Little Brother's Wedding Weekend - Part 2 (Friday morning through Saturday night)
Now I'll actually start from the beginning! Well the beginning is actually on Thursday night when I flew in - the flight was fine, so quick. My parents picked me up and we headed to the Hilton in downtown Indianapolis. What a nice hotel! My room was huge, with two big beds - they looked bigger than normal cause of the thick and wonderful feather comforter and all the pillows - and there was a little living room, and the bathroom was huge! I checked out my parents' room as well and we chatted for a little bit, and then we all went to bed. I read for a little and then was out.
I got up early on Friday morning and got ready for the bridesmaid luncheon. TSIL and her mom picked up my mom and I at our hotel at 10 am and we headed off to the house of one of the bridesmaid's mom, who was hosting the luncheon. TSIL hugged me when I first came out - not a good hug, just a little loose hug. She got in the car before my mom came out. She didn't talk to us much at all. Her mom, The Bride's Mom, was very friendly and talked to us alot. But TSIL talked pretty much only to her mom.
We eventually got the luncheon. The house was amazingly gorgeous! And the hostess mother was wonderful and had the whole table set so perfectly! It was probably 45 minutes before we all sat down to eat. TSIL talked only to her mom and the other bridesmaids and to the two other moms who came as well, but not to my mom at all and not to me. And when TSIL didn't introduce anyone to my mom and I, The Bride's Mom just laughed and said "TSIL is just like her dad! She never introduces anyone!" - like it's some cute little special thing! So I see how TSIL is the way she is, in a way. Her parents think all of her flaws, rudeness, and spoiled traits are cute little things. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I stood by my mom pretty much the whole time because otherwise she'd be alone. Eventually we walked into the living room and some of the bridesmaids were in there, one of which I knew (the maid of honor) and we talked to another of the bridesmaids, who was really down to earth and is studying to be a vet in Ireland. Both of them talked to my mom and I and were really nice and friendly. Unlike my stupid sister-in-law.
Soon after we all sat down for lunch. It was wonderful - first salads in front of each of us when we sat down, with blueberries, strawberries and orange slices among the lettuce. Then we had homemade quiche - a choice of three kinds, and so good. And then a plate with a little bit of sorbet in a glass and heart-shaped little cakes on either side of the glass, one with pink frosting and one with green. It was a wonderfully done lunch! The three other moms told a lot of funny stories during lunch, and the four other bridesmaids as well, who are all sorority sisters. TSIL never once addressed my mom, and I don't think ever made eye contact with her. Once when my mom was talking I distinctly saw TSIL look at her with a side glance and with just disgust on her face. Not a good sign.
After it was all over, we took group photos, and then we headed out. TSIL drove her mom, my mom, myself and another one of the bridesmaids back downtown. The bridesmaid and I got out a little before the hotel and went into a mall of sorts to get our french manicures. After I was finished with that I was just feeling very tired, like I could sleep for hours, and also kind of alone and definitely not looking forward to spending the entire next day with all these girls. And I was also feeling quite huge - I liked my little outfit and had felt like I looked good when I left in the morning, but then when I looked at the pictures we took of all of us together, it was apparent how much bigger I was than the other girls. So I was depressed, and just wanted to kind of be alone and disappear. I ran into my relatives outside, which was so nice to see them quickly, although I was kind of out of it at the time. I ended up walking a little bit to a Starbucks and getting a large coffee, and then meandering around a little before I went back to the hotel to get changed for the rehearsal.
And then we're to the rehearsal. It went well, although the pastor was so ridiculously serious - no sense of humor at all. It was kind of pissing me off. The church was pretty though and I talked with the bridesmaids more and it was okay fun. Then we all headed back to the Hilton for the rehearsal dinner. I sat at a table with my parents, grandparents and my aunt, uncle and cousins. My dad gave a nice speach that lastest a little too long but was funny at parts and sweet! I videoed it all on my camera! The food was also spectacular! After all that, my aunt from California, my cousins and my parents' good friends came up to join us! As well as some of my brother's friends. So it turned into quite a little party! It was wonderful and I had so much fun then, having some drinks and hanging out with everyone. TSIL ended up getting really, really drunk. It's only when she's drunk that she's really friendly to me, I realized. Suddenly she was talking to me, and taking pictures with me and having me take pictures of her. And she was also talking to our family and saying we couldn't tell things to my mom - making it quite obvious that she's not a fan of my mom. I defended my mom a couple times. It was really pissing me off how she kept saying stuff. And I was buzzed so I was just pissy. But I still said it really nice.
After we finally shut the party down, and after all the alcohol was gone, I really wanted to go out with my cousins and hang out. But they were going out somewhere, and it was almost 1 am, and I knew I had to be ready to be picked up at 8:30 am that morning, so I was extremely good and went to bed! Extremely good for me!
The next morning TSIL, The Bride's Mother, and one bridesmaid were 15 minutes late getting me, and I heard all about how TSIL spent two hours puking into the toilet and fell asleep on it, her "porcelain pillow". She asked me if my family all hated her and I said they thought she was funny. Her mom was of course laughing at all her behavior. We finally got to the hair place and for the next 3 hours we all got our hair done. I hate having my hair up so much. It wasn't absolutely terrible, but it wasn't great either. TSIL never addressed me directly or really looked at me this whole time. We got done early, so we all went to Applebee's for lunch before going to the church at 1:00 pm. She also never looked at me or included me there. The other bridesmaids did, though. They were all very nice. I'd have rather had any of them as my sister-in-law.
We got to the church then just at 1:00, and for awhile just hung around. Eventually we all got dressed, and then helped TSIL get dressed. She never once made eye contact with me. I so wanted it to be over. The waiting then took forever. It was the worst time of the day. I was annoyed, TSIL was getting annoyed, I was starting to get teary-eyed whenever I'd think of my brother marrying her, and getting married period. Oh - and I forgot, when we were taking a few pictures in the church, the bridesmaids all went into the back room to see Little Brother really quick, and yes he was nervous, but I said I loved him when I was leaving and he didn't say anything back. Maybe he didn't hear me. But it still was breaking my heart and making me want to cry. As the time was getting closer I was wanting more to cry. And it was becoming more and more obvious to me that TSIL was completely ignoring me. Not looking my way, not looking at me, never addressing me. She was being a fucking bitch. And I was hating her. And it was just awful. She made me feel like such an outsider.
Finally the time came and we were walking down the aisle. I saw my brother's fraternity brothers on his side, and then I saw my aunts and cousins, and then my parents. And then when I was standing there and saw my brother standing waiting for her, and then the music changed and she was coming and he was smiling, my eyes were just tearing and my face was wanting to contort a little, and for a few minutes it was really hard. I just wanted to weep. I got back in control when the pastor started giving his little sermon. First of all, my feet were killing me, my legs were shaking, my pits were sweating. I was trying to think about how I was standing, I was thinking how I was looking to the people on my brother's side of the church - my family, and my brother's friends. I was wondering how fat I looked, and how bad my profile looked, and how terrible my hair looked on me. And then the fucking pastor started talking about how gay marriage was wrong and against the Bible, and about how divorce was wrong and against the Bible. And I was getting so pissed. What the fuck? It was so wrong and so not the place for him to be giving this little ridiculous sermon. And I think gay couples SHOULD be allowed to marry, so he was just so pissing me off. I was glaring, I was hating, I was angry, and my feet were killing me, my legs were like jello, my pits were still sweating so much, I was worried I was getting sweat circles on my dress and I was worried that my legs might give out on me and I would fall over. I was so happy when it was over, just so I could get out and stop having to stand there in front of everyone.
Outside I talked to my family. I was still so angry at the pastor. We eventually walked outside and I walked over to my brother's fraternity brothers who I recognized and they all said hi. And then we took our pictures. And then everyone left and we took a couple pictures outside. And I was feeling fat and like an outsider. And then we finally were getting in the limo. I went to sit in back not even knowing that my brother and TSIL would be sitting back there. So I ended up sitting right next to my brother, which was nice. And also out of range of the photographer, who was sitting in there by the door. I saw my reflection when I first got in the limo - there was a mirror right behind where my brother was sitting. Because I was sitting, everything was pushed around so I had some fat hanging over the top of my dress, my boobs just looked like fat blobs, my arms were so huge, my face looked huge, my hair looked terrible. I felt the worst that I felt all day at that time. I looked at the other bridesmaids and they all looked fine and good. Oh that was an awful limo ride. I was trying to hide in my little corner. And I was happy that I was next to my brother but just feeling so fat and awful that nothing would make me happy. We were all drinking first champagne and then wine or beer.
Eventually we got to the hotel, it was so hot in the limo by that time that we were all sweating and feeling just gross. The bridal party hung out for awhile in a little room. TSIL was a bitch to her mom and made her mom upset, until finally some of the bridesmaids interferred and told TSIL to apologize to her mom. Finally it was time for us to be introduced. We were all a little buzzed.
We all were going to do something silly when we walked in. My partner and I practiced a spin and dip move a bunch of times and we did it pretty well I think! Unless I watch it on video and then I may not think so. After that the bridal party went up on the platform and we had the speeches and then dinner. I went down a few times to talk to my family. And then there was the first dance and the father daughter dance and mother son dance. And then we were all leaving the platform. I talked to people from my church in Michigan who came down. And then talked to other people, and at some point my paired groomsman asked me to dance, and when he dipped me my boobs almost popped out of my dress. So I decided it was time to change. I went upstairs and put on a much better outfit. But I didn't take my hair out and I should have. When I look back at the pictures I see how stupid my hair looked. And how terrible it made me look - my face looked as big as a watermelon, I'm serious.
After that I could dance, so I danced with my cousins for awhile and with the groomsman again and then with some of my brother's fraternity brothers. I was having so much fun but also was drunk cause it's all kind of blur to me. I know eventually the beer was running out and then gone, and I was upset cause I wanted more. I think that's when I left with my brother's fraternity brothers. And the rest I've already talked about!
This is really long!
In conclusion, my new sister-in-law did nothing this entire weekend to make me feel included. She was an ass, and as usual a spoiled little bitch. I so wish my brother could have fallen in love with someone nicer. I was so happy, though, to be able to spend a little bit of time with my aunts and cousins. That made me really happy. And I had a good time with my brother's fraternity brothers! And one in particular! I again got way too drunk, and about that I'm not so happy.
I do need to restart The Fat Project, though. I've been remiss. I saw a woman interviewed on The Today Show this morning. She had lost a ton of weight, and she said she'd always just say she wanted to lose 5 pounds, so it didn't feel like something undoable. And her mantra: "Nothing ever tastes as good as feeling slim feels." I like that! Tomorrow I really start back on it, on The Fat Project. I'm so sick of feeling so fat and so bad about myself. I want to fully like myself again. Period.
And when I get some good pictures of the wedding, or my dress, or whatever, I'll post them.
I got up early on Friday morning and got ready for the bridesmaid luncheon. TSIL and her mom picked up my mom and I at our hotel at 10 am and we headed off to the house of one of the bridesmaid's mom, who was hosting the luncheon. TSIL hugged me when I first came out - not a good hug, just a little loose hug. She got in the car before my mom came out. She didn't talk to us much at all. Her mom, The Bride's Mom, was very friendly and talked to us alot. But TSIL talked pretty much only to her mom.
We eventually got the luncheon. The house was amazingly gorgeous! And the hostess mother was wonderful and had the whole table set so perfectly! It was probably 45 minutes before we all sat down to eat. TSIL talked only to her mom and the other bridesmaids and to the two other moms who came as well, but not to my mom at all and not to me. And when TSIL didn't introduce anyone to my mom and I, The Bride's Mom just laughed and said "TSIL is just like her dad! She never introduces anyone!" - like it's some cute little special thing! So I see how TSIL is the way she is, in a way. Her parents think all of her flaws, rudeness, and spoiled traits are cute little things. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I stood by my mom pretty much the whole time because otherwise she'd be alone. Eventually we walked into the living room and some of the bridesmaids were in there, one of which I knew (the maid of honor) and we talked to another of the bridesmaids, who was really down to earth and is studying to be a vet in Ireland. Both of them talked to my mom and I and were really nice and friendly. Unlike my stupid sister-in-law.
Soon after we all sat down for lunch. It was wonderful - first salads in front of each of us when we sat down, with blueberries, strawberries and orange slices among the lettuce. Then we had homemade quiche - a choice of three kinds, and so good. And then a plate with a little bit of sorbet in a glass and heart-shaped little cakes on either side of the glass, one with pink frosting and one with green. It was a wonderfully done lunch! The three other moms told a lot of funny stories during lunch, and the four other bridesmaids as well, who are all sorority sisters. TSIL never once addressed my mom, and I don't think ever made eye contact with her. Once when my mom was talking I distinctly saw TSIL look at her with a side glance and with just disgust on her face. Not a good sign.
After it was all over, we took group photos, and then we headed out. TSIL drove her mom, my mom, myself and another one of the bridesmaids back downtown. The bridesmaid and I got out a little before the hotel and went into a mall of sorts to get our french manicures. After I was finished with that I was just feeling very tired, like I could sleep for hours, and also kind of alone and definitely not looking forward to spending the entire next day with all these girls. And I was also feeling quite huge - I liked my little outfit and had felt like I looked good when I left in the morning, but then when I looked at the pictures we took of all of us together, it was apparent how much bigger I was than the other girls. So I was depressed, and just wanted to kind of be alone and disappear. I ran into my relatives outside, which was so nice to see them quickly, although I was kind of out of it at the time. I ended up walking a little bit to a Starbucks and getting a large coffee, and then meandering around a little before I went back to the hotel to get changed for the rehearsal.
And then we're to the rehearsal. It went well, although the pastor was so ridiculously serious - no sense of humor at all. It was kind of pissing me off. The church was pretty though and I talked with the bridesmaids more and it was okay fun. Then we all headed back to the Hilton for the rehearsal dinner. I sat at a table with my parents, grandparents and my aunt, uncle and cousins. My dad gave a nice speach that lastest a little too long but was funny at parts and sweet! I videoed it all on my camera! The food was also spectacular! After all that, my aunt from California, my cousins and my parents' good friends came up to join us! As well as some of my brother's friends. So it turned into quite a little party! It was wonderful and I had so much fun then, having some drinks and hanging out with everyone. TSIL ended up getting really, really drunk. It's only when she's drunk that she's really friendly to me, I realized. Suddenly she was talking to me, and taking pictures with me and having me take pictures of her. And she was also talking to our family and saying we couldn't tell things to my mom - making it quite obvious that she's not a fan of my mom. I defended my mom a couple times. It was really pissing me off how she kept saying stuff. And I was buzzed so I was just pissy. But I still said it really nice.
After we finally shut the party down, and after all the alcohol was gone, I really wanted to go out with my cousins and hang out. But they were going out somewhere, and it was almost 1 am, and I knew I had to be ready to be picked up at 8:30 am that morning, so I was extremely good and went to bed! Extremely good for me!
The next morning TSIL, The Bride's Mother, and one bridesmaid were 15 minutes late getting me, and I heard all about how TSIL spent two hours puking into the toilet and fell asleep on it, her "porcelain pillow". She asked me if my family all hated her and I said they thought she was funny. Her mom was of course laughing at all her behavior. We finally got to the hair place and for the next 3 hours we all got our hair done. I hate having my hair up so much. It wasn't absolutely terrible, but it wasn't great either. TSIL never addressed me directly or really looked at me this whole time. We got done early, so we all went to Applebee's for lunch before going to the church at 1:00 pm. She also never looked at me or included me there. The other bridesmaids did, though. They were all very nice. I'd have rather had any of them as my sister-in-law.
We got to the church then just at 1:00, and for awhile just hung around. Eventually we all got dressed, and then helped TSIL get dressed. She never once made eye contact with me. I so wanted it to be over. The waiting then took forever. It was the worst time of the day. I was annoyed, TSIL was getting annoyed, I was starting to get teary-eyed whenever I'd think of my brother marrying her, and getting married period. Oh - and I forgot, when we were taking a few pictures in the church, the bridesmaids all went into the back room to see Little Brother really quick, and yes he was nervous, but I said I loved him when I was leaving and he didn't say anything back. Maybe he didn't hear me. But it still was breaking my heart and making me want to cry. As the time was getting closer I was wanting more to cry. And it was becoming more and more obvious to me that TSIL was completely ignoring me. Not looking my way, not looking at me, never addressing me. She was being a fucking bitch. And I was hating her. And it was just awful. She made me feel like such an outsider.
Finally the time came and we were walking down the aisle. I saw my brother's fraternity brothers on his side, and then I saw my aunts and cousins, and then my parents. And then when I was standing there and saw my brother standing waiting for her, and then the music changed and she was coming and he was smiling, my eyes were just tearing and my face was wanting to contort a little, and for a few minutes it was really hard. I just wanted to weep. I got back in control when the pastor started giving his little sermon. First of all, my feet were killing me, my legs were shaking, my pits were sweating. I was trying to think about how I was standing, I was thinking how I was looking to the people on my brother's side of the church - my family, and my brother's friends. I was wondering how fat I looked, and how bad my profile looked, and how terrible my hair looked on me. And then the fucking pastor started talking about how gay marriage was wrong and against the Bible, and about how divorce was wrong and against the Bible. And I was getting so pissed. What the fuck? It was so wrong and so not the place for him to be giving this little ridiculous sermon. And I think gay couples SHOULD be allowed to marry, so he was just so pissing me off. I was glaring, I was hating, I was angry, and my feet were killing me, my legs were like jello, my pits were still sweating so much, I was worried I was getting sweat circles on my dress and I was worried that my legs might give out on me and I would fall over. I was so happy when it was over, just so I could get out and stop having to stand there in front of everyone.
Outside I talked to my family. I was still so angry at the pastor. We eventually walked outside and I walked over to my brother's fraternity brothers who I recognized and they all said hi. And then we took our pictures. And then everyone left and we took a couple pictures outside. And I was feeling fat and like an outsider. And then we finally were getting in the limo. I went to sit in back not even knowing that my brother and TSIL would be sitting back there. So I ended up sitting right next to my brother, which was nice. And also out of range of the photographer, who was sitting in there by the door. I saw my reflection when I first got in the limo - there was a mirror right behind where my brother was sitting. Because I was sitting, everything was pushed around so I had some fat hanging over the top of my dress, my boobs just looked like fat blobs, my arms were so huge, my face looked huge, my hair looked terrible. I felt the worst that I felt all day at that time. I looked at the other bridesmaids and they all looked fine and good. Oh that was an awful limo ride. I was trying to hide in my little corner. And I was happy that I was next to my brother but just feeling so fat and awful that nothing would make me happy. We were all drinking first champagne and then wine or beer.
Eventually we got to the hotel, it was so hot in the limo by that time that we were all sweating and feeling just gross. The bridal party hung out for awhile in a little room. TSIL was a bitch to her mom and made her mom upset, until finally some of the bridesmaids interferred and told TSIL to apologize to her mom. Finally it was time for us to be introduced. We were all a little buzzed.
We all were going to do something silly when we walked in. My partner and I practiced a spin and dip move a bunch of times and we did it pretty well I think! Unless I watch it on video and then I may not think so. After that the bridal party went up on the platform and we had the speeches and then dinner. I went down a few times to talk to my family. And then there was the first dance and the father daughter dance and mother son dance. And then we were all leaving the platform. I talked to people from my church in Michigan who came down. And then talked to other people, and at some point my paired groomsman asked me to dance, and when he dipped me my boobs almost popped out of my dress. So I decided it was time to change. I went upstairs and put on a much better outfit. But I didn't take my hair out and I should have. When I look back at the pictures I see how stupid my hair looked. And how terrible it made me look - my face looked as big as a watermelon, I'm serious.
After that I could dance, so I danced with my cousins for awhile and with the groomsman again and then with some of my brother's fraternity brothers. I was having so much fun but also was drunk cause it's all kind of blur to me. I know eventually the beer was running out and then gone, and I was upset cause I wanted more. I think that's when I left with my brother's fraternity brothers. And the rest I've already talked about!
This is really long!
In conclusion, my new sister-in-law did nothing this entire weekend to make me feel included. She was an ass, and as usual a spoiled little bitch. I so wish my brother could have fallen in love with someone nicer. I was so happy, though, to be able to spend a little bit of time with my aunts and cousins. That made me really happy. And I had a good time with my brother's fraternity brothers! And one in particular! I again got way too drunk, and about that I'm not so happy.
I do need to restart The Fat Project, though. I've been remiss. I saw a woman interviewed on The Today Show this morning. She had lost a ton of weight, and she said she'd always just say she wanted to lose 5 pounds, so it didn't feel like something undoable. And her mantra: "Nothing ever tastes as good as feeling slim feels." I like that! Tomorrow I really start back on it, on The Fat Project. I'm so sick of feeling so fat and so bad about myself. I want to fully like myself again. Period.
And when I get some good pictures of the wedding, or my dress, or whatever, I'll post them.
