A terrible day
I'm at my home at my parent's place in Michigan right now. Cinnamon, one of their Maine Coon cats, is laying right next to me on the desk, with one of her little (actually big) paws on the computer. She's so sweet! I'll be posting pictures of Cinnamon and Annie soon!
Monday night was a terrible night, and yesterday was hard as well, especially in the morning. After I typed my post on Monday night, I talked to Florida on the phone for a bit and then got ready to leave work. Right before I put my coat on, I checked my cell phone and saw that my mom had called a little before five but not left a message, and I got nervous.
For the past three months, one side of my mom's neck had been really swollen, and she had sinus issues. She thought it was an infection that she got after some dental work, and had gone back to the dentist, and to her doctor a few times. Finally she was referred to an ear, nose and throat doctor, and she saw one last Thursday who turned out to be terrible, but luckily had an appointment with another one on Friday. He took four needle biopsies of the mass that day and she had an appointment at three o'clock on Monday to get the results. So, she called soon after her appointment and hadn't left a message.
The results said that it's a tumor in her saliva gland, but they couldn't tell whether it's benign or malignant. She is having the gland and tumor removed on December 6, and they'll send it immediately to pathology for testing, and within 15 minutes they'll know. So if it's malignant, then they'll remove the lymph nodes that are right next to the saliva gland, and also remove everything around it. And I'm sure she'll have to undergo chemo and radiation since the lymph nodes are right there.
I asked her what her coping (sp?) mechanisms are so I can know, and she thought about it and said she likes to prepare for the worst - so she'll teach my dad how to cook, and teach me where everything is on the computer and where all the money and everything else is, and teach my brother stuff, too. She sounded pretty sad, understandably, and that broke my heart.
After that, since it was so late and I know The German would be home by then, and since I had planned to drop my keys off with his doorman, I called to see if I could go up as well. He said no, because he had plans and would already be gone by then. I asked, "With a girl?" and he said yes. I asked, "Is it a date?" and he said "sort of." Which caused to me start silently weeping. He said, "Tigress, it's been two years since we've dated, don't do this." Yes, I know it's been two years. But he still acts as if I'm the only woman when he's with me, and sometimes it still seems like we're almost together. Then he clarified and told me that he's known her for many months and neither of them are really interested in each other. He was going over to her house. So why, for sex? The German said he felt so bad and if he hadn't already made plans, he'd want to be with me since I got the terrible news about my mom. But he had his plans. And a part of me hates him for it. With the combination of my mom and The German, it was the worst night I've had in a very, very long time.
Yesterday The German was instant messaging me and being very sweet, but I wasn't talking back much. I just didn't want to even think about it. And I broke out crying at work when I told everyone, which I didn't plan on doing. But everyone at work was so wonderful and so supportive, and also really made me feel much better. The Meat pointed out that if the doctor thought it was malignant, he would have fit her in for the operation right away instead of saying they could do it in a week or two. Which is true! And on the internet it says that 80% of these tumors are benign, so that's so good! So we'll just wait and see what the results are, and try not to think the worst.
Of course, yesterday I went to Borders during lunch and looked through all the cancer books, and I bought two that I'm not going to give to my mother unless necessary. But I got through more than half of one of them last night on the four-hour train ride. It's called "The Anatomy of Hope" and is written by a doctor who has specialized in cancer and blood diseases over the past thirty years. And it's pretty interesting and fascinating. The other one is about natural remedies for cancer, and I got that more for learning about how to improve the immune system and stuff like that. So I'll read these both so I can know - that's kind of my defense mechanism.
I also bought them my SuperFoods RX book, cause it's just fascinating and they need to start eating this stuff right away. I had planned to give it them for Christmas, but the sooner they start, the earlier they'll see the benefits. I've already read my mom a few parts and she's sold on those!
My mom just got back from the grocery store so I'll go downstairs to help with the pumpkin pies and the eating of the pie dough - my favorite!!!! I already went through all the cranberries, and washed them. And she cleaned out the turkey and is cooking the icky giblets for the stuffing. And I hear her downstairs mixing up the pumpkin mix. Tonight we'll cut up the bread into cubes and bake them, all while watching Lost.
All in all, I think my mom is doing much better now since the shock has worn off, and we're just waiting for the results of the surgery now. But she's also nervous about how she'll look. There's a 50% chance that she'll lose all feeling in her lower lip, and it's certain that she'll lose feeling in her lower cheek and ear. But if it's malignant and they have to cut out more, I don't know how much they'll have to cut out of her cheek. She's understandably a little hesitant about that. But all this turned out to have perfect timing, because this way I could come to be with my mom, and that's the most important thing and makes both of us feel better. I can't even think about something happening to her because she is the center of my universe and the most important person in the world to me. So I'm not going to think about it - I'm sticking with hope! Because even if it's malignant, we'll fight the evil cancer until it's gone. Luckily medicine keeps making the most giant of leaps, and so there are so many things that the doctors can do to make my mom all well again!
I'll update later! Now I'm going to go be with my mom!
Monday night was a terrible night, and yesterday was hard as well, especially in the morning. After I typed my post on Monday night, I talked to Florida on the phone for a bit and then got ready to leave work. Right before I put my coat on, I checked my cell phone and saw that my mom had called a little before five but not left a message, and I got nervous.
For the past three months, one side of my mom's neck had been really swollen, and she had sinus issues. She thought it was an infection that she got after some dental work, and had gone back to the dentist, and to her doctor a few times. Finally she was referred to an ear, nose and throat doctor, and she saw one last Thursday who turned out to be terrible, but luckily had an appointment with another one on Friday. He took four needle biopsies of the mass that day and she had an appointment at three o'clock on Monday to get the results. So, she called soon after her appointment and hadn't left a message.
The results said that it's a tumor in her saliva gland, but they couldn't tell whether it's benign or malignant. She is having the gland and tumor removed on December 6, and they'll send it immediately to pathology for testing, and within 15 minutes they'll know. So if it's malignant, then they'll remove the lymph nodes that are right next to the saliva gland, and also remove everything around it. And I'm sure she'll have to undergo chemo and radiation since the lymph nodes are right there.
I asked her what her coping (sp?) mechanisms are so I can know, and she thought about it and said she likes to prepare for the worst - so she'll teach my dad how to cook, and teach me where everything is on the computer and where all the money and everything else is, and teach my brother stuff, too. She sounded pretty sad, understandably, and that broke my heart.
After that, since it was so late and I know The German would be home by then, and since I had planned to drop my keys off with his doorman, I called to see if I could go up as well. He said no, because he had plans and would already be gone by then. I asked, "With a girl?" and he said yes. I asked, "Is it a date?" and he said "sort of." Which caused to me start silently weeping. He said, "Tigress, it's been two years since we've dated, don't do this." Yes, I know it's been two years. But he still acts as if I'm the only woman when he's with me, and sometimes it still seems like we're almost together. Then he clarified and told me that he's known her for many months and neither of them are really interested in each other. He was going over to her house. So why, for sex? The German said he felt so bad and if he hadn't already made plans, he'd want to be with me since I got the terrible news about my mom. But he had his plans. And a part of me hates him for it. With the combination of my mom and The German, it was the worst night I've had in a very, very long time.
Yesterday The German was instant messaging me and being very sweet, but I wasn't talking back much. I just didn't want to even think about it. And I broke out crying at work when I told everyone, which I didn't plan on doing. But everyone at work was so wonderful and so supportive, and also really made me feel much better. The Meat pointed out that if the doctor thought it was malignant, he would have fit her in for the operation right away instead of saying they could do it in a week or two. Which is true! And on the internet it says that 80% of these tumors are benign, so that's so good! So we'll just wait and see what the results are, and try not to think the worst.
Of course, yesterday I went to Borders during lunch and looked through all the cancer books, and I bought two that I'm not going to give to my mother unless necessary. But I got through more than half of one of them last night on the four-hour train ride. It's called "The Anatomy of Hope" and is written by a doctor who has specialized in cancer and blood diseases over the past thirty years. And it's pretty interesting and fascinating. The other one is about natural remedies for cancer, and I got that more for learning about how to improve the immune system and stuff like that. So I'll read these both so I can know - that's kind of my defense mechanism.
I also bought them my SuperFoods RX book, cause it's just fascinating and they need to start eating this stuff right away. I had planned to give it them for Christmas, but the sooner they start, the earlier they'll see the benefits. I've already read my mom a few parts and she's sold on those!
My mom just got back from the grocery store so I'll go downstairs to help with the pumpkin pies and the eating of the pie dough - my favorite!!!! I already went through all the cranberries, and washed them. And she cleaned out the turkey and is cooking the icky giblets for the stuffing. And I hear her downstairs mixing up the pumpkin mix. Tonight we'll cut up the bread into cubes and bake them, all while watching Lost.
All in all, I think my mom is doing much better now since the shock has worn off, and we're just waiting for the results of the surgery now. But she's also nervous about how she'll look. There's a 50% chance that she'll lose all feeling in her lower lip, and it's certain that she'll lose feeling in her lower cheek and ear. But if it's malignant and they have to cut out more, I don't know how much they'll have to cut out of her cheek. She's understandably a little hesitant about that. But all this turned out to have perfect timing, because this way I could come to be with my mom, and that's the most important thing and makes both of us feel better. I can't even think about something happening to her because she is the center of my universe and the most important person in the world to me. So I'm not going to think about it - I'm sticking with hope! Because even if it's malignant, we'll fight the evil cancer until it's gone. Luckily medicine keeps making the most giant of leaps, and so there are so many things that the doctors can do to make my mom all well again!
I'll update later! Now I'm going to go be with my mom!
