Recap on last weekend, and my ode to The Meat
I just finished practicing guitar for tonight's lesson. I've been quite bad and not practiced nearly as much as I should over the past couple weeks. And some of my calluses peeled off! So my fingers fucking hurt right now!!! BUT, I found a song that I love to play and sing - Catch the Wind by Donovan - so it's really fun for me to play that one. And the song is still in my head from just playing and singing it!
My mom got the results of her CAT scan and it looks as good as it can given the situation. If it's malignant, it hasn't yet spread or at least not spread much because the lymph nodes looked completely normal. My mom is trying to be really positive, as am I, and after she heard these results we're even more hopeful and keep reminding ourselves that 80% of these tumors turn out to be benign. She has her surgery this next Tuesday afternoon. I'm planning on going back on the train on Wednesday night and staying through until Sunday morning. Unless it's malignant, in which case they'll do Radical Neck Dissection (nice term, isn't it) and she'll be in the hospital for 3-5 days. In that case I may wait until she gets out to go, but I'll see.
Anyway though, my Thanksgiving trip home was very nice and I spent so much time with my mom. Which made both of us happy and relaxed her a bit! She also got me some Christmas presents (which of course I don't get until Christmas)! We got me two coats - a 3/4-length black coat to replace the one that's finally falling apart, and then a brown 3/4-length puffy coat with hood for those very cold days. I love the brown one! And my mom even said that when I have it on it makes me look like a model because the color is so good on me! My mom hardly EVER says things like that! Oh - and then I got the cutest and prettiest and sexiest and nicest pair of shoes in the perfect color of camel-brown! Yay!!!!
We also got my mom a pair of shoes and two sweaters. My mom hates shopping for herself and hardly ever gets anything new, so I was so happy to help her get some things just for her! I also helped her decorate the house for Christmas. And my favorite part is the little town she has - Department 56 Dicken's Village houses! I'll post a picture when I go home next. The houses and various buildings are so beautiful and perfectly done, and then there's all the extras - trees, people, cats and dogs - to place around everywhere. It comes alive and I love it!
James and Emma were so happy to see me when I got back, and of course I was so happy to see them, too! On Sunday James came over to sleep on me numerous times, or sleep next to me on a pillow with his head against me and his little arms over my arm. I was in kitten heaven! :) And little Emma is so shy so she hid from The German whenever he came over to feed them, so she really needed love and kept coming over and mewing for attention - back scratches and cheek rubs! I adore my little babies so much!!
Yesterday I was talking to The Meat and as he said, he was in the mood to talk. Now, I've talked before about how I find him sexy and all that, which is all completely true. But even more importantly, he is just one of the best people in the entire world, and has taught me so much and opened my eyes so much, and he's always there with pieces of advice about life that seem so small but really are some of the more important things there are. So yesterday, he talked to me about me, and I listened as I always do with him.
He told me that I'm so special and amazing in so many ways, and that I have so much going for me - and that I have no idea how much. He said that I'm a caregiver and that it's my destiny and job in life to help people, because that's the kind of person I am. He said that I'm going to be a great mother, and all my childrens' friends are going to say that they wish they had a mother like me - he said he can see it and knows it (and as he often says, "it's [his] job to know things.") He said that you never know when a single small that you do for someone can change the entire course of that person's life, and he gave me an example from his own life - of someone who changed the course of his life. He said someday, someone will come along, and I'll know right away that I'm meant to help that person, and I promised him that I would. He said I have so much compassion and caring in me, and it's my great capacity for compassion that sets me apart from so many other people - and it's my responsibility to continue with that path and live up to what I can do. And he said he believes in me, and knows I'm going to be great in my own way. And that it's because of what he sees in me, my compassion and gifts, that makes us such good friends - because as I told him, he's exactly the same way and in many ways described himself while he was talking about me. He said other things too, and I wrote them all down as soon as I got back to my desk, all that I could remember.
His faith in me has given me a sense of confidence and peace, which is a bit ironic because one thing he told me to do was to be confident and see myself for what I really am, and not let anyone else control me in any way. Because I so admire him, his faith in me and caring for me matters more than I can say. I feel as if I've been given a wonderful gift!
I find that so many things The Meat says I have already thought about a lot and completely agree with. One thing - we both know how important outlook and spirit is, and believe in waking up every day and knowing that something good is going to happen, and being excited to be alive! He reminds me of it often, and I like reminders like that. Every day he asks me how I'm doing that day, and if it's a good day, and if it's a great day, and if I feel alive. When we're outside, he tells me to inhale and asks what it smells like. And I answer, "It smells like life!" I think his reminders to me also remind him to look at each day as a gift, and to be happy every day for the little things. I've started asking him back how his day is, and if he's happy. It's a good exercise for us both.
He also fully supports me in my quest to improve myself through stopping drinking, and he gives me bits of wisdom regarding that. And personal bits that make it all the more meaningful. He knows I'm kind of searching, I can't explain exactly what for but just for who I will become I guess, searching for what the world is and my place in it, and what's important and how things work. I love that he understands that and I love that he helps me.
To conclude my long ode to The Meat - I am so lucky to know him and count him as a friend. And as he told me how one moment or one action can affect the course of someone's life, so he has affected my life. I know I wouldn't be in the same place or on the same course if I hadn't met him and gotten so close to him, and if he hadn't have taken such a personal interest in me. And my life is infinitely better for it and I feel that I am firmly on the path where I want to be due in large part to him. The End!
Now I'm off to guitar lessons - sore fingers and all!
My mom got the results of her CAT scan and it looks as good as it can given the situation. If it's malignant, it hasn't yet spread or at least not spread much because the lymph nodes looked completely normal. My mom is trying to be really positive, as am I, and after she heard these results we're even more hopeful and keep reminding ourselves that 80% of these tumors turn out to be benign. She has her surgery this next Tuesday afternoon. I'm planning on going back on the train on Wednesday night and staying through until Sunday morning. Unless it's malignant, in which case they'll do Radical Neck Dissection (nice term, isn't it) and she'll be in the hospital for 3-5 days. In that case I may wait until she gets out to go, but I'll see.
Anyway though, my Thanksgiving trip home was very nice and I spent so much time with my mom. Which made both of us happy and relaxed her a bit! She also got me some Christmas presents (which of course I don't get until Christmas)! We got me two coats - a 3/4-length black coat to replace the one that's finally falling apart, and then a brown 3/4-length puffy coat with hood for those very cold days. I love the brown one! And my mom even said that when I have it on it makes me look like a model because the color is so good on me! My mom hardly EVER says things like that! Oh - and then I got the cutest and prettiest and sexiest and nicest pair of shoes in the perfect color of camel-brown! Yay!!!!
We also got my mom a pair of shoes and two sweaters. My mom hates shopping for herself and hardly ever gets anything new, so I was so happy to help her get some things just for her! I also helped her decorate the house for Christmas. And my favorite part is the little town she has - Department 56 Dicken's Village houses! I'll post a picture when I go home next. The houses and various buildings are so beautiful and perfectly done, and then there's all the extras - trees, people, cats and dogs - to place around everywhere. It comes alive and I love it!
James and Emma were so happy to see me when I got back, and of course I was so happy to see them, too! On Sunday James came over to sleep on me numerous times, or sleep next to me on a pillow with his head against me and his little arms over my arm. I was in kitten heaven! :) And little Emma is so shy so she hid from The German whenever he came over to feed them, so she really needed love and kept coming over and mewing for attention - back scratches and cheek rubs! I adore my little babies so much!!
Yesterday I was talking to The Meat and as he said, he was in the mood to talk. Now, I've talked before about how I find him sexy and all that, which is all completely true. But even more importantly, he is just one of the best people in the entire world, and has taught me so much and opened my eyes so much, and he's always there with pieces of advice about life that seem so small but really are some of the more important things there are. So yesterday, he talked to me about me, and I listened as I always do with him.
He told me that I'm so special and amazing in so many ways, and that I have so much going for me - and that I have no idea how much. He said that I'm a caregiver and that it's my destiny and job in life to help people, because that's the kind of person I am. He said that I'm going to be a great mother, and all my childrens' friends are going to say that they wish they had a mother like me - he said he can see it and knows it (and as he often says, "it's [his] job to know things.") He said that you never know when a single small that you do for someone can change the entire course of that person's life, and he gave me an example from his own life - of someone who changed the course of his life. He said someday, someone will come along, and I'll know right away that I'm meant to help that person, and I promised him that I would. He said I have so much compassion and caring in me, and it's my great capacity for compassion that sets me apart from so many other people - and it's my responsibility to continue with that path and live up to what I can do. And he said he believes in me, and knows I'm going to be great in my own way. And that it's because of what he sees in me, my compassion and gifts, that makes us such good friends - because as I told him, he's exactly the same way and in many ways described himself while he was talking about me. He said other things too, and I wrote them all down as soon as I got back to my desk, all that I could remember.
His faith in me has given me a sense of confidence and peace, which is a bit ironic because one thing he told me to do was to be confident and see myself for what I really am, and not let anyone else control me in any way. Because I so admire him, his faith in me and caring for me matters more than I can say. I feel as if I've been given a wonderful gift!
I find that so many things The Meat says I have already thought about a lot and completely agree with. One thing - we both know how important outlook and spirit is, and believe in waking up every day and knowing that something good is going to happen, and being excited to be alive! He reminds me of it often, and I like reminders like that. Every day he asks me how I'm doing that day, and if it's a good day, and if it's a great day, and if I feel alive. When we're outside, he tells me to inhale and asks what it smells like. And I answer, "It smells like life!" I think his reminders to me also remind him to look at each day as a gift, and to be happy every day for the little things. I've started asking him back how his day is, and if he's happy. It's a good exercise for us both.
He also fully supports me in my quest to improve myself through stopping drinking, and he gives me bits of wisdom regarding that. And personal bits that make it all the more meaningful. He knows I'm kind of searching, I can't explain exactly what for but just for who I will become I guess, searching for what the world is and my place in it, and what's important and how things work. I love that he understands that and I love that he helps me.
To conclude my long ode to The Meat - I am so lucky to know him and count him as a friend. And as he told me how one moment or one action can affect the course of someone's life, so he has affected my life. I know I wouldn't be in the same place or on the same course if I hadn't met him and gotten so close to him, and if he hadn't have taken such a personal interest in me. And my life is infinitely better for it and I feel that I am firmly on the path where I want to be due in large part to him. The End!
Now I'm off to guitar lessons - sore fingers and all!
