses), and I have a separate file of ring pictures :)
Yesterday I pretty much also spent the entire day on the couch. First, though, I had to go to Walgreens to get a refill of the anti-depressant meds because I was having some severe withdrawal. (I get so lazy about getting my refills). I was very, very, very dizzy! On my walk to Walgreens I felt almost drunk, and not in a good way. So after I got home, I popped my pills and ate some food along with it, and picked up my vampire book (The Historian). And I read until the wee hours of the night! But also, my stomach kind of hurt all afternoon and by evening I couldn't get my temperature right - I'd keep turning up the AC, get cold, turn it down, and get hot. Eventually I got the thermometer out and, as I had figured, I had a little temperature. Not big, not bad, just enough to make me not feel well.
However, when I should have been getting sleep to get over my little illness, I was reading. Until 4 a.m. Yes, I know....Anyway, I didn't want to stop. And also, every once in awhile I'd get really freaked out at the idea of a vampire, or otherworldly spirits and what-not. The book isn't scary; it's actually really interesting, and I want to find out what happens next! Not quite a page-turner like The DaVinci Code, but a page-turner nonetheless. But so, even though it wasn't scary, I still got a chill now and then. And was so thankful for my little James and Emma here with me! James kept curling up on the side of my lap and I just adore that!!!! And Emmalove was sleeping on my jeans on the table. Just having them here made me feel okay. Otherwise I would only be able to read this book during the day!
As a result of my staying up way, way, WAY past my bedtime, I slept way, way, WAY too late this morning. Sometimes I make myself so angry! I'm going to keep reading tonight, though!! Only I'll go to bed at a reasonable hour!
Now- A Review of The Siegel-Schwall Blues Band (warning: there is going to be some gushing!):
They were AMAZING!!!!! FABULOUS!!!! Every member of the band was so talented. Corky Siegel, when he played the harmonica, took our breath away, he was so good! And Jim Schwall was so good with his guitar
and I loved watching his fingers moving all over (even though his guitar that he had played for the past 35 years broke the day before, so we didn't get to see him with it - some people around us said how weird it was to not see him with his old guitar.) And then the two non-original members. Sam Lay was the drummer, and also sang a few songs of his own. He played with Dylan before!! And the Paul Butterfield Blues Band, which I guess is really famous even though I don't know it (I'm still a baby and learning!) He was a funny guy! BUT, my FAVORITE guy was the bassist, Rollo Radford! He just had this cuteness about him! He was a bit shy, and it came through so adorable!! And he was so good, too, and made such faces while playing, and sung a couple of fabulous songs. One was just a perfect blues song, it sounded totally made up, the other guys were standing back laughing while he strummed his bass and sang his stuff. It was hysterical! And I got that one on video! My camera, by the way, records in mp4s. I'm sure I can put some of these movies somehow on this site, but I'd probably have to convert them first. But I'm at a loss right now. If anyone knows whether and how we can put movies on here, let me know!!!These guys were all so amazing, and had all been playing the blues for at least 40 years, and probably more. And
it showed! (By how good they were, not how old they looked!!! I'm not mean like that!!!) At one point, Corky got offstage for a good five minutes and walked among the crowd, playing the harmonica AMAZINGLY the whole time! They were just an amazing live show. I was in love with them as a band! And I want to see them again!Also, FitzGerald's was so amazing, too! It was so small and intimate, and old and quaint, and at the same time so so so so cool!!! Florida, Asparagus and I got there too late to get a table. And The Meat didn't arrive until 9:15 (the show started at 9!), but we did get there early enough to get a great place standing by the bar, close to the stage. And by the second set, Florida and I had bar stools to sit on while Asparagus sat on the bar. So it was perfect!
Also perfect, because earlier that day, Florida broke her baby toe for the 5th time!!! I took a picture of her foot and I see a bit of bruise on the toe, and that is saying SO MUCH! When she fell in the street and ripped her pants and scraped her knee (she's going to just love me telling this story, she's so graceful!!!) she didn't have even a tiny bit of bruising! She NEVER bruises! So seeing some discoloration was visual evidence of how bad it hurt her. And she limped all over when walking - it really was hurting her! But it was a big part of our night, which is why I insisted on picture of her toe :) But, for her(!) I won't go so far as to post it on here!!! :) I'm so nice!!!
The pictures I put on here of the band playing don't do even a tiny bit of justice to how cool it really was there. I took a hundred pictures without flash, hoping that one would come out good, to get the ambiance, and I put the best possible one in here. But it's still blurry. So I also posted a flash picture, which never shows how things really look when it's darker. Anyway, I'll stop gushing now. But I can't wait for the next show I see with Florida and Asparagus! Oh - one more thing. The Meat had a great time, but was disappointed. He said in the old days, they (The Band) wouldn't have stopped playing until they had "everyone writhing around on the floor" - nice! Oh - and no cowboys for me to flirt with. The majority of people there were between the ages of 50 and 70! I didn't care, though! I wouldn't have wanted some cute guy to distract me from the fabulousness of the show!!!! :)
Okay, I'm finished with the gushing. This morning I had menstral moodiness. I was so depressed, even as I didn't want to be and I knew it was my hormones. I so hate it when I fall into a bit of terrible, horrible depression like that. Thank God they have pills now-a-days (even though I know today was just hormonal. But I was thinking of my other bit of real depression). Seriously. I was thinking about that on the bus on the way to work. My mom's brother committed suicide when I was one year old. He never saw me. He had been diagnosed with schizophrenia at the time (mid 70's), as most people with mental problems were. But the symptoms that my grandma has related to me are clearly depression. It's so sad that psychiatry wasn't advanced enough to recognize depression and be able to offer real help at that time. I was a psychology major, and have been so interested in psychology and the mind since I read a book of Faulkner's in high school.
After the fact: I now go in depth about my uncle...
My view of my uncle has been at two extremes throughout my life. When I was young and even through high school, my grandma would talk of him often, and of how wonderful he was. How interested he was in the ocean and in all creatures who lived therein. When my grandma lived in Milwaulkee and we'd visit her there, she used to show me all the many shells and glass bottles and what-nots that my uncle got from the ocean, and I thought about how cool he was! My grandma also told me how, during the 70's, he dressed like a hippie so he could witness to them about Jesus. And she also told me the same stories over and over again about how terrible my grandpa was to my uncle. Which was very true. My grandpa used to be a terrible person. In fact, for most of his life he was a terrible person. He changed though, about 10-15 years ago. He's still selfish and stubborn and all that, but he really cares now and is a warm and happy person. But so anyway, when I was young I viewed my uncle as a tortured soul, a real human, a caring person, a soulmate, and someone who would have really understood me. I cried a few times over him, wishing so much that I had known him, or that I could know that he had at least seen me once. And I wrote poetry about him, too. My mom, during this time, would imply negative things about my uncle, and my dad would sometimes say he was a "nut". I would get so defensive and not allow them to disparage my wonderful uncle.
Later, when I was in college and law school, I finally heard about other side of him. Yes, he was a tortured soul. And yes, my grandpa's actions and attitude toward him, I firmly believe, made him into what he was, and also, I'm absolutely positive, contributed to his eventual depression and suicide. My grandpa now realizes all this, by the way. And is so sorry for it. But anyway, I then heard about his anger issues, and how he could fly off the handle, and how he hit my grandma a few times. My grandma is kind of a simple woman, a bit ditzy and lacking in common sense, although she used to be very booksmart, apparently. But she's so wonderful and so full of love, and she chooses to only remember the wonderful things about my uncle. Well, usually, except for the few times she told me about the bad side.
It was shocking when I first heard these stories. I had put my uncle up on pedestal. I guess everyone is human. It was just so strange, though, to hear stories of my uncle as the angel, and then stories of him as the devil. Which is what I do feel I heard! As a result, I don't feel like I know who my uncle was at all. Except that I know he loved the ocean. And I know he's in heaven. And I guess I hold onto that, and I think I still see him overall as a little boy, unloved by his father and overloved by his mother. What's ironic is that if he hadn't committed suicide, I probably wouldn't like him now. I'm quite sure of it, unless somehow he went for help and serious counseling somewhere along the line. Otherwise, I can't imagine how fucked up he'd be right now.
Wow, that was a TANGENT!!! I didn't expect at all to start writing about that right now! But I'm glad I did. I hadn't thought about my uncle in so long until today on the bus, when I started really thinking about depression.
Hmmmm....I'm all introspective now :)
I'll just tell one more little thing before I get to reading my book again. Yesterday, when I was waiting at
Walgreens for my prescriptions to be refilled, and after I'd walked all over the store, I stopped at magazines. And I decided to buy a Bride magazine! I do this about once a year, so I can tear out pictures of dresses that I like, or more likely, like tiny bits of. And I can look for other things that I like. Yes, I have a wedding file! But probably most girls do! And it mostly just contains pictures of dresses and pictures of rings - since I want to have a fun destination wedding. Either in a little Gazebo covered in pink flowers and overlooking the ocean on St. Thomas, like Florida and Asparagus did, or on a beach, or in the mountains of Wyoming. But something cool, and fun, and AWAY! That way, I don't have to spend an entire year or more stressing about what kind of napkin I want on the tables, etc! I'll just go there with the man I love, with my family, and with all the wonderful friends of mine who can hopefully come! And it will be wonderful, fun, and most of all, low stress!!! Oh - and just so you know, I also have a file on my computer of wedding
dress pictures (and also bridesmaid dresses, since I often like their design much more than the ultra-busy wedding dresses), and I have a separate file of ring pictures :) My justification for the big and perfect ring I'll hope to get - I hardly ever wear any jewelry, and I won't be wanting jewelry every year or five years. So I figure that when eventually the man I will love finds me and falls in love with me and asks me to marry him, he can look at all the potential gifts of jewelry that I won't want in the future and discount them back to present value, and add that amount onto what he will spend for my engagement ring, since that will be the one big piece of jewelry I'm sure I'll ever own!!!!!! See, it's all so logical!!!! :)
