If God sends me to hell, the worst punishment would be having to write opinions nonstop!
I hate writing opinions - hate it, hate it, hate it!!!! I cannot wait to be finished with this one! And in two days when I pick up another one I'd been working on, I'll say the same thing about that one!!
I still have more work to do on this f*cking thing. I was working on it at work yesterday, and then I left work at 6 and was asleep by 8 on my couch. And my mom called to wake me up just before 7 this morning. I never moved from the couch, nor washed my face or anything. James did come for cuddling, which I love and adore!, a few times during the night, but I didn't wake up enough to move to the bed.
I didn't drink last night and couldn't have anyway since I was so tired. On the way home I stopped in to the grocery store for some milk and I made myself walk by the wine and even not look at it. But in the hour before I fell asleep, I watched Arrested Development and then some stupid show after it, and in that show there was drinking of wine, and one character said he'd been sober for a year but was tempted enough to take a large sip of wine before he spit it back out. And before that, on Arrested Development, a guy took a drink of wine from a tumbler-type glass, which is what I always drank my wine in.
I was having a craving, I'm not sure if it's because I didn't want to think about my opinion, or if it's because it's been almost a week since I've had a drink, or if it's because I saw alcohol on tv, but one side of my brain was saying, "it's been a week, you could do it just once, just so it's not every day," and the other side was saying, "shut the f*ck up, stop thinking this way, if I do it once, I'll do it again and soon I'll be back to doing it every day again." The first side, "just once!" The second side, "F*ck off! Stop putting the thought in my head!" And it went around like that until I thankfully fell asleep.
Luckily, tonight I'll be doing last edits and going over this f*cking thing to make it perfect. Actually, I was supposed to go out with Justinian tonight, to dinner. I see that he called three times last night, yes THREE. I haven't listened to any messages yet. Hopefully he's rescheduling and that's why he called THREE times. I'll go check now...okay damn, he wasn't cancelling. First, he called to finalize plans and said he was going to a bar to watch football and invited me join if I wanted, and then he called when he got home, and once he didn't leave a message. I'll wait for a bit and call to reschedule. I know I'll be working on the opinion tonight.
So yes, I called Justinian on Sunday and we talked for maybe 45 minutes. Nothing very exciting, but it was fine. He asked me to go out to dinner, hence tonight. Here's the thing - I'm really poor right now and don't really have any extra money (hopefully next month will be different since I won't have been spending so much on alcohol including late-night ordering-in of f*cking $30 bottles). BUT, he's unemployed since he just graduated and took the bar exam and is looking for a job. So on one hand, I'll feel bad if he pays because I don't know where he'll get the money from, but also, I don't have money. And he's the guy! I mean, I always pull out my purse like I'm going to help pay or offer to help, but the guy is supposed to then decline and pay himself. But I don't know about this situation! I guess we should just go somewhere laid back and get burgers or something like that. But I admit that it's not a turn-on at all to have a guy who is even more poor than I am. I'm not materialistic and am not after money or anything of the sort, but I also don't want a guy who's poor!
My other impression from talking to him: he is exactly like me in too many ways. He also procrastinates until the last possible moment and then stays up all night working. He also is terrible about keeping his kitchen clean. He also is very laid-back and as he put it, "a type-B personality". He also is bad at making decisions such as where to go to eat. He also is bad about getting up in the morning. But unlike me, he said he's shy when first getting to know someone, and I don't like that! I'm not shy, but I don't like talking in front of larger or medium-sized groups, and I can be self-conscious sometimes. I want a guy who is less shy than me, not more shy! So anyway - how BORING would we be as a couple!!! And also, even though the conversation was fine, it was by no means stimulating or exciting.
In conclusion, Justinian is nice but isn't going to get anywhere with me. However, I'll still go out with him once, just so I'm not being TOO quick to judge (even though I am), and also because I can't very well tell him that I suddenly don't want to see him.
I can't believe I spent three paragraphs on that.
I would love more than anything to keep writing and writing and writing now, and some of you know I can do it, too! But as much as I want to procrastinate, I have to suck it up and get to the opinion so I can be happy when I'm done. BTW, I'm at home - I work much better here without so many distractions, so I'll finish up what I can, call my boss if I have a question, email it to him and also go in later so I can get his changes. James is sleeping with his head on one of my tennis shoes, like he loves to do, but little Emma has been mewing at me for an hour now! As soon as I stop petting her and start typing again, she starts crying again, and I say "Emma!" and she answers with a mew! I give her a quick backscratch from my chair and go back to typing and she mews for more attention! She's my little crybaby cuddlebug princess - all which I say to her at various times!!!
I still have more work to do on this f*cking thing. I was working on it at work yesterday, and then I left work at 6 and was asleep by 8 on my couch. And my mom called to wake me up just before 7 this morning. I never moved from the couch, nor washed my face or anything. James did come for cuddling, which I love and adore!, a few times during the night, but I didn't wake up enough to move to the bed.
I didn't drink last night and couldn't have anyway since I was so tired. On the way home I stopped in to the grocery store for some milk and I made myself walk by the wine and even not look at it. But in the hour before I fell asleep, I watched Arrested Development and then some stupid show after it, and in that show there was drinking of wine, and one character said he'd been sober for a year but was tempted enough to take a large sip of wine before he spit it back out. And before that, on Arrested Development, a guy took a drink of wine from a tumbler-type glass, which is what I always drank my wine in.
I was having a craving, I'm not sure if it's because I didn't want to think about my opinion, or if it's because it's been almost a week since I've had a drink, or if it's because I saw alcohol on tv, but one side of my brain was saying, "it's been a week, you could do it just once, just so it's not every day," and the other side was saying, "shut the f*ck up, stop thinking this way, if I do it once, I'll do it again and soon I'll be back to doing it every day again." The first side, "just once!" The second side, "F*ck off! Stop putting the thought in my head!" And it went around like that until I thankfully fell asleep.
Luckily, tonight I'll be doing last edits and going over this f*cking thing to make it perfect. Actually, I was supposed to go out with Justinian tonight, to dinner. I see that he called three times last night, yes THREE. I haven't listened to any messages yet. Hopefully he's rescheduling and that's why he called THREE times. I'll go check now...okay damn, he wasn't cancelling. First, he called to finalize plans and said he was going to a bar to watch football and invited me join if I wanted, and then he called when he got home, and once he didn't leave a message. I'll wait for a bit and call to reschedule. I know I'll be working on the opinion tonight.
So yes, I called Justinian on Sunday and we talked for maybe 45 minutes. Nothing very exciting, but it was fine. He asked me to go out to dinner, hence tonight. Here's the thing - I'm really poor right now and don't really have any extra money (hopefully next month will be different since I won't have been spending so much on alcohol including late-night ordering-in of f*cking $30 bottles). BUT, he's unemployed since he just graduated and took the bar exam and is looking for a job. So on one hand, I'll feel bad if he pays because I don't know where he'll get the money from, but also, I don't have money. And he's the guy! I mean, I always pull out my purse like I'm going to help pay or offer to help, but the guy is supposed to then decline and pay himself. But I don't know about this situation! I guess we should just go somewhere laid back and get burgers or something like that. But I admit that it's not a turn-on at all to have a guy who is even more poor than I am. I'm not materialistic and am not after money or anything of the sort, but I also don't want a guy who's poor!
My other impression from talking to him: he is exactly like me in too many ways. He also procrastinates until the last possible moment and then stays up all night working. He also is terrible about keeping his kitchen clean. He also is very laid-back and as he put it, "a type-B personality". He also is bad at making decisions such as where to go to eat. He also is bad about getting up in the morning. But unlike me, he said he's shy when first getting to know someone, and I don't like that! I'm not shy, but I don't like talking in front of larger or medium-sized groups, and I can be self-conscious sometimes. I want a guy who is less shy than me, not more shy! So anyway - how BORING would we be as a couple!!! And also, even though the conversation was fine, it was by no means stimulating or exciting.
In conclusion, Justinian is nice but isn't going to get anywhere with me. However, I'll still go out with him once, just so I'm not being TOO quick to judge (even though I am), and also because I can't very well tell him that I suddenly don't want to see him.
I can't believe I spent three paragraphs on that.
I would love more than anything to keep writing and writing and writing now, and some of you know I can do it, too! But as much as I want to procrastinate, I have to suck it up and get to the opinion so I can be happy when I'm done. BTW, I'm at home - I work much better here without so many distractions, so I'll finish up what I can, call my boss if I have a question, email it to him and also go in later so I can get his changes. James is sleeping with his head on one of my tennis shoes, like he loves to do, but little Emma has been mewing at me for an hour now! As soon as I stop petting her and start typing again, she starts crying again, and I say "Emma!" and she answers with a mew! I give her a quick backscratch from my chair and go back to typing and she mews for more attention! She's my little crybaby cuddlebug princess - all which I say to her at various times!!!
